Review: The Gifts of Imperfection

The Gifts of ImperfectionImagine letting go of who you’re “supposed” to be and embracing who you truly are.  Imagine living a wholehearted life.  How would it feel?  What would it look like?  Who would you be?

These are the concepts and questions that Dr. Brené Brown discusses in her latest book, The Gifts of Imperfection.  She explores the greatest barriers to true living and shows us how to move through them to cultivate resilience.  The book is full of personal stories, motivational quotes, and ideas for making deliberate, inspired choices about the way we live.

The Gifts of Imperfection is divided into ten chapters—or guideposts—that lead us to let go of what people think; to cultivate gratitude; to let go of exhaustion & anxiety; and to cultivate happiness.

A reoccurring theme (and one of my favorite aspects) throughout the book is what Brené calls, digging deep and using the “dig-deep button”.

You know the dig-deep button, right? It’s the button that you rely on when you’re too bone-tired to get up one more time in the middle of the night or to do one more load of throw-up-diarrhea laundry or to catch one more plane or to return one more call or to please/perform/perfect the way you normally do even when you just want to flip someone off and hide under the covers.

I loved reading about the dig-deep button, because yes I know that button, and yes, I want to break it! In The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené teaches us that we don’t have to break the button, but rather we should dig deep in a wholehearted way. Instead of trying to push through, soldier on, and suck it up—we should slow down, act deliberately, be inspired, and take action. Such beautiful advice!

Dr. Brown leaves readers with a feeling of hope. At the end of the day, no matter what gets done, we are enough. Yes, we are imperfect and vulnerable… but that doesn’t change the truth that each of us is worthy of love and belonging. It is a powerful, inspiring—but most importantly—a true message. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is ready to embrace her true self and all of her beautiful imperfections.

Note to readers: Because I was given a free, advanced copy of this book to review, I am giving it away to one of my lovely readers! Simply leave a comment telling me about a beautiful imperfection in yourself or in a loved one. I will select one commenter at random to receive my copy.

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    Letting Go of the Past: Forgiveness

    Last week, I finished listening to Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now. It had been on my “to-read” list for years, when by a stroke of fate a dear friend offered to lend me her audio copy. I plan to do a full review of the book in the coming weeks but for now I want to focus on one important element—forgiveness of the past.

    Recently I started thinking about the first twenty-five years of my life. In The Power of Now, we learn that to live in the future or the past is to suffer. The only way to exist in true harmony is to live in the now. After all, the past is not real, the future is not real. The past and the future only exist in our minds. The only thing that is truly and completely real, is the now.

    The challenge with this, however, is that until we can accept, understand, and move on from the conditioning of the past, we can not experience true freedom. And in order to truly accomplish this, we must experience true forgiveness of the past—forgiving others & ourselves completely.

    As I reflected upon these truths, I realized that I have been holding on to a tremendous amount of pain from my own personal history. There is so much past that continues to haunt me and impact me in the now. One of the greatest sources of pain revolves around my former lifestyle.

    I spent so much of my life caught up in a false sense of self. I spent incredible amounts of money on material possessions that I now perceive as worthless (clothes, jewelry, useless electronics, etc.) For some reason, I fell into the marketing. I bought it—all of it. (You can read more about my journey into financial prison and my subsequent journey out in previous posts.)

    But that’s not really the point, the point is that I ended up here. I can sit around and feel sorry for myself, angry that so much of my life was wasted, frustrated that I’ve only paid off a fraction (albeit a substantial fraction) of my debts so far; but if I did all of that where would it get me? It wouldn’t get me anywhere except maybe on a private jet to my own personal pity party. No thank you.

    Instead of wallowing, I am grateful. Grateful that I have come this far. Grateful that I’ have learned these lessons and changed the direction of my life by the age of 25 (soon-to-be 26). Grateful to be surrounded by a community of people that support me and believe in me. Grateful to have discovered my life’s true purpose and passion. Grateful to be doing what I love (even if only part of the time). Grateful to be safe, secure, healthy, strong, and beautiful.

    As I move through these emotions of gratitude for what I have now and what I am now, I find that the pain of my history slips away. I believe that I am finally on a path toward true forgiveness of the past. The reality is that it happened. I made mistakes, like all fallible human beings do. However, without making those mistakes, I may never have come to this place, to this now.

