Let Go of Your Ego

DenaAugust 16, 2011

evolutionyou.net | ego

When ego is lost, limit is lost. You become infinite, kind, beautiful.

Do you know the difference between your true self and your ego? Many people don’t. In fact, they don’t even realize that there is a difference between the two.

Most people identify themselves as simply: me. But this is an enormous mistake—a mistake that is responsible for much unnecessary suffering and emotional pain. It is critical that we acknowledge that our true selves and our egos are separate. More importantly, we must learn to know the difference between the two.

What is the ego?
The ego is many things, but mainly, it is the thing that holds you back. It is the thing that keeps you up at night with worry. It is the small voice in your head that is constantly cutting you down and telling you that you are not enough—not smart enough, not thin enough, not strong enough, not pretty enough, not cool enough, and so on.

When you feel your spirit soaring, the ego rushes in and stops you. Your ego says, You can not do that. You can not be what you dream to be. You can not accomplish the goals that you have set for yourself. You are being crazy. You are being irrational. Your ego tells you to stay where you are, to stay where it is safe and secure.

Does this sound familiar? Do you recognize this ego? Have you heard it in your head? Yes, me too. We all have.

I have heard it said that no one in the world will ever abuse you as much as you will abuse yourself (negative self-talk). But the truth is that no one will abuse as much as your ego will abuse you. To be clear, the ego is not intentionally malicious. It is not deliberately causing you harm. What you must remember about the ego is that it is entirely based in fear and nothing else. Your ego cuts you down because, believe it or not, it is trying to protect you. In its fear, the ego believes that cutting you down will prevent you from failure, humiliation, pain, and suffering. Because if you do not live, dream, take risks, and explore—then you can not get hurt. You can stay safe in your cocoon forever and your ego will be quite happy there with you. But…

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. —Anais Nin

Your True Self
There is a counter force to the ego. It allows you to overcome all of the ego’s fear, anxiety, worry, and scare tactics. It is your True Self. Maybe you have caught glimpses of it?

Perhaps one day you were floating in the ocean, warm sun at your face. As you lie there peacefully, all fear, worry, and anxiety left your spirit and you felt an exquisite calm. Perhaps it was while you were riding a bike. You were speeding down the roadway, cool wind in your face, and you felt, This is it. This is my peace, calm, happiness. Perhaps it was in the gym and you were pounding down on the treadmill, sweat pouring from your face, knowing that you were doing it, becoming that beautiful form that’s always been inside of you. Or maybe, like me, you were on a stage, speaking to a group of people, a hundred faces looking up at you, and you were giving them your message of hope.

You have had one of these moments. They are different for all people, but they are the same in that—for a brief moment—we catch a glimpse of our true selves and our egos are completely gone. In that moment, there is no fear, no worry—there is only you: infinite, kind, beautiful you.

Know the Difference, Embrace Your True Self
All suffering is ego-created and caused by resistance. Your ego is a part of you, you can never be rid of it entirely; but you can learn to recognize and overcome it. The key is to carefully monitor your thoughts. You must remain aware. Happiness is slowing down and listening to the conversations inside your head. When you hear your ego come out and start to cut you down, address it immediately. I know you’re trying to protect me from a future pain that you think is coming. I love and appreciate your desire to protect me, but there is no need. I will not dwell in fear.

If you can remember to do this, your true self will prevail over your ego every time.

In addition to recognizing and overcoming your ego, you must also embrace your true self. Seek out those moments that allow your true self to shine through. Create more of those moments for yourself. When you feel that sense of calm, exquisite, infinite peace in your soul—harness it. Capture that feeling and call upon it often. Stop living in the painful shadows of your ego. Allow your true self to begin guiding your life.

In love & light,

Comments (18)

  • Meg

    August 16, 2011 at 6:27 pm

    I think my ego gets in the way when I am talking or practicing something I am passionate about. I used to do it a lot in yoga. I wanted to be able to do all the hard poses and inversions and I was letting my ego get in the way of my actual practice. I learned to overcome this. I know my ego still exists in a lot of things that I do, the challenge is recognizing it for sure. Thanks Dena!

    1. Dena

      August 17, 2011 at 10:36 am

      Your yoga is example is a perfect example of ego getting in the way. It’s been entirely too long since I’ve taken a class but I can remember my ego being a major hurdle there, too. Then sometimes, my ego would suddenly slip away, and it was the most incredible feeling imaginable. I was there with my true self radiating. Thank you for being here, Meg. <3

  • andra watkins

    August 17, 2011 at 11:45 am

    I am living both parts of this right now. It isn’t easy to let go, but it is worth it. xo

  • Meg

    August 30, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    Hello. Thank you so much for writting this. I have been reading alot about ego lately and truly trying to let it go. I remember 4 years ago when I was living in a space where ego played a very little party in my life and decisions. It was after leaving an unhealthy relationship, and exploring one of my true passions, aromatherapy. It’s a hard road back, but I think I’m finding my way. Thank you for being one of my stepping stones along the way.

