What is a personal calling? It is God’s blessing, it is the path that God chose for you here on Earth. Whenever we do something that fills us with enthusiasm, we are following our legend. However, we don’t all have the courage to confront our own dream. —The Alchemist
Are You Aware of What You’re Doing?
I’ve been thinking a lot about dreams lately (as if you hadn’t noticed). One of my most urgent ambitions/dreams is to live an entirely purposeful life. I see people around me everyday, sleepwalking through life, on autopilot. Alarm clock, shower, breakfast, commute, zombie work, commute, dinner, television, sleep. Repeat. Day in and day out. It breaks my heart. What hurts more are the moments (sometimes hours) when I catch myself falling into that terrible haze. Of course I snap myself out of it as soon as I realize it’s happening. The way that I snap out of it is simple enough: I ground myself. I literally take notice of my feet on the Earth, carpet, tile (wherever I am). I recognize my breathing. I acknowledge that I am a human being walking the Earth, beneath the sky, on a great big planet, floating in the Universe. It’s really important to do that, to ground yourself in reality at least once a day, probably more. If you don’t do it you will get caught up in the trivial — the fight with your spouse; the disappointment over your kid’s report card; the scratch on your new car; the ever-growing pile of papers on your desk; your unappreciative boss — you get the picture.
Proactive vs. Reactive Living
When you ground yourself, you pull yourself from the depths of the trivial, unimportant, little details that tend to take control. When you ground yourself, you become aware. The only problem with grounding yourself this way is that it is reactive rather than proactive. There is actually a much better way to avoid autopilot and that is proactivity. I am going to start talking a lot on this blog about reactive vs. proactive thoughts and actions. So let me take a moment to define what I mean by each of these terms.
Reactive—Something happens and triggers you to take action.
Example 1: You get on the scale one morning to realize that you’ve gained ten pounds. Your reaction is to begin a diet and start breaking your back in the gym until you lose the ten pounds.
Example 2: Your marriage has been falling apart for the last two years. You fight with your spouse daily or more. You are both unhappy. You put everything before each other — work, friends, hobbies, etc. The marriage is your last priority. As a last resort you decide to attend marriage counseling.
Proactive—You consciously prepare and act in ways that will produce certain desired outcomes in your life.
Example 1: You are aware that you want to be physically healthy. You continually live a lifestyle that promotes health. You always take the stairs instead of the elevator. You run a mile each morning before work. You feed your body foods that it craves & needs and avoid “junk” whenever possible.
Example 2: Your marriage is one of your top priorities. You make “alone” time and set dates with your spouse at least once a week. You plan vacations together to explore places you’ve never seen. You participate in each others favourite hobbies. You fight, as all healthy couples do, but you practice open communication and work through arguments before they become significant problems.
If you analyze all of the actions and thoughts in your life, you will find that each one is either reactive or proactive. The goal is to make all of your thoughts and actions proactive. The problem with practicing reactive thinking or action, is that it is usually too late. And even when you do succeed, it is usually a short-lived success because reactive thoughts and actions do not treat the causes of problems; they only treat the symptoms.
Let’s take the reactive approach to the extra ten pounds for example. You notice the excess weight, you starve yourself, you go to the gym religiously — within a few months, the pounds are gone. You feel great for a little while, but soon you go back to your old habits. A few months later and the pounds are creeping back on. On the other hand, if you had made a decision to begin taking a permanent proactive approach to maintaining your health, you would have achieved long-lasting, sustainable progress and results. These same principles would apply to the example of the troubled marriage and any other example that you could think of.
Proactivity is a crucial element to a happy, fulfilling, successful life.
Follow Your Legend, Confront Your Dream
Now, I am going to tie this whole thing together and tell you how you can live a life of constant proactivity and sheer joy. Ready? Have another look at the opening lines to this post. What is a personal calling? It is God’s blessing, it is the path that God chose for you here on Earth. Whenever we do something that fills us with enthusiasm, we are following our legend. However, we don’t all have the courage to confront our own dream. (If you are not religious, replace the word God with the word Universe. What is a personal calling? It is the Universe’s blessing, it is the path that the Universe chose for you here on Earth. Whenever we do something that fills us with enthusiasm, we are following our legend. However, we don’t all have the courage to confront our own dream. To me, the words God & Universe mean the same, beautiful, powerful thing.)
That’s it, my friends, if you want to live proactively, if you want to live the life of your dreams, all you have to do is confront your dreams and follow your legend.
Ask yourself these questions: What fills me with enthusiasm? What is the one thing that I could wake up and do happily every single day for the rest of my life without even being paid? When you have the answer, then you have your personal calling. It is the path that is meant for you. When you do this thing, you will follow your legend and you will confront your dreams.
