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5 Tips for Focusing & My Mini Meltdown

“When the lion is chasing the antelope, he doesn’t look back. He has to eat.” –Robert Cheruiyot

The antelope knows how to focus. That’s what this post is about–focus.

Last Sunday I had a meltdown.  I was tired.  In the past few weeks, I’ve gone from New Jersey (NJ) to Bermuda back to NJ to Boston back to NJ to West Chester, Pennsylvania and then finally back to NJ.

It was a lot.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining.  I had an incredible vacation in Bermuda, a great time with my family in Boston, and an amazing speaking engagement in Pennsylvania, but

No matter how positive each experience was, travel is exhausting. It can spin you around, shake you up, force you to look at different perspectives, and break you down. And sometimes (like in my case) you need to be broken down.

The Breaking Point

For the past couple of months, everything was alright. I was getting by. So I just kept moving. Nothing was monumentally wrong, so why stir up the pot? Right? Wrong! I had forgotten something that I learned a long time ago: Contentment does not mean happiness. A clam is content. I wasn’t happy; I was content. There is a big difference.

It hit me really hard late into that Sunday afternoon. I’d realized that after all of the traveling, the adventure, the joy–I was going back to work the next morning. I was leaving happiness & returning to contentment. This realization–on top of the sheer, travel-induced exhaustion–flung me into panic mode and so began my miniature break down.

I Lost Focus

After a little tantrum, a few tears, and a bit of moping; I had a really great conversation with my partner. I am really lucky to have him in my life because he is very patient on the rare occasions that I get that way. He is a great listener and giver of advice. His Taoist beliefs always lead me back to reality when I stray too far away. (By the way if you’re at all interested in Taoism [which you should be!] here is a great place to start: Living the Wisdom of the Tao).

While the experiences I had during travel were incredible, they were also distracting. And it wasn’t just the traveling that steered me off course. I started 2010 with extreme clarity and focus. I knew exactly where I was headed and how I was going to get there. But then–as it so often does–life got in the way.

While I didn’t do anything to set myself back, I did lose the intense momentum that I’d started the year with. Now however, mini-breakdown behind me, I am back on track, full-speed ahead! My main priority for the next 6 months is to stay absolutely focused on accomplishing the goals that I set at the beginning of this year.

It’s a proven fact that big cats, like lions & cheetahs, can run faster than antelope. Yet, I see antelope escaping certain death all the time on the Discovery channel. It’s not divine intervention. It’s focus. The antelope knows that focus is the key to his survival. I know that focus is the key to my success.

What’s Next

As for my goals, I can not share 100% of the detail at this moment. Some of my goals are personal in nature and others have to be kept quiet for other reasons. I did share my financial goals in great detail earlier this year. I am proud to report that I am actually doing better than I’d anticipated on that front and am ahead of target to reach my financial goals by December.

With out going into too much detail my other goals involve:

  • The continued growth of evolution you and my life coaching/motivational speaking businesses
  • The continued improvement of my personal health & fitness
  • My continued progress down the path to fulfilling my Personal Destiny (read The Alchemist for more on that one).

5 Tips for Staying Focused

1. Minimize distractions. We’ve all got distractions and vices–Facebook, Twitter, junk food, alcohol, shopping, and so on. Whatever it is that’s distracting you, just avoid it as much as possible. If you’ve got a deadline, take a week away from Twitter. If you’ve got a marathon, keep junk food out of the house. Have some willpower. Make a decision that accomplishing your goals and creating the life of your dreams is worth more to you than some unhealthy or unnecessary distraction.

2. Track your progress. Update a notebook or electronic document daily, weekly, or monthly with your progress. Mark down all milestones–no matter how small. Reflect upon your progress regularly. Writing your successes down will motivate you to push forward. Just the knowledge in the back of your mind that you’ve got to write something down at each interval will compel you to keep moving & keep doing.

3. Make your goals public. Tell as many people as possible about your goals. This is all about accountability. For example, I’ve told the whole world about my financial goals and that gives me a great, positive sense of obligation to deliver on those goals. I want to make everyone proud! I want to show others that they can do it, too. Not only will sharing your goals make you more accountable, but it will let you know who your true friends are. Your true friends will be cheering you on every step of the way, checking into see how you’re doing, and congratulating you at the end of your journey.

4. Clearly define your goals. Make sure that your goals are as clear as clean glass! You can not get too specific about what you want to accomplish. If you want to pay off debt, define exactly how much you want to pay off and by when. If you want to quit your job, define exactly where you see yourself in one year’s time. Visualize what you want–down to the tiniest detail. The more clearly you define your goals, the better off you will be.

5. Have faith. Remember that when you truly want something, the entire Universe conspires to make it happen (The Alchemist).

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    3 Super Simple Ways to Reduce Stress, Improve Health, & Live Happy

    Want to know how you can cut your stress in half?

    How about if there were two things you could change that would drastically alter your stress levels for the rest of your life?

    Now I bet you really want to know, right?

    What if I told you that doing these simple things will not only decrease your stress levels, but will also make you happier and decrease your risk of heart attack, ulcers, & high blood pressure?

    Ready for this? Four words: Stop Rushing, Take Vacation.

    Yes, that’s it. It’s really quite simple, but the results that you will see if you make these changes will amaze you.

    The Problems
    So why is rushing & a lack of vacation such a huge problem? Well, rushing every now and then wouldn’t really be such a problem. But in today’s society, the reality is that we don’t just rush every now and then. We rush all of the time.

