What is a personal calling? It is God’s blessing, it is the path that God chose for you here on Earth. Whenever we do something that fills us with enthusiasm, we are following our legend. However, we don’t all have the courage to confront our own dream. —The Alchemist
Are You Aware of What You’re Doing?
I’ve been thinking a lot about dreams lately (as if you hadn’t noticed). One of my most urgent ambitions/dreams is to live an entirely purposeful life. I see people around me everyday, sleepwalking through life, on autopilot. Alarm clock, shower, breakfast, commute, zombie work, commute, dinner, television, sleep. Repeat. Day in and day out. It breaks my heart. What hurts more are the moments (sometimes hours) when I catch myself falling into that terrible haze. Of course I snap myself out of it as soon as I realize it’s happening. The way that I snap out of it is simple enough: I ground myself. I literally take notice of my feet on the Earth, carpet, tile (wherever I am). I recognize my breathing. I acknowledge that I am a human being walking the Earth, beneath the sky, on a great big planet, floating in the Universe. It’s really important to do that, to ground yourself in reality at least once a day, probably more. If you don’t do it you will get caught up in the trivial — the fight with your spouse; the disappointment over your kid’s report card; the scratch on your new car; the ever-growing pile of papers on your desk; your unappreciative boss — you get the picture.
Proactive vs. Reactive Living
When you ground yourself, you pull yourself from the depths of the trivial, unimportant, little details that tend to take control. When you ground yourself, you become aware. The only problem with grounding yourself this way is that it is reactive rather than proactive. There is actually a much better way to avoid autopilot and that is proactivity. I am going to start talking a lot on this blog about reactive vs. proactive thoughts and actions. So let me take a moment to define what I mean by each of these terms.
Reactive—Something happens and triggers you to take action.
Example 1: You get on the scale one morning to realize that you’ve gained ten pounds. Your reaction is to begin a diet and start breaking your back in the gym until you lose the ten pounds.
Example 2: Your marriage has been falling apart for the last two years. You fight with your spouse daily or more. You are both unhappy. You put everything before each other — work, friends, hobbies, etc. The marriage is your last priority. As a last resort you decide to attend marriage counseling.
Proactive—You consciously prepare and act in ways that will produce certain desired outcomes in your life.
Example 1: You are aware that you want to be physically healthy. You continually live a lifestyle that promotes health. You always take the stairs instead of the elevator. You run a mile each morning before work. You feed your body foods that it craves & needs and avoid “junk” whenever possible.
Example 2: Your marriage is one of your top priorities. You make “alone” time and set dates with your spouse at least once a week. You plan vacations together to explore places you’ve never seen. You participate in each others favourite hobbies. You fight, as all healthy couples do, but you practice open communication and work through arguments before they become significant problems.
If you analyze all of the actions and thoughts in your life, you will find that each one is either reactive or proactive. The goal is to make all of your thoughts and actions proactive. The problem with practicing reactive thinking or action, is that it is usually too late. And even when you do succeed, it is usually a short-lived success because reactive thoughts and actions do not treat the causes of problems; they only treat the symptoms.
Let’s take the reactive approach to the extra ten pounds for example. You notice the excess weight, you starve yourself, you go to the gym religiously — within a few months, the pounds are gone. You feel great for a little while, but soon you go back to your old habits. A few months later and the pounds are creeping back on. On the other hand, if you had made a decision to begin taking a permanent proactive approach to maintaining your health, you would have achieved long-lasting, sustainable progress and results. These same principles would apply to the example of the troubled marriage and any other example that you could think of.
Proactivity is a crucial element to a happy, fulfilling, successful life.
Follow Your Legend, Confront Your Dream
Now, I am going to tie this whole thing together and tell you how you can live a life of constant proactivity and sheer joy. Ready? Have another look at the opening lines to this post. What is a personal calling? It is God’s blessing, it is the path that God chose for you here on Earth. Whenever we do something that fills us with enthusiasm, we are following our legend. However, we don’t all have the courage to confront our own dream. (If you are not religious, replace the word God with the word Universe. What is a personal calling? It is the Universe’s blessing, it is the path that the Universe chose for you here on Earth. Whenever we do something that fills us with enthusiasm, we are following our legend. However, we don’t all have the courage to confront our own dream. To me, the words God & Universe mean the same, beautiful, powerful thing.)
That’s it, my friends, if you want to live proactively, if you want to live the life of your dreams, all you have to do is confront your dreams and follow your legend.
Ask yourself these questions: What fills me with enthusiasm? What is the one thing that I could wake up and do happily every single day for the rest of my life without even being paid? When you have the answer, then you have your personal calling. It is the path that is meant for you. When you do this thing, you will follow your legend and you will confront your dreams.
