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Overcome Suffering with Presence

Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry—all forms of fear—are caused by too much future and not enough presence. —Eckart Tolle

It’s no secret that I’ve been suffering. October has been rough. In addition to losing two pets, I’ve endured two painful injuries (shoulder & back) and I’ve been having a hell of a time focusing, creating, and just keeping my head above water.

I’ve been so consumed by grief that I’ve lost sight of the most important element of my happiness: presence. I’m working to get myself back on track. Here is how I am doing it and how you can do it, too.

Sometimes it’s important to look ahead. For example, when you are plotting out long-term financial goals. However, as necessary as it may be to think “big picture” sometimes, it’s even more important that you don’t do it all the time.

Likewise, thinking backward in time can be just as harmful. Looking ahead and looking behind remove you from the present moment. Living in the past causes depression; living in the future causes anxiety. When we live in the past we experience regret (“shoulda, coulda, woulda…”). When we live in the future we experience worry (“what if…?). The cure for this suffering is to live in the present moment.

If you are like most people you, have a difficult time “turning off” your thoughts. Compulsive over thinking is a disease many people suffer from. Constant thoughts rush through our minds. We live in a society that bombards us with information from every angle. We multitask and run ourselves ragged. Add a few minor (or major) tragedies to the mix and it’s a recipe for disaster.

So how do we combat this disease? How do we put an end to our personal suffering? There are 4 keys to set us on the path toward living in the present and overcoming emotional suffering:

  1. Goal setting
  2. Reflection
  3. Meditation
  4. Positive thinking (CBT)

1. Goal setting.

Big picture/long-term thinking is an easy path to anxiety and compulsive over thinking. This type of thinking should not happen sporadically. It’s not healthy or helpful to think this way throughout your day. When you are at work, you should be focusing on work. When you are at the gym, you should be focusing on your workout. When you are having dinner, you should be focusing on eating. When you are talking with a friend, you should be focusing on your conversation. You should not be thinking about: how much weight you need to lose; how much money you need to save; how much work you have to do to switch careers; how long it will take to pay down your debts; and so on.

If you are thinking about these things randomly or obsessively throughout the day, you are causing yourself major harm. You are living on autopilot when you should be living consciously. The way to beat this problem is to practice mindful goal setting.

Set specific time aside to work on setting goals. Clear everything else from your space (physically and mentally). Allow yourself to focus exclusively on the task at hand: goal setting and do not allow yourself to be distracted. You will be amazed by how much more clear your goals become when you give them the attention that they deserve.

2. Reflection.

Living in the past is useless. Of course it’s important to learn from the past, to grow, to become a better person for it, and so on. But if living in the past is causing you stress, worry, and anxiety—which in most cases it is—then you’re doing it wrong.

Just as with goal setting, it is critical that you do not live in the past throughout the course of your life. Instead, set specific time aside to reflect. Reflection is very different than obsessive fretting over what happened before. Unlike worry, angst, and regret, reflection allows us to look at our personal history with a sharp eye. When you reflect you can consider the past mindfully with an open heart. You can accept the past without regret. Allow your mind to be full of gratitude & love for what has happened to bring you to where you are today. Every experience is another step in the journey.

Reflection allows us to move forward and create a better reality. Reflect, do not regret.

3. Meditation.

Meditation is perhaps the simplest, most effective path to happiness; but sadly it is also one of the most under-used! Meditation does not have to be a major production wherein you sit Indian-style on a colorful mat, light candles, and chant sacred scripture. In fact, meditation can be as simple as picking a quiet spot, closing your eyes, and clearing your mind for ten minutes. Yes, it’s really that simple.

Give it a try. Set aside just ten minutes each morning or evening. Find a quiet place to sit down. Close your eyes and clear your mind for ten minutes. If you find a thought popping into your mind—which you inevitably will in the beginning—just push it away. Deal with it later. Mediation is inner silence.

You will be amazed by how this simple practice transforms your entire state of well-being.

4. Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT).

CBT sounds complex but in reality it’s simple. It is the process of isolating your negative, irrational thoughts and turning them into positive, rational thoughts.

Yes, it is simple in theory but it’s a difficult practice to master. Once you do master it, you will be closer to living the life of your dreams than you ever imagined possible. I’ve written about CBT at length already, so check this out for more: Cognitive Behavior Therapy Saved My Life.

Following these 4 paths: goal setting, reflection, meditation, and positive thinking will transform your life. Once you get started on the journey, you will find yourself living in the present moment more than you ever thought possible. Not only will you live in the present, but you will experience gratitude for it. Your entire perspective will shift toward positivity and light.

Right now, the weight of worry and compulsive over thinking may be causing you to live a negative, reactive life. But with perseverance and effort as outlined in this post, you will find yourself moving toward a positive, proactive life in no time at all.

Are you willing to put in the effort to create the life of your dreams? Do you ever suffer from compulsive over thinking? Do you set time aside to consciously set goals? Let me know in the comments!

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    Review: Tribes by Seth Godin

    On a recent flight, I began reading Seth Godin’s Tribes. On the return flight, I finished it. It was my introduction to Seth Godin—no idea why I hadn’t found him sooner!—and what an introduction it was. The book blew me away. It is the best book on leadership and change management that I’ve ever read. While the content is sure to inspire change of the greatest sort within any organization—from business to church, non-profit to learning institution—it is also of incredible value to individuals.

    In this post I want to share some of my favourite pieces from Tribes as well as some of my own insights.

    Whether you want to create positive change in the world, in the workplace, or simply in your own, I recommend that you read the book for yourself. It is a relatively easy read, spliced up into short, digestible chapters. I got through it in a few hours. But it is absolutely packed with revolutionary ideas, suggestions, and real-life examples of people making a difference and leading tribes in today’s world.

    Many people are starting to realize that they work a lot and that working on stuff they believe in (and making things happen) is much more satisfying then just getting a paycheck and waiting to get fired (or die).

    I’ve begun to think of my generation as the Fight Club generation. Tyler Durden said it best, “We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.” I think Tyler and Seth’s sentiments are one and the same. Our parents (or maybe you) were raised to believe that you needed to grow up, go to school, get a job, and stay there. Work hard, save money, vacation once a year, and retire as soon as possible.

    Well, the Fight Club generation doesn’t want to hear that nonsense. We want gratification now. We don’t want to spend 40 hours a week miserable just so that we can collect a paycheck twice a month. We don’t want to spend half a lifetime at a job that we hate just so we can get fired or die one day! We believe that we can be happy now. We can pursue our passions, make a difference in the world, live out our dreams, and be successful all at once. And… we are right. We can do it. There are people doing it every single day. I love Tribes because it tells the stories of those people and more importantly, how they got there and how we can do it, too.

    Somewhere along the way, perhaps when twenty thousand Ford workers lost their jobs in one day, or when it became clear that soft drink companies were losing all their growth to upstarts, the factory advantage began to fade.

    The reason why the “school-job-suffer-retire” model worked for so long was because it was safe, it was comfortable. Human beings like to feel safe. It feels good to know that you will get a check once every couple weeks. It feels safe to know that you can walk into the office every morning and the lights will turn on and the computer will turn on. The peace of mind in trading your hours for dollars seems worth it when you have to put food on a table and a roof over someone’s head. But, guess what, that model isn’t really proving to be so safe after all.

    The recent tanking of the economy has really shaken things up. People are losing their jobs at rapid rates, unemployment is way up. Ethics have been violated, corruption runs rampant, and people don’t feel safe anymore. We want to take matters into our own hands. We want to create the lives of our dreams and be completely independent. We are doing it every day.

    In unstable times, growth comes from leaders who create change and engage their organizations, instead of from mangers who push their employees to do more for less.

    Now, more than ever, each of us has an opportunity obligation to become a leader, to create change, and to make a positive difference. The ever-evolving world of social media and the Web—Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Wikipedia, Google—give us instant access to an unthinkable quantity of information and resources. When we learn how to leverage those resources we can become unstoppable. When we teach others to leverage those resources our tribes can become unstoppable. It is a great time to be a leader, and it is also the right time.

