Category Archives: anxiety

thoughts on weight gain in pregnancy

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Throughout my pregnancy, several women (both pregnant + not pregnant) gave me advice or asked for advice about pregnancy weight gain. For some women, it was about their discomfort with their pregnant bodies, sadness or embarrassment about “getting fat.” For other women, it was about health, making certain to eat all of the right things + work out religiously. I was blessed to hear so many viewpoints, so I thought I’d take a few moments to share my own.

First of all, all pregnant women (like all women in general!) are hard on themselves at times. “I could be eating better.” “I could be exercising more.” “Holy hell, look at my belly.” Etc, etc. I think it’s natural, but I also think that it should have limits.

I had prenatal depression during my first trimester. It was severe. In fact, it was some of the worst depression I’ve faced in my life. I remember when the midwife that I was seeing at that time told me I would very likely gain back all of the 65 pounds that I had lost seven years ago. I was already depressed, and then, that crushed me. I ended up going to another group later, for different reasons, but my new doctors told me that I should gain about 35 pounds like the average pregnant woman. I guess that made me feel a little better… but the whole thing was still scary/upsetting.

In the end, I gained exactly 50 pounds during my pregnancy. Early in my second trimester, my hormones balanced out and my prenatal depression went away. With that, my concerns about weight gain went away, too. I began to embrace my expanding body and enjoy the miracle of pregnancy. I steadily gained weight, about a pound a week and then a little more than that in my third trimester. After I hit 35 pounds, my doctors started telling me to watch what I ate and get more exercise. I started to become more thoughtful of my food choices. I cut out my weekly hot fudge sundaes. I should have been exercising, but it was difficult with a stressful job. I let the pregnancy exhaustion get the better of me.

However, the bottom line is that I never got too worried about it. The entire experience was such a joyful miracle and I embraced every part of it — from the horrendous heartburn, to the back aches, to the joy, to the tears, to the weight gain — all of it.

Losing weight postpartum has come naturally so far. I’ve lost 30 pounds without much effort. Breastfeeding has probably helped. I imagine that losing the last 20 will be more difficult, but I also know that it’s entirely possible. I lost 70 pounds total at one point when I was at my fittest. If I can do that, I know that I can lose this 20! It will take work + dedication but for my beautiful baby, I’ll pay that anytime. I have seen so many women struggle with losing weight after baby and that scares the hell out of me, but at the same time, I also feel like weight loss is weight loss. You have to burn more calories than you consume, it’s not rocket science — even though it took me a lifetime to learn!!

To women that are struggling with weight gain during pregnancy, my advice is to focus on enjoying the miracle unfolding within you. Be reasonable with your food choices and exercise when/if you can, but don’t obsess. After baby comes then start to worry about it all again. In the meantime, fall in love with your body exactly as it is now. It is the miracle vessel that is GROWING A LIFE INSIDE OF YOU.

You’ve got to find the strength + wisdom in yourself to believe that everything I am saying is true — because it is.

a little bit of overwhelm

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I am nearly halfway through my second week of maternity leave. It’s amazing how quickly it passes compared with how long the “waiting for it” seemed to take. My first week home was productive. I worked my way down my to-do list like a busy, little bee. Week two, on the other hand, not so much. The past few days have been… annoying. There was a clogged toilet. (Who the hell knew that baby wipes are kryptonite to toilets!?) There is an ongoing incident with our crib — so disappointing but I don’t want to get into it right now. And there are a bunch of other to-do’s that really need to get done but are just not fun like figuring out how to get rid of our extra REFRIGERATOR, cancelling a gym membership when there is a pushy sales guy involved, and other such inconveniences.

For the past couple of days, I’ve been paralyzed by it all. It was a classic, “I have too much to do, so I am going to do nothing” scenario. Maybe I did a few things — ran errands for Matthew, paid our taxes, went food shopping — but mostly I sat on the couch, ate crap, and watched an entire season of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. :(

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Today, I am back on the wagon. I got an early start and got to work. Last night I gave myself a kick in the backside. I am 37 weeks now — full term — and baby boy could be here any day. If I think that things are “hard” now, I can only imagine what it will be like when I am trying to do all of this + care for a newborn. I don’t have to get everything done, but I do want to stay productive. I am shifting my attitude. Writing out a to-do list each day is the best possible thing to accomplish this. It helps me stay focused on ONE THING AT A TIME which is critical to eliminating the debilitating “overwhelm.” It also feels amazing to physically cross things off the list. There is such satisfaction in that little action.

With all of this said, I also recognize how important it is that I take care of myself now. It is so important that I remain mindful of the incredible miracle that is going on inside of me. It is so important that I remember that there is a little human inside of me getting ready to come out into the world very, very soon. I must honor my body + my soul. I must remember what is truly important. Life is all about balance. I am so grateful to be going through all of this. It’s just the reminder that I need as I move into my next phase of life: motherhood. Life is crazy. Advice to myself: There will always be ten thousand things that need doing — just do what you can. Worry is wasteful + useless. xo

eggs + toast + little joys

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Sometimes I get disappointed with myself for not being perfect. I am not a perfect wife, a perfect daughter, a perfect friend, a perfect employee, a perfect mama-to-be. And then I remember that there is no such thing as perfect. The only thing that is truly perfect is love. And boy, do I ever love.

