autumn & change & magic

DenaSeptember 13, 2021

I was out walking with the kids the other day & I told them that I could smell autumn in the air. “What is that smell?,” they asked me. I explained about fallen leaves and the beautiful scent that they give off as they are decomposing. It is my favorite scent in the world, I think. It is the scent of my favorite season, the time that brings my heart peace & joy. We’ve had a beautiful few days. It is still summer-warm but the scent of autumn in the air is undeniable and you can see it all around as the leaves are already falling & gathering in beautiful, colorful piles along the sidewalks & walking paths.

It has been a hard season for me. The entire year consumed by my final pregnancy & then the birth of my sweet twins. Everything else was placed on hold this year. Many areas of my life struggled beneath the weight of what it would mean to carry these babies & to bring them into this world. And now here they are. Tomorrow will mark 7 weeks of knowing them & loving them & understanding, beyond a shadow of a doubt, what a blessing they have been & will be to our family.

Everything is changing now. I have come to the end of my postpartum period—the 6 weeks that we are given to “recover.” Now the expectations creep back in. Only I am doing it all differently this time. There are no expectations. If I know anything, it is that healing doesn’t happen on a timeline. There is not a magic timer that rings at 6 weeks to tell you that “the healing has finished now.” Healing, like grief, comes in waves. It stops & starts & stops again. It never ends. • So here’s to healing forever & to autumn & to change & to magic. I keep pushing forward, a day at a time. I am tired & grateful & glowing. 🍂✨

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