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Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Saved My Life

How did I beat severe anxiety and depression? How did I lose seventy pounds? How did I take my destiny into my own hands and save my life? Of course the answer is complicated but the first step is not. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a fairly simple process that transformed the way that I think. Over the course of six months, I learned how to eliminate poisonous, debilitating thoughts from my mind. I ended a lifetime of crushing fear and began a new life of freedom, peace, and joy. Now I am going to teach you how you can do the same.

(Scroll down to the bottom if you are interested in some back story.) After several years out of therapy (reliant on medication) I decided to return. My therapist was an angel. She told me that I was suffering from anxiety and depression and that it was very treatable. I thought that she was insane. It just could not be that simple or logical. I had been depressed and suicidal forever. Things had gotten so bad that sometimes I lost touch with reality. When she told me that I could get better and that it was only a matter of changing my thought processes, I nearly walked out of her office. I knew that I was screwed up, perhaps schizophrenic, definitely a lost cause.

Today, I know that I was very wrong and she was very right. My depression was severe but it was a direct result of negative, irrational thoughts. My anxiety was also severe (so severe that it caused me to disassociate at times) but it too was a direct result of negative, irrational thoughts. Though I had tried CBT years earlier, this time it would be different. This time it would save me.

Every single person experiences negative, irrational thoughts to some degree. But what varies from person to person is the frequency and the intensity of these thoughts. If you are reading this post because you want help, there is a good chance that negative, irrational thoughts are destroying your life. You will change that. If you are reading this post because you want to fill your life with joy and eliminate pain, you will achieve that. Taking control of your thoughts will enable you to obtain emotional freedom and to live a life of peace and joy.

“The present moment is the still point around which the universe arises and subsides, only to be reborn again, fresh as a new born child.” —Deepak Chopra

CBT means something different to every therapist, to every person that practices it, and to every person that studies it. If you do a quick search you will find countless articles on CBT. It can really get quite overwhelming. I am going to ask that you don’t go there. For me, CBT is extremely simple and extremely powerful. Simply put, CBT is changing your negative, irrational thoughts into positive, rational thoughts. Here’s how you do it.

Recognize and Admit
First, you have to recognize two types of thoughts: negative-irrational and positive-rational. Here are some examples.

Negative-irrational:
a. It is raining out this morning. I am definitely going to have a bad day.
b. My parents are on the verge of losing their house. This is all my fault. I should have never been born.
c. That guy just hit my bumper. Just my luck. I can’t afford this. I’m going to be late for work. I’m going to get fired. Bad things always happen to me. I am doomed.

Positive-rational:
a. It is raining out this morning. Good thing, the flowers really need the water.
b. I am sad about my parents financial situation. I am grateful that I have been such a good daughter. I will give them love and support but I will also recognize that their problems are not my own.
c. That guy just hit my bumper. Thank God I am not hurt and we were both doing the speed limit. This could have been a lot worse.

Negative thoughts like the ones above might not be debilitating but when a person becomes consumed by such thoughts, mental illness thrives. When I was suffering from depression and anxiety, I had no idea that 99% of the thoughts passing through my mind were negative and irrational. I had been living unconsciously for so long and because it was all I ever knew, I didn’t know that there was something wrong with it. I thought that it was normal. Meanwhile, my mind and my thoughts were killing me slowly.

Once you have recognized these two thought types you have to admit that you experience them both. You have to admit to what degree you practice negative, irrational (NI) thinking. To what degree are your thoughts NI? Do you have a NI thought once or twice a day or are the majority of thoughts that pass through your mind NI? Admit the truth to yourself, next you will deal with it.

Change by Practice
I was not going to be so easily convinced. Yes I was anxious and depressed but I was not sure that changing my thoughts was going to fix anything and even if it would I wasn’t sure that I would be able to do it. My therapist gave me homework and I am about to give you some. Pay attention here, this is the single most important step to initiate CBT. These are the actions that will change your life:

*Every time you start to feel anxious or depressed, write down the thoughts that pass through your mind.