Next month, it will be one year since I discovered my own personal calling. I will never forget the moment. It hit me like lightning — to help people by sharing my journey & the lessons I’ve learned along the way — so simple, but so amazing. That is what compelled me to start this blog eight months ago. That is what has kept me going ever since. And I know what you are thinking now: Dena, I can’t do it. You are making it sound so simple, but it’s not. I can’t afford to quit my job. I have a mortgage to pay. My mother is sick. I am not talented enough. I’m too old. It’s not practical. And the list of excuses will go on and on and on. Well, I am sorry, but none of your excuses are good enough! No matter how stuck you think you are — no matter how dire your circumstance might seem — there is a way out!
Take it from me. I was depressed and anxious for the first half of my life. I spent much of that time wanting my life to end. I was seventy pounds overweight. I was $40,000 in debt. How much further down could I have gone? I could have used a lot of excuses to keep myself in that state; but I didn’t. I made a decision to change my life. I lost seventy pounds. I overcame anxiety and depression. I’ve cut my debt in half and continue to pay it down every day! I figured out my personal calling and I am doing it. I am following my legend, confronting my dreams. I am making it happen — and you can do it, too.
Before you get started with your excuses again, I’d like you to imagine something. Imagine being born a young girl in Alabama in 1880. Imagine then growing up to understand French, German, Greek, and Latin. Imagine then going to Harvard, at a time when few women from your town did anything other than get married and raise kids. Imagine then writing a book that was translated into twenty-five languages and inspired two Oscar-winning movies. Imagine then meeting every President in your lifetime and being awarded the highest civilian honor—the Presidential Medal of Freedom. That would be some accomplishment, wouldn’t it? Now imagine doing all of that whilst being blind, deaf, and barely able to talk for your entire life.
It’s not impossible, friends. In fact, it’s very possible and there is a woman who did all of that, her name was Helen Keller. She accomplished all of those things, and more, because she believed in herself and she had a good teacher. (Taken from How to Be Rich & Happy.)
“Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It’s perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we’ve learned something from yesterday.” —John Wayne
Every single day is a new opportunity for us to begin living the lives of our dreams. Today is called “the present” because it is a gift. Take it and do something with it!
I would love to hear your thoughts about this post. What is your personal calling? What obstacles are standing in your way? How are you going to overcome them? What can I do to help you get there? Let me know in the comments.
I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s so, so hard. I wasn’t ready to have another cat for 4 years after mine died suddenly.
Last winter within 3 weeks I lost 2 of the women I was most close to in my family/life – it was unbelievable and shocking. I held their light close to me, but I also let myself mourn, am still mourning every day. It’s profound, that kind of loss. But they created me, they gave me life, and I am so grateful.
@ Verhext – Is your first name Tamera? That is gorgeous.
Thank you so much for visiting & for your kind words. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your cat & about last winter. I can not imagine how difficult that must have been. I’ve never experienced loss like this before. I’ve been blessed thus far. As difficult as this has been, I know it is happening for a reason — I am stronger for it. Perhaps I am better prepared for what is to come next.
The fact that you look at your situation with gratitude is just beautiful. It speaks volume about you as a woman, as a wonderful soul.
I am really happy to have met you & look forward to know you better.
xo,
Dena
This post is beautiful. I lost my father only three months ago, and it’s been pretty difficult but everyday I remember him, how funny he was, and how much of him is in me and I keep walking.
@ Carol – Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your father, but I am inspired and amazed that you are able to look at the situation in such a positive, beautiful way. “He is in me and I keep walking.”
You are amazing. Your father must have been (must be) so incredibly proud of you.
I have a cat that means the world to me. I feel she is a once-in-a-lifetime cat and a soul mate. I’m very protective of her.
Something odd has been happening in my house, and it has changed how I view death.
We have ghost in our house. It’s not a human; it’s a cat ghost. It jumps on our beds at night and walks and purrs. I have a housemate and I asked him one day if he ever felt like a cat jumped on his bed, only to see nothing.
To my shock, he said said “Yes!” Just like me, he feels the impact on the bed and feels it take a couple of steps – and then nothing.
One night, it jumped on my bed with such force that all the springs creaked. I always think it’s my own living cat when it happens. A few nights ago, it jumped up and walked the length of the bed, purring the whole way. Thinking it was my cat for sure, I said “Hi Sweetie” and raised my hand to pet her, but nothing was there. I turned the light on and walked all around the room. My cat wasn’t even in the room.
The ghost cat will never jump on my bed as long as my cat is sleeping with me. It will only come when she isn’t in the room, which means it only happens once every week or two because she is usually with me. One night, my cat fell asleep on the sofa. When the ghost cat jumped on my bed, I thought it was her coming to bed. There was nothing there, so I checked the living room and my cat was still on the sofa.
