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How to Beat Self-Doubt & Accomplish Anything


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When I decided to start this blog last winter, I had doubts. Many automatic negative thoughts rushed through my mind:

  • With all of the blogs out there, why would anyone want to read mine?
  • Why should anyone care what I have to say?
  • There are so many talented bloggers, what right do I have to try and compete?

The truth is that those thoughts are completely normal. As emotional, thinking creatures that is what human beings do. We doubt ourselves. Of course people fall all over the spectrum from super-confident to incredibly low self-esteems; but even the most arrogant people experience occasional feelings of self-doubt. It is how we deal with those feelings of self-doubt that determines how successful we are and how much we can accomplish in our lives.

Having been a practitioner of CBT for many years, I try to replace my negative thoughts with positive ones always. When it came to starting my blog, my thoughts were fairly rational, but they were also very negative. I needed to replace those thoughts with positive ones. Luckily with practice and time it has become easy for me to do:

  • It doesn’t matter how many blogs there are out there, my voice is unique.
  • Some people will like what I write, others may not, but even if I can touch one life, it will be worth it to me.
  • My goal is to help people, not to compete with other bloggers for the spotlight.

I started this blog because I am passionate about helping people. I did not let negative thoughts or self-doubt get in the way. By replacing negative thoughts and self-doubt with positive thoughts and self-assurance you can beat your insecurities and accomplish your goals every single time.

What One Man Can Do, Another Can Also Do

I have been with my partner for just over two years. His can-do attitude constantly inspires me. Last December we moved into a major fixer-upper (also known as a “handyman’s special”) on the edge of a state forest. The house was in complete disrepair. It would have intimidated even the most experienced of carpenters and handymen. But he rarely gets intimidated or overwhelmed. Over the last year he has tackled areas of the house, piece by piece. Slowly but surely we see improvement. In August, some electric work needed to be done. My reaction was obvious to me, call an electrician, but he responded that he was going to do it himself. This scared me. Electric work is serious and if something goes wrong it is potentially dangerous. Even with the state the house was in — I didn’t want it to burn down! Still, he was confident as he usually is. His response is always the same, “What one man can do, another can also do.” He read a how-to electric book and the electric got done.

What one man can do, another can also do. The idea is simple, but it is also revolutionary. It was this idea that gave me the final push to start this blog. I scanned through all of my favorite blogs — Gala Darling’s, Tim Brownson’s, Paulo Coelho’s… — and I thought, these are just people! These are human beings just like me! I can do what they are doing. And then, I went ahead and I did it. It’s really and truly that simple.

Yes, I experience challenges just like everyone else. I work 40+ hours a week at an association. That tends to get in the way of updating, but hey, I roll with the punches. I update when I can. Maybe I am making a small difference in many people’s lives. Maybe I am making a large difference in few people’s lives. The point is that I am transforming lives! How incredible is that? And maybe one day this blog will take off. Maybe one day I can quit my 9 to 5 and blog full-time. Right now this is my path. This is the the road that the Universe has led me to. I am grateful for it and I am living my dream to help and inspire others.

You Can Achieve Anything That You Put Your Mind To
I am living proof that nothing is impossible and so are you. In my lifetime I have done things that I never thought I could do and that other people told me I never could do. I spent 3 weeks in Kenya. I lost 70 pounds. I overcame severe anxiety and depression. I asked my boss for an $11,000 raise. I started a self-improvement blog and I am helping to change people’s lives!

“The more you lose yourself in something bigger than yourself, the more energy you will have.” —Norman Vincent Peale

I could have stopped at any point. I could have let fear and irrational, negative thoughts get in my way — but I didn’t. I kept pushing forward. I believed in myself. I promise that you are capable of doing the same.

What is your goal? What is the thing that you want to accomplish most in your life? Think about it and then get to work.

  • Practice Visualization.
  • Surround yourself with people that will encourage and inspire you.
  • Remind yourself that “What one man can do, another can also do.”
  • Live & breathe your goals.
  • Believe in yourself.
  • Replace all of your negative, irrational thoughts with positive rational ones (CBT).
  • Do not let anything get in your way.
  • Remember that failures & mistakes are just bumps in the road to success. Don’t ever give up.

“It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives, but what we do consistently.” —Anthony Robbins

Success Is Yours for the Taking
You have no idea how powerful your mind really is and how able you truly are. There is nothing that you can not do. Stop the pity party today. Stop the excuses. Throw your fears out the window.

“As a rule, men worry more about what they can’t see than about what they can.” —Julius Caesar

Accomplishing a goal can be as simple as learning how to do the electric in your house or as complicated as traveling the world in 3 months. The point is that no matter what it is — if you believe that you can do it, you will do it. I am here rooting you on and the Universe is conspiring with you, on your side, always.

If you want to know more about how I achieved any of my personal goals, ask! If there is anything that I can do to help you reach yours, let me know!

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    Tired of Conflict Bringing You Down?

    Dealing With Conflict

    Conflict takes many forms—misunderstanding, frustration, ignorance, hatred, envy, and so on—but despite the cause, the result is largely the same: someone walks away with hurt feelings.

    The truth is, however, that this is not necessary. You can choose to be unaffected by conflict. It is not an easy thing to accomplish. You have, after all, lived your life believing that conflict equals pain. But with practice & patience you can learn to live above conflict in a place of true peace.

    “True peace can not be disturbed by gain or loss.”

