Growing in Love: Keeping a Relationship Happy

Here on the blog I’ve written about divorce, but I have yet to talk about what came next for me. I am working on a series of posts about separation, divorce, single motherhood, starting over, and transitioning to a blended family. Based on those topics, you can tell that it has been an “interesting” few years for me, laced with pain, learning, healing, and growth. The most important lesson that I have taken away from it all is that you need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with another person. It sounds trite and we’ve all heard it before, but when you’ve gone through it, you learn that it is not just a catch phrase, it is the absolute truth.

If you follow me on social media, then you’ve read about my new partner, but I am excited to share some of this new adventure here, too. And, I am especially happy to share these beautiful photographs taken by my sweet and talented friend, Erin. I will get into some deeper stuff in future posts. Today, I want to take a lighter approach and talk about some of the fun ways that I’ve learned to keep a relationship healthy with your partner found in dating sites christians.

Life has a way of getting in the way when it comes to relationships. In the beginning, there is so much love and excitement, but add kids, a career, and a house to the mix, and things can fall apart quickly. Suddenly, it feels as though there is no time for love. You spend less and less quality time together, you begin growing apart, arguments arise about trivial things, and before you know it, you’re questioning the future of your relationship.

Though no relationship is perfect, many long-term relationships end simply because both parties forget just how much work it takes to keep things together. They often lose themselves to providing and caring for their families and essentially forget why they fell in love in the first place.

The truth is, if you want to keep your relationship together, you have to be willing to work at it daily. If the two of you decide to continually choose each other and prioritize your relationship needs, you can sustain a happy and healthy relationship. Below, are some suggestions on how to do this.

Schedule Time to Talk
Communication is key. Daily responsibilities and routines can take up a great deal of your time, but communication within your relationships is of the utmost importance. If you find that you’re not talking much, pencil time in your day to do so. You can both wake up a few minutes earlier than the kids and have a conversation over a cup of coffee or you can talk just before you turn in for bed. For heavier conversations, schedule some time on the weekend to talk on a scenic drive or a walk outside.

Plan Date Nights
The monotony of a relationship can put distance between any couple. Life can’t always be spontaneous, but that doesn’t mean you can’t go out and have a good time. Start scheduling date nights a couple times a month. Do things that you both enjoy and avoid stressful topics like money, home, the kids, or work in conversation while you’re out. Just spend time enjoying each other’s company.

Flirt with Each Other
When you were dating chances are you gave each other compliments all the time. These words made your heart sing. Even after being together for years, hearing your partner tell you how attractive you are or how much they want you in a flirtatious way does wonders for your self-esteem and the relationship. So whether you flirt in person, send them a cute text message, or leave cute little notes for them to find around the house, just let your partner know how desirable you still find them.

Give Each Other Gifts from the Heart
For people that speak the love language of gift-giving, receiving a present from their partner out of the blue makes them feel special. There’s nothing wrong with splurging on your loved one on occasion. Especially if you know it’s something they will really appreciate. You can make something from the heart like a painting, sculpture, or scarf, or you can buy them something nice like a necklace, watch, or ring from Diamonds Forever San Diego. You don’t have to break the bank to let your partner know you were thinking of them.

Vacation Together
When is the last time you and your partner went on a nice vacation just the two of you? If it’s been a while, perhaps it’s time to plan a little romantic getaway. Even leaving town for the weekend can really help to strengthen your relationship and improve your happiness. Don’t let your budget keep you from getting away from it all to refocus on each other for a bit. You can get a nice hotel a few miles away from home and spend the time together ordering room service and binge-watching your favorite movies or you can plan a week-long trip to a tropical destination and lounge around the beach, go for a hike, and enjoy fancy restaurants.

Love is the greatest and most beautiful gift that we are given in life. It isn’t always easy, but it is so worth it. Next to prioritizing your own wellness, investing time in keeping your relationship happy and healthy is the best thing that you can do for your family. Everyone will benefit from the overflow of love that is created when you put in the effort and choose each other every day.

Thank you to the talented Erin Galardi of Ruffles and Trains Photography for the gorgeous photographs in this post.

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    Review: The Power of Now

    The Power of Now had been on my “to-read” list for years when, by a stroke of fate, a dear friend offered to lend me her audio copy. Based on my general understanding of the book and its content (prior to reading it) I felt that I would enjoy it; however, I was completely unprepared for the way that the book would speak to me, transform my perspective, and change my life.

    The Unreal Past & Future

    In The Power of Now, we learn that to live in the future or the past is to suffer. The only way to exist in true harmony is to live in the now. After all, the past is not real, the future is not real. The past and the future only exist in our minds.

    When I first heard this concept I refused to believe or comprehend it. Of course my past is real, I thought. Of course my future is real, too. How dare someone suggest that it is not? My ego lashed out; but then I thought more about it. I listened, opened my mind, and realized that it was true. I am going to ask you to walk through an exercise with me to help you understand.

    Let’s recall a memory in which you are eating something. Let’s say, for example, it’s a hot summer day and you’re licking an ice cream cone. Now, where ever you are—right now, present moment, not in the memory—I’d like you to stick your finger right into the ice cream and then throw it to the floor. Can you do that? Can you touch that ice cream cone from your memory? No, of course you can’t (unless you’re on hallucinogenics but that’s another story).

    The fact is that right now you can not touch that ice cream cone and therefore it is not real. It may seem real in your memory—in your mind—but it is not really “real”…not here, not now, not in existence. It is only a memory and it only exists in your mind.