I own two cats and I am involved with a cat rescue organization. I don’t have any idea where this cat ghost came from, but a couple of friends have suggested that maybe it was drawn to me from seeing me care for other cats.
I did some internet research on this and found that many people have had this experience. I even saw a book about ghost cats on Amazon. A lot of the reviewers said the book made them cry because most of the stories involve cats coming back to visit their owners.
I can’t deny that this has freaked me out, but it has also given me a gift. If this unknown cat can visit me from the other side, then I know I will always be connected to my own cats and I will meet them again. I can no longer speculate on the sad possibility that life ends at death.
I hope this brings you comfort. As weird as it’s been, it has brought me comfort.
@ Lori – Wow! Thank you so much. You know, this does bring me comfort! In fact, I have a similar experience and you’ve helped me remember it. See, my godfather inherited my great grandmother’s farm/boarding house many, many years ago. He has lived there ever since. Now if ever a house were haunted–this is it. And moreover, it’s not the entire house, just the upstairs.
The house is well over a hundred years old. Every time I go upstairs the hair on my body stands on end. it can be ten degrees colder up there than it is in the rest of the house for no explainable reason.
Anyway, ten-twenty years ago my godfather had frequent parties. One night his friend stayed over and in one of the upstairs bedrooms. In the morning my godfather asked his friend how he slept. His friend replied, “I slept fine except for that your cat jumped up on the bed all night and walked around on my legs.
Well, needless to say–my godfather didn’t have a cat. His cat–Gypsy–who was more like a member of the family than a pet had died a few months earlier. To this day — every now and then — she still visits.
It’s sort of incredible, yes! But somehow it is soothing. We are never really alone.
Thanks again for sharing. Please visit again! <3
Oh boy! The cat hasn’t walked on me yet, but as time has gone on, the incidents have gradually become more strong and undeniable. The purring only happened recently. But there was always that unmistakable sensation that only a cat makes when it jumps on a bed.
I am agnostic. I tend to think there is a God, or at least that there is something out there, but feel no need to define it. I’ve known people who have told me of personal ghost incidents, and as long as I knew them to be a truthful person I pretty much believed them. And many of the stories were wonderful, uplifting and positive ones with deceased family members.
It was those stories that made me think there was an afterlife. But I’ve also allowed myself at times to entertain the idea that maybe death is the end even though that made me sad. I guess I was trying to keep an open mind.
Now I can’t even consider the idea that there is an end at all!!! When it happens to you personally, it’s different than when you hear it from someone else.
Oh, and it’s funny that the upstairs was colder. Usually upstairs rooms are a lot warmer since heat rises. Glad my experience helped. I was a little afraid you’d think I was off my rocker. 😉
I choose the light! Great entry…very timely for me as well, although not the death of a beloved animal, the death of a beloved relationship. The past few months have been difficult, and it looks like things will not work out as I had hoped. That said; this article points out the need to continually strive, build, and create light, even what may seem like a dark hour. Thanks Dena.
@ Brian – I am so excited to hear that you’ve chosen the light. Great decision, friend. I’m sorry to hear about the death of your beloved relationship; but it sounds like you are in the right place to move forward and create even more love in the future. Thank you so much for stopping by, for sharing, and for helping me to spread the light. You are wonderful.
So sad to hear about your pets! Take care of yourself girl, and allow yourself the time to grieve. They really become like our children. x
@ Amy – Thank you, love. It has been incredibly difficult — I didn’t know what to expect as I’d never been through this before. It is not often in life, but this situation was in reality WORSE than I ever imagined it could be. So much pain.
But, I am healing. Every day is a bit easier than the one before. I’ve found a way to replace the grief with love.
Thank you so much for this post. We lost our 14-year-old grey tabby Zoey on Thursday. She had a mammary mass removed a year ago and the disease returned and spread to her lungs so we had to make the decision of letting her go.
It’s extremely difficult right now but I have saved this post as a reminder of how to move on when I am ready. I have definitely been replaying all her crazy, silly, funny antics over in my mind and I know one day they will not be so bittersweet.
@ Mary – I am so sorry to hear about Zoey. 14 years! I can only imagine what that sort of bond must be like. Just through your words, I can tell that you loved her deeply and that she knew it.
I will be thinking of you & sending love your way. Stay strong and I am so happy to know that this post helped you in some small way. xo
wow…dena i was crying reading your post about your pets….i saw the picture of your little doggie…and it reminds me of our lulu…i don’t know how i would be able to handle it…but i guess from your readings we must move forward…i know i will need to come back to this sometime in my life…thanks dena
@ Roberta – It is without a doubt the hardest thing that I have gone through in my life. When I lost my Mika I didn’t even want to go on. To this day, when I get reminded, it is like a knife to my heart. Extremely painful. I just do my best to replace the pain with love. It’s the only way to go on.