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Rectifying the Pieces of Myself

DenaJuly 5, 2016

sunset //

“You are not your wounds.”
–Charlotte Brontë

I once heard it said that we can not know ourselves until we reach our thirties; that all of the years before then, we are simply becoming and getting to know. Then, in our thirties we come into who we are completely, for the first time we see ourselves in an unadulterated light. For the first time, the opinions of others and all of the shadows that the world casts against our true selves are put out of our vision and we can see ourselves clearly. These aren’t the exact words that I heard, I’m putting my own spin on it — interpreting some piece of wisdom that was shared with me long ago and spitting it out through my own lens.

I imagine that this process is different for each person. When it comes to experience and growth, there are few things in life that apply across the board. But for me, I believe this to be true. And it wasn’t in my thirtieth year, or my thirty-first year, that I began to see myself clearly — it has only been just recently. Now in my thirty-second year I am finally coming into focus. It is a scary and painful and beautiful and liberating process. One day, you just become aware. You can see into the deepest parts of yourself and you have a choice, you keep looking and you learn who you are, or you look away.

I have chosen to keep looking. Although, sometimes what I see is so difficult, so raw, so painful, that I want to look away. But I will not. We are all made up of thousands of tiny pieces and for every good, beautiful piece, there is a dark, ugly piece. But this is the way of life, this is the way of the world. It is true for all of the things that exist. Something as simple as a stone, once picked up by human hands, can be used in so many ways. Think about all of the uses for a single stone. Think about how it can be used for good, for bad, or for nothing at all. So it is with each human spirit, each one infinitely complex and containing infinite possibility.

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The more that I look inside, the more that I realize how complex I am, how deep. I am learning that the world will push us to be shallow instead of deep. In this society, everyone is busy (or at least they think they are busy) and also most people are extremely self-consumed and obsessed with things that are not truly important. (Such as physical appearance, unnecessary personal possessions, career status, social status, and so on.) Due to these obsessions, there is very little time to speak about truly important things like personal growth, the depth of the human spirit, real love, caring for the earth, and so on. All of these things are actually important, as opposed to the false realities that most people worship and spend their days obsessing about. Of all of the things that I’ve mentioned, today I am talking specifically about the depth of the human spirit. To come back around to my point, because most people are not focused on that, they will never help you to cultivate and explore the depth of your own spirit. Therefore, you will have to do it yourself or seek out the rare individuals who will walk with you on that path.

I have just started out on this path for myself. As I embark, I see just how many pieces of myself there are: mother, daughter, friend, magician, adventurer, goddess, warrior, believer, creator, lover, and the list goes on. Now that I see all of these pieces, I find it so important that I nurture all of the pieces of myself and not just the few pieces that perhaps society would have me focus on: mother, daughter, friend, believer.

When we look inside and discover these many pieces, the next step is to embrace them and to do that we must rectify each piece among the others. It is a complicated but critical process. I find that it is especially difficult for mothers and daughters, because we are so consumed with our children, and later in life, our parents. However, if we truly wish to be our best selves and to experience all of the spiritual growth and greatness that we are capable of, we must set out to rectify and honor all of our pieces — not just the ones that society tells us to value.

* * *

These are deep and heavy thoughts. I hope that you will welcome them here, friends. This space has always been my creative outlet to share pieces of my heart and life. It will continue to serve as just that.

If you are interested in this topic I would love to hear your thoughts. How do you rectify the various pieces of yourself with one another? Do you find it is difficult to rectify being a mother/daughter with being an adventurer? Are there some pieces of yourself that you feel you have not honored because you’ve caved into society’s expectations? I would love to know. Tell me that I’m not alone. ♥

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