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Willing to Be Unpopular

evolutionyou.net | Be Free

“I’m willing to be unpopular,” writes Rhina Ju, as she recounts the first year of her life changing experiment. When I read that sentence, something exploded inside of me. Her words gave voice to a thing that has been lodged inside of me for months. I am willing to be unpopular.

I have learned that:

  • We can choose to be popular, or we can choose to honor our spirits.
  • We can choose to make other people happy, or we can choose to make ourselves happy.
  • We can choose to say what people want to hear, or we can choose to speak our truths.

Honoring your spirit; making yourself happy; and speaking your truth is not always the popular choice. You risk offending people. You risk losing relationships. You risk criticism. I have learned all of these things the hard way.

Not everyone likes what I have to say. I have lost friendships and been criticized. I’ve heard cruel words spoken under breath as I walk away. Yet, my decision is firm. I am willing to be unpopular. There were times in my life that unpopularity was my worst nightmare. I wanted nothing more than to fit in. I would rather disappear than stand out, be different, be judged. We have all been there.

Now, the opposite is true. It is important to me that I am different. But I do not want to be different just for the sake of being different. I am not interested in shock value, recognition, or acclaim. Rather, my aim is to be utterly true to myself and to my beliefs. I aim to lead my life so that every night I can put my head down on the pillow and feel good about the decisions that I have made.

I want to lead my best life, and in doing so, I want to inspire people to do the same. It is a lofty goal. It is not an easy feat. But I walk the path each day as best I can.

“She was beautiful, but she was beautiful in the way a forest fire was beautiful.” —Neil Gaiman

In willing to be unpopular, in embracing my own uniqueness, I find the purest form of freedom that I’ve ever known. That this is me—good & bad; terrible & beautiful—that I am constantly evolving, open to change, yearning to learn—that I accept myself and the rest of the world is welcome to do the same or to walk away. This is my pure freedom. It’s what gets me high these days.

Today I invite you to join me. Let your freak flag fly. It’s time.

In love & light,
Dena

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    Oh, why hello my gorgeous readers! It is so wonderful to see you here on this beautiful Friday afternoon (or whatever day/time it is where you are). This week came in like a lion and is heading out like a lamb… typical March weather in the North Eastern US. Last week received over three feet of fluffy white stuff (snow!). Currently the temperature is on the rise and it’s beginning to melt. Is this a sign that Spring is on its way? I sure hope so!

    And now on to this week’s charming Carousel. I do hope you enjoy…

    1. Quick easy tips for travel health and Living in the now: Two awesome posts from Vagablogging this week. One contains common sense tips to keep you healthy while on the road and the other talks about the importance of fleeting moments in time. Lovely.

    2. This is So Inappropriate!: “Your choices always carry tremendous weight, even when you feel like you have no choice in the matter. We don’t need enormous reserves of skill or advantage to make big differences to what happens to us — and to the manner in which we ‘happen’ to the world.”

    3. The Sure Fire Way to Sabotage Any Relationship: In this post, Jared explains why trying to “get back to the way things were” is like signing your relationship’s death certificate. Do you agree?

    4. 5 Travel Lessons You Can Use at Home: This post is far & away, one of the best that I’ve read on the topic. Can you take travel lessons and apply them to your life? Can you use these lessons to live the life of your dreams 100% of the time? Yes, you can! This post will tell you how.

    5. Avatar’s Impact: How To Train Like A Na’vi: Have you seen Avatar yet? I saw it once in 2D and then again in 3D—yes, it was that good! I love Amber’s take on the movie in this excellent post. “While the special effects and imagination behind the film are awe inspiring enough, what excited me the most was the vital ecological message that’s reaching millions. The fact that people from around the globe are beginning to see the significance of our connection to all organisms is incredible.” Yes, yes, yes! Exactly. She’s hit the nail on the head.

    6. What Are Values?: Many people pay Tim Brownson good money to help them define values; but in this post, he’ll show you how to do it for free! I absolutely love (& agree with) the way that he introduces the post: “So what I’m really saying is this is some heavy personal development shit that needs your total concentration and commitment if you’re going to get the most out of it. And make no mistake, it’s the single most powerful thing you can do if you genuinely want to understand yourself.”

    7. how to: focus in batches: “Limited resources force you to focus on your creativity.”

    8. Coping with Major Life Changes: Excellent tips to help get you through some of life’s most challenging moments.

    9. The War Over Wolves: One topic that I haven’t written too much about yet is wildlife & environmental conservation. It is one of the things that I am most passionate about. This post from the National Geographic Blog broke my heart a bit. Despite my inclination to preserve as many creatures as humanly possible, there are always two sides to every story. I’ll be making some posts on this topic in the near future.