    We are constantly hurrying from one thing to the next, multitasking, with our minds in five different places at once. We browse the Web in multiple Windows. We watch television while surfing the Web. We talk on our house phones while texting on our cell phones/iPhones/Blackberrys. While we’re driving to work, we’re planning our days, who we’ll see at each meeting, and what we’re having for dinner. While we’re eating dinner, we’re checking our email, responding to emails, and thinking about what’s on TV that night. While we’re watching TV that night, we’re thinking about everything we’ve got to do tomorrow. You get the picture…

    The Facts
    The United States is one of (if not the) most stressful, fast-paced, uptight societies in existence. The “American way” of rush, rush, rush has huge negative implications. And sadly, the rest of the world is beginning to follow suit. It’s not a good path to be on.

    Here are some statistics about minimum vacation days around the world:

    Austria — 35 days
    Brazil — 30 days
    Finland — 35 days
    Sweden — 32 days
    Ukraine — 24 days
    United States — 7 days
    (Source: http://nationmaster.com)

    7 days? Really? WTF United States!?!?!?

    Every year Expedia.com launches an intense Vacation Deprivation survey to gather the facts & the effects of American Vacation Deprivation.

    Check out these stats:

    Notice that despite earning the least amount of annual vacation days, Americans will still leave an average of 3 days unused! This goes to show that so many Americans don’t even use the little vacation time that they get! Not good.

    Why is Vacation So Important?
    Let’s talk about mental health.

    • 34% of Americans say they come back from vacation feeling better about their jobs and are even more productive.
    • 53% of employed U.S. adults say they come back feeling rested and rejuvenated after vacation.
    • 53% of employed U.S. adults say they come back feeling reconnected with family after vacation.

    It’s no big secret that work can be stressful. Even if you absolutely adore your career, you still have the occasional (or frequent) challenging day. If you refuse to take a breather every now & then, you are putting your mental health and your relationships at risk.

    Obesity, heart disease, high blood pressure, ulcers, anxiety, depression, and so on are all symptoms of stress. Stress causes cortisol to build up in your body, the cortisol is then stored as dangerous fat. In addition to all of the physical symptoms of stress, there is the issue of rushing around. When you are rushing nonstop from place to place, it’s easy to stop for fast-food because you don’t make the time to cook nutritious meals for yourself and your family.

    If you look at the rates of obesity around the globe, you probably won’t be shocked to see where the United States fits in.

    That’s right, numero uno. Not a good place to be in this case. Americans are the most obese individuals in the world. A sad fact to note considering that we are also some of the richest people, with some of the most vast & diverse availability to nutritious & wholesome food. (Please watch Food, Inc. for more information on this topic.)

    Turning the Tide
    The facts are straightforward. Constant rushing & vacation deprivation will cause you harm. Here are 3 super simple ways that you can combat these harmful habits.

    1. Practice efficient time management. Keep a calendar and don’t overbook yourself, no exceptions. We all have a ton of stuff that we want to get done, but we have to prioritize. Choose the tasks that mean the most to you and will provide you with the best ROI (return on investment). Don’t commit to anything that doesn’t benefit you, your career, your family, or your friends in a big way. Your time is precious and you should treat it as such.

    2. Use your vacation time, all of it. No matter how many days that your company allots for vacation, make sure and use it. If your company tends to be on the real stingy side with vacation, don’t be afraid to set a confidential meeting with your HR director to point out the importance of sufficient vacation time. Sufficient vacation time is mutually beneficial — you will feel better and thereby, your performance will improve. Win – Win!

    Likewise, if you work for yourself, make sure to pencil in enough time for R & R.

    3. Breathe. When you are rushing, you are most likely breathing shallow. Shallow breathing causes rapid heart rate & conversely, deep breathing causes a slower heart rate. Take time to observe your breathing throughout the day. If you find yourself shallow breathing, take a deep breath in through your nostrils. Let the air flow through your chest & deep into the pit of your stomach. Allow your stomach to expand, like a balloon, as it fills with air. Then slowly exhale through your nose and expel all of the air from your body. Breathe in deeply again, allowing the air to fill your stomach as before. Each time you inhale, take in the positive energy & light around you. Let it fill & calm your soul. Each time you exhale, push out your negative energy & fear. Continue to do this until you feel calm.

    * — * — * — * — *

    Slow down, be in the now.

5 Comments

  1. I think mini-meltdowns are healthy. Sometimes we just need to let it all out, and release in order to get back your clarity, or focus as you describe.

    Interesting about Taoism… I’ve always been interested in it, and just talking about it with someone. I must check out your recommendation 🙂

  2. @Karen – Thanks for the great comment! I absolutely agree, sometimes we all need a good cry. 😉

    You really should check out the book. It’s Wayne Dyer and it’s fantastic. I just finished the audio version this past weekend and it’s transformed my life already. I’ll be doing a full review soon.

  3. I’ve been there Dena. Over the years I’ve gotten better at spotting the symptoms of meltdowns; mini or not. This is when I turn up the meditation and tune out sources of stress which I formerly believed I had to face in an agitated state of mind. When you’re calm the source of stress no longer exists; it’s just an experience which you had misinterpreted.

    Your contentment statement sums it all up. Sometimes we think that filling life makes us happy. It works the other way around. Be happy with whatever it is you’re doing and you’ll feel fulfilled.

    As for my goals I can appreciate your personal take. That’s how I view all my goals. I like to keep ’em between me and the universe 😉

    Thanks for sharing your story Dena.

    1. @Ryan – Thank you for your thoughtful comment, as always! I am really happy to hear that my desires to keep some things personal are understood. There is always a fine line there, especially for me. I am a “tell all” sort of gal. But I really like your idea about keeping your goals between you & the Universe. That’s beautiful.

      Thanks again!

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