My thoughts have been heavy. I have to keep reminding myself, over and over — Slowness remembers and hurry forgets; softness remembers and hardness forgets; surrender remembers and fear forgets.

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It’s warmed up here on our little mountain. We set the clocks ahead on Sunday. The days are longer, the sun is brighter. The snow has melted and for the first time since December, we can see the earth again. The winter thaw creates a babbling brook along the dirt road next to our house. Everything whispers — Spring.

livelovesimple.com | eggs + toast

Matthew’s mother gave us a gorgeous loaf of sourdough bread last week. I’ve been cutting it up into slices and serving it with soups, sandwiches, and eggs. It’s the little things that make everything so good. Slowing down, the coming of Spring, a pretty loaf of bread. Nothing is perfect, but everything is so good really.

Prenatal Depression

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How deep they drove themselves into me, the things it was impossible to say aloud. —Sylvia Plath

The first trimester of my pregnancy was really hard. When I chose to get pregnant, I expected certain things. I expected the miracle, the joy, the anticipation. I also expected the challenges, but… I wasn’t prepared.

For four months, it felt like my body had betrayed me. It wasn’t the morning sickness and moodiness that I had prepared for. Instead, it was―what felt like―physical devastation.

For four months, I was constantly exhausted, constantly nauseous, and constantly sad. There was no pregnant glow. There was only darkness.

Worst of all, whatever gratitude and excitement that I did feel, was completely overshadowed by the physical and emotional pain. My inability to be grateful, in turn, made me feel even worse. It was a vicious cycle. I had unconsciously slipped into prenatal depression.

Postpartum depression is common. I had considered that, but prenatal depression? I’d never even heard of it, let alone prepared for it. I am passed it now, but my doctors say that because of my history of depression, I am at high-risk for postpartum, too. I believe that I am better prepared for it and I hope that is true. The prenatal depression was difficult. The old, familiar pain of depression and anxiety were suffocating. Some days I wondered if I would ever get through it. The important thing, though, is that I made it.

Now that I am healthy and present again I am finally enjoying the full, radiant miracle of my pregnancy. I am finally glowing, and having come through the darkness, everything is all the brighter on this side.

Book Review & Giveaway: Full Cup, Thirsty Spirit

Today, I am so excited to share Karen Horneffer-Ginter’s new book, Full Cup, Thirsty Spirit: Nourishing the Soul When Life’s Just Too Much.Full Cup, Thirsty Spirit

We live in a world of constant movement, and our day-to-day lives seem to get busier by the hour. Our days are full of information, full of obligations, full of friends and family, full of everything… except fulfillment. And rushing has become a national epidemic. Even when we’re rushing to and from the good stuff—like a rewarding job with wonderful colleagues or quality time spent with loved ones—we can still end up feeling drained and exhausted, overwhelmed by the sheer volume of life.

In Full Cup, Thirsty Spirit, psychologist Karen Horneffer-Ginter helps you understand that it is this volume, this busyness, that creates a disconnect between your outer life and your inner self. This separation can cause your soul to wilt, preventing you from experiencing joy and hearing your own wisdom about what needs priority in your life.

With an elegant narrative voice that inspires both laughter and compassion, Horneffer-Ginter shows you how to live a fuller life rather than simply filling your time. She focuses on six shifts to make in your daily life—teaching you to honor your rhythms, turn within, fill up, fully inhabit your days, remember lightness, and embrace difficulty.

Through a weave of personal stories, client experiences, and practical exercises, she shows you how to find balance in the swirl of daily life, so you can reconnect with what matters most.

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I am so happy to gift my review copy of this book with one lucky reader. Please leave a comment below and I will choose a winner at random. Be sure to leave your email address.

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And the winner of my last giveaway—Why Change Can Be Difficult—is Manu Loigeret. Congratulations, Manu! I will be in touch to get your mailing address.

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In love & light,
Dena

Guest Post & Book Giveaway: Why Change Can Be Difficult

Today’s guest post comes from New York Times Best Selling Author, Eldon Taylor. A few months ago, Eldon’s team reached out to me regarding his brand new book—Self-Hypnosis And Subliminal Technology. Since then I have had the opportunity to read the book and to become familiar with Eldon’s fascinating methods for self-improvement. Today, I am very excited to share a piece of Eldon’s work. Additionally, one lucky reader will win a copy of his new book! To enter, simply leave a comment below. I’ll pick the winner at random next week. (Don’t forget to include your email. U.S. readers only please.)


Everyone I’ve ever met or interacted with, everyone I’ve ever listened to or whose work I’ve ever read—in fact, every single human being from my experience—has, at one time or another, desired to change something about themselves. For some, the longed-for change may involve getting a better job,evolutionyou.net | Self Hypnosis losing weight, improving memory, accelerating learning abilities, or increasing charisma. Indeed, there are very few individuals who find nothing they wish to improve.

