Seasons, Rain, Success

We were walking today, and even though it’s the height of summer, the berries are already starting to form on the bushes. It reminds me that the bright berry days of autumn aren’t far away. In our favorite craft store, the summer decor has already been replaced by autumn — pumpkins and scarecrows and candy corn.

As always I look forward to fall, my favorite season; but this year will be Roman’s fifth Halloween, and my heart can hardly stand thinking about that. In many ways, I’m holding onto summer with a white-knuckle grip. Over the last three months, I’ve watched several of my largest dreams come true, one after the other. I know that I have to press forward, but success and happiness hasn’t always been familiar to me, and that makes it uneasy.

A few weeks ago I was listening to a podcast featuring Alec Baldwin. He was talking about success and how when it came he didn’t know what to do with it. He was from a humble family that always struggled financially. It resonated with me so much. There are entire swaths of people in the world who are capable of vast success, who possess talent and creativity that could change the world, but they’re afraid. They don’t know how to be successful because it’s never been modeled for them. I don’t know why but listening to that podcast changed me. The acknowledgement that success can be scary just because it is unfamiliar to us — it was a breakthrough idea for me. It felt as though an invisible barrier that had been holding me back suddenly just crumbled down. I wasn’t afraid anymore.

Outside in my yard the hosta plants have bloomed. The purple flowers are hanging heavy on the stems like wet bells. It rained this morning, a long, hard rain, — the kind that washes things away, makes the earth clean and new. There is a coolness after the rain, even in the July heat, something fresh that reminds me that autumn is not far. Change is never far, and hope is always near.

Happy weekending, dear friends.

// photograph by erin witkowski