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You’re Not Your Valentine’s Day Present

“You’re not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You’re not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You’re not your fuc*ing khakis.” —Tyler Durden, Fight Club

One of my favourite quotes from one of my favourite movies. And although it’s dangerous to mess with perfection—I’m going to add to it: You’re not your Valentine’s Day present!

Valentine’s Day Is Not About Love

The same exact card, flowers, and chocolates that you purchase for whatever outrageous price on February 14th will be marked 50% off on February 15th and 75% off on February 16th. Valentine’s Day is not about love. Because love is not about overpriced roses and candy. Valentine’s Day is about consumerism. It is about guilting men into spending money to prove their love for the women in their lives. It is about making women feel devastated about themselves if they do not have a valentine or do not receive some expensive token of love on February 14th.

Valentine’s Day is not about love. It’s a Hallmark holiday that hurts a lot of people. It makes people feel guilty and/or depressed for no reason at all.

Please do not define your self-worth based on what you receive for Valentine’s Day or who you spend February 14th with. Please do not believe that because you do not receive a dozen roses at the office or a Tiffany bracelet at dinner that you are somehow unloved or unworthy of being loved. You are not your Valentine’s Day present or lack thereof.

Love Is…

The truth about love is that it does not exist within a card, a box of chocolates, a dozen roses, or a jewelry box. The truth about love is that exists everywhere, in everything, all around us, every moment. Love is the sunshine in the morning. Love is the wind that blows the hair out of your face. Love is when your cat purrs. Love is when your newborn child smiles at you for the first time. Love is in the food that you eat and the water that you drink. Love is the smile from the stranger that you pass in the street.

“Love is the beginning of the journey, its end, and the journey itself.” —Deepak Chopra

Love can exist between two people, but it can also exist in nature, in art, in friendship, in families, and in all things. Most importantly love exists within you. It emanates from your heart and radiates out into the universe at every moment. Love warms you and moves you. The invisible energy that wakes you up each morning and carries you through your days—that is love. It is with you always and in all ways. You have enough love within you to light the sky. Share it with the world, share it with yourself.

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. —Buddha

Recognize, understand, and believe that nothing outside of you—no person, no present—will ever be greater than the love that you carry within.

Give Love, Get Love, Be Love

So instead of wishing, hoping, praying, or crying this February 14th, I urge you instead to share your love with the universe. The more love that you give, the more love that you will receive. Love is energy.

Here are a few ideas for how you can be love today:

  1. Call a friend that may be going through a hard time. Simply let her know that you are there and that you love her. Don’t ask about her life, don’t tell her about yours. Just tell her that you love her, are thinking of her, and want her to know this.
  2. Volunteer at your local animal shelter. You might not get to it on February 14th but call your local shelter and ask when you can come in. There are thousands of homeless animals where ever you are and spending time with them just once a week can make all of the difference in their precious, little worlds.
  3. Clean out your closet and donate what you don’t wear to a local charity. Think about the man, woman, or child who might benefit so greatly at the joy of receiving something that you don’t even wear.
  4. Visit with an elderly grandparent, aunt/uncle, or neighbor. Bring cookies. Look at their old photographs. Read them the newspaper. It might only take an hour, but it will mean the world to them.
  5. Take time to love yourself. Do what you love. Make time to paint, practice yoga, bake, take a bath, read, or do whatever it is that you love to do. Love yourself and watch the love light within you shine out to the world.

Happy February 14th, my loves. Please remember that you are not your Valentine’s Day present. Spread love today and be love everyday & always. I love you.

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  • · · · ·

    My Journey to Financial Freedom | Part 1: The Fall

    Three years ago, I was nearly $60,000 in debt. I had a Bachelor’s degree that didn’t appear to be worth its weight in salt and a job that couldn’t cover a fraction of my monthly bills. I was terrified.

    Today, I am closer to complete financial freedom than I ever dreamed possible. Last week, I paid off my last remaining credit card balance. This two-part post is a celebration of this incredible milestone in my journey.

    In part one, I will explain how I got to that terrible place. In part two, I will explain how I’m getting out of it (and how you can do it, too).

    ————————————————————————

    A financial prison is the worst sort of prison to be stuck in. A financial prison does not have steel bars or a prison warden. You will not get sent to financial prison for committing a crime. There is only one person that can sentence you to financial prison. That person is you.

    There are two primary types of financial prisoners:

    1. There are those in financial prison who got there because they truly did not know any better. This type eventually realizes the error of their ways and breaks free.

    2. There are those who knowingly commit themselves to financial prison. This type is well aware of the consequences of living beyond her means; but she does it anyway.

    Of course there are also those who fall somewhere in the middle, like me… (Cue dream sequence.) It all started when I was 18. The guidance counseling systems in my high school and college were either completely inadequate or I simply refused to pay attention. I can’t honestly remember which it was, though I think it was the former. Either way, I was screwed.

    Before me, no one in my family had ever been to college so I didn’t receive much advice. I was thrilled to be out of high school and ready for the next step. I took my SATs one time and applied to one school. My parents, being average folks, made just enough money to prevent me from receiving financial aid; but not enough money to be able to pay my full tuition. For me, this meant loans: “lovely” student loans from “lovely” Sallie Mae.