    1. Dena

      August 31, 2011 at 10:07 am

      Hi Meg. Thank you so much for being here. Indeed, it is a hard (hard!) road… but one incredibly worth traveling. Hope you’ll stick around. XO

  • 2pericles

    October 10, 2011 at 4:24 pm

    You are wise, a truly uncommon human being.  As soon as we realize that how we live may not be the best path, we grow.  Then the real adventure and life begin.

    1. Dena

      October 11, 2011 at 10:39 am

      thank you so much. you are very kind.

  • Roman Matysik

    March 5, 2012 at 2:46 am

    It was just yesterday I had this unusual feeling, or better to say way of understanding things that produced the feeling. Suddenly, my own reality dissolved and only facts remained. I could see past my choices of the past, I looked around my room and saw all the things I ever bought because my ego wanted to have them, I also looked at people in my life, that my ego clung onto and the connection to them, all that clinging was gone. Right then and there I stopped being realistic and became factual. And everywhere I’ve looked, everything I’ve seen since that moment, I’ve seen with different eyes.

    My friends, strangers, everyone,… I could tell by their appearances, their talks and acts their own  realities which they were trapped in. And then the sudden urge, to make everyone understand…. It was magic.

  • Dominica hotels: Manicou River

    March 30, 2012 at 8:23 am

    Hello Dena,

    I like that take on the Ego … it’s trying to protect me … I have been trying to get rid of it through all sorts of ways, but never trying to say “thank you for your concern …. but” to it.

    Thanks for this bit … I tried it and felt better … bashing it I always felt that I was bashing me.


  • Richard kilonzo

    May 20, 2012 at 11:09 am

    Hi Dena,

    My Ego had tried to prevent me from leaving a positive comment. I have just overcome it by giving you a BIG THUMBS UP! Many Thanks and keep up the positive work.

  • Sonya Gray

    January 5, 2013 at 1:43 am

    Thanks, Dena. This article was just what I needed at this moment. It was a good read and very encouraging.

  • Vij

    November 17, 2013 at 3:19 am

    Dena, this is an incredible article.
    This is something which every human being go through.

    Keep up your good work.

  • juney

    October 6, 2014 at 4:34 pm

    Thank you Dena. I love your article and needed to hear it.

  • Joanna

    August 27, 2015 at 2:58 am

    It was my privilege to read your article, it gave me a clear idea on what ego is, the difference between it and our true self.Futhermore how to let it go. Thank you so much and keep the spirit. God bless uu. XO

  • Shia lebouf

    December 26, 2015 at 11:08 pm

    I still don’t understand what ego means. So I’m feeding my ego if I say “I” am beautiful, calm or I want to eat this type of food. Isn’t trying to not feed your ego, feeding it unconsciously. Most you take selfies isn’t that feeding your ego. Aren’t you feeding your ego when you shower to feel and look better? If so I feel hopeless traped in my ego and egos that are hungry for more. If I am confident or get good grades is it feeding my ego. I’m literally dropping tears from my eyes because I feel so confused.everything is blurry…from these thick tears. If I donate money or help somebody in a good innocent am i feeding my ego. Don’t we all do stuff for our own good? I think we could all have unconditional love. IS ANYBODY THERE!!!! HELP!!!!!



    1. Jacylyn Benjamin

      November 15, 2017 at 5:06 am

      Shia, that is not your ego. When you say I am beautiful, calm, etc. Those are affirmations that your higher self is feeding you. Selfies can be ego based depending on why you are doing it. Ego is negative self talk or thoughts. Things such as pride, insecurities and fear. We may say things out of fear. That is ego talking. Your higher self is the opposite of ego. These are love-based. I suggest probably reading more articles about ego versus higher self.

  • Ben

    January 31, 2016 at 5:07 am

    Finding inner peace when you start hearing voices. By Ben Buckland.

