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An Un- Guide to Breaking Up

evolutionyou.net | loss©2011 Graydon Schwartz

I want to preface this by saying that, yes, this is about breaking up & losing love. But it is not about a casual break up. It is not written for the person who moves on easily. This is written for the person that suffers from the unspeakable sadness of the loss of true love. This is written for the person that, right now, does now know if she (or he) can go on. If you’re not okay with any of that, then please, stop reading now.

Getting over it is easy in theory, but never in practice. I’ve thought about writing this piece for a long time. The reason it took me so long is because it’s impossible. You can’t write a breakup guide. You can’t give advice to a person who has just had her still-beating-heart ripped from her chest, thrown to the ground, and stopped by a heavy boot. Yes, the metaphor is dramatic, but then, if you are going through a breakup right now, maybe it’s not so dramatic after all.

In the end I’ve decided to write this even though it’s impossible. I can’t say that I am qualified to do so, but what I can say is that the emotions written here are mine and even though I know that right now you feel like no one could possibly understand what you are going through, I do. People say, Write what you know. I know this pain.

I’ve decided to call this an un- guide to breaking up because it’s not a guide. There’s no such thing as a guide for this and anyone who tries to tell you (sell you) that there is, is a liar.

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I know. I know exactly where you are and as much as I want to say something that will make this better, I can’t. The truth is that there is nothing that I can say and nothing that you can do to make this better. What you need to know is that one of two things is going to happen from here: 1. The two of you are going to find a way to work this out or 2. You are not. What you need to know is that either way, you are going to survive. More, you are going to thrive & grow & do everything that you are meant to do with your life. Although it doesn’t matter now—the truth is that this, too, shall pass.

It’s possible that this is going to be the most difficult thing that you’ve ever gone through. Understand that nothing can prepare you for it and you are not selfish when you determine that nothing else matters. You will feel hollow & alone. You will want for nothing other than darkness. And then when you think that it’s gotten as bad as it can get, it will get worse.

I am not being a pessimist. If you know me, you know that I am not a pessimist. I am being a realist because I have been there and this is how it is.

I’ve never shared this with anyone but my very best friends, but I think that, in order to really understand what I went through, I need to share it. At the worst point of it, I wrote this:

i don’t know what else to say. i can not eat or sleep or shower or anything. i look like death. my eyes are burning out of my skull. funny i have not cried nearly as much as i would have thought. i don’t know how i am going to go on. i really just want to die. i just wish that i would go to sleep and never wake up tomorrow morning. it’s not so much that life seems pointless without him just that life seems pointless in general. it’s like there is nothing in my future, i can only look behind me & fight back vomit. last night i played through all of our very best memories. i thought he was my soul mate. how could this happen? how could i be so stupid?

i’ve got to be realistic. i’ve got to remember my goals. i’ve got to remember that i’ve come through this before (though nothing has ever come close to this) but i have come through all the same, AND people come through worse everyday. i still have my health, i still have my family, i still have my friends, i still have my writing. there are still books to be read & countries to be seen & poems to be written. there are still hands to be held, babies to be had, christmas trees to be decorated, presents to wrap & gifts to open! right now all i have to do is breathe. all i have to worry about is the next breath & maybe the one after that. i’m going to be alright. i’m too beautiful, too gifted, too full & bursting at the seams with love. this is his loss. i know. i know.

Losing a person that you love so greatly is like an obesity of grief, you think, How can a body withstand this? But you have to do it. You have to pierce yourself precisely through that point to open your soul beyond terror. And then, you have to keep going.

Because the ultimate truth is that you do not deserve anything less than everything. And right now, he (or she) is not it. You will be sick and morose. You will cry until your eyes are desert dry and your head throbs and you have nothing left.

And then. One day. You will hold life like a face between your palms, a plain face, no charming smile, no violet eyes, and to life you will say, Yes, life, I will take you. I will love you, again.

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And just like that everything will be okay again. I know this, too, because I’ve lived it. Just when I thought that hope had left me for good, just like that, it returned. I was on a ship in the Caribbean sea, finally and entirely without him, and one day I was simply alright again. I couldn’t figure out how or why, but it happened. And even though the worst had come true. Even though my own worst fears were realized. I was going to be okay. Life would never be the same. I would never be the same. But one day I took life back. I learned to love it again.

There will be moments when you will literally have to pick yourself up and carry yourself across your own shoulders. But you will do it if you can promise yourself this one thing: Promise yourself that you’ll believe me, that you believe me when I tell you that one day you will be okay again.

