golden period //

heartspill; the golden period returns

DenaOctober 15, 2019

golden period //

There was this stretch of time in my mid-twenties that I called “The Golden Period” because life felt so beautiful. My days and nights were warm and dreamy and magic. It was as though everything was coated with sugar and gold-dust. I remember living through that time and wishing that those days would never end.

But of course one day they did end, and in the years that came next–those warm, dreamy days became a distant memory.

Nearly 7 years would come and pass after that. I won’t call those years a period of darkness because, my God, there was so much light. But it was hard and it was heavy. Through most of it, I felt like it was too much to bear and I was always buckling under the weight of it. I pressed through it, as one does. And one day the heaviness became lighter, and one day I found myself looking at photographs and thinking, this is golden–the golden has come back to me after all.

And these days, they are filled with so much love and so much gold that most moments my heart feels like it will explode for the gratitude. These days there are adventures and sunlight and the colors of the world are rich and saturated again, like an oil painting. The feeling of hope rises up in the air like bubbles blown softly from a wand, riding on the wind, up and up and up. And where the scars are, now there are soft hands and whispers that it will all be okay. When the nightmares come, there is something to reach out and hold onto and ride out the storm. My own arms carry me when I am afraid, and in learning how to trust and love myself, I have also learned how to open my heart again.

It is only when we trust in the strength of our own arms enough, that we can be brave enough to truly fall at all.

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