30-day-blogging-challenge

This post could easily turn into a novel. I wish that I could call myself a fearless person, but I am the opposite. A natural-born worrier, always afraid of what’s around the corner. Since overcoming the anxiety that once debilitated me, I am better than I once was, but I’m still afraid of a lot. This may sound contradictory, but even though I am afraid of much, I also consider myself a brave woman. I have done things that many would be afraid to do — from traveling to other continents alone, to giving birth naturally, to public speaking, and so on. That said, let me talk about a few of the things that scare me.

I am afraid of the dark. I mentioned recently that I slept with a nightlight until I was nineteen and that I still sleep with the hall light on when M. isn’t home. I attribute this fear to my wild imagination. I have always had the wildest imagination, even as a little girl. I think up all sorts of terrifying scenarios in my mind, like burglars, rapists, supernatural spirits, and wild animals. Shadows turn into monsters in my mind. My heart starts to race. I become paralyzed and sick to my stomach. It’s just not worth it and if sleeping with a light on makes it go away, then why not. It’s never been a true problem so I never attempted to overcome it.

I am afraid of spiders. I hate spiders with a passion. I can’t even express how much I hate them. Ugh… It’s strange because I am not afraid of most insects at all. Many of the things that people consider gross don’t phase me. I love snakes, lizards, frogs, and even most insects. I used to have a gorgeous pet snake (a Rosy Boa). I let ants crawl on me and I don’t flinch when a buzzing bee lands on me. But spiders. My stomach literally turns when I think of them. I’ve always had this belief that human fear of “creepy crawly” is a biological/evolutionary response to danger. It’s not a coincidence that those wildlife that can cause the most harm and contain the most venom are also the ones that we tend to fear the most. This could just be a crazy theory of mine in attempt to justify my hatred of those 8-legged-beasts. 😉 However, I should note that even though I hate spiders, there are a couple of harmless ones that I let live in my house. There are two corners in particular where I know that a spider is living. So long as these spiders never leave that spot, I leave them there to catch bugs. Yet, if I ever catch a spider crawling about, I am sorry to say (the Buddhist in me cringes), but I quickly smash them and flush them.

I also developed a bunch of fears in my late twenties, stemming from life experience I guess. These include: airplanes, acts of terror/violence, heights, infectious disease, and movies featuring paranormal activity.

My last fear is loss. It is also my greatest fear. In fact, I am so overwhelmed by it that I can’t even write about it. I’ve broached the subject here and here. I find myself able to talk/write about it at some points, but now is not one of them.

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If you are participating in my blogging challenge, please leave a link below in the comments so that we can all check it out! Also, you can click here to read all of the posts in this series. xo

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8 thoughts on “Day 6: What Are You Afraid Of?”

  1. Wow – you are awesome for being so honest! You remind me a lot of myself but I am definitely not brave enough to share and be as open as you and I am fascinated to read a your share your more personal struggles. I can totally relate to what you say about struggling intensely with fear but considering yourself brave. I too struggle deeply with fear as well as considering myself a strong and brave person. I love how you’ve put this into words for me because it is something I think about as well in my own life!

    1. Thanks so much, Gillian. It’s pretty amazing how much I have evolved as a blogger. In the beginning, my blog was ALL about my personal struggles with anxiety & depression. Things have shifted so much as my life has shifted. I am blessed to have overcome so much & as those things have become less of a struggle, I just don’t need to write them out any longer. Still, there are certain things that still challenge me & I am grateful to have such a wonderful community to share them with here on my blog. <3

  2. I am seriously beginning to think we’re the same person! We have so many of the same fears – although I could neeeever travel alone (I don’t even like leaving the house alone), or do any type of public speaking. Or deal with any lizards or snakes!

    I’m scared of the dark too. When Andrew isn’t home, I leave ALL my house lights on, as well as all the tv’s.

    I never really put too much thought into losing a loved one (I mean, normal worry, but nothing over the top), until my brother and my ex-boyfriend both passed away three years ago, and since then it’s become one of my top fears, to the point that it seems to take over my thoughts sometimes, ya know? I hate it. 🙁

    1. It is getting eery, isn’t it? Haha! It’s so wonderful to find women like myself — one of the things that the ‘net is good for, indeed. <3 I'm certain that you've got your own list of braveries even if it's not snakes and travel. ;]

  3. I am afraid of losing family, my wife, my kids, my parents, my sister, etc. I am also afraid of not being able to take care of my family (loss of job or an illness that would be prevent me from doing chores, being a good father, husband, etc)

    1. I’m right there with you. Of all of my fears — that is definitely the biggest one. I try to live with it the best I know & cherish every moment because you just never know.

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