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You have been with for so long and now you will be without. In that transition, you will lose nothing of yourself. Piece by piece you will lose him (or her), but you will not lose any of you. In fact, you will gain pieces of yourself back, slowly at first & then rushing in like cool water over your soul. You will rediscover the parts of you that you let him (or her) take away, choke down, diminish. Because love is loss. We all know that. Love is loss. But. It is also love & that’s why it is so hard to let go. Still, you are and you will and you will go on and the wounds that are gaping now will heal with time and though they will never heal entirely, your skin will be stronger where it was once broken.

How many days has it been now since the end? Multiply that number by two. On that day, things will be easier. Multiply that number by two now. On that day things will be easier still. And so on and so on. You will never stop leaving, growing, and becoming. This will not be easy but nothing worth anything in life ever is. If this were not meant to be so, it would not be happening. But it is meant to be, and so it is.

If you feel as though you are incapable of doing absolutely anything right now, that’s okay. Just keep breathing. Breathing is your only responsibility now.

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There’s not much more that I can say to you now. There’s not much more that anyone can say. But, here are a few things that got me through. I hope they help. I hope that you keep on going because if it’s not okay, it’s not the end.

These pains that you feel are messengers, listen to them. Turn them to sweetness. —Rumi

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The deeper sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

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The beauty of darkness / is how it lets you see. —Adrienne Rich

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Breathe me.

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There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning. —Louis L’Amour

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  • · · · ·

    Letting Go of the Past: Forgiveness

    Last week, I finished listening to Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now. It had been on my “to-read” list for years, when by a stroke of fate a dear friend offered to lend me her audio copy. I plan to do a full review of the book in the coming weeks but for now I want to focus on one important element—forgiveness of the past.

    Recently I started thinking about the first twenty-five years of my life. In The Power of Now, we learn that to live in the future or the past is to suffer. The only way to exist in true harmony is to live in the now. After all, the past is not real, the future is not real. The past and the future only exist in our minds. The only thing that is truly and completely real, is the now.

    The challenge with this, however, is that until we can accept, understand, and move on from the conditioning of the past, we can not experience true freedom. And in order to truly accomplish this, we must experience true forgiveness of the past—forgiving others & ourselves completely.

    As I reflected upon these truths, I realized that I have been holding on to a tremendous amount of pain from my own personal history. There is so much past that continues to haunt me and impact me in the now. One of the greatest sources of pain revolves around my former lifestyle.

    I spent so much of my life caught up in a false sense of self. I spent incredible amounts of money on material possessions that I now perceive as worthless (clothes, jewelry, useless electronics, etc.) For some reason, I fell into the marketing. I bought it—all of it. (You can read more about my journey into financial prison and my subsequent journey out in previous posts.)

    But that’s not really the point, the point is that I ended up here. I can sit around and feel sorry for myself, angry that so much of my life was wasted, frustrated that I’ve only paid off a fraction (albeit a substantial fraction) of my debts so far; but if I did all of that where would it get me? It wouldn’t get me anywhere except maybe on a private jet to my own personal pity party. No thank you.

    Instead of wallowing, I am grateful. Grateful that I have come this far. Grateful that I’ have learned these lessons and changed the direction of my life by the age of 25 (soon-to-be 26). Grateful to be surrounded by a community of people that support me and believe in me. Grateful to have discovered my life’s true purpose and passion. Grateful to be doing what I love (even if only part of the time). Grateful to be safe, secure, healthy, strong, and beautiful.

    As I move through these emotions of gratitude for what I have now and what I am now, I find that the pain of my history slips away. I believe that I am finally on a path toward true forgiveness of the past. The reality is that it happened. I made mistakes, like all fallible human beings do. However, without making those mistakes, I may never have come to this place, to this now.

    The past grants us wisdom & grace. The memories that haunt us the most, are usually the memories that taught us the greatest lessons. Forgiveness will come from acceptance. So, the trick to true forgiveness is true acceptance. Once we can accept our past unconditionally, we can live fully in the now.

    I am making my way on this journey slowly. For most of my life, I focused almost entirely on the past—heart breaks, mistakes, errors in judgment, loss, failures, and so on—but that was a tragic mistake. What I now know is that the past is gone, the only thing that matters is now. And likewise, the future is a distant place that exists only in my mind. The only thing that matters is right now.

