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“Seniors spar after roadside spat” (A Lesson in Kindness)

evolutionyou.net | kindness

My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness. —Dalai Lama

On July 14th I had a doctor’s appointment. On my way home from that appointment, my sister called me. I was driving and let it go to voicemail. A few minutes later I pulled over to listen. “Call me right away, it’s an emergency.” When I called her back she told me that my grandfather had been hit by a car and airlifted to a trauma center.

Worse still, she said, it was not an accident. He was run over after a road rage incident.

I was horrified. I didn’t know if my grandfather was going to be alright. Still, there was something humorous about all of this. Like it had to be some mistake. There’s no way. How could an 83-year-old man get into a road rage fight and get run over by a car? Heaven forgive me for this… half of me wanted to cry, but half of me wanted to laugh. Later when I saw the news article online, I couldn’t help but laugh—“Seniors spar after roadside spat.” Really? Really!?

Of course, by that time I’d already been in touch with family and found out that his vitals were quite alright. He was going to be fine though he was badly injured—compression fractures in his spine, broken bones in his arms, and a major concussion. I was just grateful that he was going to make it.

evolutionyou.net | seahorse

The religion space on my Facebook page has been filled with the word Kindness for a few years now. I’ve made mistakes in the past. I wasn’t always kind. I make mistakes still. But I try to lead my life with this guiding principle. I try to make kindness the still point which the rest of my life revolves around.

One of my favourite poems is “Dogfish” by Mary Oliver. The best part is this:

You don’t want to hear the story
of my life, and anyway
I don’t want to tell it, I want to listen

to the enormous waterfalls of the sun.

And anyway it’s the same old story – – –
a few people just trying,
one way or another,
to survive.

Mostly, I want to be kind.

Mostly, I want to be kind. Yes. Precisely.

evolutionyou.net | seahorse

Driving is a stressful endeavour. This I know for certain. Sometimes I catch myself slipping into a blind rage behind the wheel. Vile things come out of my mouth, things that I shutter to think of. I’m working on it. I’ve been working on it. I slow down. I practice awareness. It works.

This incident with my grandfather breaks my heart. There’s a few things that the news article doesn’t mention. My grandfather was on his way home from church. There was a physical altercation of the non-vehicular sort. I suppose that the details don’t matter much. It’s—all of it—so painfully unnecessary. What good is it?

It’s been six months since we lost my grandmother. I think I handled it pretty well. I was strong and full of love. I read during her eulogy and held it together. I only lost it one time throughout the whole ordeal. During mass there is a peace offering. The priest invites the congregation to share the sign of peace among each other. Everyone turns to the person near them to shake hands or kiss one another on the cheek. During the peace offering at my grandmother’s funeral mass, my grandfather reached out to her casket and touched it. He’d been kissing her during mass for sixty years.

evolutionyou.net | seahorse

I know it’s a little bit disjointed (I know it’s also a little bit funny) but I’m sharing this story because I want it to serve as a reminder to myself, to you, to the world at large. Be kind. Be kind always. Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

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  • · · · ·

    Review: The Power of Now

    The Power of Now had been on my “to-read” list for years when, by a stroke of fate, a dear friend offered to lend me her audio copy. Based on my general understanding of the book and its content (prior to reading it) I felt that I would enjoy it; however, I was completely unprepared for the way that the book would speak to me, transform my perspective, and change my life.

    The Unreal Past & Future

    In The Power of Now, we learn that to live in the future or the past is to suffer. The only way to exist in true harmony is to live in the now. After all, the past is not real, the future is not real. The past and the future only exist in our minds.

    When I first heard this concept I refused to believe or comprehend it. Of course my past is real, I thought. Of course my future is real, too. How dare someone suggest that it is not? My ego lashed out; but then I thought more about it. I listened, opened my mind, and realized that it was true. I am going to ask you to walk through an exercise with me to help you understand.

    Let’s recall a memory in which you are eating something. Let’s say, for example, it’s a hot summer day and you’re licking an ice cream cone. Now, where ever you are—right now, present moment, not in the memory—I’d like you to stick your finger right into the ice cream and then throw it to the floor. Can you do that? Can you touch that ice cream cone from your memory? No, of course you can’t (unless you’re on hallucinogenics but that’s another story).