    The reason that conflict hurts us is because we allow it to. Most pain comes from another person(s) or from our own minds. The key to being unaffected by conflict is to understand that anything that another person says to us (out of anger, frustration, etc.) is actually a reflection of her feelings about herself and is rooted in fear. Likewise, anything that our mind says to us (self-criticism, self-hatred, etc.) is also rooted in fear. All forms of discomfort—sadness, anxiety, worry, rage, hatred, envy, and so on—are rooted in fear.

    When you accept that angry words are actually reflections of fear, it makes them much less painful to tolerate. Even the angriest and most cruel of arguments is based in fear & insecurity.

    For example, you have a large project due at work. You bring it into your boss’s office an hour prior to the deadline. She notices that it is riddled with errors. Her face turns red and she begins to scream. “You idiot! How could you be so stupid? This is unacceptable. I can not believe I ever hired you. Get out!”

    On one hand, you are devastated. Her words have stung you at your core. You are insulted, sad, angry, afraid. But if you really stop to analyze the situation, why do you think she acted this way? Most likely, she is afraid. Most likely, she is terrified about the way that your “failure” is going to reflect on her. After all, wasn’t it her who hired you, gave you this assignment, failed to give you proper instruction, and so on? What will her boss think when she turns this project into him? Her explosion was based in fear.

    Another example, it is Saturday afternoon and you are sitting on the couch. Your husband comes in the door and notices that you have not swept the floors. He begins to speak angrily, “Haven’t you swept the floors? Didn’t you see this dirt? You’ve been so lazy recently.” You are crushed and devastated. How could he be so mean? But then again, you stop and analyze. The lawn is not mowed, the gutters are uncleaned, there are piles of crap strewn about the yard. Your husband is insecure about all of his unfinished chores and is projecting his self-frustration onto you. His remarks were based in fear and insecurity.

    If you take the time to truly analyze, you will find that almost every conflict is rooted in fear. Therefore, the vast majority of hurtful things that are ever said to you actually have absolutely nothing to do with you. This is an incredibly liberating concept (not to be confused with the rare scenario when you are actually wrong by the way). Still, just because the other person’s (or even your own self-inflicted) anger is based in fear, that still doesn’t make it right. Yes, perhaps both your boss and your husband were entirely out of line. It is alright for you to tell them so, but what is more important is the way that you process the conflict within yourself.

    Most people internalize the conflict. In any case, you take what was said and push it deep within yourself. Perhaps you believe the other person words. “Yes, I am lazy, stupid, ugly, etc.” The conflict turns into emotional pain and festers within you eventually becoming depression, anxiety, and so on. But as I mentioned at the start, none of that is necessary.

    You must accept the conflict (words) for what they are—someone else’s (or even your own mind’s) fears and insecurities. Fear is nothing to be afraid of or affected by. Most fear is completely unnecessary (read more about that).

    After the conflict, words, and judgments have passed, simply allow all of it to pass through and around you like water or air. Understand that it is something outside of you, that has nothing to do with you at all. It is not inside of you, it did not come from you, and you do not have to absorb it. Simply let it pass and then move on.

    Holding onto the pain of conflict is insane and unnatural. What do the birds do after the great storm has passed? They sing, of course! You will never hear the birds singing so sweetly and so loudly as they do after the storm has passed and the sun shines again. They do not mourn the broken nest, the wet feathers, or the lost supper. They simply sing and praise the light in gratitude. They rejoice that the sun has come again.

    In his book, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment, Eckhart Tolle talks about his observation of duck fights. Two ducks approach one another. They squawk in anger for mere seconds. Then they turn away from one another, flap their great wings a few times, and swim on as if it never happened. This is true wisdom, true peace, in action. There is so much that we can learn from this simple observation.

    There is really no need to hold onto anger or discomfort. There is really no need to suffer. In life, you will find many reason to suffer. But a good reason to suffer, you will never find. Let conflicts pass through and around you. Do not hold onto them. You will almost always find that it never has anything to do with you anyway.

14 Comments

  1. I love, love, love this! It's timely, posts of truth like this that always fuel me. Simple but effective. These are the very same things I have used over the past year to literally transform my life from NOT working to exceptional. And it's just the beginning! Bravo!

  2. Dena –

    "You have no idea how powerful your mind really is and how able you truly are. There is nothing that you can not do. Stop the pity party today. Stop the excuses. Throw your fears out the window."

    To think of how much time we waste wondering if we have what it takes instead of just getting started…how much can we accomplish if we "stop the pity party," and get moving?

    Paul

  3. I love that exact same sentence that Paul quotes above.. "throw your fears out the window." Once again, I can totally relate to your topic of choice. So weird that you and Paul wrote very similar articles at the same time. It makes me want to take a stab on this topic as well… something that everyone can relate to. And certainly me!
    🙂
    Karen

  4. @Eli – That is really amazing. I am so excited to hear that you are on a journey to transform your own life. Keep up the amazing work. I am cheering for you!

    @Paul – You've hit the nail on the head. It's not always about thinking. Sometimes it's about DOING! I mean that is how things get done. Right? 😉

    @Karen – Thanks, love. I'll look forward to reading it if you do.

  5. @Karim – I am so glad that you have found this post thoughtful! Best of luck to you on your self improvement journey. Cheers!

  6. i genuinely adore all your writing type, very helpful.
    don’t quit and also keep writing simply because it simply just truly worth to read it,
    impatient to read way more of your current stories, have a pleasant day!

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