    10. Olympians’ daily food choices as important as their rigorous training: Want to learn to eat like an Olympian? Is the food that you put in your body really that important? After reading this, I say YES!

    —————————

    That is it for this week’s round up. I loved all of these great posts and I hope that you will, too. Perhaps just the burst of inspiration you were needing to get your weekend off to a great start?

    Have a lovely weekend. Spread love & light!

  • · · ·

    3 Super Simple Ways to Reduce Stress, Improve Health, & Live Happy

    Want to know how you can cut your stress in half?

    How about if there were two things you could change that would drastically alter your stress levels for the rest of your life?

    Now I bet you really want to know, right?

    What if I told you that doing these simple things will not only decrease your stress levels, but will also make you happier and decrease your risk of heart attack, ulcers, & high blood pressure?

    Ready for this? Four words: Stop Rushing, Take Vacation.

    Yes, that’s it. It’s really quite simple, but the results that you will see if you make these changes will amaze you.

    The Problems
    So why is rushing & a lack of vacation such a huge problem? Well, rushing every now and then wouldn’t really be such a problem. But in today’s society, the reality is that we don’t just rush every now and then. We rush all of the time.

    We are constantly hurrying from one thing to the next, multitasking, with our minds in five different places at once. We browse the Web in multiple Windows. We watch television while surfing the Web. We talk on our house phones while texting on our cell phones/iPhones/Blackberrys. While we’re driving to work, we’re planning our days, who we’ll see at each meeting, and what we’re having for dinner. While we’re eating dinner, we’re checking our email, responding to emails, and thinking about what’s on TV that night. While we’re watching TV that night, we’re thinking about everything we’ve got to do tomorrow. You get the picture…

    The Facts
    The United States is one of (if not the) most stressful, fast-paced, uptight societies in existence. The “American way” of rush, rush, rush has huge negative implications. And sadly, the rest of the world is beginning to follow suit. It’s not a good path to be on.

    Here are some statistics about minimum vacation days around the world:

    Austria — 35 days
    Brazil — 30 days
    Finland — 35 days
    Sweden — 32 days
    Ukraine — 24 days
    United States — 7 days
    (Source: http://nationmaster.com)

    7 days? Really? WTF United States!?!?!?

    Every year Expedia.com launches an intense Vacation Deprivation survey to gather the facts & the effects of American Vacation Deprivation.

    Check out these stats:

    Notice that despite earning the least amount of annual vacation days, Americans will still leave an average of 3 days unused! This goes to show that so many Americans don’t even use the little vacation time that they get! Not good.

    Why is Vacation So Important?
    Let’s talk about mental health.

    • 34% of Americans say they come back from vacation feeling better about their jobs and are even more productive.
    • 53% of employed U.S. adults say they come back feeling rested and rejuvenated after vacation.
    • 53% of employed U.S. adults say they come back feeling reconnected with family after vacation.

    It’s no big secret that work can be stressful. Even if you absolutely adore your career, you still have the occasional (or frequent) challenging day. If you refuse to take a breather every now & then, you are putting your mental health and your relationships at risk.

    Obesity, heart disease, high blood pressure, ulcers, anxiety, depression, and so on are all symptoms of stress. Stress causes cortisol to build up in your body, the cortisol is then stored as dangerous fat. In addition to all of the physical symptoms of stress, there is the issue of rushing around. When you are rushing nonstop from place to place, it’s easy to stop for fast-food because you don’t make the time to cook nutritious meals for yourself and your family.

    If you look at the rates of obesity around the globe, you probably won’t be shocked to see where the United States fits in.

    That’s right, numero uno. Not a good place to be in this case. Americans are the most obese individuals in the world. A sad fact to note considering that we are also some of the richest people, with some of the most vast & diverse availability to nutritious & wholesome food. (Please watch Food, Inc. for more information on this topic.)

    Turning the Tide
    The facts are straightforward. Constant rushing & vacation deprivation will cause you harm. Here are 3 super simple ways that you can combat these harmful habits.

    1. Practice efficient time management. Keep a calendar and don’t overbook yourself, no exceptions. We all have a ton of stuff that we want to get done, but we have to prioritize. Choose the tasks that mean the most to you and will provide you with the best ROI (return on investment). Don’t commit to anything that doesn’t benefit you, your career, your family, or your friends in a big way. Your time is precious and you should treat it as such.