    Transforming the way that I think has been a challenging process, but I have come a tremendous distance already and I will keep on pushing forward, always.

    Now I ask you, reader, what pieces of your past are you holding on to? Are you willing to accept those pieces unconditionally so that you may truly forgive and live in harmony & light? Will you join me on this journey?

  • · · ·

    3 Super Simple Ways to Reduce Stress, Improve Health, & Live Happy

    Want to know how you can cut your stress in half?

    How about if there were two things you could change that would drastically alter your stress levels for the rest of your life?

    Now I bet you really want to know, right?

    What if I told you that doing these simple things will not only decrease your stress levels, but will also make you happier and decrease your risk of heart attack, ulcers, & high blood pressure?

    Ready for this? Four words: Stop Rushing, Take Vacation.

    Yes, that’s it. It’s really quite simple, but the results that you will see if you make these changes will amaze you.

    The Problems
    So why is rushing & a lack of vacation such a huge problem? Well, rushing every now and then wouldn’t really be such a problem. But in today’s society, the reality is that we don’t just rush every now and then. We rush all of the time.

    We are constantly hurrying from one thing to the next, multitasking, with our minds in five different places at once. We browse the Web in multiple Windows. We watch television while surfing the Web. We talk on our house phones while texting on our cell phones/iPhones/Blackberrys. While we’re driving to work, we’re planning our days, who we’ll see at each meeting, and what we’re having for dinner. While we’re eating dinner, we’re checking our email, responding to emails, and thinking about what’s on TV that night. While we’re watching TV that night, we’re thinking about everything we’ve got to do tomorrow. You get the picture…

    The Facts
    The United States is one of (if not the) most stressful, fast-paced, uptight societies in existence. The “American way” of rush, rush, rush has huge negative implications. And sadly, the rest of the world is beginning to follow suit. It’s not a good path to be on.

    Here are some statistics about minimum vacation days around the world:

    Austria — 35 days
    Brazil — 30 days
    Finland — 35 days
    Sweden — 32 days
    Ukraine — 24 days
    United States — 7 days
    (Source: http://nationmaster.com)

    7 days? Really? WTF United States!?!?!?

    Every year Expedia.com launches an intense Vacation Deprivation survey to gather the facts & the effects of American Vacation Deprivation.

    Check out these stats:

    Notice that despite earning the least amount of annual vacation days, Americans will still leave an average of 3 days unused! This goes to show that so many Americans don’t even use the little vacation time that they get! Not good.

    Why is Vacation So Important?
    Let’s talk about mental health.

    • 34% of Americans say they come back from vacation feeling better about their jobs and are even more productive.
    • 53% of employed U.S. adults say they come back feeling rested and rejuvenated after vacation.
    • 53% of employed U.S. adults say they come back feeling reconnected with family after vacation.

    It’s no big secret that work can be stressful. Even if you absolutely adore your career, you still have the occasional (or frequent) challenging day. If you refuse to take a breather every now & then, you are putting your mental health and your relationships at risk.

    Obesity, heart disease, high blood pressure, ulcers, anxiety, depression, and so on are all symptoms of stress. Stress causes cortisol to build up in your body, the cortisol is then stored as dangerous fat. In addition to all of the physical symptoms of stress, there is the issue of rushing around. When you are rushing nonstop from place to place, it’s easy to stop for fast-food because you don’t make the time to cook nutritious meals for yourself and your family.

    If you look at the rates of obesity around the globe, you probably won’t be shocked to see where the United States fits in.

    That’s right, numero uno. Not a good place to be in this case. Americans are the most obese individuals in the world. A sad fact to note considering that we are also some of the richest people, with some of the most vast & diverse availability to nutritious & wholesome food. (Please watch Food, Inc. for more information on this topic.)

    Turning the Tide
    The facts are straightforward. Constant rushing & vacation deprivation will cause you harm. Here are 3 super simple ways that you can combat these harmful habits.

    1. Practice efficient time management. Keep a calendar and don’t overbook yourself, no exceptions. We all have a ton of stuff that we want to get done, but we have to prioritize. Choose the tasks that mean the most to you and will provide you with the best ROI (return on investment). Don’t commit to anything that doesn’t benefit you, your career, your family, or your friends in a big way. Your time is precious and you should treat it as such.

