It’s been over a year since I’ve done a Roman update. That makes me so sad, but considering the year that I’ve had, it’s understandable. You know how most of the time you look at your child and you’re busy thinking about life’s happenings. You look at them but you’re thinking about what you’ll make for dinner or the fact that they need their hair washed or how they’ve managed to get a hole in yet another pair of pants. But then, once in awhile, you look at your child and you’re just looking at them. Nothing else is on your mind, just them, and you’re taking them in, admiring every little detail of their face, you’re taking in the full miracle that is your child.
Lately when I have those moments, looking at Roman, I’m just struck by how big he is. I mean we’re always in awe that our children are “getting so big, so quickly,” that’s a constant in parenting. But these days there is something different, a massive transition. I remember when he transitioned from a baby to a toddler and it was shocking and exciting and sad, all at once. But right now, he’s transitioning from a toddler into a boy… and it’s just. I’m crying just typing these words. I have to pause.
Life has this way of being a never-ending roller coaster, that’s how it is, highs and lows. But parenthood, damn, it’s on a whole different level. Sometimes the breeze is just right and your sails are full and your cruising across smooth waters. Then, in the blink of an eye, from nowhere, a storm blows in — a storm of biblical proportion and everything that you thought was steady and secure vanishes from beneath your feet and you’re tossed into a treacherous sea.
It’s been getting harder and harder to pick him up, he’s so heavy. And last night, for the first time that I can remember, he tried to curl up on my lap and he’s just so big, we couldn’t get comfortable. Now the tears are coming, fat and ugly down my cheeks. Perhaps it wasn’t the craziness of life that’s kept me from writing this post. Perhaps, it’s rather the fact that it just hurts, that I just want it to slow down and it won’t. It never will. It will only go faster.
When Roman was a baby, I made these detailed posts about his development. I placed all of this emphasis on his growth, his sleeping patterns, how he was eating, and so on. I stopped doing that a long time ago. I hardly every did it for Marina, maybe just in her first few months of life or so. As I’ve moved deeper into my role of mother, I’ve realized just how unimportant those silly details were. These days I’d rather be fully immersed in enjoying and cherishing my baby’s milestones as opposed to meticulously writing them down.
Gosh, this post has become so much about me, and not really about Roman at all. So let me say a few things about him.
My sweet boy started school in September. He loves it. He loves his friends and he loves his teachers. He’s never once hesitated when it’s time to go into his classroom. While so many of his classmates hesitate at the door and even have tantrums, refusing to leave their mother’s side, Roman bounces in with a heart of love and excitement each morning. I had my first parent teacher conference a few weeks ago and Roman seems to be doing great. He has a little trouble controlling his emotions at certain times, but his teacher assures me that it’s all developmentally appropriate.
At home, he is as smart, sweet, and creative as ever. I see this emotional and intellectual transition occurring in him, where simple explanations no longer cut it. He’s not just content with yes or no, he wants to know why and how, too. He is a little love. He caters to my constant requests for cuddles and always gives me “a kissy” if I feel sad or get hurt. He’s an excellent big brother, happily caring for his “baby ‘Rina” and teaching her the ways of the world.
He has his moments, of course, as all three-year-olds do. We’ve definitely experienced more behavior issues this year than we had during his one’s and two’s. He doesn’t like to be told no, and he gets very emotional very quickly — red face, tears, the whole works. We’re working on these things, and with the help of his preschool teachers (who assure me it’s normal for his age) we’re definitely seeing progress.
Without getting too far into a lot of the “milestones” conversation, just a couple of points. First, he’s huge. He towers over other three-year-olds and even four and five-year-olds, too. At age three he wears clothing made for age five and shoes made for age six. Consequently people always think he is much older than he actually is. However, he is so well-spoken and polite that people continue to struggle believe that he is only three. He is most definitely mature beyond his years in many ways, while in other ways he’s right on target.
There is just so much to say about my Roman James. But mostly, he is a pleasure. Brilliant, funny, outgoing, and adventurous. He has an excitement about life that fills my heart with the greatest joy and gratitude. Every time that I think my heart has reached maximum capacity and I simply can’t love him anymore — the limits of my love are stretched again and my adoration for my son explodes to greater heights like fireworks.
Thank you so much for allowing me to be your Mama, my darling Roman James. I loved you then, I love you still, always have, always will. ♥