    The fact is that right now you can not touch that ice cream cone and therefore it is not real. It may seem real in your memory—in your mind—but it is not really “real”…not here, not now, not in existence. It is only a memory and it only exists in your mind.

    This principle is also true for the future. Imagine any future scenario in your mind. You win the lottery. You get fired from your job. You purchase a house. You fall off of a cliff. You can play each of those scenes out in your head. You can fill in as much detail as you like. You can mentally experience the future, but the truth remains that the future scenario isn’t “real”. You can’t actually reach out and touch anything in the future right now. The future only exists in your mind.

    When I finally grasped this concept I was shocked & amazed. It seems simple, but somehow I had been missing it for my entire life! To me, the past and the future were as real as the present. The past happened to me. The future was going to happen to me. I held on to these concepts for dear life. But then I realized the truth… the past and the present are not that important. They’re not even real. They are only in my head.

    You might be feeling a bit angry right now. (I know because I was at this point.) You might be thinking, How dare you claim that my past is not real? I’ve suffered, I’ve lived, I’ve triumphed, I’ve done X, Y, and Z. And my future, that is real too! I am going to do things 1, 2, 3, and so on!

    Your Ego Feeds on the Past & Future

    Well, my friend, I am not sorry to break it to you. That voice of anger is fueled by fear and the fear is coming from your ego.

    For your entire life, your ego has been calling the shots. He rules you by fear—fear over your past and fear over your future. So long as you believe in the reality of your past and your future, your ego has control over you. It uses every thing that ever happened in the past against you. It uses everything that you hope to happen in the future against you.

    There is only one way to overcome your ego and that is to live completely in the now. Let go of the past and the future. Be fully present in this moment.

    It is not easy. You’ve spent your entire life ruled by your ego, living in the past and present. But while it’s not easy, it is possible. It’s entirely possible for you to begin living entirely in the present moment, entirely in peace, love, & light, entirely free from the chains of your ego.

    The Power of Now is an excellent book and if you truly listen to every word and practice its teachings in your daily life, you will succeed. It has been quite a journey for me already and I’ve only been on it for a few weeks now! I am experiencing life in ways that I never dreamed possible. You can do it, too.

    *********

    Here are some of my favourite pieces from The Power of Now along with my interpretations of each.

    You have it already. You just can’t feel it because your mind is making too much noise.
    Eckhart Tolle tells us that that many people ask him to “give” them his gift. His response is always the same, You already have it.

    This is entirely true. Each of us already has the immense power of now within. Tolle nor anyone else can “give” that to us—but what he can do (and does in the book) is to show you how to harness the power in your own life.

    Not to be able to stop thinking is a dreadful affliction; but we don’t realize it because almost everyone is suffering from it. So, it is considered normal.
    After reading (listening to) The Power of Now, I realized that yes, the modern human being is suffering from a debilitating disease: compulsive over thinking.

    It is so obvious to me now! How many millions of people are suffering from anxiety, depression, and so on? Most of these individuals are suffering as such simply because of compulsive over thinking.

    When we stop our compulsive, ego-driven thoughts, we live in harmony. Sadly, however, most people just don’t know how to stop those thoughts.

    We must become the silent observer, as Tolle describes in the book. The first step to overcoming the compulsive thoughts is to recognize them, to be the silent observer of your mind.

    To see, but not see. To hear, but not hear.
    Have you ever had a moment, an hour, or a day where you were entirely mindless?

    For example, you are driving along the road completely spaced out from reality and suddenly you “wake up” and you don’t know where your head has been for some stretch of time. You know that you must have been seeing and aware, because you didn’t crash your vehicle. But you weren’t really there. You were seeing but not seeing.

    Another example, you are in conversation with a friend or loved one and you begin zoning out. You hear words coming out of her mouth, but when she finally stops talking, you realize that you have no idea what she just said. You were listening, but you weren’t really there. You were hearing but not hearing.

    This is what it means to see, but not see; to hear, but not hear. It is living life in an unconscious state, on autopilot. Most likely you are daydreaming about the unreal past or future. You can overcome this state of nothingness and time wasting by harnessing the power of now and being fully present in each moment.