    2. Use your vacation time, all of it. No matter how many days that your company allots for vacation, make sure and use it. If your company tends to be on the real stingy side with vacation, don’t be afraid to set a confidential meeting with your HR director to point out the importance of sufficient vacation time. Sufficient vacation time is mutually beneficial — you will feel better and thereby, your performance will improve. Win – Win!

    Likewise, if you work for yourself, make sure to pencil in enough time for R & R.

    3. Breathe. When you are rushing, you are most likely breathing shallow. Shallow breathing causes rapid heart rate & conversely, deep breathing causes a slower heart rate. Take time to observe your breathing throughout the day. If you find yourself shallow breathing, take a deep breath in through your nostrils. Let the air flow through your chest & deep into the pit of your stomach. Allow your stomach to expand, like a balloon, as it fills with air. Then slowly exhale through your nose and expel all of the air from your body. Breathe in deeply again, allowing the air to fill your stomach as before. Each time you inhale, take in the positive energy & light around you. Let it fill & calm your soul. Each time you exhale, push out your negative energy & fear. Continue to do this until you feel calm.

    * — * — * — * — *

    Slow down, be in the now.

  • · · · ·

    Review: The Power of Now

    The Power of Now had been on my “to-read” list for years when, by a stroke of fate, a dear friend offered to lend me her audio copy. Based on my general understanding of the book and its content (prior to reading it) I felt that I would enjoy it; however, I was completely unprepared for the way that the book would speak to me, transform my perspective, and change my life.

    The Unreal Past & Future

    In The Power of Now, we learn that to live in the future or the past is to suffer. The only way to exist in true harmony is to live in the now. After all, the past is not real, the future is not real. The past and the future only exist in our minds.

    When I first heard this concept I refused to believe or comprehend it. Of course my past is real, I thought. Of course my future is real, too. How dare someone suggest that it is not? My ego lashed out; but then I thought more about it. I listened, opened my mind, and realized that it was true. I am going to ask you to walk through an exercise with me to help you understand.

    Let’s recall a memory in which you are eating something. Let’s say, for example, it’s a hot summer day and you’re licking an ice cream cone. Now, where ever you are—right now, present moment, not in the memory—I’d like you to stick your finger right into the ice cream and then throw it to the floor. Can you do that? Can you touch that ice cream cone from your memory? No, of course you can’t (unless you’re on hallucinogenics but that’s another story).

    The fact is that right now you can not touch that ice cream cone and therefore it is not real. It may seem real in your memory—in your mind—but it is not really “real”…not here, not now, not in existence. It is only a memory and it only exists in your mind.

    This principle is also true for the future. Imagine any future scenario in your mind. You win the lottery. You get fired from your job. You purchase a house. You fall off of a cliff. You can play each of those scenes out in your head. You can fill in as much detail as you like. You can mentally experience the future, but the truth remains that the future scenario isn’t “real”. You can’t actually reach out and touch anything in the future right now. The future only exists in your mind.

    When I finally grasped this concept I was shocked & amazed. It seems simple, but somehow I had been missing it for my entire life! To me, the past and the future were as real as the present. The past happened to me. The future was going to happen to me. I held on to these concepts for dear life. But then I realized the truth… the past and the present are not that important. They’re not even real. They are only in my head.

    You might be feeling a bit angry right now. (I know because I was at this point.) You might be thinking, How dare you claim that my past is not real? I’ve suffered, I’ve lived, I’ve triumphed, I’ve done X, Y, and Z. And my future, that is real too! I am going to do things 1, 2, 3, and so on!

    Your Ego Feeds on the Past & Future

    Well, my friend, I am not sorry to break it to you. That voice of anger is fueled by fear and the fear is coming from your ego.

    For your entire life, your ego has been calling the shots. He rules you by fear—fear over your past and fear over your future. So long as you believe in the reality of your past and your future, your ego has control over you. It uses every thing that ever happened in the past against you. It uses everything that you hope to happen in the future against you.

    There is only one way to overcome your ego and that is to live completely in the now. Let go of the past and the future. Be fully present in this moment.

    It is not easy. You’ve spent your entire life ruled by your ego, living in the past and present. But while it’s not easy, it is possible. It’s entirely possible for you to begin living entirely in the present moment, entirely in peace, love, & light, entirely free from the chains of your ego.

    The Power of Now is an excellent book and if you truly listen to every word and practice its teachings in your daily life, you will succeed. It has been quite a journey for me already and I’ve only been on it for a few weeks now! I am experiencing life in ways that I never dreamed possible. You can do it, too.