*Later, analyze these thoughts. How many of them are NI? Change the NI thoughts into positive, rational ones. Write down the positive rational ones.

*If you want to eliminate poisonous, debilitating thoughts from your life, you must do this every single day until it becomes automatic.

Automatic Positive, Rational Thoughts
I remember the first time that I automatically converted a NI thought to a positive, rational one. After months of writing my thoughts down on paper and changing them later, one day it happened automatically. I was on a walk through a forest and suddenly overcome by a sense of doom, panic set in. Something terrible is going to happen, I started but then I stopped myself, No. I am on a walk. It is a beautiful day. I am safe, happy, healthy. And that was how it started, that was when my life began to change.

With time, patience, and practice it gets easier and easier. One day you will wake up and find yourself automatically changing your NI thoughts into positive, rational ones. You will have taken back control of your mind. It really is that simple. My story can be your story. Most people have no idea what an impact the human mind has. We can not conceive that negative thought processes are capable of ruining our lives, our spirits, and our bodies — but they are! With CBT you will stop the cycle.

“As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence actually liberates others.” —Marianne Williamson

Your life of freedom, peace, and joy is waiting for you. Get on the path. Begin your journey now.

Back story: Until CBT, I suffered from mental illness my entire life. From the time I was a girl, I endured anxiety and crippling panic attacks. One example is the year that I developed a terrible preoccupation with my younger sister. I had to know where she was at all times. If I could not get to her I would become hysterical, convinced that something tragic had happened. Later in life I became depressed. Through my adolescence suicidal thoughts were a constant. I wrote pages and pages of poetry on the subjects of blood and tears. In elementary school I became significantly overweight. These problems worsened as I got older. During my junior year as an undergraduate, I decided that something needed to change.

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    Review: The Power of Now

    The Power of Now had been on my “to-read” list for years when, by a stroke of fate, a dear friend offered to lend me her audio copy. Based on my general understanding of the book and its content (prior to reading it) I felt that I would enjoy it; however, I was completely unprepared for the way that the book would speak to me, transform my perspective, and change my life.

    The Unreal Past & Future

    In The Power of Now, we learn that to live in the future or the past is to suffer. The only way to exist in true harmony is to live in the now. After all, the past is not real, the future is not real. The past and the future only exist in our minds.

    When I first heard this concept I refused to believe or comprehend it. Of course my past is real, I thought. Of course my future is real, too. How dare someone suggest that it is not? My ego lashed out; but then I thought more about it. I listened, opened my mind, and realized that it was true. I am going to ask you to walk through an exercise with me to help you understand.

    Let’s recall a memory in which you are eating something. Let’s say, for example, it’s a hot summer day and you’re licking an ice cream cone. Now, where ever you are—right now, present moment, not in the memory—I’d like you to stick your finger right into the ice cream and then throw it to the floor. Can you do that? Can you touch that ice cream cone from your memory? No, of course you can’t (unless you’re on hallucinogenics but that’s another story).

    The fact is that right now you can not touch that ice cream cone and therefore it is not real. It may seem real in your memory—in your mind—but it is not really “real”…not here, not now, not in existence. It is only a memory and it only exists in your mind.

    This principle is also true for the future. Imagine any future scenario in your mind. You win the lottery. You get fired from your job. You purchase a house. You fall off of a cliff. You can play each of those scenes out in your head. You can fill in as much detail as you like. You can mentally experience the future, but the truth remains that the future scenario isn’t “real”. You can’t actually reach out and touch anything in the future right now. The future only exists in your mind.

    When I finally grasped this concept I was shocked & amazed. It seems simple, but somehow I had been missing it for my entire life! To me, the past and the future were as real as the present. The past happened to me. The future was going to happen to me. I held on to these concepts for dear life. But then I realized the truth… the past and the present are not that important. They’re not even real. They are only in my head.

    You might be feeling a bit angry right now. (I know because I was at this point.) You might be thinking, How dare you claim that my past is not real? I’ve suffered, I’ve lived, I’ve triumphed, I’ve done X, Y, and Z. And my future, that is real too! I am going to do things 1, 2, 3, and so on!

