“To offer no resistance to life is to be in a state of grace, ease, and lightness.” —Eckhart Tolle
Stop resisting the will of the Universe. I’ve said this to myself thousands of times. It is perhaps one of the most powerful tools that has led me to peace of mind.
In the past four years, I overcame depression, anxiety, and I lost sixty pounds. When you overcome a lifetime of anxiety & depression, a lot of things change. For one thing, you begin to enjoy life. Simple things that you hadn’t noticed before fill your heart with joy—Spring, a cold glass of water on a hot day, a good workout, a kind word, a smile. When you are overcome by the effects of anxiety & depression, you do not have time to notice these simple pleasures. (They are often overshadowed by the negative, irrational thoughts swarming inside of your head.)
Happiness begets happiness, as I like to say. However, even in my increased state of happiness, I knew that something still wasn’t right. It took me awhile to realize what it was. Only after months of careful self-observation did I realize what was happening.
A hard day at work = I was disgusted, angry, plagued by head aches.
A frustrating experience at a car dealership = I was furious.
An upcoming flight and travel arrangements = I was anxious, worried, sick to my stomach.
I was continually allowing my mind to make me angry, sick, sad, frustrated, etc. Yet, after each of these experiences I learned some valuable lesson or something really important & meaningful happened as a result.
Hard days at work always lead me to clarity about how myself and my team could be more efficient.
The frustrating experience at the car dealership actually prevented me from making a terrible mistake and purchasing the wrong car.
Recent travel and trips have brought me incredible successes in my personal & professional life.
Upon observing all of this, it hit me. Even when things seemed terrible, even when I was really upset, eventually the pain of the situation would subside. Moreover, I would come out on the other side wiser, stronger, and grateful. Every thing that happened (happens) to me is a direct result of the will of the Universe (you can call that God, fate, destiny, or any other name you’d like to give it, no matter). Yes, every thing that happens is a direct result of the will of the Universe and an opportunity to learn and grow. In order to live true happiness, I had to stop resisting the will of the Universe. Once I did this, my life changed in incredible (and previously unimaginable) ways. When I stop resisting and simply “go with the flow” I find that I am constantly filled with a deep calmness in my soul. I do not worry or suffer. I simply exist and let all scenarios play themselves out. I understand that even pain is necessary and that ultimately it will carry me to a place of light & peace.
Fear is Unnecessary
At the root of every single feeling of discomfort, lies one emotion: fear. Fear is the emotion responsible for all forms of suffering. Sadness, anxiety, worry, rage, hatred, envy, and all other forms of suffering are rooted in fear. However, once you stop resisting the will of the Universe, you will understand that fear and suffering are actually not necessary at all.
The vast majority of fear and suffering is a result of living in an unreal world and/or allowing negative, irrational thoughts to control our minds. The unreal world is the world of sky rise buildings, electricity, paper money, McDonald’s, television, marketing, vanity surgery, reality TV, etc. The real world is the world of trees, dirt, sun, stars, wind, rain, whole foods, self-love, generosity, family, love, etc. Can you see the difference? Once you remove yourself from the suffocating chains of the unreal world, and begin living in the real world, you will find that most of the fears that you experience are completely unnecessary. The vast majority of anxieties that we suffer from are made-up.
– fear of judgment
– fear of failure
– fear of humiliation
– fear of public speaking
– fear of making a mistake
– fear of travel
– fear of forgetting something
– fear of being alone and so on
Once you realize that these fears are made-up in the unreal world, they can hold no power over you. All of the above are irrational anxieties. None of those things would actually put your life in danger or expose you to any harm. The only place that they can affect you is in your head. But you must remember that you have control over what goes on in your head! You can use cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to end the suffering.
Eventually, you will realize that true fear might have a place in your life, but that is only when you are truly in danger. Perhaps while being chased by a bear or masked murderer, while falling from a cliff, etc. Yes, in those instances, your fear is justified and it can help you by creating adrenaline, increased strength, quicker reflexes and cognitive ability. But other than those “real” true fear situations, there is really no need for fear and certainly no need for emotional suffering.
