· · ·

Willing to Be Unpopular

evolutionyou.net | Be Free

“I’m willing to be unpopular,” writes Rhina Ju, as she recounts the first year of her life changing experiment. When I read that sentence, something exploded inside of me. Her words gave voice to a thing that has been lodged inside of me for months. I am willing to be unpopular.

I have learned that:

  • We can choose to be popular, or we can choose to honor our spirits.
  • We can choose to make other people happy, or we can choose to make ourselves happy.
  • We can choose to say what people want to hear, or we can choose to speak our truths.

Honoring your spirit; making yourself happy; and speaking your truth is not always the popular choice. You risk offending people. You risk losing relationships. You risk criticism. I have learned all of these things the hard way.

Not everyone likes what I have to say. I have lost friendships and been criticized. I’ve heard cruel words spoken under breath as I walk away. Yet, my decision is firm. I am willing to be unpopular. There were times in my life that unpopularity was my worst nightmare. I wanted nothing more than to fit in. I would rather disappear than stand out, be different, be judged. We have all been there.

Now, the opposite is true. It is important to me that I am different. But I do not want to be different just for the sake of being different. I am not interested in shock value, recognition, or acclaim. Rather, my aim is to be utterly true to myself and to my beliefs. I aim to lead my life so that every night I can put my head down on the pillow and feel good about the decisions that I have made.

I want to lead my best life, and in doing so, I want to inspire people to do the same. It is a lofty goal. It is not an easy feat. But I walk the path each day as best I can.

“She was beautiful, but she was beautiful in the way a forest fire was beautiful.” —Neil Gaiman

In willing to be unpopular, in embracing my own uniqueness, I find the purest form of freedom that I’ve ever known. That this is me—good & bad; terrible & beautiful—that I am constantly evolving, open to change, yearning to learn—that I accept myself and the rest of the world is welcome to do the same or to walk away. This is my pure freedom. It’s what gets me high these days.

Today I invite you to join me. Let your freak flag fly. It’s time.

In love & light,
Dena

you may also like

  • · · · ·

    Review: The Power of Now

    The Power of Now had been on my “to-read” list for years when, by a stroke of fate, a dear friend offered to lend me her audio copy. Based on my general understanding of the book and its content (prior to reading it) I felt that I would enjoy it; however, I was completely unprepared for the way that the book would speak to me, transform my perspective, and change my life.

    The Unreal Past & Future

    In The Power of Now, we learn that to live in the future or the past is to suffer. The only way to exist in true harmony is to live in the now. After all, the past is not real, the future is not real. The past and the future only exist in our minds.

    When I first heard this concept I refused to believe or comprehend it. Of course my past is real, I thought. Of course my future is real, too. How dare someone suggest that it is not? My ego lashed out; but then I thought more about it. I listened, opened my mind, and realized that it was true. I am going to ask you to walk through an exercise with me to help you understand.

    Let’s recall a memory in which you are eating something. Let’s say, for example, it’s a hot summer day and you’re licking an ice cream cone. Now, where ever you are—right now, present moment, not in the memory—I’d like you to stick your finger right into the ice cream and then throw it to the floor. Can you do that? Can you touch that ice cream cone from your memory? No, of course you can’t (unless you’re on hallucinogenics but that’s another story).

    The fact is that right now you can not touch that ice cream cone and therefore it is not real. It may seem real in your memory—in your mind—but it is not really “real”…not here, not now, not in existence. It is only a memory and it only exists in your mind.

    This principle is also true for the future. Imagine any future scenario in your mind. You win the lottery. You get fired from your job. You purchase a house. You fall off of a cliff. You can play each of those scenes out in your head. You can fill in as much detail as you like. You can mentally experience the future, but the truth remains that the future scenario isn’t “real”. You can’t actually reach out and touch anything in the future right now. The future only exists in your mind.

    When I finally grasped this concept I was shocked & amazed. It seems simple, but somehow I had been missing it for my entire life! To me, the past and the future were as real as the present. The past happened to me. The future was going to happen to me. I held on to these concepts for dear life. But then I realized the truth… the past and the present are not that important. They’re not even real. They are only in my head.

