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“Seniors spar after roadside spat” (A Lesson in Kindness)

evolutionyou.net | kindness

My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness. —Dalai Lama

On July 14th I had a doctor’s appointment. On my way home from that appointment, my sister called me. I was driving and let it go to voicemail. A few minutes later I pulled over to listen. “Call me right away, it’s an emergency.” When I called her back she told me that my grandfather had been hit by a car and airlifted to a trauma center.

Worse still, she said, it was not an accident. He was run over after a road rage incident.

I was horrified. I didn’t know if my grandfather was going to be alright. Still, there was something humorous about all of this. Like it had to be some mistake. There’s no way. How could an 83-year-old man get into a road rage fight and get run over by a car? Heaven forgive me for this… half of me wanted to cry, but half of me wanted to laugh. Later when I saw the news article online, I couldn’t help but laugh—“Seniors spar after roadside spat.” Really? Really!?

Of course, by that time I’d already been in touch with family and found out that his vitals were quite alright. He was going to be fine though he was badly injured—compression fractures in his spine, broken bones in his arms, and a major concussion. I was just grateful that he was going to make it.

evolutionyou.net | seahorse

The religion space on my Facebook page has been filled with the word Kindness for a few years now. I’ve made mistakes in the past. I wasn’t always kind. I make mistakes still. But I try to lead my life with this guiding principle. I try to make kindness the still point which the rest of my life revolves around.

One of my favourite poems is “Dogfish” by Mary Oliver. The best part is this:

You don’t want to hear the story
of my life, and anyway
I don’t want to tell it, I want to listen

to the enormous waterfalls of the sun.

And anyway it’s the same old story – – –
a few people just trying,
one way or another,
to survive.

Mostly, I want to be kind.

Mostly, I want to be kind. Yes. Precisely.

evolutionyou.net | seahorse

Driving is a stressful endeavour. This I know for certain. Sometimes I catch myself slipping into a blind rage behind the wheel. Vile things come out of my mouth, things that I shutter to think of. I’m working on it. I’ve been working on it. I slow down. I practice awareness. It works.

This incident with my grandfather breaks my heart. There’s a few things that the news article doesn’t mention. My grandfather was on his way home from church. There was a physical altercation of the non-vehicular sort. I suppose that the details don’t matter much. It’s—all of it—so painfully unnecessary. What good is it?

It’s been six months since we lost my grandmother. I think I handled it pretty well. I was strong and full of love. I read during her eulogy and held it together. I only lost it one time throughout the whole ordeal. During mass there is a peace offering. The priest invites the congregation to share the sign of peace among each other. Everyone turns to the person near them to shake hands or kiss one another on the cheek. During the peace offering at my grandmother’s funeral mass, my grandfather reached out to her casket and touched it. He’d been kissing her during mass for sixty years.

evolutionyou.net | seahorse

I know it’s a little bit disjointed (I know it’s also a little bit funny) but I’m sharing this story because I want it to serve as a reminder to myself, to you, to the world at large. Be kind. Be kind always. Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

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  • · · · ·

    My Journey to Financial Freedom | Part 1: The Fall

    Three years ago, I was nearly $60,000 in debt. I had a Bachelor’s degree that didn’t appear to be worth its weight in salt and a job that couldn’t cover a fraction of my monthly bills. I was terrified.

    Today, I am closer to complete financial freedom than I ever dreamed possible. Last week, I paid off my last remaining credit card balance. This two-part post is a celebration of this incredible milestone in my journey.

    In part one, I will explain how I got to that terrible place. In part two, I will explain how I’m getting out of it (and how you can do it, too).

    ————————————————————————

    A financial prison is the worst sort of prison to be stuck in. A financial prison does not have steel bars or a prison warden. You will not get sent to financial prison for committing a crime. There is only one person that can sentence you to financial prison. That person is you.

    There are two primary types of financial prisoners:

    1. There are those in financial prison who got there because they truly did not know any better. This type eventually realizes the error of their ways and breaks free.

    2. There are those who knowingly commit themselves to financial prison. This type is well aware of the consequences of living beyond her means; but she does it anyway.

    Of course there are also those who fall somewhere in the middle, like me… (Cue dream sequence.) It all started when I was 18. The guidance counseling systems in my high school and college were either completely inadequate or I simply refused to pay attention. I can’t honestly remember which it was, though I think it was the former. Either way, I was screwed.

    Before me, no one in my family had ever been to college so I didn’t receive much advice. I was thrilled to be out of high school and ready for the next step. I took my SATs one time and applied to one school. My parents, being average folks, made just enough money to prevent me from receiving financial aid; but not enough money to be able to pay my full tuition. For me, this meant loans: “lovely” student loans from “lovely” Sallie Mae.

    My mother co-signed and it was a cinch from there. Each semester I filled out a relatively simple form and like magic, Sallie Mae sent me a check. In fact, Sallie Mae was so generous that they allowed me to take out as much “extra” money as I needed every semester. It was fantastic! Yes, I had money to pay for books, meals, and extra curricula. I also had money to go out and binge drink, buy clothes I didn’t need, designer purses, and more. Sallie Mae was wonderful to me. And the best part if it was that there was no need for discussion. No one guided me, no one advised me, and no one asked me any questions. I showed up at the financial aid office a couple of times each year and it was always smooth sailing.

