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Stranger Friends near Eiffel Tower

DenaSeptember 22, 2010

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Welcome

Welcome to Live, Love, Simple. This is our little corner of the world. We are so grateful to have you here. We are a blended family of 6! This is our story of family life, faith + grace, heart-centered living, suburban homesteading, and all of the magic + madness that happens in between. Thanks for stopping by.

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An important part of mindful living is making thou

An important part of mindful living is making thoughtful choices about the products that we use in our home. Before I became pregnant with my first child, I never gave much thought to what was “in” the products in my kitchen, bathroom and cabinets. When I became a mother, it occurred to me just how much • everything • truly matters.

From toothpaste, to laundry detergent, to cleaning sprays, lotions, hand sanitizers, shampoo, fragrance and everything in between. Every time I pickup a product whether to brush my teeth or wipe down my countertops, I want to feel good about it.

✢ What is the impact of this product on my children’s bodies?

✢ What is the impact of this product on my body?

✢ What is the impact of this product on the environment?

✢ What is the impact of this product on the people who made it?

✢ What is the impact of this product on the economy?

These are all important questions. We pick things up hundreds of times throughout each day. Each time we do this we are supporting something, someone. We are impacting our bodies and our environment. Mindful living means being aware of these choices so that the ultimate impact of our living is a positive one—for our families, for ourselves, and for the world around us.

If you’re interested in examining the products in your home with an eye on mindfulness, I recommend starting small. Choose one room, drawer or one cabinet at a time. Look at those products and consider how each one impacts all of the above. Don’t overwhelm yourself. Just start somewhere and go from there. ✨

One of my favorite ways to practice ⓜⓘⓝⓓⓕⓤⓛⓝⓔⓢⓢ is by being in tune with the seasons. Here in the northeast US, our seasons are dramatic. Summer brings scorching, humid heat that is fiercely contrasted by the harsh, bitter cold of winter. Spring and autumn are more moderate in temperature but are also marked with extremes of vivid color during the spring blossom and the fiery treetops of the autumn blaze. All of the contrast is so beautiful and grounding to me.⁠
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Observing nature is an easy way to bring myself into the present moment. When I am overwhelmed I go to the window and look outside. 𝕎𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕚𝕤 𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕡𝕖𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖? If I can manage it, I go for a walk. 𝕎𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕕𝕠 𝕀 𝕤𝕖𝕖, 𝕤𝕞𝕖𝕝𝕝, 𝕗𝕖𝕖𝕝, 𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕣? Observing the elements of nature brings me immediate peace, settles my mind, eases my racing thoughts, slows my heart rate. ⁠
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There are lots of ways that we can get in tune with nature. Here are just a few ideas for you today:⁠
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‣ Thoughtfully cull your wardrobe to match the seasons, choosing thick soft fabrics for cooler months and light, breezy fabrics for warmer.⁠
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‣ Move your workspace near a window. In 2020, I moved my desk and computer in front of a window and it has been so inspiring to peek outside and watch the birds fly or watch the rainfall. Constant little reminders to 𝕓𝕖 𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕟𝕠𝕨.⁠
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‣ Go for a walk, bike ride, or hike. Just get outside. If I had to really decide what is the one thing that gives the most benefit to my overall wellness, I would say it is my walks. Truly, walking outside, being in nature, breathing fresh air--it is everything. It doesn't have to be a big thing. Last summer I was doing intense 6-mile power walks and these days, I am lucky to get in a 15-minute solo walk a couple of times a week. But these walks give me life and now that I am beginning to feel better I hope I can get in more again soon.⁠
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‣ My last suggestion is regarding light. Matching the inner world of our homes with nature is important. In the summer, when days are long, let as much natural light into your home as possible. In winter when days are short, use low ambient light like candles to mirror nature. Embrace the cozy.

When it comes to mindfulness, we seek intentional

When it comes to mindfulness, we seek intentional actions over habitual actions. If you aren't sure what this means, here are some examples of habitual action vs. intentional actions to illustrate it for you.

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Habitual: Feeling thirsty, opening the refrigerator door and taking out the first cold, sugary beverage you see and drinking it thoughtlessly. 🥤

Intentional: Making a proactive action plan to drink at least 2 liters of water each day. Filling a 1-liter reusable drink holder with ice each morning and aiming to finish it by noon and then start a new one. 💧

Habitual: Feeling so overwhelmed by your mental to-do list that you give up and accomplish nothing. 😓

Intentional: Keep a bullet journal. Write down your to-do tasks for the week. Each day choose 2-3 top priorities and make a plan to get them done. Check off your accomplishments once complete and build momentum to keep going. 🏆

Habitual: Throw dirty dishes in the sink and watch them pile up. Throw dirty laundry on the floor and watch it pile up. Allow dirt and dust to accumulate all over the house. Feel depressed at the state of your surroundings. 😔