Live Without Resistance or Fear
Once you learn to stop resisting the will of the Universe and to live without fear, you will experience an entirely new & improved sort of living. You will find that all of the things that you once desired, but were afraid to seek, are actually within your reach. For example, I was emotionally crippled by irrational anxiety for the first half of my life. This made it impossible for me to speak in front of people. I could not ask a question in a class of twenty, let alone get up in front of a group of people to speak. My anxiety over public speaking was so great, that it crippled me. I once experienced a debilitating panic attack at a dinner party of five family friends! But… that is ancient history.
Now, my former self is hardly recognizable. I have spoken in front of groups of sixty people or more with grace and confidence. I know that my fear is irrational & unnecessary, so I overcome it. Sure, my heart rate may increase, I might sweat a bit—but I do not let it stop me! I remind myself that that the fear is not real and I move forward to success.
You are entirely capable of achieving the same same sort of success in your own life—personal & professional. Whatever your fear is, you can overcome it.
“You’ll seldom experience regret for anything that you’ve done. It is what you haven’t done that will torment you.” —Wayne Dyer
To allow fear to rule your life, is not to live at all. So stop resisting the will of the Universe and stop allowing fear to rule your life. Begin living, truly living, right now. There is nothing in your way. What is your greatest fear? Can you believe that it is unnecessary? What would you do if you had no fear in your heart at all? How different could your life be?
The only time you run out of chances is when you stop taking them!
I am now offering personalized coaching sessions to individuals suffering from anxiety &/or depression. If you are interested in scheduling a session or would like to learn more, please contact me at denabotbyl[@]gmail[.]com for details and rates. Include CBT Session in the subject line.
it seems like you get more vaccines over there?
babies get 2 shots at 6 weeks, 12 weeks, 5 months and then 3 at the 15month visit. then no more until age 4.
i can understand both sides of the vaccine fence; but after our start there was no doubt in my mind. it is strongly reccommended for immune compromised babies & knowing how easily things can go bad, there was just no way i wouldn’t do every little thing to protect my boy. we got asked if we were planning to immunise when in hospital, i said yes, they said thankgod. he needs all the help he can get.
i always planned on immunising anyway, whatever the start to his life, but i guess i am saying that a glimpse into something being wrong or seeing babies fighting for life, it just makes you want to protect with your mama bear heart all you can!!
we often get mild fevers here with the shots too; but in my mind, a fever is nothing in comparison to what they can get without these shots, you know? it is heartbreaking to see them in ANY pain, a fever when they are that young is horrible. and it never doesn’t hurt your heart, but the first is most DEFINITELY the worst time– we went from the 12 week shots fever, right into his first cold, then into terrible silent reflux (as you know) –you’ve been through that now, you’re stronger from it. <3
hope you got some sleep and i hope roman is back to his 100% self soon. much love.
Thank you, as always, Amy. <3
I just checked out the vaccine schedule for NZ and there is a big difference! There are several more vaccines over here. Have a look at this: https://livelovesimple.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/vaccines.png On the top you will see the schedule that the pediatrician/U.S CDC recommends. On the bottom you will see the schedule that we are currently following. However, we are definitely going to be leaving some of these off (Hepatitis, Chickenpox, at least). At any rate — it frustrates me to no end that the US has more vaccinations than most other countries and at the same time we’re one of the only developed nations that CHARGES for these vaccines. But that is a whole separate topic. I’m trying really hard not to make these decisions political.
I so much agree with everything you’ve said — especially your rationale for giving the vaccines. That’s exactly why we decided to go ahead with them. Thank you so much.
wow! i can’t believe the difference & that you have to pay!
we can opt to pay for the chickenpox or the flu vaccine too. although i think chickenpox is quite pricey. i contemplated the flu one, since he gets sick a lot and worse than most, but decided against it.
I am not a parent, and I’m not going to be a parent. I knew I would never make it in our hyper-judgmental, nosy-body society. I admire you for embarking upon parenthood, Dena. It has got to be the hardest thing in the world.
I had a long skype conference with my guide son’s mother about a month ago. She wanted my advice about motherhood, in a weird way. It seems she has some very vocal friends in her life, who upset her to the point of tears when she was trying to make a very important decision for her family.
And, here’s the thing.
