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Overcome Fear, Lead by Example

“Be the change that you want to see in the world.” —Mahatma Gandhi

This post is about why talk is cheap and how you can overcome fear to become a true leader. For most of my life, I have been known to give great advice. I have led people by the hand to paths of happiness, growth, and strength. I have convinced friends, colleagues, and strangers to let go of crushing fear and succeed. Still, I was not a leader.

Was I a hypocrite preaching to others about success and fearless living? No, I was simply afraid. Most of us are. We are afraid to live above our fears, to crush and conquer them. Recently, I have learned how to beat that fear and I am going to share my story with you.

Stop and think about the things in your world that you would like to see change. Why haven’t you made those changes already? The answer is almost always going to be fear. If you want to change, inspire, and lead — you must live without fear. You must lead by example. It is not enough to tell others how to live. It is not enough to speak about the life of your dreams. Success is not achieved by words, it is achieved by action. Talk is cheap.

Recently I have begun to eliminate fear-based thought and action from my life. For the first time, I am leading by example. I am living the life that I have been teaching and preaching for so long. You can do it too. Here’s how.

Accept That Fear is Driving You
The first step in this process is acceptance and understanding. Recognize that you are practicing fear-based thought and action. Here are some examples.

Fear-based thought:
I would like to travel to China but I could not afford that.
I would like to start a business but I am not driven enough.
I would like to become a doctor but I would not succeed.

Fear-based action:
Remain at your 9 to 5 because you are afraid to lose that paycheck.
Settle for a salary that is less than you deserve because you are afraid to ask for more.
Take a day trip to Chinatown because China is out of your reach.

Every one of the above examples is based in fear. A person that practices cheap talk might preach to others about why those statements are weak. They might convince others that they are stronger than those excuses but a cheap talker is all talk. All of the words are meaningless unless they practice what they preach.

This process is not a one week change or even a three month change. Moving out of fear-based living is a lifestyle overhaul. It is a complete adjustment of your thought process. Fear-based living can be replaced by strength- and love-based living. Leaders are the people who do it. Think about the people that you look up to, the people that teach and inspire you. Do you think that those people live in fear? Or do you think that they crush their fears and go after what they desire no matter what the cost? If the people you look up to are worth their weight in salt, then they are leaders. They are people who live lives based in strength and love, not in fear.

Crush the Fears and Live

Once you are able to recognize and accept your fear-based thoughts and actions, you can begin to overcome them. As fear-based thoughts arise in your mind, write them down. As you complete fear-based actions throughout the day, write them down. Once you have that list, read it. Let the fear wash over you as you realize that you are about to change your life. You are about to begin living in strength, in faith, and in love.

“Identify your problems but give your power and energy to solutions.” —Tony Robbins

Take every single one of those fear-based thoughts and actions and on another piece of paper write down what you will do to finally make the changes in your life that you have wanted for so long. Then tear the paper filled with fear-based thoughts and actions to shreds, throw it away, burn it, destroy it. Feel those fear-based thoughts and actions disappear. Fill that space in your heart and mind with strength and love. Believe that you will live in strength and set out to make it happen.

Practice Visualization & Reach Your Goals

Now it is time to really identify your dreams and turn them into realities. Once you have crushed your fears, you can set off on your journey of love, faith, and strength. Previously I wrote an entire post on this topic, check that out for more on goal-setting and accomplishment.

Be the Change, Be the Light

You have crushed your fears, you are achieving your goals, now it is time to lead. A true leader is a person that leads by example. A true leader is a person that goes after every single thing that she wants because she is not afraid. Then she teaches others how they can do the same.

If you want to be a leader, you must live the life that you are preaching. You cannot command an army if you’ve not stepped foot on a battlefield. You can not teach children if you are not intelligent and thoughtful. You cannot teach people to live without fear if you yourself are living in fear. But if you do these things, if you become a true leader – then you will lead and you will be a light in this world to many.

If you practice each of the steps mentioned above, eventually you will find that fear-based thought and action is no longer a part of you. Your life will be so full of strength and love that there will be no room for fear. In order for this to work, you must believe in yourself. You must have faith that the universe has a plan for you and that the path you are on is the right path. Strength, happiness, and success are all choices that you have to make for yourself. You can not search for these things, you must live them. There are deep wells of strength and promise within you. Now is the time to draw on them.

I am sending you my love, my hope, and my belief that you can and will live the life that you were born to live.

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    Review: Tribes by Seth Godin

    On a recent flight, I began reading Seth Godin’s Tribes. On the return flight, I finished it. It was my introduction to Seth Godin—no idea why I hadn’t found him sooner!—and what an introduction it was. The book blew me away. It is the best book on leadership and change management that I’ve ever read. While the content is sure to inspire change of the greatest sort within any organization—from business to church, non-profit to learning institution—it is also of incredible value to individuals.

    In this post I want to share some of my favourite pieces from Tribes as well as some of my own insights.

    Whether you want to create positive change in the world, in the workplace, or simply in your own, I recommend that you read the book for yourself. It is a relatively easy read, spliced up into short, digestible chapters. I got through it in a few hours. But it is absolutely packed with revolutionary ideas, suggestions, and real-life examples of people making a difference and leading tribes in today’s world.

    Many people are starting to realize that they work a lot and that working on stuff they believe in (and making things happen) is much more satisfying then just getting a paycheck and waiting to get fired (or die).