Intentional: Tidy up as you go about your day. Clean dishes after each use. Put laundry in the bin. Follow a cleaning rhythm that assigns you 30 minutes each day to work on one room or area of your home. Keep up with chores and feel at peace in your surroundings. 🧺

Habitual: Getting frustrated with your children for bad behavior. Yelling, spanking, punishing and then feeling guilty afterward. Staying stuck in a cycle that feels out of control. 🤯

Intentional: Making a proactive plan to address your children's behavior as it arrives. Seeking compassionate, structured methods to help your child get realigned when they are struggling or losing control. @seed.and.sew and @samkelly_world have so many wonderful examples of this! 👩‍👧‍👦

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These are just a few examples. You can think of hundreds more. But this should begin to help you understand the difference between "habitual" and "intentional" if it's not something you've considered. Understanding this difference and choosing intentional more often brings us closer to mindfulness. ✨

My sweet Roman James. The one who made me a mama.

My sweet Roman James. The one who made me a mama. It's so hard for me to capture photographs of him these days because he is so busy--playing Roblox, chatting with his friends, going on play dates, asking me ten million questions about the earth, the sun, the stars, biology, God and everything in between. ⁠
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I hardly remember to take out my camera these days and when I do he makes us both laugh. For these reasons, I am so grateful that @erinwitkowskiphoto captured this moment of him, exactly as he is, the image of perfection in my heart. ⁠
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He is 7-and-a-half-years-old... how that happened I can't really tell you. Remember when I cried because he turned one-month-old and I felt he was growing too fast, even then? But here we are all the same. He is tall and handsome and wonderful. He is kind and curious and sensitive. He is a whiner (like his mama) but he is so incredibly 𝕘𝕠𝕠𝕕. When I look at him I think that if I never did another right thing in my life, at least I made my sweet angel boy. He is everything.

Now that I am somewhat caught up on what's been go

Now that I am somewhat caught up on what's been going on personally, I can start to get into my content plans for the new year.

Although I usually spend December reflecting on the previous year and setting intentions for the new one, I find myself doing it now since I was simply too sick to do it last month.

Reflecting back on 2020, I can see that while I struggled, I also learned and grew so much. Last year, I defined my mission for this space and that is to help women to care for their families without toxins; to overcome anxiety naturally; and to live in joy & light. This year I am going to really focus in on the 𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕦𝕣𝕒𝕝 𝕝𝕚𝕧𝕚𝕟𝕘 & the 𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕔𝕠𝕞𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒𝕟𝕩𝕚𝕖𝕥𝕪 parts of my mission.

After a lifetime of learning how to cope with my own debilitating anxiety (at times using healthy coping mechanisms, at times using unhealthy coping mechanisms) I have finally developed a toolbox that works really well. I have been helping people to overcome anxiety for a decade now, going way back to my mid-twenties when I was coaching and speaking professionally. I have a really good idea of what works and what doesn't work.

There is, of course, no magic bullet; no pill or trick that can solve it all--no matter who tries to sell you one! But I can tell you that about the key that will always bring you closer to what you seek and that key is 𝕞𝕚𝕟𝕕𝕗𝕦𝕝𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤. These days my message is tailored to mothers because that is where I am at in this stage of my life. For mothers, 𝕞𝕚𝕟𝕕𝕗𝕦𝕝𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤 is perhaps the most important tool that we have. Being present, both for ourselves and our families means the difference between joyful, wholehearted living and struggling to survive.

I will continue to talk about using essential oils for this purpose but this year I will expand the conversation to a holistically (movement, exercise, diet, spirituality).

I'm so excited to share so much more on these topics with you this year. If you have specific questions about mindfulness, natural living, or overcoming anxiety--please leave me a comment or send me a message and let me know. I would love to address your questions this year and learn and grow together.

Getting Christmas cards printed was another thing

Getting Christmas cards printed was another thing that fell off my plate this year while I was sick. (Scroll back to my previous post if you missed that update.) I've done a Christmas card each year since Roman was born, so it was really sad not to have them printed.⁠
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The good news is that we had photos taken, even if I didn't have them printed. Our sweet and talented friend @erinwitkowskiphoto used our truck for her Christmas sessions at the stunning @301clove farm this year. She was kind enough to capture our family before she started the day. ⁠
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As always Erin captured so many gorgeous moments, which I had intended to share throughout December, but never got around to. Still, they're just too good to keep to myself so I'll be sharing them here in the coming weeks. ⁠
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Perhaps my favorite thing about this session is the chaos that ensued before it. In the days leading up to this morning it was madness. J. had major throat & nose surgery. We had to coordinate a trailer rental to get Althea (our truck) up to the farm. The farm is over an hour from us so it meant getting up super early to get ourselves and 4 kids ready & on the road all before sunrise. It was wild! But we made it happen and what beautiful memories we made on this day. It all reminded me of one of my favorite quotes by Kerouac from one of my favorite books, "On the Road." Let me share it here, in closing:⁠
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“I realized these were all the snapshots which our children would look at someday with wonder, thinking their parents had lived smooth, well-ordered lives and got up in the morning to walk proudly on the sidewalks of life, never dreaming the raggedy madness and riot of our actual lives, our actual night, the hell of it, the senseless emptiness.” ⁠
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Oh my goodness, "the raggedy madness and riot of our actual lives..." If that doesn't sum it perfectly, nothing does.