    Your Ego Feeds on the Past & Future

    Well, my friend, I am not sorry to break it to you. That voice of anger is fueled by fear and the fear is coming from your ego.

    For your entire life, your ego has been calling the shots. He rules you by fear—fear over your past and fear over your future. So long as you believe in the reality of your past and your future, your ego has control over you. It uses every thing that ever happened in the past against you. It uses everything that you hope to happen in the future against you.

    There is only one way to overcome your ego and that is to live completely in the now. Let go of the past and the future. Be fully present in this moment.

    It is not easy. You’ve spent your entire life ruled by your ego, living in the past and present. But while it’s not easy, it is possible. It’s entirely possible for you to begin living entirely in the present moment, entirely in peace, love, & light, entirely free from the chains of your ego.

    The Power of Now is an excellent book and if you truly listen to every word and practice its teachings in your daily life, you will succeed. It has been quite a journey for me already and I’ve only been on it for a few weeks now! I am experiencing life in ways that I never dreamed possible. You can do it, too.

    *********

    Here are some of my favourite pieces from The Power of Now along with my interpretations of each.

    You have it already. You just can’t feel it because your mind is making too much noise.
    Eckhart Tolle tells us that that many people ask him to “give” them his gift. His response is always the same, You already have it.

    This is entirely true. Each of us already has the immense power of now within. Tolle nor anyone else can “give” that to us—but what he can do (and does in the book) is to show you how to harness the power in your own life.

    Not to be able to stop thinking is a dreadful affliction; but we don’t realize it because almost everyone is suffering from it. So, it is considered normal.
    After reading (listening to) The Power of Now, I realized that yes, the modern human being is suffering from a debilitating disease: compulsive over thinking.

    It is so obvious to me now! How many millions of people are suffering from anxiety, depression, and so on? Most of these individuals are suffering as such simply because of compulsive over thinking.

    When we stop our compulsive, ego-driven thoughts, we live in harmony. Sadly, however, most people just don’t know how to stop those thoughts.

    We must become the silent observer, as Tolle describes in the book. The first step to overcoming the compulsive thoughts is to recognize them, to be the silent observer of your mind.

    To see, but not see. To hear, but not hear.
    Have you ever had a moment, an hour, or a day where you were entirely mindless?

    For example, you are driving along the road completely spaced out from reality and suddenly you “wake up” and you don’t know where your head has been for some stretch of time. You know that you must have been seeing and aware, because you didn’t crash your vehicle. But you weren’t really there. You were seeing but not seeing.

    Another example, you are in conversation with a friend or loved one and you begin zoning out. You hear words coming out of her mouth, but when she finally stops talking, you realize that you have no idea what she just said. You were listening, but you weren’t really there. You were hearing but not hearing.

    This is what it means to see, but not see; to hear, but not hear. It is living life in an unconscious state, on autopilot. Most likely you are daydreaming about the unreal past or future. You can overcome this state of nothingness and time wasting by harnessing the power of now and being fully present in each moment.

    Humanity is under great pressure to evolve because it is the only chance for the survival of our species.
    “Humanity is under great pressure to evolve because it is our only chance of survival as a race. This will affect every aspect of your life and close relationships in particular. Never before have relationships been as problematic and conflict ridden as they are now. As you may continue to pursue the goal of salvation through a relationship, you will be disillusioned again and again. But if you accept that the relationship is here to make you conscious instead of happy, then the relationship will offer you salvation, and you will be aligning yourself with the higher consciousness that wants to be born into this world. For those who hold to the old patterns, there will be increasing pain, violence, confusion, and madness.”

    *********

    I could write ten posts about The Power of Now and I would only begin to scratch the surface. The book is extremely intensive. Tolle’s language is thick and weighted with meaning. The content is formatted as question and answer for the sake of clarity—but it is still heavy reading. As I mentioned earlier, I listened to the audio book and I would highly recommend this format. I have heard that reading the text can be confusing and I can understand why.

