· · ·

Overcome Fear of Flying: Acceptance & the Power of Now

Die to the past with each moment that passes. If you do this, there will be no suffering in mortal death.

Do not resist your fate. Accept your fate, doing anything else is insanity.

A Sordid History With Travel

Travel has never been a pleasant thing for me. Vacations and exploring new places have always been divine, but the actual act of “traveling” has always been painful. My mother gets extremely anxious as family trips approach. The morning-of is a nightmare. Unfortunately, I inherited her travel anxieties. On top of that, I’ve always had a terrible fear of flying.

Yet somehow, over the last 4 years, I’ve ended up traveling & flying quite a bit, whether for work or for my frequent desire to explore new places. In this time, something magical has happened, my pre-travel anxiety is gone. I realized this during my last two trips. As I was getting ready to drive to the airport, my heart did not race, there were no familiar knots in my stomach, and I didn’t feel sick or panicked at all. It was amazing.

I attribute the disappearance of my pre-travel anxiety to two things: 1. experience (which makes everything easier) and 2. acceptance (the knowledge that everything will be okay and if it’s not okay, it’s not the end).

One Fear Gives Way to Another

On the other hand, my in-flight anxiety is still alive & well. My body wretches in horror during takeoff & turbulence. Anytime that the plane is not 100% stable, my body & mind revert to sheer panic. My mind is flooded with horrific images of the plane going down. I am completely unable to form coherent, rational thoughts.

Instead, I do three things. I grip my seat handles until my knuckles are snow white. I breathe as deeply as I can to avoid passing out. And I silently repeat familiar phrases over & over again—for example: I love my dog, Bella. I love my cat, Mika. I love my dog, Bella. I love my cat, Mika.

While these coping mechanisms “work” for me, they are unacceptable. I refuse to be driven by fear in life & time spent in a plane should be no different. I should practice acceptance and embrace the power of now whether in a plane or in everyday life. And recently, for the first time in my life, I was able to do this—while flying!

As I write this, I’m 30,000 feet in the air on a prop plane, home bound from Columbus, Ohio to Newark, New Jersey. I experienced my first true moment of “acceptance in the air” a couple of days ago on my outbound flight.

Takeoff was fairly smooth, but we hit some turbulence later in the flight. I started to plummet into my usual throes of panic. Then suddenly, I could hear the voice of the great sage, Eckart Tolle, in my mind. Die to the past with each moment that passes. If you do this, there will be no suffering in mortal death.

My mind was flooded with clarity. I knew that I had to let go of everything—my fear, my past, and my future.

The music in my ears from my ipod became the most beautiful sound I had ever heard.

The light-infused clouds sparkling in front of the sunset became the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

That moment was the most beautiful moment I had ever known.

There was nothing truly profound about it. The song was a song I had heard hundreds of times before. The sunset, while pretty, was a scene I had viewed thousands of times before. But what made that moment so incredibly beautiful—the most beautiful I had ever known—was the fact that it was the present moment, the now.

Finally, it all made sense. There was no fear, no past, and no future. I realized that every single moment has that power—the power to be the most beautiful moment of my life. With that great knowledge there was no fear in my heart, especially not of death. How could I be afraid to die during the most beautiful moment of my life?

When you accept the incredible beauty & power of the present moment, your entire being is filled with the Peace of God. It is a feeling of true joy, not false man-made, shallow joy; but a far-reaching, everlasting peace. The Peace of God is the realization that divinity is within you. Understanding the true nature of the present moment is commandment of the Universe. It is the sudden realization that you possess divine power.

On the Path

It is amazing and overwhelming, isn’t it? However, I have a confession. Even after experiencing this divine state of acceptance, I still experienced moments of paralyzing fear during that flight and again, during this flight.

This begs the question: If I am so enlightened, then why am I still afraid? Why do I experience peace during some moments of turbulence, but blinding fear during others?

The answer is simple: I have not yet learned to harness the power of the present moment completely. I have only seen a glimpse of it. It will take practice to harness the power completely and to be able to control it at will.

It is a lot like meditation. When one first starts to meditate, she only gets glimpses of complete inner silence. As she continues to practice meditation and deepens her skill, eventually she will experience extended periods of complete inner silence and peace. With years of practice, she can call upon the tranquility of deep meditation at anytime.

With much practice and dedication, I will sharpen my ability. The great sages of this world have learned to live in this state of inner silence & peace nearly 100% of the time.

Risk Your Life, Embrace the Now

The power of now is not simply a tool to be called upon during bumpy flights. This power can be used in any scenario that causes anxiety—from social situations, to phobias, and so on. We should strive to experience this power in everyday life as much as possible.

As human beings we spend a great deal of time resisting & regretting our fates. This is insane. That is not a judgment, it is a fact.

A close friend of mine is terrified of flying. When I expressed the fact that I was taking a weekend trip to Ohio for a wedding party, my friend asked me, “Why would you risk your life getting on a plane just for a wedding party?”

I responded that I risk my life every single morning when I get in the car for my morning commute. In fact, I risk my life every single moment of the day. We all do. If you want to remain completely safe then you might consider investing in a good bubble suit or a padded room. There are all sorts of “risks” out there—car accidents, heart attacks, stray lightning bolts, killer bees, and so on.

