“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” —Anaïs Nin
This week our Rose of Sharon and our Black-eyed Susan started to bud & bloom. I was supposed to be off adventuring this weekend, but when I looked around and realized how much there was to be done, I decided to stay home & clean & decorate & make this house a home. Matthew & I moved into our “fixer-upper” home 3.5 years ago and this summer we’ve finally finished construction. For me this means that I finally get to decorate. It’s overwhelming and incredible all at once.
The ongoing construction of our home for the past several years has put so many things on hold. Like—decorating, getting married, and starting family. Now that we are moving forward, that little list of ours is getting shorter & shorter. Even though it’s still a little overwhelming, we keep moving forward & forward. I am always reminded that life is never simple or easy, really, but it’s always so wonderful. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other.
I spent the first half of this week on trains and in meetings and having dinner with strangers. There’s nothing like work travel to make me appreciate how much I truly love my life at home. Our hydrangea & hosta are nearly in full bloom. Everyone else’s have long-since bloomed, but ours are always the last up here on our little mountain.
It’s a little bit of a miracle that I was able to photograph the spider on our hydrangea bush. I am terrified of spiders. I’m not really terrified of anything, but spiders are a different story. I don’t even know where to start. I consider myself a strong woman in most regards, but when it comes to these little, fuzzy, fanged creatures, I become a shaking mess of tears & fear. Yet, as I was snapping away at our flowers the other day and I came across this arachnid, I was strangely drawn to it. Am I the only one? Mysteriously drawn to the very things that terrify me the most in this world? A morbid curiosity? Or perhaps, the most human of conditions? Perhaps. I’ve been pushing myself outside of my comfort zone recently and I’m going to keep on going. This is evolution.
At the root of every single feeling of discomfort, lies one emotion: fear. Fear is the emotion responsible for all forms of suffering. Sadness, anxiety, worry, rage, hatred, envy, and all other forms of suffering are rooted in fear. However, once you stop resisting the will of the Universe, you will understand that fear and suffering are actually not necessary at all.
I wrote the above two years ago. I needed a reminder today.
Sometimes the greatest joys in my life are also the most simple. Like a lazy, spring Saturday and an easy lunch. Yellow bell pepper & avocado salad with minute rice & a can of lentil soup. Stir in a few kisses. Eat it with the one you love. A little piece of heaven on earth, if you ask me.
“In many shamanic societies, if you came to a medicine person complaining of being disheartened, dispirited, or depressed, they would ask one of four questions. When did you stop dancing? When did you stop singing? When did you stop being enchanted by stories? When did you stop finding comfort in the sweet territory of silence?” —Gabrielle Rothou
won’t you celebrate with me
what i have shaped into
a kind of life? i had no model.
born in babylon
both nonwhite and woman
what did i see to be except myself?
i made it up
here on this bridge between
starshine and clay,
my one hand holding tight
my one hand; come celebrate
with me that everyday
something has tried to kill me
and has failed.
“I have always been unsatisfied with life as most people live it. Always I want to live more intensely and richly. Why muck and conceal one’s true longings and loves, when by speaking of them one might find someone to understand them, and by acting on them one might discover oneself?” —Everett Ruess
I read this on Clare’s Tumblr this morning and it was too good not to share—
“July 20, 1969
David Gascoyne once told me that the only point of keeping a journal was to concentrate on the personal, the diurnal minutiae, and forget the great and significant events in the world at large. The newspapers cover all that, anyway, he said. We don’t want to know that “Hitler invaded Poland”— we’re more curious about what you had for breakfast. Unless you happened to be there, of course, when Hitler invaded Poland and your breakfast was interrupted.
William Boyd, Any Human Heart”
And while I am on the topic of writing, Hemmingway’s advice for fighting writer’s block is timeless—
“All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.”
“Ancient Egyptians believed that upon death they would be asked two questions and their answers would determine whether they could continue their journey in the afterlife. The first question was, “Did you bring joy?” The second was, “Did you find joy?” —Leo Buscalgia
This is the meaning of life. Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Spread love. Spread light. Be the change you wish to see in the world.
Take a deep breath, and then, let everything else go. It’s as simple as you choose to make it.