Last week, I finished listening to Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now
. It had been on my “to-read” list for years, when by a stroke of fate a dear friend offered to lend me her audio copy. I plan to do a full review of the book in the coming weeks but for now I want to focus on one important element—forgiveness of the past.
Recently I started thinking about the first twenty-five years of my life. In The Power of Now, we learn that to live in the future or the past is to suffer. The only way to exist in true harmony is to live in the now. After all, the past is not real, the future is not real. The past and the future only exist in our minds. The only thing that is truly and completely real, is the now.
The challenge with this, however, is that until we can accept, understand, and move on from the conditioning of the past, we can not experience true freedom. And in order to truly accomplish this, we must experience true forgiveness of the past—forgiving others & ourselves completely.
As I reflected upon these truths, I realized that I have been holding on to a tremendous amount of pain from my own personal history. There is so much past that continues to haunt me and impact me in the now. One of the greatest sources of pain revolves around my former lifestyle.
I spent so much of my life caught up in a false sense of self. I spent incredible amounts of money on material possessions that I now perceive as worthless (clothes, jewelry, useless electronics, etc.) For some reason, I fell into the marketing. I bought it—all of it. (You can read more about my journey into financial prison and my subsequent journey out in previous posts.)
But that’s not really the point, the point is that I ended up here. I can sit around and feel sorry for myself, angry that so much of my life was wasted, frustrated that I’ve only paid off a fraction (albeit a substantial fraction) of my debts so far; but if I did all of that where would it get me? It wouldn’t get me anywhere except maybe on a private jet to my own personal pity party. No thank you.
Instead of wallowing, I am grateful. Grateful that I have come this far. Grateful that I’ have learned these lessons and changed the direction of my life by the age of 25 (soon-to-be 26). Grateful to be surrounded by a community of people that support me and believe in me. Grateful to have discovered my life’s true purpose and passion. Grateful to be doing what I love (even if only part of the time). Grateful to be safe, secure, healthy, strong, and beautiful.
As I move through these emotions of gratitude for what I have now and what I am now, I find that the pain of my history slips away. I believe that I am finally on a path toward true forgiveness of the past. The reality is that it happened. I made mistakes, like all fallible human beings do. However, without making those mistakes, I may never have come to this place, to this now.
The past grants us wisdom & grace. The memories that haunt us the most, are usually the memories that taught us the greatest lessons. Forgiveness will come from acceptance. So, the trick to true forgiveness is true acceptance. Once we can accept our past unconditionally, we can live fully in the now.
I am making my way on this journey slowly. For most of my life, I focused almost entirely on the past—heart breaks, mistakes, errors in judgment, loss, failures, and so on—but that was a tragic mistake. What I now know is that the past is gone, the only thing that matters is now. And likewise, the future is a distant place that exists only in my mind. The only thing that matters is right now.
Transforming the way that I think has been a challenging process, but I have come a tremendous distance already and I will keep on pushing forward, always.
Now I ask you, reader, what pieces of your past are you holding on to? Are you willing to accept those pieces unconditionally so that you may truly forgive and live in harmony & light? Will you join me on this journey?
Keep an even keel and even when times are difficult, be positive and things will eventually turn for the better. Reach out to friends and family, trust yourself and try to do a little good each day.
Thanks for the thoughts, Lou. Excellent advice.
Wow, very good stuff. Life can be such an adventure. That adventure is not always fun. I have heard that those things that do not kill you make you stronger. If that is the case my wife and I are giants in the land. We have had our fair share of ugly stuff. Through it all we have clung to God and one another for the strength, love and guidance to get us through. One day at a time, that is all that we can do. None of us are promised a tomorrow so the best we can do, is to do the best we can with what we have today.
I’ve heard that, too. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Although–during the dark times–it can be difficult to accept, I do believe that it is the truth. Thank you so much for your presence here, friend. <3
As I submit my novel and listen to the crickets chirping, I can say with certainty that I am in the midst of one of those valleys of life. It is the loneliest place I’ve ever been, to have created something, to keep putting it out there, and to get………..nothing. I heard so many horror stories about rejection letters, and I cannot even get one.
In our darkest places, we still have to believe in ourselves, to pull from the buried reserves of inner strength that will move us forward. Heck, some days I have to pour figurative gasoline on the cold embers that remain in the dirt at the very bottom of that pit of buried reserve. It isn’t easy, but it’s all part of growing. When we stop growing, we die.
Just reading your comment gives me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I haven’t written about it, but in my past life I was a poet. That’s what I went to school for. It is “what” I was, and more importantly “who” I was. I defined myself by that word and by my ability to succeed at being that word.
I remember the cold, nauseating impact of rejection.. after rejection… after rejection. It was so incredibly hard. I had to learn two things and I hope that these things will help you, too (even if in the smallest of ways):
1. A word (poet, novelist, writer, accountant, coach, speaker) can never define us. It’s a simple sentiment but gaze at it, it’s quite powerful.
2. A thousand horrible rejections will be washed away with one simple acceptance. It took years for me and then one day I was published in the Columbia Review. I know that it will happen for you, too. Don’t give up.
Best of luck wading through these dark moments, my dear friend. I am thinking of you & sending you bunches of love & light. xo
Hey Dena, I loved this article. I really needed to be uplifted. I am definitely going through some hard times in my life right now. Being unemployed and having a hard time finding employment, not know how I am going to pay my bills, but I realize I am not the only one who is going through what I am. I will keep taking it one day at a time, continue to look, and know that there is something out there for me, but that God has not led me to it yet, or it is not the time right now. I have to remember that I have a great family, and a Masters Degree in Social Work that I am almost done with that no one can take away from me. Thank you for the great message.
You are so welcome Michelle. I am so proud of you. Keep pushing forward. <3
Dena…. I love you!! You are the best and this makes my Friday. I am going through a transition at work where I am being pulled in a thousand different directions. Hard times….yes. But could it be worse. Of course. So I read your post and I smile becasue you remind me that life is life, and what happens- happens. I need to stop worrying about how it could be simpler and focus on what I can do now. Thanks Again.
You are so welcome, Meg! I am so happy to hear that this resonated with you. Best of luck through the transition. XO
Awesome reminder of the power of God.