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All the Leaves Are Brown

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There’s a gnarly, old crab apple tree in our front yard. Every year when the apples ripen, it’s a sure sign that autumn is upon us. I have such mixed feelings about the season this year. So many things that I’ve spent a lifetime dreaming about are actually happening. Soon I’ll take Roman pumpkin-picking, take him on his first hayride, dress him up in his first Halloween costume. Because I love fall so much and because Halloween is my favourite holiday, I’ve always dreamed of having a baby to share it with. All of the magic in life is even more magical through the eyes of a child. Everything is so beautiful, but it’s also overwhelming. Some moments I am filled with so much nostalgia, so much gratitude, and so much joy that it brings me to my knees.

I’ve been taking Roman for long walks. Today we walked around the elementary school that I went to. There were children walking, running, and playing. There were pumpkins and even Halloween decorations in front yards. Leaves crunched beneath my sneakers on the sidewalks. The smell of autumn was in the air. Suddenly, I was filled with such an overwhelming feeling of “life” that tears came to my eyes. I don’t know how else to describe it. I suppose that I am so happy but also there is always a part of me that is afraid and sad, too. For all of the beauty in the world, there is equal terror. I spent so many years of my life suffering in darkness and perhaps there is some part of me that will always be “waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

My mother once told me that 99.6% of the things that we worry about will never actually come to fruition. It’s a comforting thought for a worrier like me. Still, being a worrier, I do worry about that .4% too often. What can one do but focus on the beauty, count the blessings, and enjoy every moment.

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  • · · ·

    3 Super Simple Ways to Reduce Stress, Improve Health, & Live Happy

    Want to know how you can cut your stress in half?

    How about if there were two things you could change that would drastically alter your stress levels for the rest of your life?

    Now I bet you really want to know, right?

    What if I told you that doing these simple things will not only decrease your stress levels, but will also make you happier and decrease your risk of heart attack, ulcers, & high blood pressure?

    Ready for this? Four words: Stop Rushing, Take Vacation.

    Yes, that’s it. It’s really quite simple, but the results that you will see if you make these changes will amaze you.

    The Problems
    So why is rushing & a lack of vacation such a huge problem? Well, rushing every now and then wouldn’t really be such a problem. But in today’s society, the reality is that we don’t just rush every now and then. We rush all of the time.

    We are constantly hurrying from one thing to the next, multitasking, with our minds in five different places at once. We browse the Web in multiple Windows. We watch television while surfing the Web. We talk on our house phones while texting on our cell phones/iPhones/Blackberrys. While we’re driving to work, we’re planning our days, who we’ll see at each meeting, and what we’re having for dinner. While we’re eating dinner, we’re checking our email, responding to emails, and thinking about what’s on TV that night. While we’re watching TV that night, we’re thinking about everything we’ve got to do tomorrow. You get the picture…

    The Facts
    The United States is one of (if not the) most stressful, fast-paced, uptight societies in existence. The “American way” of rush, rush, rush has huge negative implications. And sadly, the rest of the world is beginning to follow suit. It’s not a good path to be on.

    Here are some statistics about minimum vacation days around the world:

    Austria — 35 days
    Brazil — 30 days
    Finland — 35 days
    Sweden — 32 days
    Ukraine — 24 days
    United States — 7 days
    (Source: http://nationmaster.com)

    7 days? Really? WTF United States!?!?!?

    Every year Expedia.com launches an intense Vacation Deprivation survey to gather the facts & the effects of American Vacation Deprivation.

    Check out these stats:

    Notice that despite earning the least amount of annual vacation days, Americans will still leave an average of 3 days unused! This goes to show that so many Americans don’t even use the little vacation time that they get! Not good.

    Why is Vacation So Important?
    Let’s talk about mental health.

    • 34% of Americans say they come back from vacation feeling better about their jobs and are even more productive.
    • 53% of employed U.S. adults say they come back feeling rested and rejuvenated after vacation.
    • 53% of employed U.S. adults say they come back feeling reconnected with family after vacation.

    It’s no big secret that work can be stressful. Even if you absolutely adore your career, you still have the occasional (or frequent) challenging day. If you refuse to take a breather every now & then, you are putting your mental health and your relationships at risk.

    Obesity, heart disease, high blood pressure, ulcers, anxiety, depression, and so on are all symptoms of stress. Stress causes cortisol to build up in your body, the cortisol is then stored as dangerous fat. In addition to all of the physical symptoms of stress, there is the issue of rushing around. When you are rushing nonstop from place to place, it’s easy to stop for fast-food because you don’t make the time to cook nutritious meals for yourself and your family.

    If you look at the rates of obesity around the globe, you probably won’t be shocked to see where the United States fits in.

    That’s right, numero uno. Not a good place to be in this case. Americans are the most obese individuals in the world. A sad fact to note considering that we are also some of the richest people, with some of the most vast & diverse availability to nutritious & wholesome food. (Please watch Food, Inc. for more information on this topic.)

    Turning the Tide
    The facts are straightforward. Constant rushing & vacation deprivation will cause you harm. Here are 3 super simple ways that you can combat these harmful habits.

    1. Practice efficient time management. Keep a calendar and don’t overbook yourself, no exceptions. We all have a ton of stuff that we want to get done, but we have to prioritize. Choose the tasks that mean the most to you and will provide you with the best ROI (return on investment). Don’t commit to anything that doesn’t benefit you, your career, your family, or your friends in a big way. Your time is precious and you should treat it as such.

    2. Use your vacation time, all of it. No matter how many days that your company allots for vacation, make sure and use it. If your company tends to be on the real stingy side with vacation, don’t be afraid to set a confidential meeting with your HR director to point out the importance of sufficient vacation time. Sufficient vacation time is mutually beneficial — you will feel better and thereby, your performance will improve. Win – Win!

    Likewise, if you work for yourself, make sure to pencil in enough time for R & R.

    3. Breathe. When you are rushing, you are most likely breathing shallow. Shallow breathing causes rapid heart rate & conversely, deep breathing causes a slower heart rate. Take time to observe your breathing throughout the day. If you find yourself shallow breathing, take a deep breath in through your nostrils. Let the air flow through your chest & deep into the pit of your stomach. Allow your stomach to expand, like a balloon, as it fills with air. Then slowly exhale through your nose and expel all of the air from your body. Breathe in deeply again, allowing the air to fill your stomach as before. Each time you inhale, take in the positive energy & light around you. Let it fill & calm your soul. Each time you exhale, push out your negative energy & fear. Continue to do this until you feel calm.

    * — * — * — * — *

    Slow down, be in the now.

2 Comments

  1. I just read your “CBT changed my life post”. That’s some pretty heavy stuff and I’m so glad to read that you’ve left that in your past and are a survivor from such a scary sickness. Isn’t it crazy how differently we look at things, now that we’re parents? Of course, as I read about your past, I had feelings of sympathy for you and what you’ve gone through…but…I’ve never known anyone who’s faced these struggles so this kind of a problem has never crossed my mind as a possible threat to my daughter in the future! I couldn’t help but to think, “will i have to face something like this in my future, not because I am suffering, but because my daughter is? Is this a result of parenting issues? will i be able to steer her away from negative thinking? will i be enough of a positive example for her so that she may be a strong, happy and confident person?” I don’t mean any disrespect towards YOUR parents with those last remarks. I’m completely ignorant on the subject, which explains why so many questions and worries crossed my mind while reading about your past. am i displaying signs of NI right now??? oh man. anyways, i just had to unload some thoughts here i guess. thanks for sharing your story. yours is the kind that needs to be told to help others out there who suffer the same as you did. that’s mighty brave of you. other than freaking me out a little, it was interesting, learning more about you. oh, and lovely photos as always.

  2. Thank you so much for reading and especially for your thoughtful response, Misty. Yes. It is some very heavy stuff. I am so grateful to be passed it, but it is also a part of who I am, a part that I would not change. I certainly do think about it differently from the perspective of being a mother. But it is something that I thought about long before I ever got pregnant. My husband and I have both dealt extensively with mental illness in our lives. We took all of that into careful consideration as we embarked on the journey to become parents. I do believe that while there are biological components to mental illness — the vast majority of it is a result of learned behavior. We can absolutely shape the minds of our children. There was (is) a lot of negativity present in those that I have been closest to all of my life. There is no doubt in my mind that the negative, irrational thought processes that consumed me, were a learned behavior. I am so grateful that I was eventually given the opportunity to reverse all of it. And although it is still deeply embedded in me, I have the tools to overcome it. Even though every day I have to be aware and constantly vigilant.

    As for parenting and raising children — I believe that teaching children to “think correctly” is a critical part of raising a child and that, at present, it is unfortunately absent. We teach our children their numbers and their letters and how to fit into society and dress themselves and brush their teeth. BUT WE DON’T TEACH THEM THE MOST IMPORTANT THING: HOW TO BE HEALTHY & HAPPY. (When I saw we, I mean the majority of modern, western civilization.)

    This is definitely a topic that I want to explore further here on the blog. I am so grateful for your comments because it lets me know that other parents are interested, concerned with this, too. THANK YOU! <3

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