    You might be feeling a bit angry right now. (I know because I was at this point.) You might be thinking, How dare you claim that my past is not real? I’ve suffered, I’ve lived, I’ve triumphed, I’ve done X, Y, and Z. And my future, that is real too! I am going to do things 1, 2, 3, and so on!

    Your Ego Feeds on the Past & Future

    Well, my friend, I am not sorry to break it to you. That voice of anger is fueled by fear and the fear is coming from your ego.

    For your entire life, your ego has been calling the shots. He rules you by fear—fear over your past and fear over your future. So long as you believe in the reality of your past and your future, your ego has control over you. It uses every thing that ever happened in the past against you. It uses everything that you hope to happen in the future against you.

    There is only one way to overcome your ego and that is to live completely in the now. Let go of the past and the future. Be fully present in this moment.

    It is not easy. You’ve spent your entire life ruled by your ego, living in the past and present. But while it’s not easy, it is possible. It’s entirely possible for you to begin living entirely in the present moment, entirely in peace, love, & light, entirely free from the chains of your ego.

    The Power of Now is an excellent book and if you truly listen to every word and practice its teachings in your daily life, you will succeed. It has been quite a journey for me already and I’ve only been on it for a few weeks now! I am experiencing life in ways that I never dreamed possible. You can do it, too.

    *********

    Here are some of my favourite pieces from The Power of Now along with my interpretations of each.

    You have it already. You just can’t feel it because your mind is making too much noise.
    Eckhart Tolle tells us that that many people ask him to “give” them his gift. His response is always the same, You already have it.

    This is entirely true. Each of us already has the immense power of now within. Tolle nor anyone else can “give” that to us—but what he can do (and does in the book) is to show you how to harness the power in your own life.

    Not to be able to stop thinking is a dreadful affliction; but we don’t realize it because almost everyone is suffering from it. So, it is considered normal.
    After reading (listening to) The Power of Now, I realized that yes, the modern human being is suffering from a debilitating disease: compulsive over thinking.

    It is so obvious to me now! How many millions of people are suffering from anxiety, depression, and so on? Most of these individuals are suffering as such simply because of compulsive over thinking.

    When we stop our compulsive, ego-driven thoughts, we live in harmony. Sadly, however, most people just don’t know how to stop those thoughts.

    We must become the silent observer, as Tolle describes in the book. The first step to overcoming the compulsive thoughts is to recognize them, to be the silent observer of your mind.

    To see, but not see. To hear, but not hear.
    Have you ever had a moment, an hour, or a day where you were entirely mindless?

    For example, you are driving along the road completely spaced out from reality and suddenly you “wake up” and you don’t know where your head has been for some stretch of time. You know that you must have been seeing and aware, because you didn’t crash your vehicle. But you weren’t really there. You were seeing but not seeing.

    Another example, you are in conversation with a friend or loved one and you begin zoning out. You hear words coming out of her mouth, but when she finally stops talking, you realize that you have no idea what she just said. You were listening, but you weren’t really there. You were hearing but not hearing.

    This is what it means to see, but not see; to hear, but not hear. It is living life in an unconscious state, on autopilot. Most likely you are daydreaming about the unreal past or future. You can overcome this state of nothingness and time wasting by harnessing the power of now and being fully present in each moment.

    Humanity is under great pressure to evolve because it is the only chance for the survival of our species.
    “Humanity is under great pressure to evolve because it is our only chance of survival as a race. This will affect every aspect of your life and close relationships in particular. Never before have relationships been as problematic and conflict ridden as they are now. As you may continue to pursue the goal of salvation through a relationship, you will be disillusioned again and again. But if you accept that the relationship is here to make you conscious instead of happy, then the relationship will offer you salvation, and you will be aligning yourself with the higher consciousness that wants to be born into this world. For those who hold to the old patterns, there will be increasing pain, violence, confusion, and madness.”