    My mother co-signed and it was a cinch from there. Each semester I filled out a relatively simple form and like magic, Sallie Mae sent me a check. In fact, Sallie Mae was so generous that they allowed me to take out as much “extra” money as I needed every semester. It was fantastic! Yes, I had money to pay for books, meals, and extra curricula. I also had money to go out and binge drink, buy clothes I didn’t need, designer purses, and more. Sallie Mae was wonderful to me. And the best part if it was that there was no need for discussion. No one guided me, no one advised me, and no one asked me any questions. I showed up at the financial aid office a couple of times each year and it was always smooth sailing.

    On top of that, another great thing happened when I was 18! The credit card companies started to send me applications. And that was just as easy. I got one and then another and then another. Whatever I couldn’t cover with those pretty little checks from Sallie Mae, I could simply charge on my credit cards. College was good to me. I joined a sorority, I partied hard, I shopped until I dropped. What more could a girl ask for?

    It wasn’t all fun & games though. I worked through college. I worked at a children’s camp each summer; I was a Spanish teacher for two years; and toward the end of my college career I was a bookseller at Borders bookstore. All of the money I made working was spending money for me. I had Sallie Mae and the credit cards to pay all of my “real” bills.

    When I finally graduated, I was making a cool $8.25 an hour at Borders. I loved it. I was happy… until one day, out of no where, a letter came in the mail. I had a six month grace period and then I would have to start paying back those loans. My paychecks barely covered my minimum credit card payments. How was I going to make loan payments on top of that?

    So I sat down and did something that I’d never done before. I wrote up a budget. It was horrifying when I realized that even if I’d had no other bills, my monthly wages from Borders wouldn’t even cover half of my monthly student loan payments. The jig was up.

    All told, I came out of college with about $45,000 in student loan debt and almost $15,000 in credit card debt. I hadn’t even lived on campus; I commuted from home; my parents paid for some of my tuition; and I only went to a mediocre school. How the hell was this possible?

    All of a sudden Sallie Mae and the credit card companies didn’t seem so lovely anymore. There was one thought that kept repeating over & over in my head: Why didn’t anyone warn me? I felt cheated, betrayed, angry, afraid, and helpless. I wondered what the people in the financial aid office had been doing all that time. I wondered why my high school guidance counselor didn’t press me harder about applying for scholarships or grants. I wondered a lot of things, but mostly I wondered how the hell I was going to get out of the mess.

    I started sending out resumes for jobs with starting salaries that would at least cover my monthly student loan payments. I sent out resume after resume but before long, I realized another harsh reality. That Bachelor’s Degree in English with a Creative Writing Focus wasn’t so great either. Nobody was calling me back. I couldn’t even get an interview.

    The clock was ticking. I was halfway through my grace period. Then one day, one of my best friends mentioned an opening in her office. I looked over the job description and realized that it had nothing to do with what I’d gone to school for. I didn’t even know what it actually was, but the starting salary was more than what I needed. The rest was history.

    I’ve been at my current company for almost three years now. And yesterday I paid off my last remaining credit card balance! Additionally over these few years, I’ve cut my student loan debt almost in half and by next Winter, I will have it down to a quarter of what I started with.

    Stay tuned for tomorrow’s post, where I will share how I am doing it and how you can do it, too.

26 Comments

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  3. The movie Fight Club just gives us so much to chew on, doesn’t it? I share your love for that movie and I can’t even count the number of times I have watched it! One of the best movies ever made in my opinion.

    I saw last year’s post where I suggested you write this post. LOL It’s so cool that you actually wrote it! I love it!

    Tyler Durden would be proud!

    This year my wife and I decided, as we usually do, to skip the shopping fiesta. I love my wife so much and she knows she is not the Valentine’s Day present I never bought. (I’m going to cook her a really nice dinner instead!)

    I did purchase some roses to be delivered to my daughter in PA though. 🙂

    1. @ Brad – I can not thank you enough for the inspiration. I sat down to write my Valentine’s Day post last night and hit a bit of a wall. I looked at last year’s post and found your comment. The rest is history. It was a brilliant idea, from a brilliant mind–yours.

      You’re so right about Fight Club. It was is one of the few movies that I can watch over & over, getting something new & valuable from it every time.

      You’re an awesome husband and a fantastic father. The ladies in your life are lucky to have you today and everyday. I, too, am grateful for your presence in my life! Have a great one.

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  12. Awww, thank you Dena! I appreciate your very kind words. 😀

    I have very much enjoyed your work as well as our friendship. One of the greatest things about blogging is the wonderful friendships that are made, but also the “market of ideas” that those relationships create.

    Here’s to an awesome 2011! 😀

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  22. its a fun holiday and its nice to show people you care with sweets or flowers or a simple phone call or text to wish someone a happy valentines.   and everything is 1/2 price the day after   but who wants a xmas tree on the 26th

  23. I just discovered your blog last night. There has definitely been a void in my Google reader when it comes to blogs I love and the life I love, and I’m totally in love with your blog. This post is wonderfully worded and a perfect theme for today.

  24. valentines day must be diff here. jewellery is the same price before as it is after valentines etc. there are soppy cards and chocolate gift boxes you can get not that i buy them. that said, sometimes it is nice to get something small. its not about the thing itself but that someone took the time to think of you and what you like. just because they didnt get you anything doesnt mean they dont love you or think of you. there are plenty of ways apart from this to show your love but i wouldnt say this doesnt mean that buying something small that you now the person will enjoy is abad thing

    1. I agree with you completely, Hayley. Sometimes it can be so sweet and special to receive a thoughtful gift from a loved one. This post is not geared at those who do give/receive; but that those who place the value of love on material items. Gift or no gift — there is so much love to be had. <3

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