Kindness Conservation

I’ve been thinking about the difference between nice and too nice? Where do we draw the line? The answer is a lot simpler than I thought.

I have always prided myself on being a kind person. I am the girl in the office who smiles every time you pass her in the hall, bump into her at the water cooler, stop by the cubicle to drop off a file. I have always been the girl who the “older” woman or the “different” guy in the class befriends because no one else has the patience. It went further than that though. I used to have a difficult time saying no, standing up for myself, getting angry even. I’m not sure when it all started to change, but it must have been shortly after I read The Four Agreements. I woke up and realized that what the book said is true.

If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift they walk away from you. If that person doesn’t walk away, you will surely endure years of suffering with him or her. Walking away may hurt for awhile, but your heart will eventually heal.

Yes, Ruiz is a genius, but it’s simple & true! This principle applies to every area of your life: romance, family, professional, friendships. If you are not treated with respect, walk away. Unreasonable requests from an abusive co-worker – walk away. A controlling lover who keeps you from your friends – walk away. A best friend who has been berating you since the fourth grade – walk away! One of two things will, happen: that person will change their behavior OR they won’t and you will have cut out a toxic tumor from your life.

A lot of good can come from being nice – trust, friendship, business deals. Nice people tend to do well in interviews. They become the boss’s favorite within months of being hired. Nice people are attractive. You can count on a nice person for a compliment, for a favor, for a listening ear. Nice people are good to have around; but again the question rises – where do we draw the line between nice and too nice?

Recently I read an article about “Respect in the Workplace.” It advised, “Don’t smile too much.” Don’t smile too much? This floored me! I started to think about it. I began to watch my coworkers. Who was smiling and who wasn’t? And how often? It was true! The people who don’t smile are the same people who tend to get more respect but sometimes they are also the same people (or person) who I so often hear called “The Office Bitch.”

So that brings up the next question, is there a way to command respect and authority while still being nice? After all, what happens when you hold everything in? When you never get angry? When you always say yes, yes, yes. Eventually you’ll snap, get an ulcer, develop anxiety, have blood pressure that’s hotter than lovemakin’ in August (without the AC on!). Can we command respect without being known as the “Office Bitch?”

Yes. Here is the key: you have to make your “niceness” valuable. Realize that being direct is not being rude. Actively decide when you are going to be nice. Exercise kindness because you want to not because it’s what everyone expects of you. With moderation, the value of your niceness will rise! When you learn to say no sometimes, people will value it so much more when you do say yes. People will respect you more and more importantly, you will respect yourself more. ♥Self-love, my favorite thing.

It’s time to start practicing nice on a budget!

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    My Journey to Financial Freedom | Part 2: The Climb

    Emergency Fund

    Three years ago, I was nearly $60,000 in debt. I had a Bachelor’s degree that didn’t appear to be worth its weight in salt and a job that couldn’t cover a fraction of my monthly bills. I was terrified.

    Today, I am closer to complete financial freedom than I ever dreamed possible. Last week, I paid off my last remaining credit card balance. This two-part post is a celebration of this incredible milestone in my journey.

    In part one, I explained how I got to that terrible place. In part two, I will explain how I’m getting out of it (and how you can do it, too).

    ————————————————————————

    1. Change the way you think about spending money. For most of my life, I believed that money was made to be spent. I believed that I *deserved* to spend every dollar that I earned on some material thing that would “make me happy.” I coveted material possessions—clothes, jewelry, electronics, cars. What I realize now is that money is not meant to be spent. You only need to earn enough money to survive. You should have enough money to buy only what you need. There is no need for excess.

    “You’re not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You’re not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You’re not your fuc*ing khakis.” (Fight Club)

    This shift in mindset is hard to adjust to at first. You may not like the reactions that you receive from people. Believe me, I’ve been called cheap a few times, but I pay no mind to it. I would choose cheap over poor any day.

    2. Keep a budget. I highly recommend using Mint.com. I started using it in September and it has been one of the most transformational and useful tools throughout my journey to financial freedom. It allows you to sync up all of your accounts (loans, checking, savings, etc.) in one place. Then it keeps track of every transaction that you make and sorts/organizes all of the data for you. It allows you to track your spending over time and by category. It gives you incredible perspective and insight about where your money goes each month/year. It has been a truly eye-opening experience for me.