    *********

    Here are some of my favourite pieces from The Power of Now along with my interpretations of each.

    You have it already. You just can’t feel it because your mind is making too much noise.
    Eckhart Tolle tells us that that many people ask him to “give” them his gift. His response is always the same, You already have it.

    This is entirely true. Each of us already has the immense power of now within. Tolle nor anyone else can “give” that to us—but what he can do (and does in the book) is to show you how to harness the power in your own life.

    Not to be able to stop thinking is a dreadful affliction; but we don’t realize it because almost everyone is suffering from it. So, it is considered normal.
    After reading (listening to) The Power of Now, I realized that yes, the modern human being is suffering from a debilitating disease: compulsive over thinking.

    It is so obvious to me now! How many millions of people are suffering from anxiety, depression, and so on? Most of these individuals are suffering as such simply because of compulsive over thinking.

    When we stop our compulsive, ego-driven thoughts, we live in harmony. Sadly, however, most people just don’t know how to stop those thoughts.

    We must become the silent observer, as Tolle describes in the book. The first step to overcoming the compulsive thoughts is to recognize them, to be the silent observer of your mind.

    To see, but not see. To hear, but not hear.
    Have you ever had a moment, an hour, or a day where you were entirely mindless?

    For example, you are driving along the road completely spaced out from reality and suddenly you “wake up” and you don’t know where your head has been for some stretch of time. You know that you must have been seeing and aware, because you didn’t crash your vehicle. But you weren’t really there. You were seeing but not seeing.

    Another example, you are in conversation with a friend or loved one and you begin zoning out. You hear words coming out of her mouth, but when she finally stops talking, you realize that you have no idea what she just said. You were listening, but you weren’t really there. You were hearing but not hearing.

    This is what it means to see, but not see; to hear, but not hear. It is living life in an unconscious state, on autopilot. Most likely you are daydreaming about the unreal past or future. You can overcome this state of nothingness and time wasting by harnessing the power of now and being fully present in each moment.

    Humanity is under great pressure to evolve because it is the only chance for the survival of our species.
    “Humanity is under great pressure to evolve because it is our only chance of survival as a race. This will affect every aspect of your life and close relationships in particular. Never before have relationships been as problematic and conflict ridden as they are now. As you may continue to pursue the goal of salvation through a relationship, you will be disillusioned again and again. But if you accept that the relationship is here to make you conscious instead of happy, then the relationship will offer you salvation, and you will be aligning yourself with the higher consciousness that wants to be born into this world. For those who hold to the old patterns, there will be increasing pain, violence, confusion, and madness.”

    *********

    I could write ten posts about The Power of Now and I would only begin to scratch the surface. The book is extremely intensive. Tolle’s language is thick and weighted with meaning. The content is formatted as question and answer for the sake of clarity—but it is still heavy reading. As I mentioned earlier, I listened to the audio book and I would highly recommend this format. I have heard that reading the text can be confusing and I can understand why.

    The audio book does span several hours, but it is entirely worth every moment. If you can not afford to buy the audio book, you should consider borrowing it from your local library.

    If you decide to read or have read this book, I would love to hear your thoughts. Whether or not you decide to, I hope that you will consider the ideas that I have shared in this post.

    Thinking about being somewhere else uses up your precious, present moments. Be here now. —Wayne Dyer

22 Comments

  1. Very well said, I can’t honestly think of a thing to add to this. Should be mandatory reading for anyone going through a loss, whether it be a love lost or a love passing.

    Reply

    1. Your kind words mean a lot to me, Lou.  I am so glad that you feel that I’ve hit on something, that this might be helpful to someone going through a loss.  That’s what I hoped for most of all in sharing this.  XO

      Reply

  3. I like your comment at the beginning.  You said “People say, write what you know”.  That one comment gave me some inspiration to try and write what I know in my blog.  As for the pain of loss, it resonated with me. I went through a painful divorce 24 or 25 years ago and I have not forgotten about the pain. Looking back at the event I did survive it.  No matter what the loss, we grieve that loss. Not everyone grieves the same way and you never get over it. You learn how to live with the pain each day.  Some days are better than others.  

    Reply

    1. Thanks so much for sharing, James.  I can’t imagine going through divorce.  One of my favourite poets, Margarent Atwood said this about divorce: “It’s like an amputation.  You go on, but there is less of you.”  I imagine that is an accurate account.  I think it is true for loss in general.  We go on, but we are changed.  Some days are better than others, exactly.  Love to you, my friend.  <3

      Reply

  5. This was wonderfully written. You are right… there’s no guides to picking yourself up after a break up and everyone grieves differently. My first love broke up with me 4 years ago and it took me a very long time to truly get over it. It took a lot of me and I think it really exposed the insecurities I’ve had deep inside for a very long time. I think I’m better because of it and have done things which old me wouldn’t have done, however there’s always that sense of sadness at the back of your head for losing someone. But you do survive and that saying “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger” is true. 

    Reply

  6. Today is not my 12th wedding anniversary, this could not have come at a better time.  For 10 years I have been wearing pain like a backpack.  I’ve done some stupid things trying to pretend I’m ok and that it doesn’t still hurt.  I think now I need to heal.  Thank you!

    Reply

  7. Thank you Dena. I was exactly there until two days ago.
    Suddenly, for me a total shock, but something he’d had time to think about, my partner of 7 years broke up with me.
    We were so happy, we are a fantastic team and really a perfect match. We have had a wonderful 7 years together, we had talked about marriage but were in no hurry. He had told me which ring I would probably get (a family hierloom) and gifted me other family hierlooms. I was to be a bridesmaid in his sisters wedding. He was for me the most sure thing in my life. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, only that he was right and we were right and we would go the distance and that growing old with him would make me so happy.
    Turns out he doesn’t want to marry me. He thinks we are better as friends, thinks we have grown apart. Naturally I went into a kind of shock and felt so completely and utterly lost. Like I was in a black hole vaccuum and couldn’t breath.
    Two days ago I googled ‘how to get your ex back’ and found this http://howtowinyourexbacknow.net/
    It may sound unhealthy. And some relationships that end, would not work again. I believe so strongly that my ex and I belong together, and I believe this for the right reasons. This is coming from a very logical and reasonable place – not psycho obsessive one. When I found the website I was expecting a lot of rubbbish. I have been pleasantly surprised. The content gave me the kick in the butt I needed to pull myself together and start taking care of myself again. The next day I didn’t cry. I got out of bed, got prettied up and went out into the daylight! I went to my therapist session and still didn’t cry, in fact I smiled most of the time.
    It still hurts. That won’t go away. I still feel a gaping wound inside my chest. But I now understand, that for whatever reason, it makes sense for the love of my life and I to live for ourselves for this time. I don’t know where this will go. There are indefinite ways this could turn out. Now though I feel motivation, direction and resolution again.
    I have joined the mailing list for the site with an email address I created specially (just in case) and the emails do contain both good and helpful words as well as some ‘products for sale’. I am taking only what I need from this. I don’t need to buy anything and as you said. Nothing anyone can sell me is going to change this. For me reading the website gave me enough motivation to get out and take care of myself. I am going to spend money on a facial though to make me feel a bit better after all the crying.
    Sorry for the exesively long post. I just wanted to be able to contribute in someway. It’s only been three days of having my ‘bounce’ back a little and it may not stay that way. This will be a very long journey and there will be ups and downs to the extreme. You must always love yourself first though and I will keep looking to Gala Darling, Dena and whatever else I find to keep me on track and looking after myself.
    Even if nothing else matters and nothing makes sense. You always matter.

    Reply

  8. When you say that you do not lose yourself, you lose that person; I realized that it’s true. I truly found myself. Parts of myself I didn’t know existed. Parts that I missed. Strength that yet untested has saved me-continues to save me. Perseverance and great heart that proved I have courage beyond what I had thought. I say this to all who have lost and survived the living human emotion and connection that we know as love: The greatest gift is to allow yourself this truth. Love is the greatest force on the planet. It is in everything and is constant. You will know it again. The greatest, most important lesson  you have learned from this is: You are loved. You are lovable. You love.
    Think on that. Bury it in your heart and live from it. 

    Reply

  11. it’s still fresh and ongoing and the pain is so heavy in the mornings when it all comes rushing in.

    but this helps.  little by little.

    Reply

  12. Thank you for writing this, it’s nice knowing that others have gone through the same emotions. My situation is a bit strange and I’m not sure how to handle it. We have been broken up for about six months. I’ve been slowly getting better and moving forward. But now she has been going through some difficulties (layoff) and has reached out to me. This has re-kindled emotions that I had put away. She still states that she can’t change the way her heart feels. I don’t want to turn my back on her, but this situation is opening up old wounds. What should I do?

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