    Humanity is under great pressure to evolve because it is the only chance for the survival of our species.
    “Humanity is under great pressure to evolve because it is our only chance of survival as a race. This will affect every aspect of your life and close relationships in particular. Never before have relationships been as problematic and conflict ridden as they are now. As you may continue to pursue the goal of salvation through a relationship, you will be disillusioned again and again. But if you accept that the relationship is here to make you conscious instead of happy, then the relationship will offer you salvation, and you will be aligning yourself with the higher consciousness that wants to be born into this world. For those who hold to the old patterns, there will be increasing pain, violence, confusion, and madness.”

    *********

    I could write ten posts about The Power of Now and I would only begin to scratch the surface. The book is extremely intensive. Tolle’s language is thick and weighted with meaning. The content is formatted as question and answer for the sake of clarity—but it is still heavy reading. As I mentioned earlier, I listened to the audio book and I would highly recommend this format. I have heard that reading the text can be confusing and I can understand why.

    The audio book does span several hours, but it is entirely worth every moment. If you can not afford to buy the audio book, you should consider borrowing it from your local library.

    If you decide to read or have read this book, I would love to hear your thoughts. Whether or not you decide to, I hope that you will consider the ideas that I have shared in this post.

    Thinking about being somewhere else uses up your precious, present moments. Be here now. —Wayne Dyer

10 Comments

  1. I have learned in my life, that it’s too short to waste on being men or hurtful to people. It takes so much less energy to be nice to people around you. I always try and practice kindness. Sometimes it’s hard, you feel like you are getting walked all over becasue you are too nice. But I would rather be too nice then not nice at all. Thanks for sharing your story. I am sorry about the loss of your grandma, but I am happy to hear your grandfather is ok.

    1. Thanks, Meg. <3 I've been writing this post "in my head" for a week now. (As a blogger, I'm sure you know what I mean.) It's so hard to explain these things that are so important -- like kindness & the preciousness of life. But I think it's just incredibly important that was say it, however it comes out.

      I am so grateful to know that there are people like you in the world.

  2. Love will always trump evil. My goal is to always pay back hate with kindness. It will have a greater impact in the end. Hatred divides, destroys, and dehumanizes people. Love brings community, life, and abundant life to people.

    1. “Love will always trump evil.” What a beautiful sentiment, Matt. You have an enormous heart & I am so grateful that we found each other in the big interwebs of the internet. You are wonderful! 🙂

  3. First, very sorry to hear about your Grandfather, definitely a sad situation. I see road rage of sorts nearly every day in what is supposed to be the most polite city in the U.S., Charleston SC.

    Technically, I guess the road rage is not in the city, but, mostly on the outerbelt around the East, North and West of the city. People drive like maniacs to and from work, drive 85 in a 60 zone and tail gate like they were at Daytona. I go a couple of miles over the speed limit, try to stay out of the left lane and just shake my head at the idiots.

    Sorry to go off on a tangent, it’s just that road rage seems to be an epidemic these days, and it’s just senseless.

    The simple rule for me is to follow the Golden Rule, it covers every situation and lets you be kind when others are not and that will give you peace.

    1. You are so right, Lou. It is an epidemic. It’s a terrible thing and the only way to fight back is to spread awareness and as you always say — to follow the Golden Rule. We have to keep pressing on.

  4. Thank you for this reminder. To be kind to everyone I meet. No one knows what burdens another person cares. No one knows how hard life has been or is going to be to anyone of us. We must purpose in our hearts to treat one another with love, dignity and kindness. We wont be successful at each turn and there may be people in our lives that wont receive that act of kindness. For those people, all we can do is try. If they reject it then it is on them, and not us.

    1. Thank you, James! Absolutely… we will not be successful every time but the critical thing is that we try, and keep trying. I am so grateful to know that there are people like you out there!! <3

  5. One of the biggest things I think we forget in situations like this one: everyone is coming from somewhere, and we don’t always know where or understand all that goes into it. Lots of people have random bad days. I hope this post will follow me and help me be more understanding. Thank you for writing it, Dena. xo

    1. That is exactly what I wish for, too, that this message follows me & helps me to be more understanding. That is all we can ask for. <3

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