*Tap, tap.* Is this thing on? It's been awhile sin

*Tap, tap.* Is this thing on? It's been awhile since I've posted a real update. Somehow it's January, but it hardly feels like it because I spent December sick in bed. It's been heartbreaking. We look forward to the holidays all year and then I was sick for all of it. ⁠
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It made me sad, a bit for myself, but mostly for my children. Gratefully, we pressed through and with the help of my love, our family and friends the children were able to have a magical holiday season despite me being bedridden for most of it. I'm still not nearly 100% but at least I am functioning a bit now. ⁠
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I'll have a lot to say about all of it soon. For now, I just want to put this little reminder here to say how much of a blessing our health is. When it becomes compromised, especially for a length of time, it's such an eyeopener about how we typically take it for granted.⁠
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I lament what I missed in December but I'm hoping to make up for it by enjoying what is left of winter wholeheartedly when I am able. The past week has found me back outdoors even for short whiles and soaking in the briskness of winter and cherishing the bright red cheeks on my little ones as we explore beneath the winter sun. We've been living in soft things like fleece and cable-knit sweaters. J. has been making little fires in our wood stove that warm the house and fill every nook with cozy. ⁠
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Usually I have much to say upon the new year, reflections, word of the year, and the like. All of that, too, will come... when the time is right. What I am reminded of most of all in these days is surrender; that it is never my timing, but always God's. He writes my story. And so I surrender over and over to all that this moment is and even all that it is not. ⁠
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All of this and so much more...

Happy New Year, friends! You may have seen my 2020

Happy New Year, friends! You may have seen my 2020 recap where I talked about taking a break from alcohol since August or my recent stories talking about the toxic “mommy wine” culture. This post is a continuation of that conversation. I received some feedback to those stories ranging from congratulations to defending the choice to drink alcohol. I want to be clear that I am not anti-alcohol. Responsible drinking is a-okay 👌🏻 in my book.

When I talk about alcohol in this context, I am talking primarily about 2 specific things. First, the rampant and toxic “mommy wine” culture that suggests that women “need” wine to cope with motherhood. And second, women who suffer from anxiety and think that alcohol can help them relieve stress.

Today, I want to speak specifically to the latter group, those who believe that alcohol can help to cope with stress and anxiety. The fact is that alcohol can not help us deal with stress or anxiety, at least not in a lasting, meaningful way. Perhaps alcohol can temporarily numb stress and anxiety, and make us feel good for a short while. But ultimately, that is like sticking a bandaid on a gaping wound that needs stitches. It's ineffective. You are not dealing with the root of the problem: why you are stressed and anxious. You are covering it up and therefore not addressing it.

Science now shows us exactly why drinking alcohol to cope with anxiety is like pouring gasoline on a fire to put it out. When you drink alcohol, the chemical balance in your brain is disrupted. After a few drinks, you feel more relaxed and less inhibited. Dopamine, the ‘feel-good’ chemical is released in greater supply into your brain–thus you feel great for a short time. (Anxiety cured! Or...?) Unfortunately, there is a hefty price to pay for this temporary relief. What comes up, must come down. When you begin to sober up, your brain tries feverishly to correct the chemical imbalance caused by drinking–and this is where anxiety floods in. For some, this transition is minor, but for those with high levels of anxiety, it can wreak havoc, even causing full blown panic attacks. (Cont’d in comments.)

Happy December, sweet friends. ♥️ We are so ex

Happy December, sweet friends. ♥️ We are so excited for the holidays over here in our little nest. 🎄 Even though we’re still stuck virtual schooling, Marina couldn’t wait to put on a Christmas dress. 🎅🏻 We swapped out all of our autumn books with our winter & holidays books. ❄️ This weekend our tree will go up & we’ll be decking the halls. 🔔

Lately I’ve been thinking about this quote: “Every day may not be a good day, but there’s something good in every day.” 🙏🏻 Ain’t that the truth? Look for it, friends. ✨ You’ll find it.

P.S. Pre-sale for our next batch of candles begins tonight! Be sure to sign-up for our mailing list if you want one 💌 because that list gets first dibs & once again it will be a limited run. 🕯 DM me to get on the list.

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