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The Comeback Is Always Stronger Than the Setback…

livelovesimple.com

Hello, darlings. I am popping in with a little life update and a big announcement. Let’s start with the big announcement first. That is–I’m coming back to blogging! Or I should say, we’re coming back to blogging. But more on that in a bit. Yes, I know that I was basically non-existent in this space last year. That was because I was busy with life and I was also building something new. It’s a lot to try and capture all that has happened in a few paragraphs, but I’ll try.

The last 4 years have been truly wild and tumultuous for me. I left my marriage and my home. I went through a long, painful divorce. I transitioned to life as a single mother. I moved three times. I had two failed relationships. I began a third relationship in which we recently celebrated our one-year anniversary (♥). And finally, we transitioned to life as a blended family. So yes, it’s been a lot. In hindsight I see that there are things I would have done differently, but it is difficult to say that I have regrets because I am so grateful for where I am at now.

On top of all of those external happenings, I went through a tremendous amount of internal work. The end of 2018, particularly from August to September, was one of the most difficult times of my life. I went through what some call “a dark night of the soul” where I was completely broken down. I reached a low point of depression and anxiety that I thought I would never return to. I realized that the trauma that I had endured in the previous decade took a toll on me that I could never have foreseen. It all came crashing down in one final moment. But it took that falling apart for me to be reborn. In that darkness, I saw a light. Like a forest that has been burned to the ground, new life started to rise from my ashes. It was a clean slate. That is when Wild Moon Co. was born, the something new that I have been building that I mentioned earlier.

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Wild Moon Co. is what you might call my rebirth. You see, there is another side of me that had been mostly hidden from the world all of my life. It is the wilder side, the darker side, the magic side, the powerful side, the sensual side. Getting in touch with that side of myself was a beautiful and painful journey all its own. In the way that I was raised, I was simply taught to keep that side quiet and hidden. My family on both sides was strict Roman Catholic, where the qualities that are celebrated are sacrifice, martyrdom, servitude, and tradition. These qualities are important, but it is foolish to believe that any person is made up of those qualities alone. When our wild nature is stifled down, it manifests itself in other ways–addiction, mental illness, poor health, to name a few.

In exploring the other side of myself, I have learned that as human beings, we are multidimensional. We need to honor all of the various sides of who we are. Surely there is a place for tradition and sacrifice, but there is also a place for wildness and pleasure. When we carve a life path that allows us to express all of ourselves without shame or fear of judgment, this is where we can find true peace and joy.

To come back to my journey, I spent the last year exploring that other side of myself and in doing so I learned so much. It strengthened my relationship with God. It also strengthened my relationship with others in that I have learned how to say no and how to implement boundaries which I could never do before. And finally, it has strengthened my relationship with myself because I now enjoy a level of self-love and self-acceptance that I never before dreamed possible. Of course none of these things are perfect, life is always a work in progress, but I am grateful for how far I have come and excited about how far I have yet to go.

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To bring all of this full circle, this journey has most definitely made me a better mother. Motherhood will always be my greatest blessing, but in the lifestyle that I lived before–sacrificial martyrdom–I was not able to set a good example for my children. I never wanted to teach them to sacrifice their own happiness to make others happy. So I needed to learn how to make myself happy, so that I can teach them to do the same by example. And further, by taking care of myself, I can take better care of them, because we cannot serve from an empty vessel.

All of this is to say that, it’s been a hell of a road, but here I am. I am not done traveling the path of healing–in fact, I recently uncovered a whole new pool of trauma that I need to deal with–but, I am further along than I have ever been and I am so grateful for it. And now, with where I am, I feel ready to return to this space. As you know, this space has evolved over the years as I have. It started out as a self-improvement blog and then turned into motherhood. I cannot say for certain where we go next, but I believe it will be a combination of the two.

For now, the majority of my healing work will live over at Wild Moon Co. and in this space I will focus on motherhood, blended family life, wellness, and sustainable living. And that brings me to my final point which is that very soon my partner, Jimmy, is going to take an active role in this space beside me. He is such a big part of my journey and now, my family, and I am so excited to have him share parts of himself in this space in the coming year and beyond.

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Phew, that was a lot. If you’ve read this far, thank you for sticking with it. I am beyond thrilled about this next chapter and all of the magic that it has in store for us. Also, since I am going to be blogging a lot more in 2020, if there are any topics that you’d like to hear about, leave a comment on this post and let me know. Some that I am already working on include:

  • how to start/monetize a blog
  • photography for beginners
  • my yoga practice journey
  • implementing a meditation routine
  • traveling with a large family
  • using plants and herbs as medicine
  • carving out a life for yourself beyond children
  • moving to a plant-based lifestyle
  • praising children to encourage effort
  • plant-based recipes for the whole family
  • travel guides (Ireland, Salem)
  • chicken keeping
  • backyard farming

That’s all for now, sweet friends. Wishing you lots of love and light as we move from 2019 to 2020. I’ll leave you with my favorite quote, “There will come a time when you think that everything is finished. That will be the beginning.” xo

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    My Journey to Financial Freedom | Part 2: The Climb

    Emergency Fund

    Three years ago, I was nearly $60,000 in debt. I had a Bachelor’s degree that didn’t appear to be worth its weight in salt and a job that couldn’t cover a fraction of my monthly bills. I was terrified.

    Today, I am closer to complete financial freedom than I ever dreamed possible. Last week, I paid off my last remaining credit card balance. This two-part post is a celebration of this incredible milestone in my journey.

    In part one, I explained how I got to that terrible place. In part two, I will explain how I’m getting out of it (and how you can do it, too).

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    1. Change the way you think about spending money. For most of my life, I believed that money was made to be spent. I believed that I *deserved* to spend every dollar that I earned on some material thing that would “make me happy.” I coveted material possessions—clothes, jewelry, electronics, cars. What I realize now is that money is not meant to be spent. You only need to earn enough money to survive. You should have enough money to buy only what you need. There is no need for excess.

    “You’re not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You’re not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You’re not your fuc*ing khakis.” (Fight Club)

    This shift in mindset is hard to adjust to at first. You may not like the reactions that you receive from people. Believe me, I’ve been called cheap a few times, but I pay no mind to it. I would choose cheap over poor any day.

    2. Keep a budget. I highly recommend using Mint.com. I started using it in September and it has been one of the most transformational and useful tools throughout my journey to financial freedom. It allows you to sync up all of your accounts (loans, checking, savings, etc.) in one place. Then it keeps track of every transaction that you make and sorts/organizes all of the data for you. It allows you to track your spending over time and by category. It gives you incredible perspective and insight about where your money goes each month/year. It has been a truly eye-opening experience for me.

    If you’re unwilling to try Mint, you can keep a budget on a spread sheet or even by hand. However, the important thing is to be completely conscious about where every dollar you spend is going.

    3. Use a debit card. To reap the full Mint.com experience you should use a debit card for every purchase you make. Using the debit card will automatically flag each transaction you make into the appropriate category. So if you go to Shoprite, it will get marked as groceries. If you go to Home Depot it will get marked as home. If you stop at the gas station it will get marked as automobile, and so on.

    I use my debit card (linked to my checking account) for almost every single transaction that I make. I also have all of my monthly bills (like my auto insurance, utilities, and gym membership) automatically debited from the same checking account each month. It makes keeping track of my spending that much easier. Plus, I do not like dealing with cash. The debit card is quick, easy, and is accepted almost everywhere now.

    Whether or not you use Mint.com it is a good idea to use a debit card simply because you can review all of your purchases and purchase amounts on your monthly statement. Trying to keep track of receipts is a hassle that I don’t have time for.

    4. Pay off credit cards and cut them up. Paying off my credit cards was my first priority. For awhile I tried “credit card surfing.” Let me just tell you from experience, it’s overrated and it really doesn’t work. The idea is that you surf from credit card to credit card by transferring balances. A lot of companies will give you 0% APR for 6 months if you transfer your balances over to them. After the 6 months, you “surf” to a new card with another promotional rate.

    The problem with this tactic is that it gets messy quickly, it becomes difficult to keep up with, and if you lose track you will end up getting burned by high APRs, finance fees, cancellation fees, etc. Also, it probably doesn’t look great on your credit report if you’re opening up a new card every 6 months or so.

    It is much safer and wiser to just stop using credit cards! My theory is simple and has taken me very far: If you can not afford to buy it, then you can not afford it. Period. It is simple logic.

    5. Eat in. This is one of the easiest changes to make, but it also comes with an enormous, positive impact. When I started closely tracking my spending habits, I was shocked to see how much I was spending on eating out. A meal at a decent restaurant goes for about $25 per person. If you eat out twice a week, that is $3,120 a year. If you grab lunch out during the work week, it’s about $8 a day. That’s $2,080 a year. Put those together and you could be spending $5,200 a year or more on dining out! That is outrageous and completely unnecessary.

    Since I started eating in and packing lunches, I’ve taken my monthly food spending from $500 down to $200 or less! Over time, that means enormous savings. Check out 5dollardinners.com for some awesome, inexpensive recipes. I love it! Also, investing in a crock pot was one of the wisest decisions I ever made—chili, sausage & peppers, and goulash will be your new (delicious, cheap) best friends. (Here are some more tips for eating healthy & mindfully.)

    6. Direct deposit money into savings every month. This is my final—and perhaps most important—tip. When I began my journey to financial freedom, I opened a savings account with ING Direct. It is an easy-to-use online savings account and it gives you interest on the money that you save. It also allows you to set up easy direct deposits.

    I started out small, depositing $50 a month into my savings. As I learned to keep my budget tighter and tighter, I increased the amount that I put into my savings each month. Currently, I am putting away $500+ per month and hope to get closer to $1,000 per month in the very near future.

    When you direct deposit the funds, it comes out automatically. It is painless because you don’t have to do a thing. Because it’s automatic, after awhile you don’t even notice that it’s missing. (I remember reading that on another blog several months ago and thinking, “Are you out of your mind?! I’m not going to miss it? Yea right!”) But I can honestly say that after a few months, you adjust to the missing money. You truly do not miss it once it becomes normal for that amount to be deposited into savings automatically each month.

    It has been one of the best decisions that I’ve made and because I’ve worked so hard to get to this place—I don’t touch that money! I am keeping it there for a rainy day or to pay off my student loans someday in one fell swoop.

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    As I stated at the start of this post, three years ago I was almost $60,000 in debt; I was twenty-three years old; and I was scared to death. Today, I have my finances under control! I am on the road to financial freedom and you can get here, too. Truly, it is not as hard as it seems. With common sense and a bit of dedication, it will happen. Paying off my last credit card balance was like taking chains off of my wrists for the first time in seven years. The feeling was completely priceless. If I can do it, anybody can.

    So, what are your financial goals? Have you ever been in financial prison? How did you free yourself? If you’re still there, what are you going to do to break free?

3 Comments

  2. Dena. Your post/email comes at a time when it is much needed and appreciated. Your light and perseverance inspire. Sending love and thanks, Caitie

    Reply

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