Next month, it will be one year since I discovered my own personal calling. I will never forget the moment. It hit me like lightning — to help people by sharing my journey & the lessons I’ve learned along the way — so simple, but so amazing. That is what compelled me to start this blog eight months ago. That is what has kept me going ever since. And I know what you are thinking now: Dena, I can’t do it. You are making it sound so simple, but it’s not. I can’t afford to quit my job. I have a mortgage to pay. My mother is sick. I am not talented enough. I’m too old. It’s not practical. And the list of excuses will go on and on and on. Well, I am sorry, but none of your excuses are good enough! No matter how stuck you think you are — no matter how dire your circumstance might seem — there is a way out!
Take it from me. I was depressed and anxious for the first half of my life. I spent much of that time wanting my life to end. I was seventy pounds overweight. I was $40,000 in debt. How much further down could I have gone? I could have used a lot of excuses to keep myself in that state; but I didn’t. I made a decision to change my life. I lost seventy pounds. I overcame anxiety and depression. I’ve cut my debt in half and continue to pay it down every day! I figured out my personal calling and I am doing it. I am following my legend, confronting my dreams. I am making it happen — and you can do it, too.
Before you get started with your excuses again, I’d like you to imagine something. Imagine being born a young girl in Alabama in 1880. Imagine then growing up to understand French, German, Greek, and Latin. Imagine then going to Harvard, at a time when few women from your town did anything other than get married and raise kids. Imagine then writing a book that was translated into twenty-five languages and inspired two Oscar-winning movies. Imagine then meeting every President in your lifetime and being awarded the highest civilian honor—the Presidential Medal of Freedom. That would be some accomplishment, wouldn’t it? Now imagine doing all of that whilst being blind, deaf, and barely able to talk for your entire life.
It’s not impossible, friends. In fact, it’s very possible and there is a woman who did all of that, her name was Helen Keller. She accomplished all of those things, and more, because she believed in herself and she had a good teacher. (Taken from How to Be Rich & Happy.)
“Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It’s perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we’ve learned something from yesterday.” —John Wayne
Every single day is a new opportunity for us to begin living the lives of our dreams. Today is called “the present” because it is a gift. Take it and do something with it!
I would love to hear your thoughts about this post. What is your personal calling? What obstacles are standing in your way? How are you going to overcome them? What can I do to help you get there? Let me know in the comments.
it seems like you get more vaccines over there?
babies get 2 shots at 6 weeks, 12 weeks, 5 months and then 3 at the 15month visit. then no more until age 4.
i can understand both sides of the vaccine fence; but after our start there was no doubt in my mind. it is strongly reccommended for immune compromised babies & knowing how easily things can go bad, there was just no way i wouldn’t do every little thing to protect my boy. we got asked if we were planning to immunise when in hospital, i said yes, they said thankgod. he needs all the help he can get.
i always planned on immunising anyway, whatever the start to his life, but i guess i am saying that a glimpse into something being wrong or seeing babies fighting for life, it just makes you want to protect with your mama bear heart all you can!!
we often get mild fevers here with the shots too; but in my mind, a fever is nothing in comparison to what they can get without these shots, you know? it is heartbreaking to see them in ANY pain, a fever when they are that young is horrible. and it never doesn’t hurt your heart, but the first is most DEFINITELY the worst time– we went from the 12 week shots fever, right into his first cold, then into terrible silent reflux (as you know) –you’ve been through that now, you’re stronger from it. <3
hope you got some sleep and i hope roman is back to his 100% self soon. much love.
Thank you, as always, Amy. <3
I just checked out the vaccine schedule for NZ and there is a big difference! There are several more vaccines over here. Have a look at this: https://livelovesimple.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/vaccines.png On the top you will see the schedule that the pediatrician/U.S CDC recommends. On the bottom you will see the schedule that we are currently following. However, we are definitely going to be leaving some of these off (Hepatitis, Chickenpox, at least). At any rate — it frustrates me to no end that the US has more vaccinations than most other countries and at the same time we’re one of the only developed nations that CHARGES for these vaccines. But that is a whole separate topic. I’m trying really hard not to make these decisions political.
I so much agree with everything you’ve said — especially your rationale for giving the vaccines. That’s exactly why we decided to go ahead with them. Thank you so much.
wow! i can’t believe the difference & that you have to pay!
we can opt to pay for the chickenpox or the flu vaccine too. although i think chickenpox is quite pricey. i contemplated the flu one, since he gets sick a lot and worse than most, but decided against it.