    The audio book does span several hours, but it is entirely worth every moment. If you can not afford to buy the audio book, you should consider borrowing it from your local library.

    If you decide to read or have read this book, I would love to hear your thoughts. Whether or not you decide to, I hope that you will consider the ideas that I have shared in this post.

    Thinking about being somewhere else uses up your precious, present moments. Be here now. —Wayne Dyer

35 Comments

  1. I have been reading your blog and I have to say that you are a special person with a lot to offer. Thanks so much for sharing your story; it has helped me so much!

    I am a recovering alcoholic (I came to this site from Jared's). I was in serious emotional pain and I was empty inside. I knew that something had to change BUT I didn't know how or what to do. For me, I first had to removed the alcohol and give my mind, heart and soul time to heal. It was almost 10 months ago since my last drink. I also joined a website/forum that helped me sober up by reading about how others beat alcoholism and I shared my story as well. That place saved my life. Those two actions – stopping drinking and taking time to heal – gave me the opportunity to see everything in a different light. The door was now opened and I knew now that I needed to explore. So I went out on the web looking for other resources and hence here I am.

    I don't know if I was depressed and drank to relieve that OR if my drinking made me that way (chicken / egg). This question used to scare me because I didn't want to be "depressed." But now it doesn't matter so much because I am no longer consumed with how bad I feel and why. I took action (quit drinking and looked for helped) and it is all starting to pay-off. I am becoming calm and serene and I know now that alcohol is not good for me; it guts my core. I now also know that I don't have to feel bad (think negatively). I am in control of my thoughts / moods / emotions / feels AND perceptions if I allow myself to be. This is so freeing and I am becoming happier than I thought I could ever be.

    You helped me in my transformation and I just wanted to say thanks!

    mk

    Reply

  2. @mk – I can not tell you how much it means to me to know that my words and thoughts meant something to you. I am so proud of you for coming this far in your journey. Keep up the amazing work. I will keep you in my thoughts and send you love and positivity from afar.

    Reply

  3. I know its been a while since you posted this, but thanks for doing so.

    Only just recently have I realised that the treatment I had been receiving was CBT ( we just never discussed the name in our sessions )

    I think you have explained it really well, so well in fact that I have bookmarked this post so that I can keep refering back to it.

    Regards
    Greg

    Reply

  4. @Greg – I am so happy that my explanation of CBT has helped you in some way. CBT is ruly a revolutionary method for treating all sorts of problems. It is a light in the dark so to speak.

    I hope that the treatment continues to help you on your path. I am wishing you light, love, & happiness.

    Thank you for visiting Evolution!

    Reply

  5. Dena, you rock. You are beautiful!

    I have a similar story (depression, identity issues), and the path to health that you discuss was absolutely instrumental for me.

    I did not have all of this great language to help me at the time. It must have been a sub-conscious pulling toward being the ultimate Me.

    Thanks for standing on this message. It is VERY powerful and will spark and light many people's lives!

    Reply

  6. @Grant – Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing your own inspirational story. I am headed over to your site now.

    Thanks again!

    Reply
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  14. Ive been on medication without therapy for the past two years due to a reoccurance of depression and anxiety.  The medication has helped me realise that Ive suffered anxiety my entire life and never knew it wasnt normal.  Ive started seeing a CBT and trying to keep a mood diary but Im not really sure what my mood is, apart from probably unattached.  Im looking forward to getting off the meds and handling life normally.  I dont have irrational thinking, but I do worry a lot. Thank you for your article.

    Reply
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  16. Hi Dena, Your personal account in overcoming severe anxiety is inspirational. If you remember, how long did it take to begin to notice a difference in your symptoms?

    Reply

    1. Hi Daisy. Thank you so much for your comment. When I started practicing CBT it took a few months for me to notice tangible results. Within six months, my mind started to rapidly transform. You can read more about the journey in my book: http://evolutionyou.net/book/

      xo

      Reply

  17. I have a question – did you find you had to keep writing the same fears down until they disappeared? I’m doing something similar, and finding I’m having to write down and rationalize some of the same old stuff. Just wondering when it will start to sink in.

    Reply

  18. OMG it sounds like me. I’m 43 and been having trouble since I was 14yr. I’m all but exhausted with trying to get myself out of this emotional rollercoaster. I have an 8yr son, and 6yr daughter. Sometimes I don’t know if I’ll be around another year living like that. Will get your ebook! Thanks for sharing!

    Reply

  19. Hi Dena ive been battling anxiety and depression for a few years now but always thinking it was normal and was to scared to do anything about it, had a bad turn a few days ago told a friend about it and she told me to check your page out. Had a read and feeling soooo much relive that you were going through the same things and that you can actually change it makes me so happy. I see my first psychologist next week 🙂 cant wait to change my life

    Reply

    1. Hi Ryan! Thanks for stopping by. I am thrilled for you. You are about to experience some extraordinary, positive change. Best of luck on your journey!!

      Reply

  20. I just found your article today. I have been lost in anxiety and depression for over 10 years now. I appreciate your post and your explaination of CBT. I am working with a counselor now but what you described has enlightened me. It is hard to believe that 10 years have been impacted by negative thinking. I am going to change that. I think my biggest obstacle is realizing it takes time. Thank you!

    Reply

  21. Dear Dena,

    I was indeed scrolling through the disorder and CBT pages and feeling overwhelmed before coming across this post of yours! Thank you so much for writing this, being so honest in sharing your experiences and giving advice and guidance! I feel much better already after merely reading this short post, even without doing anything:) Am much more clear about what I need to do now to live a fuller life :>

    Reply

  22. Hi Dena,

    Just want to say a massive thank you for sharing this article. I’ve been in and out of CBT therapy for about 3 years now, and apart from a few rare glimpses of normality I’ve never really felt any benefits as Ive always ended up confused and overwhelmed followed by giving up. You have helped to make me see it so simple and from this moment I will start practicing the basics again. I never thought a stranger would have such an impact on my life! Thanks again.

    Reply

  23. Hi.. I’m so thankfull today because I found your article, read it step by step… and it is like wake me up from some situation I use to do. Thank you so much! I’ll learn to think positive from now on.. God bless! 😉

    Reply

  24. I have a severe health anxiety. A symptom that seems normal to others is always something serious for me. Though I know that my fears are irrational , they come again and again to haunt me. I hesitate to tell my parents to take me to a psychiatrist. Please help. What to do???? Its is ruining me

    Reply

    1. I don’t know enough about your situation to give you good advice. However, there are almost always mental health services available to students through their educators if you are in school. If you are not, then local county offices should be able to point you in the right direction. I am sending you prayers that you can get the help that you need, friend. Best wishes.

      Reply

    2. Dear Navneet, please do:) I struggled with health anxiety too and unfortunately, did not seek help for it- to the detriment of my studies and work! Looking back, my problems could have been solved much earlier had I just sought help from the start and saved myself all the grief and trouble! It’s really alienating to have everything simmer underneath, feeling alone in having an extra burden of worries, nerves and chaotic fears no one else seems to be afflicted by. I would like to encourage you to grit your teeth and go for a counselling/psychotherapy session.

      I’m not that sure about psychiatrists though- where I’m from, they are more inclined towards dispensing drugs and medications so I would recommend a therapy session first! Drugs shouldn’t be your first course of action, though they’re fine if along the course of treatment you and your therapist decide that they would be a good supplement and make an informed decision! If you do decide to go through with a psychiatrist, gotta do some reading up and research beforehand.

      Reply
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  28. Hi,

    Such a great article.

    I’m wondering with the tracking of negative thoughts, how soon after you have tracked all your NI’s would you sit down and address them?

    For example is this something you would do at the end of the day?

    Reply

    1. Hi Sascha, Yes. Doing this at the end of each day is a great idea. That is how I used to do it. Best of luck to you. If you have any more questions feel free to message me on Instagram @denajoan.

      Reply

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