Despite those things you won’t catch me in a bubble suit anytime soon 😉

My flight is about to land. Time to shut my laptop.

you may also like

  • · · ·

    Tired of Conflict Bringing You Down?

    Dealing With Conflict

    Conflict takes many forms—misunderstanding, frustration, ignorance, hatred, envy, and so on—but despite the cause, the result is largely the same: someone walks away with hurt feelings.

    The truth is, however, that this is not necessary. You can choose to be unaffected by conflict. It is not an easy thing to accomplish. You have, after all, lived your life believing that conflict equals pain. But with practice & patience you can learn to live above conflict in a place of true peace.

    “True peace can not be disturbed by gain or loss.”

    The reason that conflict hurts us is because we allow it to. Most pain comes from another person(s) or from our own minds. The key to being unaffected by conflict is to understand that anything that another person says to us (out of anger, frustration, etc.) is actually a reflection of her feelings about herself and is rooted in fear. Likewise, anything that our mind says to us (self-criticism, self-hatred, etc.) is also rooted in fear. All forms of discomfort—sadness, anxiety, worry, rage, hatred, envy, and so on—are rooted in fear.

    When you accept that angry words are actually reflections of fear, it makes them much less painful to tolerate. Even the angriest and most cruel of arguments is based in fear & insecurity.

    For example, you have a large project due at work. You bring it into your boss’s office an hour prior to the deadline. She notices that it is riddled with errors. Her face turns red and she begins to scream. “You idiot! How could you be so stupid? This is unacceptable. I can not believe I ever hired you. Get out!”

    On one hand, you are devastated. Her words have stung you at your core. You are insulted, sad, angry, afraid. But if you really stop to analyze the situation, why do you think she acted this way? Most likely, she is afraid. Most likely, she is terrified about the way that your “failure” is going to reflect on her. After all, wasn’t it her who hired you, gave you this assignment, failed to give you proper instruction, and so on? What will her boss think when she turns this project into him? Her explosion was based in fear.

    Another example, it is Saturday afternoon and you are sitting on the couch. Your husband comes in the door and notices that you have not swept the floors. He begins to speak angrily, “Haven’t you swept the floors? Didn’t you see this dirt? You’ve been so lazy recently.” You are crushed and devastated. How could he be so mean? But then again, you stop and analyze. The lawn is not mowed, the gutters are uncleaned, there are piles of crap strewn about the yard. Your husband is insecure about all of his unfinished chores and is projecting his self-frustration onto you. His remarks were based in fear and insecurity.

    If you take the time to truly analyze, you will find that almost every conflict is rooted in fear. Therefore, the vast majority of hurtful things that are ever said to you actually have absolutely nothing to do with you. This is an incredibly liberating concept (not to be confused with the rare scenario when you are actually wrong by the way). Still, just because the other person’s (or even your own self-inflicted) anger is based in fear, that still doesn’t make it right. Yes, perhaps both your boss and your husband were entirely out of line. It is alright for you to tell them so, but what is more important is the way that you process the conflict within yourself.

    Most people internalize the conflict. In any case, you take what was said and push it deep within yourself. Perhaps you believe the other person words. “Yes, I am lazy, stupid, ugly, etc.” The conflict turns into emotional pain and festers within you eventually becoming depression, anxiety, and so on. But as I mentioned at the start, none of that is necessary.

    You must accept the conflict (words) for what they are—someone else’s (or even your own mind’s) fears and insecurities. Fear is nothing to be afraid of or affected by. Most fear is completely unnecessary (read more about that).

    After the conflict, words, and judgments have passed, simply allow all of it to pass through and around you like water or air. Understand that it is something outside of you, that has nothing to do with you at all. It is not inside of you, it did not come from you, and you do not have to absorb it. Simply let it pass and then move on.

    Holding onto the pain of conflict is insane and unnatural. What do the birds do after the great storm has passed? They sing, of course! You will never hear the birds singing so sweetly and so loudly as they do after the storm has passed and the sun shines again. They do not mourn the broken nest, the wet feathers, or the lost supper. They simply sing and praise the light in gratitude. They rejoice that the sun has come again.

    In his book, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment, Eckhart Tolle talks about his observation of duck fights. Two ducks approach one another. They squawk in anger for mere seconds. Then they turn away from one another, flap their great wings a few times, and swim on as if it never happened. This is true wisdom, true peace, in action. There is so much that we can learn from this simple observation.

    There is really no need to hold onto anger or discomfort. There is really no need to suffer. In life, you will find many reason to suffer. But a good reason to suffer, you will never find. Let conflicts pass through and around you. Do not hold onto them. You will almost always find that it never has anything to do with you anyway.

4 Comments

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Tips to Overcome a Fear of Flying: Acceptance & the Power of Now -- Topsy.com

  2. I sent this wonderful post to my husband who used to be terrified of flying and now has overcome his fear to such a point that he asked to be a guest blogger at his wife’s blog to write about it. 😉 I see that you have beaten him to the punch!!!

    Reply

    1. @ Farnoosh – Wow! I am so happy to hear that your husband overcame he is fear of flying, too. Well, I suppose I have not completely “overcome” mine yet — but I am definitely heading in the right direction.

      If your husband does end up sharing his story, I would love to read it!

      Have a beautiful day.

      -D.

      Reply
  3. Pingback: Dena Botbyl

Leave a Reply to Farnoosh ~ Prolific Living Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *