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Take Back Valentine’s Day

Yes, I know – merely mentioning this Hallmark Holiday to some results in sneers and eye-rolling, while others simply feel sad and left out, or perhaps pressured to make precisely the right purchase to prove their devotion to a sweetheart. I’ve certainly experienced all three of those reactions myself, most often the sneering and eye-rolling and ranting about how stupid and made-up this little holiday is. In recent years, though, I’ve had something of a change of heart; I still despise the consumerism and the pressure and the showcasing of romantic love as though it were the only kind – but at the core I think there might be something fundamentally important, or at least beautiful, about making sure to celebrate love in the midst of some of the darkest and dreariest days of the year.

Don’t get me wrong here – there is still no need for blood diamonds, pesticide-drenched flowers, or unfair-trade chocolate. There is still no need to exclude the single or to limit your love to your partner instead of letting it shine to the whole world. You don’t need to spend a lot of money or even have a lover to have a fantastic February celebration of love! Here are some of my ideas:

  • Write yourself a love letter. Detail all your glorious quirks and stunning capabilities. Celebrate your glorious creativity and accept your flaws. Bask in your own sweet love.
  • Make Valentines! You don’t need a lover, great (or any) artistic skill, or perfect penmanship. Just gather up whatever supplies you can find, sit down, draw some hearts if you want, and maybe write a few words to your friends &/or parents &/or pets &/or great aunt &/or crush &/or whoever you like. You don’t have to say much, but I guarantee this little expression of affection will absolutely make the recipient’s day. If you really want to get creative you can incorporate embroidery, watercolors, glued-on macaroni, feathers, quotes about love – the sky’s the limit!
  • Read some love poems. Rumi and Pablo Neruda are great starting points. Here are just a couple of my favorites:
  • Bake mouth-watering cupcakes or delicious cookies and bring them into school or work or give them out to your pals. (Bonus points if they’re heart-shaped!)
  • If you are a lady (or even an adventurous man), wear red, sparkles, pink, or anything with hearts. Dress up, paint your nails, accessorize fabulously!
  • Write a list the people you love and the people who love you. Write another list of all the things about your life that you love. Reflecting on these things will surely make you smile.
  • Surprise an old friend with an email, Facebook message, or text, just to let her know you’re thinking of her and hoping she’s enjoying her own celebration of love.
  • Cook a beautiful dinner for yourself and maybe a partner or friend, if you want. Set the table, savor each bite, and discuss or muse about love until you’re blue in the face. Make a love playlist to enjoy during your meal (bitter brokenhearted songs are allowed too, if absolutely necessary).
  • Whatever you do, don’t let the cynics get you down! Smile and offer them a cupcake instead, or ignore them altogether. You will have more fun than they will, I promise.

Love love, celebrate love, and most importantly give love – Valentine’s Day and every day!

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This guest post comes from Leeann Drees.  Leeann studies, works, plays, and dreams big dreams in Michigan.

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    My Journey to Financial Freedom | Part 2: The Climb

    Emergency Fund

    Three years ago, I was nearly $60,000 in debt. I had a Bachelor’s degree that didn’t appear to be worth its weight in salt and a job that couldn’t cover a fraction of my monthly bills. I was terrified.

    Today, I am closer to complete financial freedom than I ever dreamed possible. Last week, I paid off my last remaining credit card balance. This two-part post is a celebration of this incredible milestone in my journey.

    In part one, I explained how I got to that terrible place. In part two, I will explain how I’m getting out of it (and how you can do it, too).

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    1. Change the way you think about spending money. For most of my life, I believed that money was made to be spent. I believed that I *deserved* to spend every dollar that I earned on some material thing that would “make me happy.” I coveted material possessions—clothes, jewelry, electronics, cars. What I realize now is that money is not meant to be spent. You only need to earn enough money to survive. You should have enough money to buy only what you need. There is no need for excess.

    “You’re not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You’re not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You’re not your fuc*ing khakis.” (Fight Club)

    This shift in mindset is hard to adjust to at first. You may not like the reactions that you receive from people. Believe me, I’ve been called cheap a few times, but I pay no mind to it. I would choose cheap over poor any day.

    2. Keep a budget. I highly recommend using Mint.com. I started using it in September and it has been one of the most transformational and useful tools throughout my journey to financial freedom. It allows you to sync up all of your accounts (loans, checking, savings, etc.) in one place. Then it keeps track of every transaction that you make and sorts/organizes all of the data for you. It allows you to track your spending over time and by category. It gives you incredible perspective and insight about where your money goes each month/year. It has been a truly eye-opening experience for me.

    If you’re unwilling to try Mint, you can keep a budget on a spread sheet or even by hand. However, the important thing is to be completely conscious about where every dollar you spend is going.

    3. Use a debit card. To reap the full Mint.com experience you should use a debit card for every purchase you make. Using the debit card will automatically flag each transaction you make into the appropriate category. So if you go to Shoprite, it will get marked as groceries. If you go to Home Depot it will get marked as home. If you stop at the gas station it will get marked as automobile, and so on.

    I use my debit card (linked to my checking account) for almost every single transaction that I make. I also have all of my monthly bills (like my auto insurance, utilities, and gym membership) automatically debited from the same checking account each month. It makes keeping track of my spending that much easier. Plus, I do not like dealing with cash. The debit card is quick, easy, and is accepted almost everywhere now.

    Whether or not you use Mint.com it is a good idea to use a debit card simply because you can review all of your purchases and purchase amounts on your monthly statement. Trying to keep track of receipts is a hassle that I don’t have time for.

    4. Pay off credit cards and cut them up. Paying off my credit cards was my first priority. For awhile I tried “credit card surfing.” Let me just tell you from experience, it’s overrated and it really doesn’t work. The idea is that you surf from credit card to credit card by transferring balances. A lot of companies will give you 0% APR for 6 months if you transfer your balances over to them. After the 6 months, you “surf” to a new card with another promotional rate.

    The problem with this tactic is that it gets messy quickly, it becomes difficult to keep up with, and if you lose track you will end up getting burned by high APRs, finance fees, cancellation fees, etc. Also, it probably doesn’t look great on your credit report if you’re opening up a new card every 6 months or so.

    It is much safer and wiser to just stop using credit cards! My theory is simple and has taken me very far: If you can not afford to buy it, then you can not afford it. Period. It is simple logic.

    5. Eat in. This is one of the easiest changes to make, but it also comes with an enormous, positive impact. When I started closely tracking my spending habits, I was shocked to see how much I was spending on eating out. A meal at a decent restaurant goes for about $25 per person. If you eat out twice a week, that is $3,120 a year. If you grab lunch out during the work week, it’s about $8 a day. That’s $2,080 a year. Put those together and you could be spending $5,200 a year or more on dining out! That is outrageous and completely unnecessary.

    Since I started eating in and packing lunches, I’ve taken my monthly food spending from $500 down to $200 or less! Over time, that means enormous savings. Check out 5dollardinners.com for some awesome, inexpensive recipes. I love it! Also, investing in a crock pot was one of the wisest decisions I ever made—chili, sausage & peppers, and goulash will be your new (delicious, cheap) best friends. (Here are some more tips for eating healthy & mindfully.)

    6. Direct deposit money into savings every month. This is my final—and perhaps most important—tip. When I began my journey to financial freedom, I opened a savings account with ING Direct. It is an easy-to-use online savings account and it gives you interest on the money that you save. It also allows you to set up easy direct deposits.

    I started out small, depositing $50 a month into my savings. As I learned to keep my budget tighter and tighter, I increased the amount that I put into my savings each month. Currently, I am putting away $500+ per month and hope to get closer to $1,000 per month in the very near future.

    When you direct deposit the funds, it comes out automatically. It is painless because you don’t have to do a thing. Because it’s automatic, after awhile you don’t even notice that it’s missing. (I remember reading that on another blog several months ago and thinking, “Are you out of your mind?! I’m not going to miss it? Yea right!”) But I can honestly say that after a few months, you adjust to the missing money. You truly do not miss it once it becomes normal for that amount to be deposited into savings automatically each month.

    It has been one of the best decisions that I’ve made and because I’ve worked so hard to get to this place—I don’t touch that money! I am keeping it there for a rainy day or to pay off my student loans someday in one fell swoop.

    ————————————————————————

    As I stated at the start of this post, three years ago I was almost $60,000 in debt; I was twenty-three years old; and I was scared to death. Today, I have my finances under control! I am on the road to financial freedom and you can get here, too. Truly, it is not as hard as it seems. With common sense and a bit of dedication, it will happen. Paying off my last credit card balance was like taking chains off of my wrists for the first time in seven years. The feeling was completely priceless. If I can do it, anybody can.

    So, what are your financial goals? Have you ever been in financial prison? How did you free yourself? If you’re still there, what are you going to do to break free?

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    Is Your Resume a Hallmark Card?

    This is a guest post by David Pinkley, The Resume Sage.

    How do you describe yourself in your resume: team player?…quick learner?…detailed oriented? Do you really believe those self-proclaimed descriptions? Consider this: so does everyone else. That’s the problem. When it comes to describing ourselves we use the same words as everyone else. I know this because in 15 years working as a professional resume writer and executive recruiter I’ve seen nearly 40,000 resumes. Virtually all of them used works like: high energy, results oriented, uniquely qualified, detailed oriented, out-of-the-box thinker…and the list goes on. I call these Hallmark words.

    What is a Hallmark word? Example: You go to the store to buy a greeting card for your Sweetie whose birthday is approaching. You are overwhelmed because there are so many cards to choose from. You select your first one and it says something like: “May you experience all things bright and beautiful on your special day. Happy Birthday.” It’s a nice try but the message is contrived so we put the card back and pick another. The second one says: “Here’s a card just for you. You’ve always been tried and true. Happy Birthday.” Again, nice words but the message isn’t meaningful. (Who writes this stuff!?) You repeat this process numerous times until you find one with a message that resonates: “It just always felt right…and it always will. Happy Birthday.” Found it. You’re done.

    Hallmark words are words that look great on paper but don’t have any real meaning. It’s the same with resumes. Certain words look great on resumes but they are meaningless. If everyone says they’re a quick learner those words become diluted. (Whether it’s true or not is irrelevant.) Using Hallmark words on your resume will make it seem just as contrived as most greeting cards. The reader (i.e. hiring manager) won’t believe your message and will continue reading other resumes in search of one that resonates.

    The reality is we really don’t know how to describe ourselves. So we borrow words from other resumes and convince ourselves that these words really describe us. We don’t realize they have no meaning. Great resumes find authentic ways to communicate familiar themes. How do you do that?

    If you are really honest with yourself – you probably don’t know what you really do anyway. The only way to discover exactly what makes you unique is to look closely at your job. This takes introspection and self examination; a process most people dread because it seems like hard work – hence why most resumes are homogeneous. This is difficult to do for yourself. Self examination is much easier if you do it with someone else. But that’s another post.

    Blow the dust off your resume and take a look at the words you’ve used to describe yourself. Are they Hallmark words? If they are, you need to recognize that you are not saying anything unique. And no matter how true they are, they are not as meaningful or impactful as you think.

    Have questions? Contact David Pinkley at (704) 358-6000 or david@theresumesage.com. To learn more visit: www.TheResumeSage.com

    David Pinkley is the founder of The Resume Sage, a custom resume writing service. The Resume Sage critiques and writes resumes for accomplished professionals and executives. Those who work with The Resume Sage are purposeful about navigating their careers. They need more than just strong writing skills; they are seeking insights about how to differentiate themselves from their peers/competitors.

    David is a sought-after public speaker and has been featured on local news and NBC’s national news. He earned a B.S. degree from the University of Michigan and started his career in Chicago as a CPA at Ernst & Young and at Bank of America. He has lived and worked as an executive recruiter for 15 years in Charlotte, Raleigh, New York and Hong Kong.

12 Comments

  1. Thank you so much for the great post, Leeann! I really love it. So many people get caught up with the anti-Hallmark-Card-attitude that they forget that Valentine’s Day is about LOVE. What a reason to celebrate! We all experience love — whether we’re in love with a pet, a Blackberry, a spouse, or a book.

    We can all benefit from taking a day out to spread love & light. Thanks for all of these great recipe and poem suggestions! XO

  2. So glad to see Leeann’s beautiful face on here! Lovely article, dear – I can hear you talking through the whole thing 🙂

  3. I totally feel the same way but usually when I spout such blasphemy, I usually get accused of not wanting to make my wife feel special.

    It’s such a consumer-driven holiday. I love my wife every damn day of the year so I show her every damn day of the year. We celebrate our love specifically on our anniversary. We do not need to be told by profit makers how to love our significant others.

    Thankfully my wife is not materialistic or jaded enough to think that a gift determines her value.

    Hey there’s another post for you Dena!

    “YOU ARE NOT YOUR VALENTINES DAY PRESENT” in the spirit of good ole’ Tyler Durden. 🙂

    (Wasn’t it you that wrote the Fight Club post?)

    1. Haha. You know what I sympathize with both you AND your wife. You know me, Brad, I totally AM anti-consumerism which is why me and my partner do not celebrate Valentine’s Day on February 14th. We actually create our own love celebration a few days after V-Day when everything goes on sale 50% or 75% off — and even then if we do the chocolates/flowers/dinner thing it is minimal at best. This is a mutually agreed upon deal; yet, like your wife, sometimes I still get that “girly” pang — am I special?

      It is rather ridiculous, I know, but girls will be girls. 😉

      Thanks for the comment, Brad. Here’s wishing you and your wife gorgeous days full of love, not just on 2/14, but always.

  4. Pingback: Carousel — 02.12.10 : evolution you
  5. What a great article! I’ve never been a V-day poo-pooer but I do wince at all the commercialism (just like at Christmas). Your ideas are great…and I’ve always appreciated a nice cupcake!

    1. Hey Yoli! I am so glad that you enjoyed Leeann’s article. It’s nice to see a fellow poetry-lover. Thanks for reading!

  6. Leeann, that was wonderful and just what I needed to hear..Yesterday!
    I forget sometimes that others need to be reminded just as much as the self that they are loved and appreciated!
    You totally rock and I am proud to call you my friend!
    Love You! ♥

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