This morning we piled in the car and headed to the pumpkin patch. Autumn has been my favorite season since I was a little girl and pumpkin picking has always been my favorite autumn tradition. (After trick-or-treating, of course.)
As always, getting to experience the beauty of my favorite things with my sweet babies brings my joy to a whole new level.
We came home with three gorgeous pumpkins—a giant one to carve, a little one that Roman picked out, and a beautiful blue gourd that I couldn’t resist.
These days are the best days. The gorgeous outfits that Roman & Marina are wearing are handmade by one of our favorite new shops, Whippersnappers and Whatnot. They’ve got such adorable pieces for little ones and I was so excited to get my babies dolled up in these sets for pumpkin picking.
“Happy are those who dream dreams
and are ready to pay the price
to make them come true.”
A few portraits of my two little “dreams come true” and a quote to remind me how worth it they truly are. It’s been a rough little while around here. It turns out that Marina is an even lighter sleeper than Roman — which I honestly didn’t think was possible.
Our house is tiny and these two are constantly waking one another up. I don’t mind my own lack of sleep, but overtired, cranky babies are just so hard. Also, Marina is colicky. I’ve been stubbornly avoiding that conclusion, but there it is. I spend 90 percent of every day & night working to keep her from crying.
Ah, well — it’ll all be over in the blink of an eye. Such is life.
“I realise there’s something incredibly honest about trees in winter, how they’re experts at letting things go.” –Jeffrey McDaniel
The trees are bare. The warm autumn blaze has passed. The landscape is cold and barren. Now it is up to us to make it warm with sparkling Christmas lights, red ribbons, Santa Claus & reindeer. Watching Christmas decorations go up is one of my favourite things. When I pass through the little towns and see the holiday lights going up my heart fills with joy.
Like the trees outside, I — too — am working on letting things go. I’ve had a heavy heart for so long, and now, as I look back on the last few years, I accept that it’s been more than just a passing phase. There’s been a consistent sadness, a continual loss of myself. If I’m very honest, it began shortly after I got married. I lost pieces of myself in becoming a wife. It waxed and waned. Then I became a mother. I lost pieces of myself in becoming a mother.
It hurts to say these things. It hurts to think these things, even. But what I realize is that I have a lot of soul work to do. It’s funny (depressing?) because I came to this conclusion a year ago, yet so little has changed. My New Year resolution was to focus on me. But, you know how these things go. Life got in the way.
Even still, I know that things are exactly as they are meant to be. If I am here now, I am meant to be here now. There are seasons of life — and this season (this three-year season) has been one of selflessness. Yes, I lost (lose) pieces of myself in being a wife and a mother — but for me — that’s what being a wife and a mother means. In the spring, when our new baby joins our little family, I will lose more of myself. This sacrifice is beyond worth it as I’ve already learned. Love is the hardest kind of work; but it is also life’s sweetest gift.
I am working on coming to a place of acceptance of what is, while remembering also what could be. It’s my habit to become deeply engrossed in whatever is in front of me — so much so that I often cannot “see the forest through the trees.”
Like the trees outside, I — too — am working on letting things go. Recently I saw a beautiful photograph of a mother practicing yoga. Below the image she wrote, “Take care of yourself so that you may take care of others.” It touched me deeply. This post is my long and winding way of getting to that sentiment, I suppose.
The photographs in this post were taken on Sunday afternoon. We had a couple of unseasonably warm days and it was a joy to be outside without having to bundle up in our big winter coats. That handsome boy on the swing set is my nephew, Brian Lee. It’s mind-blowing how big & handsome he has already grown to be. My goodness, how the years fly by.
The 52 Week Project – A portrait of my son, once a week, every week, for one year.
47/52 — Hanging out in Grammy & Pop Pop’s (my parents’) backyard, pointing up to his cousin Brian who was doing tricks on the swing set.
It’s been an intense couple of weeks with this little boy. He’s clearly going through a period of rapid emotional and mental development which leads to a lot of “interesting” moments. He’s started stringing words together, two at a time. It shouldn’t be long before he is talking. So exciting!
There’s nothing like the change of seasons to remind us of impermanence. Life is in a constant state of change. No matter who we are, no matter what we are going through — there’s one thing about life that ties us all together: it keeps going.
It’s no secret that late summer and the entirety of autumn have been a struggle for me. I can’t honestly say that the clouds have parted and that brighter days are here again. But what I can say is that there is — for the first time in a long time — a light at the end of the tunnel. Some of the trials that I have been facing are letting up. And perhaps, most importantly, there are tremendous and beautiful things just ahead.
Now, it’s up to me to focus on the light, to practice gratitude harder than I ever have before, and to keep pushing through life’s ever-present changes.
I think I’ve done a pretty good job of hinting at it here, but in case I didn’t — I’ve got big & exciting news to share tomorrow. Stay tuned, loves. ♥
“Change” is the November writing prompt of The Mommy Blogger Collective. In addition to a monthly writing prompt, the collective hosts a monthly blogger featurette. This month we are featuring Erica of To the Sea. A few words from Erica — Hello! My name is Erica and I blog at To the Sea. I have a two-year-old daughter and 5-month old son. I went to school for Geography and travel is my passion. I’m also an attorney, but I’m currently staying at home to raise my kids. I love surfing and punk rock. I write about parenting, fitness, and life around the world. I love being a mommy and am stoked to be a part of the Mommy Blogger Collective! You can find me on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.