    2. Use your vacation time, all of it. No matter how many days that your company allots for vacation, make sure and use it. If your company tends to be on the real stingy side with vacation, don’t be afraid to set a confidential meeting with your HR director to point out the importance of sufficient vacation time. Sufficient vacation time is mutually beneficial — you will feel better and thereby, your performance will improve. Win – Win!

    Likewise, if you work for yourself, make sure to pencil in enough time for R & R.

    3. Breathe. When you are rushing, you are most likely breathing shallow. Shallow breathing causes rapid heart rate & conversely, deep breathing causes a slower heart rate. Take time to observe your breathing throughout the day. If you find yourself shallow breathing, take a deep breath in through your nostrils. Let the air flow through your chest & deep into the pit of your stomach. Allow your stomach to expand, like a balloon, as it fills with air. Then slowly exhale through your nose and expel all of the air from your body. Breathe in deeply again, allowing the air to fill your stomach as before. Each time you inhale, take in the positive energy & light around you. Let it fill & calm your soul. Each time you exhale, push out your negative energy & fear. Continue to do this until you feel calm.

    * — * — * — * — *

    Slow down, be in the now.

17 Comments

  1. I love these three lines so much that I put them on my desktop:
    We can choose to be popular, or we can choose to honor our spirits.We can choose to make other people happy, or we can choose to make ourselves happy.We can choose to say what people want to hear, or we can choose to speak our truths.

    Great post. 🙂

  2. Dena, that’s a tough one. One of the automatic behaviors of people is to be loved and to be recognised. It’s one of our basic needs. So speaking our truths and being unpopular is against our nature (at least to a certain extent). Having said that, I do believe that it makes you stronger as a person if you are consciously unpopular. You are not one of the sheeps in the hurd, life’s too short for that. Your post reminded me to speak my truth more often, that will indeed make me a more happy person. 
    Thanks! 

    1. To love and be loved–oh yes! I think that a part of what makes all of this so easy for me is being surrounded by unconditional love. My family & my fiance are huge sources of bounding love in my life. That love acts as a cushion that enables me to be brave in the face of the rest of the world.

  3. Thanks for your words this morning girl…it’s not the easy way to go but it’s being true, and damn friends/family/loved ones—they sure don’t like hearing the truth.  “She was beautiful, but she was beautiful in the way a fire forest is beautiful…”  just awesome!

  4. Serendipity at work again here. Last week I created an art journal page “Let your freak flag fly”
    Can you tell me what book that Neil Gaiman quote is from?thanks

    snailgrrl.blogspot.com

    1. Serendipity. 🙂 Unfortunately, I don’t know which book it is from. A friend posted it awhile ago and it stuck to my heart like glue.

  5. That is a supremely powerful statement… I’ve struggled with this as well because I’ve always been the kind of person who wants to be liked by everyone! But I’ve realized that I can’t do that and expect to be completely true to who I am.

    There will ALWAYS be people who don’t like us, for whatever reason. Sometimes their dislike is not even rational. We have to be able to accept this, or we’ll drive ourselves insane! Thanks for reminding me.

    Also, it’s so crazy that you shared a quote by Neil Gaiman. I literally just discovered a quote of his that I love (unrelated to this topic, but figured I’d share it in case you hadn’t heard it):

    ❝Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the
    world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the
    outside, inside them they’ve all got unimaginable, magnificent,
    wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them.
    Thousands maybe.❞

    Hope you have a wonderful day, Dena J! :]

  6. I love what you’ve shared here. I resonate so much with that last paragraph: “In willing to be unpopular, in embracing my own uniqueness, I find the
    purest form of freedom that I’ve ever known. That this is me—good &
    bad; terrible & beautiful—that I am constantly evolving, open to
    change, yearning to learn—that I accept myself and the rest of the world
    is welcome to do the same or to walk away. This is my pure freedom.
    It’s what gets me high these days.”

    I don’t make sense in the way that typical bloggers do, and I’m okay with that. Those are not my people. I revealed my heart and soul in my new about page, and I feel so *liberated*, so much *more whole* and filled with *love* for myself, for those who resonate with my core, and for the Universe for allowing this to take place.

    I truly believe each and every person has an amazing story to share, if only they were given the time, space, and compassion to tell it.

  7. This reminds me of our discussion of your career in the choir / chorus!!! And how our friendship has evolved, where we have come from. A huge part of that has been our honesty with one another… a willingness to endure temporary discomfort for the sake of lifelong respect. Or so I hope!

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