I am not a parent, and I’m not going to be a parent. I knew I would never make it in our hyper-judgmental, nosy-body society. I admire you for embarking upon parenthood, Dena. It has got to be the hardest thing in the world.
I had a long skype conference with my guide son’s mother about a month ago. She wanted my advice about motherhood, in a weird way. It seems she has some very vocal friends in her life, who upset her to the point of tears when she was trying to make a very important decision for her family.
And, here’s the thing.
At the end of the day, it does not matter what anyone outside of your household thinks about how your rear your son. As long as you’re not abusing him, you two have to lean on each other and make the best decisions you know how to make for him, and to hell with what anyone else thinks of it. Be strong, and know that the love that consumes your soul will help you do the right things – regardless of what all the harpies in books and magazines and television and your extended circle of friends and family try to tell you. God gave you this very precious gift because He knew you could handle it. He knew you’d do well.
And I know you will, too.
xo
Thank you, Dear Andra. You are wonderful and your words of encouragement are so much appreciated. You are overwhelmingly right and you’ve hit every nail on the head about this hyper-judgmental society. Your guide son is so lucky to have you in his life, as his mother. I am also so lucky to have a friend like you to give me just the pep talk that I needed! Much love to you and thank you so very much for your faith in me. xo
Ugh vaccines, right? Sometimes I kind of wish I had raised my children maybe 40 years ago in a time where it seemed like more parents just blindly listened to doctor’s orders. Although I am thankful to live in a time where more women are making informed decisions as far as vaccinations go, it can be very stressful to make such important decisions regarded our children’s lives. For Roman we did most of the recommended vaccines but spread them out and had one or two given at a time. We also opted out of some. Asher has only had 2 vaccines. I do plan to give him some more vaccines now that he is 2. I read somewhere in my vaccine research that as a parent, you just have to make the bet choice you can and feel confident in that. It has been hard for me, but both of my children are healthy and I am thankful that for us our choices have worked out so far.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Gillian. It is soooo good to hear other mama’s perspectives and to know that we’re all in this together! I like the idea of waiting until a little bit older, too. It’s not something that I had considered too much because the pediatrician has been pushing “now, now, now” but it makes sense.
I am not a mother, other than to furry four-legged children, so I don’t know if I qualify to comment. I am also only slightly knowledgeable about canine and feline vaccinations – which is also a controversy by the way. I question my judgement with them, so i don’t know how I would know what to do with a human child.
I just want to simply share something I experienced when my nephew’s son was born and you can take what you know much better about the meaning behind it. I was in the room when the Doctor came in after my nephew told them they would not be vaccinating. I don’t think I had ever seen a Doctor so emotional and passionate about a patient. His anger was in that he had served in countries where he could not save babies and children who were dying because vaccinations were not available to them and here they were fortunate enough to have access to them and turning them away. They did end up going with vaccinations after all. It has to be hard with all the information and mis-information. I hate that it has to be a concern for mothers at all. I trust what is in your heart for your own son.
thanks so much for your thoughts, mary linn. it is tough and i get why it’s such a hot button issue for sure. making these hard choices is the toughest part of parenthood — both for furry parents and human parents alike! xo
We also decided to space out Sam’s vaccines, which I had to sign a form saying he’s on an alternate schedule. Ooh very alternate; ) It’s just so tricky! You want to do the right thing, but what is truly the right thing? I am really beginning to believe in the trust your instincts style of parenting . There’s just so much conflicting things, it’s hurts the brain AND heart.
I’m sorry to hear Roman got a fever from it, but feel better that you spaced them out rather than him getting sick with double the shots in him.
Aw, thank you, Suzy! It’s so good to hear from other mamas & know that we’re all in this together. xo
Someone at worked responded with “Ugghhh, you’re doing vaccinations?” when I told them Isabella had an appointment coming up and I felt really judged upon. I started to question if I was doing the right thing, did she know something that I didn’t, or maybe I didn’t do enough research? I started second guessing all those shots she already had, but a good friend reminded me that you do your best for your children because after all, we only want the best for them so we need to be confident in the decisions we make for them. You’re doing your best as a mama and in mommy-world, you are absolutely right…the options are endless, but Roman is trusting you with all his little heart and have no doubt that you are always making the best decisions you can make when it comes to him. Hoping you both are getting more sleep these days and the little guy is feeling better!
You are wonderful. I am so sorry to hear that someone would question you like that. Unfortunately some people just don’t think, nor know how to mind their manners. The good news is that you’ve got such a wonderful perspective on the whole thing. You couldn’t be more right — it’s all about knowing that we are doing the best that we can and being confident in our decisions. <3 Thank you for your support as always. xo