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Be Like Water

My new mantra came to me during my Monday morning meditation: Be like water.

It was during my first reading of the Tao Te Ching, that I realized the true supremacy of water.

Water is fluid, soft, and yielding. But water will wear away rock, which is rigid and cannot yield. —Tao Te Ching

I think of this quote often, but have not done enough to live this wisdom in my own life. The miracle and strength of water is that it does not resist. Resistance is the source of much sickness, weakness, & unhappiness. I have found that when I resist, I suffer. When I accept, I live true happiness.

Many things cause us to resist. For example, I tend to resist when I am having a disagreement with a loved one. I want to fight back, defend my stance. Yet this resistance serves no purpose and only causes me more frustration. However, when I accept the disagreement; state my purpose; and then move on—I experience no frustration. Another example of how I resist is housework. Often when I know that I have housework to do, I become extremely resistant and rigid. I act stubbornly and put off doing my chores. I cause myself unnecessary turmoil. I may even develop a headache or stomach ache because I cause myself so much stress. Yet when I stop resisting, and just do the housework, I feel fine. If I play my favourite music while working, my housework can even be enjoyable & fulfilling.

These are minor examples of resistance and acceptance; but there are also much larger ones. As I’ve previously mentioned, I lost my cat back in October. Recently, the pain of her loss has resurfaced. I cried for nearly an hour on Sunday morning. Again, I was resisting. In my resistance, my mind grew irrational. I even thought of going out to the yard to dig up her body just so that I could hold her one more time. This resistance caused me extreme emotional pain. The emotional pain caused me physical pain, too. My head and stomach ached. I was pinned down to the bed unable to move for awhile. I know that I should have allowed acceptance to enter my heart. With acceptance in my heart, I could rationally understand that Mika is at rest now; that she was brought into my life to show me love; and that she has now entered another phase in the cycle of life: which is death.

Water is fluid, soft, and yielding. But water will wear away rock, which is rigid and cannot yield. —Tao Te Ching

Water is the supreme example of acceptance. It never struggles, it simply flows. It does not resist its path. It does not resist The Tao or the way. It just is. And even though water is the most humble of things—offering no resistance—it is also the strongest of things. By simply flowing, it is capable of wearing away even the most solid rock.

The Grand Canyon

When we practice acceptance—when we act like water—we are capable of being our greatest selves. We embody strength and grace at once. Take a few moments to reflect on the things that you are resisting in your own life. What are you resisting? Is your resistance serving you? Or, would it benefit you to behave like water: to accept & live happiness.

In love & light,
Dena

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    My Journey to Financial Freedom | Part 1: The Fall

    Three years ago, I was nearly $60,000 in debt. I had a Bachelor’s degree that didn’t appear to be worth its weight in salt and a job that couldn’t cover a fraction of my monthly bills. I was terrified.

    Today, I am closer to complete financial freedom than I ever dreamed possible. Last week, I paid off my last remaining credit card balance. This two-part post is a celebration of this incredible milestone in my journey.

    In part one, I will explain how I got to that terrible place. In part two, I will explain how I’m getting out of it (and how you can do it, too).

    ————————————————————————

    A financial prison is the worst sort of prison to be stuck in. A financial prison does not have steel bars or a prison warden. You will not get sent to financial prison for committing a crime. There is only one person that can sentence you to financial prison. That person is you.

    There are two primary types of financial prisoners:

    1. There are those in financial prison who got there because they truly did not know any better. This type eventually realizes the error of their ways and breaks free.

    2. There are those who knowingly commit themselves to financial prison. This type is well aware of the consequences of living beyond her means; but she does it anyway.

    Of course there are also those who fall somewhere in the middle, like me… (Cue dream sequence.) It all started when I was 18. The guidance counseling systems in my high school and college were either completely inadequate or I simply refused to pay attention. I can’t honestly remember which it was, though I think it was the former. Either way, I was screwed.

    Before me, no one in my family had ever been to college so I didn’t receive much advice. I was thrilled to be out of high school and ready for the next step. I took my SATs one time and applied to one school. My parents, being average folks, made just enough money to prevent me from receiving financial aid; but not enough money to be able to pay my full tuition. For me, this meant loans: “lovely” student loans from “lovely” Sallie Mae.

    My mother co-signed and it was a cinch from there. Each semester I filled out a relatively simple form and like magic, Sallie Mae sent me a check. In fact, Sallie Mae was so generous that they allowed me to take out as much “extra” money as I needed every semester. It was fantastic! Yes, I had money to pay for books, meals, and extra curricula. I also had money to go out and binge drink, buy clothes I didn’t need, designer purses, and more. Sallie Mae was wonderful to me. And the best part if it was that there was no need for discussion. No one guided me, no one advised me, and no one asked me any questions. I showed up at the financial aid office a couple of times each year and it was always smooth sailing.

