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Defined

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“It isn’t what we say or think that defines us, but what we do.”
–Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility

In other words, talk is cheap. When I look back on my life, and define this time in it, I know what I want to say. Yet at this moment, I cannot. There are a few changes to be made. I am getting closer every day. Where I am headed…

  • More self-love and less self-criticism.
  • More doing and less thinking.
  • More making and less wishing.
  • More camping and less shopping.
  • More fishing & gardening and less grocery stores.
  • More living and less internet.
  • More exercise and less Netflix.
  • More bravery and less fear.
  • More risk and less insecurity.
  • More dresses and less jeans.
  • More swimming and less sitting.
  • More hiking and less Pinterest.
  • More supporting and less jealousy.
  • More kindness and less judgment.
  • More honesty and less confusion.
  • More writing and less talking.
  • More listening and less assuming.
  • More hugs and less Facebook.
  • More bonfires and less news & media.
  • More local and less global.
  • More love and less resentment.

Last night, I was trying to complete this post by defining myself in this moment. I kept grasping for words and falling short. I walked away for a little while to clear my mind. I picked up the book I am currently reading and this was the first thing I read — How can we write the truth about ourselves? There is the vision our friends have of us; the vision we have of ourselves; and the vision our lover has of us. Also the vision our enemies have of us. And all of these visions are different.

The Universe was speaking right to me as she often does (when I am ready to listen). She was there to remind me that I cannot be defined. I am as fluid as running water, which nourishes all things without trying to.

All of this takes me back to the start of this post. It isn’t what we say or think, but what we do. It’s time to stop trying to define, and just be; time to let go and let God. xo


“Defined” is the March writing prompt of The Mommy Blogger Collective. In addition to a monthly writing prompt, the collective hosts a monthly blogger featurette. This month we are featuring Gillian of Comes in Colours. A few words from Gillian — Hey, I’m Gillian and I blog at Comes in Colours! I am passionate about motherhood and passionate about photography. I am married to my middle school sweetheart and we are now raising our two boys, Roman and Asher, in northern Colorado. My life is real and far from perfect but my blog is a place where I celebrate motherhood through pictures and words. Connect with Gillian on Instagram, Pinterest, Bloglovin and pop by her blog to say hello.

/// The Mommy Blogger Collective /// Christina, Courteney, Dena, Erica, Erin, Gillian, Katie, Misty, Nicole, and Renée. ///

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    My Journey to Financial Freedom | Part 1: The Fall

    Three years ago, I was nearly $60,000 in debt. I had a Bachelor’s degree that didn’t appear to be worth its weight in salt and a job that couldn’t cover a fraction of my monthly bills. I was terrified.

    Today, I am closer to complete financial freedom than I ever dreamed possible. Last week, I paid off my last remaining credit card balance. This two-part post is a celebration of this incredible milestone in my journey.

    In part one, I will explain how I got to that terrible place. In part two, I will explain how I’m getting out of it (and how you can do it, too).

    ————————————————————————

    A financial prison is the worst sort of prison to be stuck in. A financial prison does not have steel bars or a prison warden. You will not get sent to financial prison for committing a crime. There is only one person that can sentence you to financial prison. That person is you.

    There are two primary types of financial prisoners:

    1. There are those in financial prison who got there because they truly did not know any better. This type eventually realizes the error of their ways and breaks free.

    2. There are those who knowingly commit themselves to financial prison. This type is well aware of the consequences of living beyond her means; but she does it anyway.

    Of course there are also those who fall somewhere in the middle, like me… (Cue dream sequence.) It all started when I was 18. The guidance counseling systems in my high school and college were either completely inadequate or I simply refused to pay attention. I can’t honestly remember which it was, though I think it was the former. Either way, I was screwed.

    Before me, no one in my family had ever been to college so I didn’t receive much advice. I was thrilled to be out of high school and ready for the next step. I took my SATs one time and applied to one school. My parents, being average folks, made just enough money to prevent me from receiving financial aid; but not enough money to be able to pay my full tuition. For me, this meant loans: “lovely” student loans from “lovely” Sallie Mae.

    My mother co-signed and it was a cinch from there. Each semester I filled out a relatively simple form and like magic, Sallie Mae sent me a check. In fact, Sallie Mae was so generous that they allowed me to take out as much “extra” money as I needed every semester. It was fantastic! Yes, I had money to pay for books, meals, and extra curricula. I also had money to go out and binge drink, buy clothes I didn’t need, designer purses, and more. Sallie Mae was wonderful to me. And the best part if it was that there was no need for discussion. No one guided me, no one advised me, and no one asked me any questions. I showed up at the financial aid office a couple of times each year and it was always smooth sailing.

    On top of that, another great thing happened when I was 18! The credit card companies started to send me applications. And that was just as easy. I got one and then another and then another. Whatever I couldn’t cover with those pretty little checks from Sallie Mae, I could simply charge on my credit cards. College was good to me. I joined a sorority, I partied hard, I shopped until I dropped. What more could a girl ask for?

    It wasn’t all fun & games though. I worked through college. I worked at a children’s camp each summer; I was a Spanish teacher for two years; and toward the end of my college career I was a bookseller at Borders bookstore. All of the money I made working was spending money for me. I had Sallie Mae and the credit cards to pay all of my “real” bills.

    When I finally graduated, I was making a cool $8.25 an hour at Borders. I loved it. I was happy… until one day, out of no where, a letter came in the mail. I had a six month grace period and then I would have to start paying back those loans. My paychecks barely covered my minimum credit card payments. How was I going to make loan payments on top of that?

    So I sat down and did something that I’d never done before. I wrote up a budget. It was horrifying when I realized that even if I’d had no other bills, my monthly wages from Borders wouldn’t even cover half of my monthly student loan payments. The jig was up.

    All told, I came out of college with about $45,000 in student loan debt and almost $15,000 in credit card debt. I hadn’t even lived on campus; I commuted from home; my parents paid for some of my tuition; and I only went to a mediocre school. How the hell was this possible?

    All of a sudden Sallie Mae and the credit card companies didn’t seem so lovely anymore. There was one thought that kept repeating over & over in my head: Why didn’t anyone warn me? I felt cheated, betrayed, angry, afraid, and helpless. I wondered what the people in the financial aid office had been doing all that time. I wondered why my high school guidance counselor didn’t press me harder about applying for scholarships or grants. I wondered a lot of things, but mostly I wondered how the hell I was going to get out of the mess.

    I started sending out resumes for jobs with starting salaries that would at least cover my monthly student loan payments. I sent out resume after resume but before long, I realized another harsh reality. That Bachelor’s Degree in English with a Creative Writing Focus wasn’t so great either. Nobody was calling me back. I couldn’t even get an interview.

    The clock was ticking. I was halfway through my grace period. Then one day, one of my best friends mentioned an opening in her office. I looked over the job description and realized that it had nothing to do with what I’d gone to school for. I didn’t even know what it actually was, but the starting salary was more than what I needed. The rest was history.

    I’ve been at my current company for almost three years now. And yesterday I paid off my last remaining credit card balance! Additionally over these few years, I’ve cut my student loan debt almost in half and by next Winter, I will have it down to a quarter of what I started with.

    Stay tuned for tomorrow’s post, where I will share how I am doing it and how you can do it, too.

12 Comments

  1. So good. And the quote from the book you are reading?! Don’t you love when that happens? When you come across the most perfect sentence at the most perfect time? Love it…its almost freeing, when you think about it. To know that, with so many different “visions” of you, you just can’t control them all. So all that matters is how you see yourself and how you continue to do the best you can to make yourself proud. xoxo

  2. I have printed out your more/less list to hang on my wall to help get me to where I want to be (along with a few personal additions) . Thank you for all of your inspiring words – beautiful post!

  3. oh i love, love that last sentence. you worded it SO absolutely perfectly and it feels a lot like what i wanted to portray in my post as well. your list is so great as well, i love the sentiments there. wonderful post, dena. also, thank you for your sweet words on my blog today – you are such an encouragement to me! <3

  4. Oh that’s quite a list there. Most of it applies to me and my goals, too. Mostly I feel that lists like these give me such direction and purpose. Other times, I feel like they give me a headache. Too much pressure and creating more expectations for myself…more chances to fail at things. Whoa, talk about pessimistic. But notice I said that “MOSTLY” I feel good about these lists? So we’ll just go with that 😉 Great post!

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