    The past grants us wisdom & grace. The memories that haunt us the most, are usually the memories that taught us the greatest lessons. Forgiveness will come from acceptance. So, the trick to true forgiveness is true acceptance. Once we can accept our past unconditionally, we can live fully in the now.

    I am making my way on this journey slowly. For most of my life, I focused almost entirely on the past—heart breaks, mistakes, errors in judgment, loss, failures, and so on—but that was a tragic mistake. What I now know is that the past is gone, the only thing that matters is now. And likewise, the future is a distant place that exists only in my mind. The only thing that matters is right now.

    Transforming the way that I think has been a challenging process, but I have come a tremendous distance already and I will keep on pushing forward, always.

    Now I ask you, reader, what pieces of your past are you holding on to? Are you willing to accept those pieces unconditionally so that you may truly forgive and live in harmony & light? Will you join me on this journey?

25 Comments

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  6. This sounds like a good book. It is so important to embrace who we really are and live our dreams.

    Although I might change the title to “The gifts of Perfection”, because we are all perfect beings, just remembering how to get back to our true selves. One of my perfections I am always working through is fear. I love the lessons my fears teach me, and it always feels so good to melt them away.

    1. @Stacy – “We are all perfect beings.” Such a beautiful thought.

      Yes! Fear is an incredibly beautiful perfection/imperfection (whichever way you look at it). It is only through fear & overcoming fear that we grow, learn, live, & love. Thank you so much for sharing.

  7. Dena, I have so many imperfections that it is hard to pick just one. 🙂 But, here goes.

    My most beautiful imperfection is that I am a font of ideas. I have many inspiring ideas every day and have been afflicted with this malady for years. Until recently, I never knew how to do anything about these ideas. I’d have one and then be off on another one before I did anything about the first one. Typical right-brainer, I guess.

    I’m learning that by slowing down and focusing I can still have ideas yet execute several things each day; that making meaningful progress toward completing one of my ideas can be just as creative and fulfilling; and that the font steps up to feed that main idea if I let it.

    1. @Andra – Wow! I absolutely love this beautiful imperfection of yours. In fact, it’s not just beautiful, it’s gorgeous! ( And that’s not just because it is one of my own! 😉 ) I know exactly what you mean! I, too, find myself sometimes overwhelmed with the magnificent outpouring of “ideas” from my heart & mind. The challenge is truly to funnel that energy & creativity in a wise way, set measurable goals, and then check things off the list–before moving onto the next.

      It sounds like you’ve got the hang of it. Thank you so much for sharing!

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    1. @Teri – So glad that you enjoyed the post. Not sure who you are referring to as imperfect–the reader (you) or the writer (me). I think you are right either way! 😉 Thanks much for stopping by. Have a great evening.

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  10. Hello Dena,

    I’ve just discovered your blog and it is awesome. I look forward to reading more. I am totally with you on the “stop making excuses” philosophy and I look forward to learning from your experiences.

    Thanks!

    1. @Keith – I am so glad that you found me! Yes, as you can tell from my recent posts I’m all about stopping the excuses lately. It is such a critical component of our journey toward true happiness & creating the lives of our dreams. Hope you’ll stick around.

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  12. @Julie – All I can say is one ENORMOUS awww!! I love Byrd so much (& I haven’t even met her!) Just thinking of her little, sweet self makes me want to squee with delight.

    If there ever were a perfect teeny imperfect dog, it would be Byrd. We are so blessed to have such loving fur balls in our lives.

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  15. I’ll write not about an imperfection of mine but of seeing imperfections in others. People tend to concentrate on the imperfections in others, preventing them to see and how truly beautiful a person really is. Looking at someone’s faults could block you from getting to know an otherwise true, wise and inspiring person. I speak of a wise man very close to me who struggles every day with a great vice and burden…His imperfection is judged strongly by many—giving this loving, caring and beuatiful man no chance to show them who he really is, despite his flaw. Seeing imperfections in others can be a great loss to ones self.

    1. @Cindy – This is such an incredible story & such a beautiful perspective. You are truly a gifted person with one of the brightest spirits I have ever seen. You are absolutely right–it is so important that we look beyond other people’s imperfections because it is only then, that we can really know a person.

      We are all flawed–that’s what makes us human. Often times, it is our flaws & our imperfections that make us special, unique, and wonderful.

      Thank you for sharing this story with us. You always put a smile on my face with your loving insights. XO

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