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SWAN Saturday: Positive Influences

SWAN (Stop Wasting Away Now) Saturday is a weekly dose of inspiration from me to you. Each week I will make a short video post about something on my mind. The posts will be unscripted & shot straight from my soul. Stop wasting away now, life’s too short!


If you have trouble viewing the video, click here.

This week I asked my Twitter & Facebook communities what they’d like me to discuss in this post. My friend Josh responded, “I’d like to know about the characteristics that you look for in the people you surround yourself with.” This was a great suggestion because I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. I’ve written recently how I’ve been busy with more blogging, speaking, and life coaching. As I’ve gotten busier I’ve found that I’ve had to make some sacrifices in terms of how I spend my time and who I spend my time with. The busier I get, the more valuable my time becomes.

The reality is that most people are busy and it’s important that we make conscious decisions about how we spend our time. We need to focus on surrounding ourselves with people who will help us to accomplish our goals. When we’re looking for people who will help us accomplish goals, we have to look for certain characteristics.

In my experience, the people who have been there to help me along my path are positive people. I work to surround myself with people who tell me when I need to step things up or when I need to slow things down. I look for people who are willing to give me honest feedback & constructive criticism. Without that feedback, how can I improve myself as a person? I also look for people that have a really good, positive energy.

I’ve had a few negative experiences lately where I’ve been surrounded by negative, unsupportive people. With these people it seems that every time we talk or get together it’s about their problems & miseries. I’m all for being there for a friend in need, but there are some people who are consistently negative & never have anything good to say. These people are uninterested in my personal journey. That type of relationship is not for me. Sometimes it’s difficult to make hard decision and cut out negative influences, but its absolutely necessary. Negative people will suck the energy right out of us—not only with their words, but also with their actions.

It is important that we take a look at how our friends, acquaintances, and colleagues spend their time. It is a proven fact that we tend to succeed at a similar pace to the people around us. In the same token, we also tend to fail at a similar place to the people around us. It is critical to our individual success that we seriously look at our surroundings. We need to determine what it is that we really want in our own lives. Then, we can build a community around us of like-minded individuals who have similar goals to our own.

It’s not always easy. It has been historically difficult to do this. if you live in small town like I do, it can be especially difficult; but today we’re lucky. Technology enables us to make connections with people who we would have previously never been able to connect with. I recently wrote about Twitter and how it is an incredibly powerful tool for self improvement and relationship-building. The Internet gives us a unique ability to meet like-minded folks who are passionate about our journeys and who will help us achieve our goals. Take advantage of it.

In-person connections are equally as important. When you are spending in-person time with a friend or group of friends, make sure that you’re surrounding yourself with positivity, light, and love. That might mean getting on a site like Meetup.com and searching for groups in your area about topics that interest you. I recently joined the North Jersey Adventurers Group because I want to do more hiking, camping, & adventuring this year! There are groups out there for just about everything.

Volunteering is another awesome way to meet positive, like-minded people. When you meet fellow volunteers, you’ll already have something in common. Whether you’re volunteering at an animal shelter or a soup kitchen, you’re bound to make great connections with positive people. Think outside of the box.

Surrounding yourself with positivity is not always easy but it’s incredibly worthwhile. As you start to change the people that you surround yourself with, you will find that your entire existence transforms for the better.

I’d love to know what you think about the idea of surrounding yourself with positivity. Let us know what characteristics that you look for when choosing friends and acquaintances.

Thanks so much for tuning in. See you guys next time!

In love & light,
Dena

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    Is Your Resume a Hallmark Card?

    This is a guest post by David Pinkley, The Resume Sage.

    How do you describe yourself in your resume: team player?…quick learner?…detailed oriented? Do you really believe those self-proclaimed descriptions? Consider this: so does everyone else. That’s the problem. When it comes to describing ourselves we use the same words as everyone else. I know this because in 15 years working as a professional resume writer and executive recruiter I’ve seen nearly 40,000 resumes. Virtually all of them used works like: high energy, results oriented, uniquely qualified, detailed oriented, out-of-the-box thinker…and the list goes on. I call these Hallmark words.

    What is a Hallmark word? Example: You go to the store to buy a greeting card for your Sweetie whose birthday is approaching. You are overwhelmed because there are so many cards to choose from. You select your first one and it says something like: “May you experience all things bright and beautiful on your special day. Happy Birthday.” It’s a nice try but the message is contrived so we put the card back and pick another. The second one says: “Here’s a card just for you. You’ve always been tried and true. Happy Birthday.” Again, nice words but the message isn’t meaningful. (Who writes this stuff!?) You repeat this process numerous times until you find one with a message that resonates: “It just always felt right…and it always will. Happy Birthday.” Found it. You’re done.