    Leadership is scarce because few people are willing to go through the discomfort required to lead. This scarcity makes leadership valuable. It’s uncomfortable to propose an idea that might fail. If you’re not uncomfortable in your work as a leader, it’s almost certain you’re not reaching your potential as a leader.

    Change = pain. If there is anything that I have learned over the past three years, it is this. Human beings are creatures of habit. When asked why things are done a certain way, most people will always respond the same way: “Because that’s the way we’ve always done it.” It is safe, it is comfortable. Our profits may be plummeting, our staff may be miserable, our customers may be disgusted—but this is the way we’ve always done it! Don’t try to mess with our traditions! Right? Wrong!

    Success takes dedication, hard work, persistence, and change. Dedication, hard work, and persistence can be painful. Some people are cut out for it and some people aren’t. The people that are, are the leaders. Being a leader is not comfortable and it’s not supposed to be. Being a leader takes character.

    Believe it or not, anyone can do it. “No one is born charismatic. It’s a choice, not a gift” (Tribes).

    Change almost never fails because it’s too early. It almost always fails because it’s too late.

    The time for change is now, my friends. If not now, when? There has never been a time where the need for positive change was more urgent. If you do not realize that this moment is all you have, then you do not have anything. This is it. After this moment, nothing is promised—not tomorrow, not next week, not your 81st birthday. You have this moment and you alone get to decide what you do with it. Yes, you can surf Facebook for a few more hours and stalk out your ex-boyfriend’s life for awhile more. You can also sit on the couch with a six-pack and watch The Jersey Shore marathon on MTV. …But if you asked me, I’d tell you that you’ve got more important things to do. Whether you’ve been waiting to pitch a great idea to your boss, waiting to take a proactive approach to your health, or waiting to embark on that 6 month “vagablogging” journey; stop waiting!

    There is really nothing in your way. There are no problems and no obstacles. Any anxiety that you might have stems from your past or your future; but your past and your future are not real! The only thing that is real is this moment, right now. The past and the future are in your head. No matter what you think is standing in your way, you can find a way around it. If you can’t get on the next flight to Melbourne (to start your career as a kangaroo-catcher) then sit down and figure out how you are going to make it happen. Right now.

    I’m frequently asked about getting credit. People want to know how to be sure they get credit for an idea, especially when they have a boss who wants to steal it. Or they want to know how to be sure to give me credit for an idea in a book or a blog post of their own.

    Real leaders don’t care.

    If it’s about your mission, about spreading faith, about seeing something happen, not only do you not care about credit, you actually want other people to take credit.

    There’s no record of Martin Luther King, Jr., or Gandhi whining about credit. Credit isn’t the point. Change is.

    Stop worrying about the obstacles and start taking action. Stop worrying about who is going to get credit and start making a difference.

    ————————————————————————

    What I loved most about Tribes is that it left me feeling like anything and everything is possible. The book is full of stories about ordinary people who did (and do) extraordinary things every single day. These people don’t let fear stop them. They become leaders and they create & inspire change. Every person is capable of this. You are capable of this! What do you want to do? Are you ready to become a leader? I say yes. Yes you are!

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  5. loved this one dena….this is a problem i always have suffered with…thinking about the past and always always worrying about the future…this was great information to help with this problem ..now to try and do it… will be my challenge…

    1. @ Roberta – Thank you so much for stopping by & leaving a comment. I truly believe that most people suffer from the “worry” disease. It is something that we start doing at a young age & continue to do all our lives. I really hope that this advice helps a bit & I look forward to hearing how you do. I have so much confidence in you!

      xo,
      Dena

  6. Nice advices. My brain always is thinking what to do with my future after college. And I often care too much about grades. These cause me a lot of stress and anxiety in college. Your article really showed some ways for relief. i will give this a try. Your words are really inspiring.

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