life lately // january 2018

january 2018: heart spill

DenaJanuary 17, 2018

life lately // january 2018

life lately // january 2018

life lately // january 2018

It’s been a long-time coming, but a lot of the things that I have been praying for, for so long, have finally come to pass. I am grateful and humble. Soon my life will be marked with sweeping changes and before all of that happens, I want to take a moment to reflect on what life has been like for the last 8 months since we moved into our new home.

When we moved in June, life was a flurry of adjustments, newness, and excitement. We had a warm and beautiful summer marked with long, daily walks to the park and a lot of work to get settled in here. Each morning, Roman, Marina and I welcomed my two nephews, Brian and Aden, into our home for the day while my sister went to work. September came and my oldest nephew went back to school. We found out that Roman’s beloved preschool was closing permanently. I homeschooled Roman and Aden for a few months while we figured out a new preschool situation for them.

In November, they started the preschool program offered by our town’s public school system. Each day is a lot of hustle & bustle. We wake up and Aden arrives by 7:30 am. I make breakfast for the littles and Sam, and then take Sam out for a walk around the yard. At 11 I start preparing their lunches. They eat lunch and then I pack their snacks for school. At noon, we get in the car and I drive them over to their school. Unfortunately, it’s too far to walk, but next year when they move to the closer elementary school, we’ll be able to walk and I can’t wait for that!

Anyway, we get to the school and their teacher welcomes them in at 12:30. Then Marina and I usually run an errand or two and head home. Around 2:30 we have to head back out to pick up the boys for their 3:00 pm pick up. When we get home, if the weather is good, we take a walk or play outside in our yard for a little while. Aden’s daddy comes and picks him up between 3:30 and 4:30 pm. Around that time, I start cleaning up from the day and then start dinner. The kids usually eat between 5 and 6 pm. From there it’s bath time, then TV time, and then they are in bed sometime between 7 and 8 pm.

The entire day is a whirlwind and I don’t get many moments to sit down or breathe. A lot of times it feels like I am on a treadmill or a hamster wheel and even if I stop to catch my breath, someone is calling out to me for something or other. “Mama, I’m thirsty.” “Mama, I’m hungry.” “Mama, I want to watch a show.” “Mama, I want to make a picture.” “Mama, I have a boo-boo.” And of course there are lots of puppy whines in there too from a sweet dog who wants to go outside as often as I’ll let him.

In between all of my regular house and mom chores, I am always working. I am either writing a blog post, editing photos, or doing church work. For the last two years, in addition to being a stay-at-home mom and sitter, I have worked between 3 and 4 part-time jobs to make ends meet.

On the whole, I’d like to say that there are good days and bad days, but that’s not accurate. There are actually good hours and bad hours. Every day is a roller coaster of emotion, swinging from highs to lows and every where in between. I lose my temper more than I’d like to. I yell. I cry. But I also love and teach and give. I have not always been the mother that I would like to be. I have not always been the woman that I would like to be. But I know that I have done my best. That is all that I can ask of myself, to do my best always and all ways.

Our life is changing now. There are a few concrete changes that I’ll talk about soon. But there are other things brewing on the horizon that I can’t name yet. I’ve always known when great change would come sweeping into my life. I get a strong intuition. It has happened with every great change in my life. When I left my career, when I got married, when I had children, when I turned my whole life over on its head.

I always get that feeling and I have it again now. I don’t know exactly what is coming but I do know that one chapter in my life is ending and a new one is beginning. I know that, as life always is, it will be beautiful and terrible. This time, however, I am hoping for a lot more beautiful and a lot less terrible. Well, maybe I’m not hoping so much. Maybe I’m determined to see it that way.

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