    On top of that, another great thing happened when I was 18! The credit card companies started to send me applications. And that was just as easy. I got one and then another and then another. Whatever I couldn’t cover with those pretty little checks from Sallie Mae, I could simply charge on my credit cards. College was good to me. I joined a sorority, I partied hard, I shopped until I dropped. What more could a girl ask for?

    It wasn’t all fun & games though. I worked through college. I worked at a children’s camp each summer; I was a Spanish teacher for two years; and toward the end of my college career I was a bookseller at Borders bookstore. All of the money I made working was spending money for me. I had Sallie Mae and the credit cards to pay all of my “real” bills.

    When I finally graduated, I was making a cool $8.25 an hour at Borders. I loved it. I was happy… until one day, out of no where, a letter came in the mail. I had a six month grace period and then I would have to start paying back those loans. My paychecks barely covered my minimum credit card payments. How was I going to make loan payments on top of that?

    So I sat down and did something that I’d never done before. I wrote up a budget. It was horrifying when I realized that even if I’d had no other bills, my monthly wages from Borders wouldn’t even cover half of my monthly student loan payments. The jig was up.

    All told, I came out of college with about $45,000 in student loan debt and almost $15,000 in credit card debt. I hadn’t even lived on campus; I commuted from home; my parents paid for some of my tuition; and I only went to a mediocre school. How the hell was this possible?

    All of a sudden Sallie Mae and the credit card companies didn’t seem so lovely anymore. There was one thought that kept repeating over & over in my head: Why didn’t anyone warn me? I felt cheated, betrayed, angry, afraid, and helpless. I wondered what the people in the financial aid office had been doing all that time. I wondered why my high school guidance counselor didn’t press me harder about applying for scholarships or grants. I wondered a lot of things, but mostly I wondered how the hell I was going to get out of the mess.

    I started sending out resumes for jobs with starting salaries that would at least cover my monthly student loan payments. I sent out resume after resume but before long, I realized another harsh reality. That Bachelor’s Degree in English with a Creative Writing Focus wasn’t so great either. Nobody was calling me back. I couldn’t even get an interview.

    The clock was ticking. I was halfway through my grace period. Then one day, one of my best friends mentioned an opening in her office. I looked over the job description and realized that it had nothing to do with what I’d gone to school for. I didn’t even know what it actually was, but the starting salary was more than what I needed. The rest was history.

    I’ve been at my current company for almost three years now. And yesterday I paid off my last remaining credit card balance! Additionally over these few years, I’ve cut my student loan debt almost in half and by next Winter, I will have it down to a quarter of what I started with.

    Stay tuned for tomorrow’s post, where I will share how I am doing it and how you can do it, too.

5 Comments

  1. Thanks for sharing, Dena. This is such an important (yet whack-your-head-against-your-desk simple) principle. Sometimes, however, there is a cavernous disconnect between wrapping your head around something and actually integrating it into our behaviors, huh? I wish it wasn’t so, but it seems to be a natural human handicap.

    I agree, that to simply do things is the best approach. Every Sunday, I make a “to do” list for the week in the list of priority, with the biggest projects and soonest deadlines at the top, and mere “I might like to do this…” items at the bottom. A lot of times, I am so thrilled to do the very last items that it makes barreling through the most important ones seem easy (even if previously I had thought how in the F am I going to get all of this done? I know there is a reward at the end, much like the ocean at the end of the river. Or at the end of a turbulent tributary, there is a bigger body of water that is fresher, cleaner, colder, and moving with purpose towards its ultimate destination. And even when it gets there, it keeps moving. That is the beauty of it, and of us!! 🙂

    1. @ Kristin – So glad you liked the post, Kristin. 🙂 You are right. It is a very simple, but incredibly useful philosophy. I have often wished to tattoo the word accept on my forehead or maybe my wrist. With all of the strife that I’ve been through in my lifetime, I have never found one where acceptance did not help. The challenge, though, is remembering to accept. It seems that our primal instinct (especially those of is with some anxiety!) is to resist.

      It is a learned behavior. I hope that adopting “Be like water” as my current mantra will help me along the path.

  2. Water adapts. It takes many different forms: ice, rain, clouds, and becomes many different shapes as well. Bruce Lee said, “If you pour water into a tea kettle, it becomes the tea kettle”, we ARE water.

  3. My wife is a perfect example of this, once a goal is placed she seems to have a uncanny ability to wander and wear her way towards it. I have the nasty habit of analyzing almost everything, and that frequently leads to over thinking. Both methods provide their problems. There is a danger in flowing towards a goal that is never questioned, This is how driven people find themselves in a great job with an unhappy life.

    I think the trick is to be able to question, and then flow. Only question for a set amount of time, then with this new redirection flow towards it… set points of reflection and redirection, and then again flow.

    1. @ Tony – Thank you so much for stopping by. You are absolutely right it is so important to establish that balance between thoughtfulness & free-flowing acceptance. I am like you. By nature, I tend to over-think rather than just flow. My fiance is more like you wife, constantly flowing. It is healthy to have the yin & yang in the relationship, always balancing one another.

      Thanks again for your comment. Have a beautiful day! 🙂

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