A Beautiful Fight
Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, I’m not going to make it, but you laugh inside—remembering all the times you’ve felt that way. —Charles Bukowski
Yesterday I wrote about how I’ve been struggling. Today a sense of calm swept over me. My recent anxiety stems from my indecision, my free-spirit. I’ve never been good at making decisions. The most simple act of choosing (“Pepsi or Coke?” // “Mashed Potatoes or Fries?” // etc.) can overwhelm me. It’s not so much that I’m confused, it’s more that I want everything.
It’s not uncommon for a child or even a young adult to change her mind about what she wants to “be when she grows up.” But I take it to a whole new level. By the time I was twenty-two I’d had twenty different jobs. Now, at twenty-seven, I change my mind about my career path every two years. And maybe this isn’t the best thing to be putting out here on “teh internetz” since punching Dena Botbyl into Google will almost always bring you here (Hello, potential future employers!) …but it needs to be said. I am a career gypsy.
Penelope Trunk says that I am not alone. She says that this is a common characteristic among my generation (Gen Y). In a post on the topic, Penelope says:
Here’s a summary of the new employee of today’s workplace: Most will change jobs every two years. Most will start their adult life by moving back in with their parents. Most say that money is not their number one concern in evaluating a job.
You think it’s a recipe for instability, right? But what else is there to do? Work at IBM until you get a gold watch? There are no more jobs like that – companies are under too much pressure to be lean and flexible (read: layoffs, downsizing, reorgs), so workers have to be, too (read: constantly on the alert for new job possibilities).
It almost takes my breath away for a moment because, yes, I am so not alone in this. Maybe it’s not in my DNA, but it’s definitely in the way that I have been programmed, and in the environment (political, financial, emotional, spiritual) that I have grown up in. From some of the comments I received on my last post, it appears that it’s not even just my generation anymore. There’s a lot of people who feel this way. And the more I think about it, the more I accept embrace it.
It’s no secret how I feel about taking educated risks—I’m all for it—and maybe things will be changing for me yet again. While I’m on that subject, maybe I should also make a post about why I left my $60,000 job offer a year ago to make a little more than half of that and what my plans are next. But before I can share the plans… I suppose I’ll have to figure them out, huh?
If this post sounds a bit disjointed, I hope you’ll understand. There is a hurricane in my heart right now. Really big, life-changing things are happening to me. I’m getting married in nine months. I’m thinking about changing careers. And I’m planning to start a family next Spring(!).
I have to remind myself that tomorrow is not promised. As enormous as all of it is, I must take myself back into the present moment. I must focus on the now, on creating my best life, on practicing gratitude for the ten thousand blessings surrounding me. I have to remind myself that if it’s not okay, it’s not the end.
Louis L’Amour wrote: There will come a time when you think everything is finished. That will be the beginning. I say, yes, yes, yes!
Have you ever read the book On the Road By Jack Keroauc. The main characters main flaw is that he wants to everything at the same time. That is how he lives his life, going from one place to the next so that he can feel what he wants to feel and experience what he wants to experience. I think you will be able to relate closely to that character in many ways. I know I did.
I loved On the Road! One of my favourite quotes of all times comes from that book:
“I realized these were all the snapshots which our children would look at someday with wonder, thinking their parents lived smooth, well-ordered, stabilized-within-the-photo lives and got up in the morning to walk proudly on the sidewalks of life, never dreaming the raggedy madness and riot of our actual lives, or actual night, the hell of it, the senseless nightmare road. All of it inside endless and beginning emptiness. Pitiful forms of ignorance.”
You have a plan, marriage in 9 months, start a family, change careers….nothing out of whack with any of these. Life is different today, maybe better, maybe not, just different.
If companies are going to turn people over every few years, then there is nothing strange about looking for a new career every couple of years. Think of yourself as an independent contractor working on projects, when the the project is done in two years, move on…no biggie.
Nothing seems to be permanent in today’s world, so go with that concept and make the most of each 2 year plan. It’s great to have a long range plan as to where you want your life path to take you, just meander where it feels right and don’t let it cause you any concern. One step at a time and one day at a time, it adds up.
Don’t plan. Anything. Life has an entertaining way of tampering with our plans. Live life every day. Wring the essence out of it, and you will always know the answers.
My grandpa’s favorite author was Louis L’Amour. It is so good to see a quote from him. :)It sounds like to me you have a great life ahead of you. The challenge is to not let what’s to come drive us crazy. I read a blog today about just going with the flow. I think FLOW is a great word. Just let life happen, be yourself and your creative self will come out and you will be AWESOME!