    My name is Ben Buckland, I am 29 years old. Three years ago after a big nervous break down and was diagnosed with PTSD relating to service in Afghanistan in 2009 where I was a member of the first battalion Royal Australian Regiment. I was put on a very generous wage thanks to The department of Veterans affairs. A range of private mental health services were also made available to me. I spent the first year trying to numb the pain with a mix of alcohol and prescription medication. Which eventually led to harder drugs which slowly got worse until I became clean which I am now in my eighth month of clean living. So when the voices started over a year ago I instantly blamed it on the drugs. I was convinced I had scitzaphreania. But after a phcycyitrist and a number of doctors and phcycpligists couldn’t diagnose it I was left with no answers except the ones I was being given in countless promises, threats, tricks, abuse, mixed in with a fair bit of positive support which sometimes was confused not heard or the information was quickly squashed with a promise of a clear answer if I did a task that was given to me. The tasks were usually very negative and often sexual in nature. Until very recently I was listening to the wrong voice, where i thought I was talking to a guide of sorts, I was actually being deceived by my ego, which is everything but you. It is negative, abusive, and defiantly doesn’t care about you in anyway at all. It wants you to be angry it wants you to be upset. For me substance and alcohol made my egos stronger and especially when I was intoxicated it could at times control my behaviour, attitude and actions. It could make me angry, sad, lost, frustrated and even suicidal at times. I had abuse in my head from the moment I woke up till the moment I fell asleep. Before the voices started I was the biggest sceptic and in no way at all spiritual. Except I was very connected to the environment and the outdoors, having grown up in gidgegannup. I feel at home in nature and connect with it. I am still most happy when I’m in nature. When they started naturally I assumed they were actual people. Another of the egos tricks is to mimic voices of people we know. It knew I was ignorant to the spiritual side and used to pretend my loved ones were having heart attacks, car crashes, and even that they were being murdered. The ego also knows all your past mistakes, from breaking the law to how I used to drink and verbally abuse my ex partner. It then manifested tricks ie, the police were after me or that child protective services were coming to take my son. The aim of this is to cause anxiety, fear, anger, remorse, guilt. And other negative emotions, as the ego thrives off these. Also in the process of this it silences our true self, our inner child and our spirit guides. My ego was a master at confusing me, making me think that I had figured what was going on building me up promising. Me until I was estatic. Then crushing me as he laughed saying I had been fooled again. My ego pretended to be all sorts of people and things, from my partners father and ex boyfriend, to my mums late stepfather and my deceased poppy, to my friends, to old girlfriends. At one point it convinced me I could talk to the dead. Another time I was convinced that I could talk to people I knew through telepathy. I was a mess. It pretended to be on my side encouraging to abuse a girl who he claimed was his a compliance. This girl ended up being my inner child, I did this for months and months certain I was doing the right thing when all along I was crushing my inner child who is very important and should be praised and nurtured, because they are our pure innocence and when they are not happy we can never be at peace or happy ourselves. I also spent the same amount of time fighting my ego back thinking I was doing the right thing, when I was playing right into the egos hand. Arguments are another thing that fules our ego. Because like it or not ego exists inside us all, so fighting it is actually you fighting with yourself. Ego also thrives off negative behaviour as well as thoughts, so not only will it grow stronger if you act towards others in reality. Ie abusing the girl at McDonald’s because your order was wrong. But also those thoughts you have in your head that are disrespectful to others. You think it is harmless behaviour, when in fact you are feeding your ego. An example of this would be, when your on a train and you look at the person across from you and think wow they are so fat. All those little jokes you make in your head disrespecting people or in fact any negative thoughts are making your ego stronger. The way I countered this behaviour was simple instead of thinking negative thoughts about that over weight lady, instead complement her in your mind, this will starve the ego. One of the hardest things to do that I found was distinguishing your angels and guides plus your inner child from your ego. Simple, your ego is an angry abusive voice who will swear and yell, for me it sounds like a nasty evil version of myself. Your higher self will be a much deeper calmer voice who will never swear or put you down but give you logical guidance and advice. Your inner child will sound like a little child- go figure. And your spirit guide will be also kind and always encouraging. Be careful though because if you have neglected your inner child they may be angry at you, so don’t confuse them with your ego. If this is the case you need to say your sorry and start being caring and protective just like you would your 5 year old child.if you like me have tried everything and ten things more to get rid of the voices especially the abusive ones with no luck, I’m sorry to tell you but they are there your not crazy and unfortunately you will never be rid of them. This sounds very negative but it’s not, it’s just a matter of living your life without ego, once I accomplished this, the ego was still there- it always will, but because it had no fuel it grows weaker and quieter. Allowing all the positive Angels, guides, your true self as well as your inner child to communicate with you clearly without confusion and for the first time in a Long time you will be at peace. If you are fighting with your ego “YOU ARE FIGHTING” against your self and all you will achieve is anger, self hatred, depression, and even suicide. You will be free to make decisions again once you start living your life without ego plus you can access all sorts of information guidance and very important advice. Plus you will never be alone again. Like me YOU can be happy again even if you are so lost you want to give up. If you stop the fighting with yourself, and the negative thoughts and behaviour, I hope like me you can find peace within yourself.

  • Jacylyn Benjamin

    November 15, 2017 at 5:12 am

    Always look for tools to find truth. Read books and empower yourself with knowledge. Meditate and feed yourself more wisdom. The answers are within you. Look inside your heart. Where is it guiding you? Check in with spirit always to validate what you think, feel or doing is right. These are ways to connect more to source and your higher self.

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