    Hallmark words are words that look great on paper but don’t have any real meaning. It’s the same with resumes. Certain words look great on resumes but they are meaningless. If everyone says they’re a quick learner those words become diluted. (Whether it’s true or not is irrelevant.) Using Hallmark words on your resume will make it seem just as contrived as most greeting cards. The reader (i.e. hiring manager) won’t believe your message and will continue reading other resumes in search of one that resonates.

    The reality is we really don’t know how to describe ourselves. So we borrow words from other resumes and convince ourselves that these words really describe us. We don’t realize they have no meaning. Great resumes find authentic ways to communicate familiar themes. How do you do that?

    If you are really honest with yourself – you probably don’t know what you really do anyway. The only way to discover exactly what makes you unique is to look closely at your job. This takes introspection and self examination; a process most people dread because it seems like hard work – hence why most resumes are homogeneous. This is difficult to do for yourself. Self examination is much easier if you do it with someone else. But that’s another post.

    Blow the dust off your resume and take a look at the words you’ve used to describe yourself. Are they Hallmark words? If they are, you need to recognize that you are not saying anything unique. And no matter how true they are, they are not as meaningful or impactful as you think.

    Have questions? Contact David Pinkley at (704) 358-6000 or david@theresumesage.com. To learn more visit: www.TheResumeSage.com

    David Pinkley is the founder of The Resume Sage, a custom resume writing service. The Resume Sage critiques and writes resumes for accomplished professionals and executives. Those who work with The Resume Sage are purposeful about navigating their careers. They need more than just strong writing skills; they are seeking insights about how to differentiate themselves from their peers/competitors.

    David is a sought-after public speaker and has been featured on local news and NBC’s national news. He earned a B.S. degree from the University of Michigan and started his career in Chicago as a CPA at Ernst & Young and at Bank of America. He has lived and worked as an executive recruiter for 15 years in Charlotte, Raleigh, New York and Hong Kong.

3 Comments

  1. I totally agree about surrounding yourself with the right people. I have found I attract a lot of negative narcissitic people. Like you, I’m all about being a supportive friend, however, when it is all about them and all about the negative and how they just can’t do anything…it’s draining. and can be toxic.

    I face a situation where I have such a friend…when it is just her and i…things are great, but she surrounds herself with the wrong poeple, drama in it’s finest form. I know that I should let her go…however, she is a big reason I made it through my first year as a single woman…So it’s hard.

    There are so few of the right kind of people around here, it’s hard, I love the online community so we can all come together…Surround myself with love and support…both for the giving and the taking.

    1. @ Dawn – Thanks so much for your comment. I know what you mean about how difficult it can be to let go of a friend even if he/she is toxic. I have had to do it in the past & it’s heartbreaking. People like you — with such big hearts — find it even harder. I will be thinking of you & sending you strength as you work through it. XO

  2. On the surface, this sounds so self-serving, but it is in the best way possible. Sometimes you do need to think, “What is in it for me?” in order to stop being a door mat.

    And just because you are a life coach, doesn’t mean that you want to bear the burden of everyone else’s crosses. You are probably a natural first choice for your friends when they are going through difficult times, but perhaps that is them taking advantage of you and only thinking of what is “in it” for them (it is interesting how many ways we can twist that argument, huh?)

    I completely agree that surrounding yourself with people who are moving ahead and who are goal-oriented can help you meet your own goals. These are not the people who will say, “Oh, Dena, you want to lose 8 lbs.? Well, come out with me and eat french fries because you can start that tomorrow!” They will say, “Hey let’s to to the gym and cook dinner with some sort of healthy dessert option!”

    Your comment about e-communities is 100% correct for me, too!

    Kudos to hiking more. It is so great for your spirit (or so I think?) It might look like I spend the whole time photo documenting, but it isn’t the case. I love the time to be silent and completely in touch with my surroundings in real-time. I love getting lost, even (well, a little lost. If I get too lost, I run the risk of getting a little stressed out.)

    Annnnnd challah to the volunteering aspect, too. <3 I miss volunteering more than anything… I went from 15 years of year-round community service to virtually NONE in the last two years except for weekly tutoring sessions (adult literacy) during the summer, but that is what? 2.5-3 months? I miss the challenges and rewards that come along with working with my students and I hope to make that part of my life when I have a "big girl" job.

    Anyway, that's it. Love this SWAN idea.

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