    I’ve begun to think of my generation as the Fight Club generation. Tyler Durden said it best, “We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.” I think Tyler and Seth’s sentiments are one and the same. Our parents (or maybe you) were raised to believe that you needed to grow up, go to school, get a job, and stay there. Work hard, save money, vacation once a year, and retire as soon as possible.

    Well, the Fight Club generation doesn’t want to hear that nonsense. We want gratification now. We don’t want to spend 40 hours a week miserable just so that we can collect a paycheck twice a month. We don’t want to spend half a lifetime at a job that we hate just so we can get fired or die one day! We believe that we can be happy now. We can pursue our passions, make a difference in the world, live out our dreams, and be successful all at once. And… we are right. We can do it. There are people doing it every single day. I love Tribes because it tells the stories of those people and more importantly, how they got there and how we can do it, too.

    Somewhere along the way, perhaps when twenty thousand Ford workers lost their jobs in one day, or when it became clear that soft drink companies were losing all their growth to upstarts, the factory advantage began to fade.

    The reason why the “school-job-suffer-retire” model worked for so long was because it was safe, it was comfortable. Human beings like to feel safe. It feels good to know that you will get a check once every couple weeks. It feels safe to know that you can walk into the office every morning and the lights will turn on and the computer will turn on. The peace of mind in trading your hours for dollars seems worth it when you have to put food on a table and a roof over someone’s head. But, guess what, that model isn’t really proving to be so safe after all.

    The recent tanking of the economy has really shaken things up. People are losing their jobs at rapid rates, unemployment is way up. Ethics have been violated, corruption runs rampant, and people don’t feel safe anymore. We want to take matters into our own hands. We want to create the lives of our dreams and be completely independent. We are doing it every day.

    In unstable times, growth comes from leaders who create change and engage their organizations, instead of from mangers who push their employees to do more for less.

    Now, more than ever, each of us has an opportunity obligation to become a leader, to create change, and to make a positive difference. The ever-evolving world of social media and the Web—Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Wikipedia, Google—give us instant access to an unthinkable quantity of information and resources. When we learn how to leverage those resources we can become unstoppable. When we teach others to leverage those resources our tribes can become unstoppable. It is a great time to be a leader, and it is also the right time.

    Leadership is scarce because few people are willing to go through the discomfort required to lead. This scarcity makes leadership valuable. It’s uncomfortable to propose an idea that might fail. If you’re not uncomfortable in your work as a leader, it’s almost certain you’re not reaching your potential as a leader.

    Change = pain. If there is anything that I have learned over the past three years, it is this. Human beings are creatures of habit. When asked why things are done a certain way, most people will always respond the same way: “Because that’s the way we’ve always done it.” It is safe, it is comfortable. Our profits may be plummeting, our staff may be miserable, our customers may be disgusted—but this is the way we’ve always done it! Don’t try to mess with our traditions! Right? Wrong!

    Success takes dedication, hard work, persistence, and change. Dedication, hard work, and persistence can be painful. Some people are cut out for it and some people aren’t. The people that are, are the leaders. Being a leader is not comfortable and it’s not supposed to be. Being a leader takes character.

    Believe it or not, anyone can do it. “No one is born charismatic. It’s a choice, not a gift” (Tribes).

    Change almost never fails because it’s too early. It almost always fails because it’s too late.

    The time for change is now, my friends. If not now, when? There has never been a time where the need for positive change was more urgent. If you do not realize that this moment is all you have, then you do not have anything. This is it. After this moment, nothing is promised—not tomorrow, not next week, not your 81st birthday. You have this moment and you alone get to decide what you do with it. Yes, you can surf Facebook for a few more hours and stalk out your ex-boyfriend’s life for awhile more. You can also sit on the couch with a six-pack and watch The Jersey Shore marathon on MTV. …But if you asked me, I’d tell you that you’ve got more important things to do. Whether you’ve been waiting to pitch a great idea to your boss, waiting to take a proactive approach to your health, or waiting to embark on that 6 month “vagablogging” journey; stop waiting!

    There is really nothing in your way. There are no problems and no obstacles. Any anxiety that you might have stems from your past or your future; but your past and your future are not real! The only thing that is real is this moment, right now. The past and the future are in your head. No matter what you think is standing in your way, you can find a way around it. If you can’t get on the next flight to Melbourne (to start your career as a kangaroo-catcher) then sit down and figure out how you are going to make it happen. Right now.

    I’m frequently asked about getting credit. People want to know how to be sure they get credit for an idea, especially when they have a boss who wants to steal it. Or they want to know how to be sure to give me credit for an idea in a book or a blog post of their own.

    Real leaders don’t care.

    If it’s about your mission, about spreading faith, about seeing something happen, not only do you not care about credit, you actually want other people to take credit.

    There’s no record of Martin Luther King, Jr., or Gandhi whining about credit. Credit isn’t the point. Change is.

    Stop worrying about the obstacles and start taking action. Stop worrying about who is going to get credit and start making a difference.

    ————————————————————————

    What I loved most about Tribes is that it left me feeling like anything and everything is possible. The book is full of stories about ordinary people who did (and do) extraordinary things every single day. These people don’t let fear stop them. They become leaders and they create & inspire change. Every person is capable of this. You are capable of this! What do you want to do? Are you ready to become a leader? I say yes. Yes you are!

5 Comments

  1. Thanks for the great post. I need the reminder to “be the change.” On a good day, I get close.

    Owen

  2. @owenmarcus Thank you very much for your comment. I am really glad that the reminder meant something to you. That is all that we need sometimes, little reminders to be the best that we can. Cheers!

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