    This principle is also true for the future. Imagine any future scenario in your mind. You win the lottery. You get fired from your job. You purchase a house. You fall off of a cliff. You can play each of those scenes out in your head. You can fill in as much detail as you like. You can mentally experience the future, but the truth remains that the future scenario isn’t “real”. You can’t actually reach out and touch anything in the future right now. The future only exists in your mind.

    When I finally grasped this concept I was shocked & amazed. It seems simple, but somehow I had been missing it for my entire life! To me, the past and the future were as real as the present. The past happened to me. The future was going to happen to me. I held on to these concepts for dear life. But then I realized the truth… the past and the present are not that important. They’re not even real. They are only in my head.

    You might be feeling a bit angry right now. (I know because I was at this point.) You might be thinking, How dare you claim that my past is not real? I’ve suffered, I’ve lived, I’ve triumphed, I’ve done X, Y, and Z. And my future, that is real too! I am going to do things 1, 2, 3, and so on!

    Your Ego Feeds on the Past & Future

    Well, my friend, I am not sorry to break it to you. That voice of anger is fueled by fear and the fear is coming from your ego.

    For your entire life, your ego has been calling the shots. He rules you by fear—fear over your past and fear over your future. So long as you believe in the reality of your past and your future, your ego has control over you. It uses every thing that ever happened in the past against you. It uses everything that you hope to happen in the future against you.

    There is only one way to overcome your ego and that is to live completely in the now. Let go of the past and the future. Be fully present in this moment.

    It is not easy. You’ve spent your entire life ruled by your ego, living in the past and present. But while it’s not easy, it is possible. It’s entirely possible for you to begin living entirely in the present moment, entirely in peace, love, & light, entirely free from the chains of your ego.

    The Power of Now is an excellent book and if you truly listen to every word and practice its teachings in your daily life, you will succeed. It has been quite a journey for me already and I’ve only been on it for a few weeks now! I am experiencing life in ways that I never dreamed possible. You can do it, too.

    *********

    Here are some of my favourite pieces from The Power of Now along with my interpretations of each.

    You have it already. You just can’t feel it because your mind is making too much noise.
    Eckhart Tolle tells us that that many people ask him to “give” them his gift. His response is always the same, You already have it.

    This is entirely true. Each of us already has the immense power of now within. Tolle nor anyone else can “give” that to us—but what he can do (and does in the book) is to show you how to harness the power in your own life.

    Not to be able to stop thinking is a dreadful affliction; but we don’t realize it because almost everyone is suffering from it. So, it is considered normal.
    After reading (listening to) The Power of Now, I realized that yes, the modern human being is suffering from a debilitating disease: compulsive over thinking.

    It is so obvious to me now! How many millions of people are suffering from anxiety, depression, and so on? Most of these individuals are suffering as such simply because of compulsive over thinking.

    When we stop our compulsive, ego-driven thoughts, we live in harmony. Sadly, however, most people just don’t know how to stop those thoughts.

    We must become the silent observer, as Tolle describes in the book. The first step to overcoming the compulsive thoughts is to recognize them, to be the silent observer of your mind.

    To see, but not see. To hear, but not hear.
    Have you ever had a moment, an hour, or a day where you were entirely mindless?

    For example, you are driving along the road completely spaced out from reality and suddenly you “wake up” and you don’t know where your head has been for some stretch of time. You know that you must have been seeing and aware, because you didn’t crash your vehicle. But you weren’t really there. You were seeing but not seeing.

    Another example, you are in conversation with a friend or loved one and you begin zoning out. You hear words coming out of her mouth, but when she finally stops talking, you realize that you have no idea what she just said. You were listening, but you weren’t really there. You were hearing but not hearing.

    This is what it means to see, but not see; to hear, but not hear. It is living life in an unconscious state, on autopilot. Most likely you are daydreaming about the unreal past or future. You can overcome this state of nothingness and time wasting by harnessing the power of now and being fully present in each moment.

    Humanity is under great pressure to evolve because it is the only chance for the survival of our species.
    “Humanity is under great pressure to evolve because it is our only chance of survival as a race. This will affect every aspect of your life and close relationships in particular. Never before have relationships been as problematic and conflict ridden as they are now. As you may continue to pursue the goal of salvation through a relationship, you will be disillusioned again and again. But if you accept that the relationship is here to make you conscious instead of happy, then the relationship will offer you salvation, and you will be aligning yourself with the higher consciousness that wants to be born into this world. For those who hold to the old patterns, there will be increasing pain, violence, confusion, and madness.”

    *********

    I could write ten posts about The Power of Now and I would only begin to scratch the surface. The book is extremely intensive. Tolle’s language is thick and weighted with meaning. The content is formatted as question and answer for the sake of clarity—but it is still heavy reading. As I mentioned earlier, I listened to the audio book and I would highly recommend this format. I have heard that reading the text can be confusing and I can understand why.

    The audio book does span several hours, but it is entirely worth every moment. If you can not afford to buy the audio book, you should consider borrowing it from your local library.

    If you decide to read or have read this book, I would love to hear your thoughts. Whether or not you decide to, I hope that you will consider the ideas that I have shared in this post.

    Thinking about being somewhere else uses up your precious, present moments. Be here now. —Wayne Dyer

2 Comments

  1. Beautiful and inspiring, and yes tears are falling silently down my cheeks at my desk while eating my hummus and crackers….the good tears, ya know.

    Reply

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