At the end of the day, it does not matter what anyone outside of your household thinks about how your rear your son. As long as you’re not abusing him, you two have to lean on each other and make the best decisions you know how to make for him, and to hell with what anyone else thinks of it. Be strong, and know that the love that consumes your soul will help you do the right things – regardless of what all the harpies in books and magazines and television and your extended circle of friends and family try to tell you. God gave you this very precious gift because He knew you could handle it. He knew you’d do well.
And I know you will, too.
xo
Thank you, Dear Andra. You are wonderful and your words of encouragement are so much appreciated. You are overwhelmingly right and you’ve hit every nail on the head about this hyper-judgmental society. Your guide son is so lucky to have you in his life, as his mother. I am also so lucky to have a friend like you to give me just the pep talk that I needed! Much love to you and thank you so very much for your faith in me. xo
Ugh vaccines, right? Sometimes I kind of wish I had raised my children maybe 40 years ago in a time where it seemed like more parents just blindly listened to doctor’s orders. Although I am thankful to live in a time where more women are making informed decisions as far as vaccinations go, it can be very stressful to make such important decisions regarded our children’s lives. For Roman we did most of the recommended vaccines but spread them out and had one or two given at a time. We also opted out of some. Asher has only had 2 vaccines. I do plan to give him some more vaccines now that he is 2. I read somewhere in my vaccine research that as a parent, you just have to make the bet choice you can and feel confident in that. It has been hard for me, but both of my children are healthy and I am thankful that for us our choices have worked out so far.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Gillian. It is soooo good to hear other mama’s perspectives and to know that we’re all in this together! I like the idea of waiting until a little bit older, too. It’s not something that I had considered too much because the pediatrician has been pushing “now, now, now” but it makes sense.
I am not a mother, other than to furry four-legged children, so I don’t know if I qualify to comment. I am also only slightly knowledgeable about canine and feline vaccinations – which is also a controversy by the way. I question my judgement with them, so i don’t know how I would know what to do with a human child.
I just want to simply share something I experienced when my nephew’s son was born and you can take what you know much better about the meaning behind it. I was in the room when the Doctor came in after my nephew told them they would not be vaccinating. I don’t think I had ever seen a Doctor so emotional and passionate about a patient. His anger was in that he had served in countries where he could not save babies and children who were dying because vaccinations were not available to them and here they were fortunate enough to have access to them and turning them away. They did end up going with vaccinations after all. It has to be hard with all the information and mis-information. I hate that it has to be a concern for mothers at all. I trust what is in your heart for your own son.
thanks so much for your thoughts, mary linn. it is tough and i get why it’s such a hot button issue for sure. making these hard choices is the toughest part of parenthood — both for furry parents and human parents alike! xo
We also decided to space out Sam’s vaccines, which I had to sign a form saying he’s on an alternate schedule. Ooh very alternate; ) It’s just so tricky! You want to do the right thing, but what is truly the right thing? I am really beginning to believe in the trust your instincts style of parenting . There’s just so much conflicting things, it’s hurts the brain AND heart.
I’m sorry to hear Roman got a fever from it, but feel better that you spaced them out rather than him getting sick with double the shots in him.
Aw, thank you, Suzy! It’s so good to hear from other mamas & know that we’re all in this together. xo
Someone at worked responded with “Ugghhh, you’re doing vaccinations?” when I told them Isabella had an appointment coming up and I felt really judged upon. I started to question if I was doing the right thing, did she know something that I didn’t, or maybe I didn’t do enough research? I started second guessing all those shots she already had, but a good friend reminded me that you do your best for your children because after all, we only want the best for them so we need to be confident in the decisions we make for them. You’re doing your best as a mama and in mommy-world, you are absolutely right…the options are endless, but Roman is trusting you with all his little heart and have no doubt that you are always making the best decisions you can make when it comes to him. Hoping you both are getting more sleep these days and the little guy is feeling better!
You are wonderful. I am so sorry to hear that someone would question you like that. Unfortunately some people just don’t think, nor know how to mind their manners. The good news is that you’ve got such a wonderful perspective on the whole thing. You couldn’t be more right — it’s all about knowing that we are doing the best that we can and being confident in our decisions. <3 Thank you for your support as always. xo