What Is Change?
What is change? The idea seems simple enough. To some, it’s a thing, often thought of as something like a commodity. For example, we desire more prosperity. The evidence of our success is money. So change in this instance is money, right? No, money is only the outer symbol that represents the shift.

Competing Strategies
Let’s say, for purposes of illustration, that our hypothetical individual who wishes to be more prosperous was also raised with the belief that money is the source of all evil. A subconscious strategy may therefore work to sabotage any effort he makes to achieve real monetary success. In other words, in this instance the ego perceives safety as avoiding evil—that is, money.

Our hypothetical person may believe, on the other hand, that only money matters. However, there could still be subconscious strategies that get in the way. For example, assume that this person seeks to build a large company but is afraid of public speaking. How will he build a large and successful organization without communicating? When will the fear (public speaking) strategy kick in and knock out the goal (large company) strategy? How will the two ideas compete?

Conflicting strategies exist in nearly everyone. They often underpin what psychologists call “cognitive dissonance,” the conflict that arises from holding two incongruent beliefs. Indeed, opposing strategies also lie beneath much of what’s called “sublimation,” or the acting out of unacceptable fantasies in a socially acceptable way.

The Subconscious Mind
The other challenge to creating real change in our lives lies in the subconscious mind. This part of us is basically indiscriminate in how it accepts information. The problem then is twofold: first, there are already years of uncritical acceptance in my mind; and second, I act in reliance upon this information.

All the statements that have ever been accepted are present in our subconscious minds, and for most of us that’s negative programming. Some psychotherapists have used numbers that indicate that for every input of positive messaging there are 100 bits of negative!

How many times have we all said to ourselves things such as, I can’t do it, or It never works for me? How many times has each of us heard statements such as, “You’re not old enough,” “You’re stupid,” “Money is the source of all evil,” “Life is difficult and then you die,” “Thank God it’s Friday,” “That will never work,” and “You’ll never amount to anything”?

Hypnosis and Subliminal Communication
The power of hypnosis and subliminal communication exists largely in their direct communication with the subconscious. The conscious mind is generally in abeyance during hypnosis, although our defense mechanisms can still play a significant role in the outcome. The advantage of sub-threshold (subliminal) communication is that it bypasses conscious awareness. Unlike hypnosis, where attention and conscious assistance are often necessary, subliminal messages aren’t attended to by the conscious mind in any necessary manner. Because of this, we can decide for ourselves how to “script” our subconscious mind with this technology.

You Can Rescript Your Inner Talk
Using hypnosis, then, it’s possible to access the hidden recesses of the mind to discover the source of a conflict and its solutions. Hypnosis also allows us to “seed” the subconscious mind with thought patterns and ideas that can serve us as opposed to sabotage us. But for me, the most exciting use of hypnosis is for deepening meditation exercises and using this to access information from my higher self.

As for subliminal communication, it works by allowing the positive messages or affirmations to eventually overtake the negative information contained in the subconscious. This new data rescripts our inner-talk, thereby priming positive self-beliefs, which begin the cycle of self-fulfilling prophecies. When this happens, the subliminal beliefs that formerly were self-limiting begin to change. As they change, so do we!

like they’re falling in love with the ground.

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the leaves are all falling / and they’re falling like they’re falling in love with the ground.

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Thank you all for your lovely comments & emails after my last post. This space is a light to me in the darkness and I am deeply, deeply grateful for each one of you. That you would take the time to wish me well & send me such love—it means the world to me.

I am still moving through the darkness, but what matters it that I am still moving. Somehow, despite it all, it got to be the middle of October. My favourite time of year! There are bright orange pumpkins and colourful stalks of corn and golden mums and the sweetest little ghouls & goblins everywhere! Soon we will be Trick-or-Treating and with all of this wonder, it’s easy to forget about my worries for a little while.

“Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think
‘I’m not going to make it’ but you laugh inside
remembering all the times you’ve felt that way.”
All my love,
Dena

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.

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When I wrote earlier this month that I could feel big changes stirring in my bones, I wasn’t prepared for quite how big those changes would be & how quickly they would take hold. This past month has been one of the most difficult ones that I’ve had in awhile. I’ve been presented with more physical and emotional challenges than I care to count. The hardest part about it has been that I have chosen (and am choosing to) keep these struggles quiet. I’ve been relying heavily on the support of my closest friends & family. It’s difficult because since I started this blog in 2009, I’ve always been very public about my journey. Whether I was writing about my depression; struggling with weight loss; or announcing my marriage. But these recent struggles have been a little bit different, there are elements involved that have made me decide not to share… yet.

I have some really enormous decisions to make and it’s a little bit terrifying. To make things more difficult, I am in a lot of physical and emotional discomfort.

“Think of your pain like a big bunch of red roses, a beautiful thorn necklace. Everyone has one.” ―Francesca Lia Block

***

“These pains that you feel are messengers. Listen to them. Turn them to sweetness.” ―Rumi

Right now, I am putting one foot in front of the other. Sometimes, that’s all you can do. That and follow your heart. It’s the one thing that won’t ever steer you wrong.