    On top of that, another great thing happened when I was 18! The credit card companies started to send me applications. And that was just as easy. I got one and then another and then another. Whatever I couldn’t cover with those pretty little checks from Sallie Mae, I could simply charge on my credit cards. College was good to me. I joined a sorority, I partied hard, I shopped until I dropped. What more could a girl ask for?

    It wasn’t all fun & games though. I worked through college. I worked at a children’s camp each summer; I was a Spanish teacher for two years; and toward the end of my college career I was a bookseller at Borders bookstore. All of the money I made working was spending money for me. I had Sallie Mae and the credit cards to pay all of my “real” bills.

    When I finally graduated, I was making a cool $8.25 an hour at Borders. I loved it. I was happy… until one day, out of no where, a letter came in the mail. I had a six month grace period and then I would have to start paying back those loans. My paychecks barely covered my minimum credit card payments. How was I going to make loan payments on top of that?

    So I sat down and did something that I’d never done before. I wrote up a budget. It was horrifying when I realized that even if I’d had no other bills, my monthly wages from Borders wouldn’t even cover half of my monthly student loan payments. The jig was up.

    All told, I came out of college with about $45,000 in student loan debt and almost $15,000 in credit card debt. I hadn’t even lived on campus; I commuted from home; my parents paid for some of my tuition; and I only went to a mediocre school. How the hell was this possible?

    All of a sudden Sallie Mae and the credit card companies didn’t seem so lovely anymore. There was one thought that kept repeating over & over in my head: Why didn’t anyone warn me? I felt cheated, betrayed, angry, afraid, and helpless. I wondered what the people in the financial aid office had been doing all that time. I wondered why my high school guidance counselor didn’t press me harder about applying for scholarships or grants. I wondered a lot of things, but mostly I wondered how the hell I was going to get out of the mess.

    I started sending out resumes for jobs with starting salaries that would at least cover my monthly student loan payments. I sent out resume after resume but before long, I realized another harsh reality. That Bachelor’s Degree in English with a Creative Writing Focus wasn’t so great either. Nobody was calling me back. I couldn’t even get an interview.

    The clock was ticking. I was halfway through my grace period. Then one day, one of my best friends mentioned an opening in her office. I looked over the job description and realized that it had nothing to do with what I’d gone to school for. I didn’t even know what it actually was, but the starting salary was more than what I needed. The rest was history.

    I’ve been at my current company for almost three years now. And yesterday I paid off my last remaining credit card balance! Additionally over these few years, I’ve cut my student loan debt almost in half and by next Winter, I will have it down to a quarter of what I started with.

    Stay tuned for tomorrow’s post, where I will share how I am doing it and how you can do it, too.

10 Comments

  1. I have learned in my life, that it’s too short to waste on being men or hurtful to people. It takes so much less energy to be nice to people around you. I always try and practice kindness. Sometimes it’s hard, you feel like you are getting walked all over becasue you are too nice. But I would rather be too nice then not nice at all. Thanks for sharing your story. I am sorry about the loss of your grandma, but I am happy to hear your grandfather is ok.

    1. Thanks, Meg. <3 I've been writing this post "in my head" for a week now. (As a blogger, I'm sure you know what I mean.) It's so hard to explain these things that are so important -- like kindness & the preciousness of life. But I think it's just incredibly important that was say it, however it comes out.

      I am so grateful to know that there are people like you in the world.

  2. Love will always trump evil. My goal is to always pay back hate with kindness. It will have a greater impact in the end. Hatred divides, destroys, and dehumanizes people. Love brings community, life, and abundant life to people.

    1. “Love will always trump evil.” What a beautiful sentiment, Matt. You have an enormous heart & I am so grateful that we found each other in the big interwebs of the internet. You are wonderful! 🙂

  3. First, very sorry to hear about your Grandfather, definitely a sad situation. I see road rage of sorts nearly every day in what is supposed to be the most polite city in the U.S., Charleston SC.

    Technically, I guess the road rage is not in the city, but, mostly on the outerbelt around the East, North and West of the city. People drive like maniacs to and from work, drive 85 in a 60 zone and tail gate like they were at Daytona. I go a couple of miles over the speed limit, try to stay out of the left lane and just shake my head at the idiots.

    Sorry to go off on a tangent, it’s just that road rage seems to be an epidemic these days, and it’s just senseless.

    The simple rule for me is to follow the Golden Rule, it covers every situation and lets you be kind when others are not and that will give you peace.

    1. You are so right, Lou. It is an epidemic. It’s a terrible thing and the only way to fight back is to spread awareness and as you always say — to follow the Golden Rule. We have to keep pressing on.

  4. Thank you for this reminder. To be kind to everyone I meet. No one knows what burdens another person cares. No one knows how hard life has been or is going to be to anyone of us. We must purpose in our hearts to treat one another with love, dignity and kindness. We wont be successful at each turn and there may be people in our lives that wont receive that act of kindness. For those people, all we can do is try. If they reject it then it is on them, and not us.

    1. Thank you, James! Absolutely… we will not be successful every time but the critical thing is that we try, and keep trying. I am so grateful to know that there are people like you out there!! <3

  5. One of the biggest things I think we forget in situations like this one: everyone is coming from somewhere, and we don’t always know where or understand all that goes into it. Lots of people have random bad days. I hope this post will follow me and help me be more understanding. Thank you for writing it, Dena. xo

    1. That is exactly what I wish for, too, that this message follows me & helps me to be more understanding. That is all we can ask for. <3

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