    If you’re unwilling to try Mint, you can keep a budget on a spread sheet or even by hand. However, the important thing is to be completely conscious about where every dollar you spend is going.

    3. Use a debit card. To reap the full Mint.com experience you should use a debit card for every purchase you make. Using the debit card will automatically flag each transaction you make into the appropriate category. So if you go to Shoprite, it will get marked as groceries. If you go to Home Depot it will get marked as home. If you stop at the gas station it will get marked as automobile, and so on.

    I use my debit card (linked to my checking account) for almost every single transaction that I make. I also have all of my monthly bills (like my auto insurance, utilities, and gym membership) automatically debited from the same checking account each month. It makes keeping track of my spending that much easier. Plus, I do not like dealing with cash. The debit card is quick, easy, and is accepted almost everywhere now.

    Whether or not you use Mint.com it is a good idea to use a debit card simply because you can review all of your purchases and purchase amounts on your monthly statement. Trying to keep track of receipts is a hassle that I don’t have time for.

    4. Pay off credit cards and cut them up. Paying off my credit cards was my first priority. For awhile I tried “credit card surfing.” Let me just tell you from experience, it’s overrated and it really doesn’t work. The idea is that you surf from credit card to credit card by transferring balances. A lot of companies will give you 0% APR for 6 months if you transfer your balances over to them. After the 6 months, you “surf” to a new card with another promotional rate.

    The problem with this tactic is that it gets messy quickly, it becomes difficult to keep up with, and if you lose track you will end up getting burned by high APRs, finance fees, cancellation fees, etc. Also, it probably doesn’t look great on your credit report if you’re opening up a new card every 6 months or so.

    It is much safer and wiser to just stop using credit cards! My theory is simple and has taken me very far: If you can not afford to buy it, then you can not afford it. Period. It is simple logic.

    5. Eat in. This is one of the easiest changes to make, but it also comes with an enormous, positive impact. When I started closely tracking my spending habits, I was shocked to see how much I was spending on eating out. A meal at a decent restaurant goes for about $25 per person. If you eat out twice a week, that is $3,120 a year. If you grab lunch out during the work week, it’s about $8 a day. That’s $2,080 a year. Put those together and you could be spending $5,200 a year or more on dining out! That is outrageous and completely unnecessary.

    Since I started eating in and packing lunches, I’ve taken my monthly food spending from $500 down to $200 or less! Over time, that means enormous savings. Check out 5dollardinners.com for some awesome, inexpensive recipes. I love it! Also, investing in a crock pot was one of the wisest decisions I ever made—chili, sausage & peppers, and goulash will be your new (delicious, cheap) best friends. (Here are some more tips for eating healthy & mindfully.)

    6. Direct deposit money into savings every month. This is my final—and perhaps most important—tip. When I began my journey to financial freedom, I opened a savings account with ING Direct. It is an easy-to-use online savings account and it gives you interest on the money that you save. It also allows you to set up easy direct deposits.

    I started out small, depositing $50 a month into my savings. As I learned to keep my budget tighter and tighter, I increased the amount that I put into my savings each month. Currently, I am putting away $500+ per month and hope to get closer to $1,000 per month in the very near future.

    When you direct deposit the funds, it comes out automatically. It is painless because you don’t have to do a thing. Because it’s automatic, after awhile you don’t even notice that it’s missing. (I remember reading that on another blog several months ago and thinking, “Are you out of your mind?! I’m not going to miss it? Yea right!”) But I can honestly say that after a few months, you adjust to the missing money. You truly do not miss it once it becomes normal for that amount to be deposited into savings automatically each month.

    It has been one of the best decisions that I’ve made and because I’ve worked so hard to get to this place—I don’t touch that money! I am keeping it there for a rainy day or to pay off my student loans someday in one fell swoop.

    ————————————————————————

    As I stated at the start of this post, three years ago I was almost $60,000 in debt; I was twenty-three years old; and I was scared to death. Today, I have my finances under control! I am on the road to financial freedom and you can get here, too. Truly, it is not as hard as it seems. With common sense and a bit of dedication, it will happen. Paying off my last credit card balance was like taking chains off of my wrists for the first time in seven years. The feeling was completely priceless. If I can do it, anybody can.

    So, what are your financial goals? Have you ever been in financial prison? How did you free yourself? If you’re still there, what are you going to do to break free?

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