    *********

    I could write ten posts about The Power of Now and I would only begin to scratch the surface. The book is extremely intensive. Tolle’s language is thick and weighted with meaning. The content is formatted as question and answer for the sake of clarity—but it is still heavy reading. As I mentioned earlier, I listened to the audio book and I would highly recommend this format. I have heard that reading the text can be confusing and I can understand why.

    The audio book does span several hours, but it is entirely worth every moment. If you can not afford to buy the audio book, you should consider borrowing it from your local library.

    If you decide to read or have read this book, I would love to hear your thoughts. Whether or not you decide to, I hope that you will consider the ideas that I have shared in this post.

    Thinking about being somewhere else uses up your precious, present moments. Be here now. —Wayne Dyer

17 Comments

  1. I love these three lines so much that I put them on my desktop:
    We can choose to be popular, or we can choose to honor our spirits.We can choose to make other people happy, or we can choose to make ourselves happy.We can choose to say what people want to hear, or we can choose to speak our truths.

    Great post. 🙂

  2. Dena, that’s a tough one. One of the automatic behaviors of people is to be loved and to be recognised. It’s one of our basic needs. So speaking our truths and being unpopular is against our nature (at least to a certain extent). Having said that, I do believe that it makes you stronger as a person if you are consciously unpopular. You are not one of the sheeps in the hurd, life’s too short for that. Your post reminded me to speak my truth more often, that will indeed make me a more happy person. 
    Thanks! 

    1. To love and be loved–oh yes! I think that a part of what makes all of this so easy for me is being surrounded by unconditional love. My family & my fiance are huge sources of bounding love in my life. That love acts as a cushion that enables me to be brave in the face of the rest of the world.

  3. Thanks for your words this morning girl…it’s not the easy way to go but it’s being true, and damn friends/family/loved ones—they sure don’t like hearing the truth.  “She was beautiful, but she was beautiful in the way a fire forest is beautiful…”  just awesome!

  4. Serendipity at work again here. Last week I created an art journal page “Let your freak flag fly”
    Can you tell me what book that Neil Gaiman quote is from?thanks

    snailgrrl.blogspot.com

    1. Serendipity. 🙂 Unfortunately, I don’t know which book it is from. A friend posted it awhile ago and it stuck to my heart like glue.

  5. That is a supremely powerful statement… I’ve struggled with this as well because I’ve always been the kind of person who wants to be liked by everyone! But I’ve realized that I can’t do that and expect to be completely true to who I am.

    There will ALWAYS be people who don’t like us, for whatever reason. Sometimes their dislike is not even rational. We have to be able to accept this, or we’ll drive ourselves insane! Thanks for reminding me.

    Also, it’s so crazy that you shared a quote by Neil Gaiman. I literally just discovered a quote of his that I love (unrelated to this topic, but figured I’d share it in case you hadn’t heard it):

    ❝Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the
    world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the
    outside, inside them they’ve all got unimaginable, magnificent,
    wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them.
    Thousands maybe.❞

    Hope you have a wonderful day, Dena J! :]

  6. I love what you’ve shared here. I resonate so much with that last paragraph: “In willing to be unpopular, in embracing my own uniqueness, I find the
    purest form of freedom that I’ve ever known. That this is me—good &
    bad; terrible & beautiful—that I am constantly evolving, open to
    change, yearning to learn—that I accept myself and the rest of the world
    is welcome to do the same or to walk away. This is my pure freedom.
    It’s what gets me high these days.”

    I don’t make sense in the way that typical bloggers do, and I’m okay with that. Those are not my people. I revealed my heart and soul in my new about page, and I feel so *liberated*, so much *more whole* and filled with *love* for myself, for those who resonate with my core, and for the Universe for allowing this to take place.

    I truly believe each and every person has an amazing story to share, if only they were given the time, space, and compassion to tell it.

  7. This reminds me of our discussion of your career in the choir / chorus!!! And how our friendship has evolved, where we have come from. A huge part of that has been our honesty with one another… a willingness to endure temporary discomfort for the sake of lifelong respect. Or so I hope!

Leave a Reply to Dena Botbyl Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *