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Overcome Fear of Flying: Acceptance & the Power of Now

Die to the past with each moment that passes. If you do this, there will be no suffering in mortal death.

Do not resist your fate. Accept your fate, doing anything else is insanity.

A Sordid History With Travel

Travel has never been a pleasant thing for me. Vacations and exploring new places have always been divine, but the actual act of “traveling” has always been painful. My mother gets extremely anxious as family trips approach. The morning-of is a nightmare. Unfortunately, I inherited her travel anxieties. On top of that, I’ve always had a terrible fear of flying.

Yet somehow, over the last 4 years, I’ve ended up traveling & flying quite a bit, whether for work or for my frequent desire to explore new places. In this time, something magical has happened, my pre-travel anxiety is gone. I realized this during my last two trips. As I was getting ready to drive to the airport, my heart did not race, there were no familiar knots in my stomach, and I didn’t feel sick or panicked at all. It was amazing.

I attribute the disappearance of my pre-travel anxiety to two things: 1. experience (which makes everything easier) and 2. acceptance (the knowledge that everything will be okay and if it’s not okay, it’s not the end).

One Fear Gives Way to Another

On the other hand, my in-flight anxiety is still alive & well. My body wretches in horror during takeoff & turbulence. Anytime that the plane is not 100% stable, my body & mind revert to sheer panic. My mind is flooded with horrific images of the plane going down. I am completely unable to form coherent, rational thoughts.

Instead, I do three things. I grip my seat handles until my knuckles are snow white. I breathe as deeply as I can to avoid passing out. And I silently repeat familiar phrases over & over again—for example: I love my dog, Bella. I love my cat, Mika. I love my dog, Bella. I love my cat, Mika.

While these coping mechanisms “work” for me, they are unacceptable. I refuse to be driven by fear in life & time spent in a plane should be no different. I should practice acceptance and embrace the power of now whether in a plane or in everyday life. And recently, for the first time in my life, I was able to do this—while flying!

As I write this, I’m 30,000 feet in the air on a prop plane, home bound from Columbus, Ohio to Newark, New Jersey. I experienced my first true moment of “acceptance in the air” a couple of days ago on my outbound flight.

Takeoff was fairly smooth, but we hit some turbulence later in the flight. I started to plummet into my usual throes of panic. Then suddenly, I could hear the voice of the great sage, Eckart Tolle, in my mind. Die to the past with each moment that passes. If you do this, there will be no suffering in mortal death.

My mind was flooded with clarity. I knew that I had to let go of everything—my fear, my past, and my future.

The music in my ears from my ipod became the most beautiful sound I had ever heard.

The light-infused clouds sparkling in front of the sunset became the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

That moment was the most beautiful moment I had ever known.

There was nothing truly profound about it. The song was a song I had heard hundreds of times before. The sunset, while pretty, was a scene I had viewed thousands of times before. But what made that moment so incredibly beautiful—the most beautiful I had ever known—was the fact that it was the present moment, the now.

Finally, it all made sense. There was no fear, no past, and no future. I realized that every single moment has that power—the power to be the most beautiful moment of my life. With that great knowledge there was no fear in my heart, especially not of death. How could I be afraid to die during the most beautiful moment of my life?

When you accept the incredible beauty & power of the present moment, your entire being is filled with the Peace of God. It is a feeling of true joy, not false man-made, shallow joy; but a far-reaching, everlasting peace. The Peace of God is the realization that divinity is within you. Understanding the true nature of the present moment is commandment of the Universe. It is the sudden realization that you possess divine power.

On the Path

It is amazing and overwhelming, isn’t it? However, I have a confession. Even after experiencing this divine state of acceptance, I still experienced moments of paralyzing fear during that flight and again, during this flight.

This begs the question: If I am so enlightened, then why am I still afraid? Why do I experience peace during some moments of turbulence, but blinding fear during others?

The answer is simple: I have not yet learned to harness the power of the present moment completely. I have only seen a glimpse of it. It will take practice to harness the power completely and to be able to control it at will.

It is a lot like meditation. When one first starts to meditate, she only gets glimpses of complete inner silence. As she continues to practice meditation and deepens her skill, eventually she will experience extended periods of complete inner silence and peace. With years of practice, she can call upon the tranquility of deep meditation at anytime.

With much practice and dedication, I will sharpen my ability. The great sages of this world have learned to live in this state of inner silence & peace nearly 100% of the time.

Risk Your Life, Embrace the Now

The power of now is not simply a tool to be called upon during bumpy flights. This power can be used in any scenario that causes anxiety—from social situations, to phobias, and so on. We should strive to experience this power in everyday life as much as possible.

As human beings we spend a great deal of time resisting & regretting our fates. This is insane. That is not a judgment, it is a fact.

A close friend of mine is terrified of flying. When I expressed the fact that I was taking a weekend trip to Ohio for a wedding party, my friend asked me, “Why would you risk your life getting on a plane just for a wedding party?”

I responded that I risk my life every single morning when I get in the car for my morning commute. In fact, I risk my life every single moment of the day. We all do. If you want to remain completely safe then you might consider investing in a good bubble suit or a padded room. There are all sorts of “risks” out there—car accidents, heart attacks, stray lightning bolts, killer bees, and so on.

Despite those things you won’t catch me in a bubble suit anytime soon 😉

My flight is about to land. Time to shut my laptop.

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    Review: Tribes by Seth Godin

    On a recent flight, I began reading Seth Godin’s Tribes. On the return flight, I finished it. It was my introduction to Seth Godin—no idea why I hadn’t found him sooner!—and what an introduction it was. The book blew me away. It is the best book on leadership and change management that I’ve ever read. While the content is sure to inspire change of the greatest sort within any organization—from business to church, non-profit to learning institution—it is also of incredible value to individuals.

    In this post I want to share some of my favourite pieces from Tribes as well as some of my own insights.

    Whether you want to create positive change in the world, in the workplace, or simply in your own, I recommend that you read the book for yourself. It is a relatively easy read, spliced up into short, digestible chapters. I got through it in a few hours. But it is absolutely packed with revolutionary ideas, suggestions, and real-life examples of people making a difference and leading tribes in today’s world.

    Many people are starting to realize that they work a lot and that working on stuff they believe in (and making things happen) is much more satisfying then just getting a paycheck and waiting to get fired (or die).

    I’ve begun to think of my generation as the Fight Club generation. Tyler Durden said it best, “We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.” I think Tyler and Seth’s sentiments are one and the same. Our parents (or maybe you) were raised to believe that you needed to grow up, go to school, get a job, and stay there. Work hard, save money, vacation once a year, and retire as soon as possible.

    Well, the Fight Club generation doesn’t want to hear that nonsense. We want gratification now. We don’t want to spend 40 hours a week miserable just so that we can collect a paycheck twice a month. We don’t want to spend half a lifetime at a job that we hate just so we can get fired or die one day! We believe that we can be happy now. We can pursue our passions, make a difference in the world, live out our dreams, and be successful all at once. And… we are right. We can do it. There are people doing it every single day. I love Tribes because it tells the stories of those people and more importantly, how they got there and how we can do it, too.

    Somewhere along the way, perhaps when twenty thousand Ford workers lost their jobs in one day, or when it became clear that soft drink companies were losing all their growth to upstarts, the factory advantage began to fade.

    The reason why the “school-job-suffer-retire” model worked for so long was because it was safe, it was comfortable. Human beings like to feel safe. It feels good to know that you will get a check once every couple weeks. It feels safe to know that you can walk into the office every morning and the lights will turn on and the computer will turn on. The peace of mind in trading your hours for dollars seems worth it when you have to put food on a table and a roof over someone’s head. But, guess what, that model isn’t really proving to be so safe after all.

    The recent tanking of the economy has really shaken things up. People are losing their jobs at rapid rates, unemployment is way up. Ethics have been violated, corruption runs rampant, and people don’t feel safe anymore. We want to take matters into our own hands. We want to create the lives of our dreams and be completely independent. We are doing it every day.

    In unstable times, growth comes from leaders who create change and engage their organizations, instead of from mangers who push their employees to do more for less.

    Now, more than ever, each of us has an opportunity obligation to become a leader, to create change, and to make a positive difference. The ever-evolving world of social media and the Web—Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Wikipedia, Google—give us instant access to an unthinkable quantity of information and resources. When we learn how to leverage those resources we can become unstoppable. When we teach others to leverage those resources our tribes can become unstoppable. It is a great time to be a leader, and it is also the right time.

    Leadership is scarce because few people are willing to go through the discomfort required to lead. This scarcity makes leadership valuable. It’s uncomfortable to propose an idea that might fail. If you’re not uncomfortable in your work as a leader, it’s almost certain you’re not reaching your potential as a leader.

    Change = pain. If there is anything that I have learned over the past three years, it is this. Human beings are creatures of habit. When asked why things are done a certain way, most people will always respond the same way: “Because that’s the way we’ve always done it.” It is safe, it is comfortable. Our profits may be plummeting, our staff may be miserable, our customers may be disgusted—but this is the way we’ve always done it! Don’t try to mess with our traditions! Right? Wrong!

    Success takes dedication, hard work, persistence, and change. Dedication, hard work, and persistence can be painful. Some people are cut out for it and some people aren’t. The people that are, are the leaders. Being a leader is not comfortable and it’s not supposed to be. Being a leader takes character.

    Believe it or not, anyone can do it. “No one is born charismatic. It’s a choice, not a gift” (Tribes).

    Change almost never fails because it’s too early. It almost always fails because it’s too late.

    The time for change is now, my friends. If not now, when? There has never been a time where the need for positive change was more urgent. If you do not realize that this moment is all you have, then you do not have anything. This is it. After this moment, nothing is promised—not tomorrow, not next week, not your 81st birthday. You have this moment and you alone get to decide what you do with it. Yes, you can surf Facebook for a few more hours and stalk out your ex-boyfriend’s life for awhile more. You can also sit on the couch with a six-pack and watch The Jersey Shore marathon on MTV. …But if you asked me, I’d tell you that you’ve got more important things to do. Whether you’ve been waiting to pitch a great idea to your boss, waiting to take a proactive approach to your health, or waiting to embark on that 6 month “vagablogging” journey; stop waiting!

    There is really nothing in your way. There are no problems and no obstacles. Any anxiety that you might have stems from your past or your future; but your past and your future are not real! The only thing that is real is this moment, right now. The past and the future are in your head. No matter what you think is standing in your way, you can find a way around it. If you can’t get on the next flight to Melbourne (to start your career as a kangaroo-catcher) then sit down and figure out how you are going to make it happen. Right now.

    I’m frequently asked about getting credit. People want to know how to be sure they get credit for an idea, especially when they have a boss who wants to steal it. Or they want to know how to be sure to give me credit for an idea in a book or a blog post of their own.

    Real leaders don’t care.

    If it’s about your mission, about spreading faith, about seeing something happen, not only do you not care about credit, you actually want other people to take credit.

    There’s no record of Martin Luther King, Jr., or Gandhi whining about credit. Credit isn’t the point. Change is.

    Stop worrying about the obstacles and start taking action. Stop worrying about who is going to get credit and start making a difference.

    ————————————————————————

    What I loved most about Tribes is that it left me feeling like anything and everything is possible. The book is full of stories about ordinary people who did (and do) extraordinary things every single day. These people don’t let fear stop them. They become leaders and they create & inspire change. Every person is capable of this. You are capable of this! What do you want to do? Are you ready to become a leader? I say yes. Yes you are!

4 Comments

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  2. I sent this wonderful post to my husband who used to be terrified of flying and now has overcome his fear to such a point that he asked to be a guest blogger at his wife’s blog to write about it. 😉 I see that you have beaten him to the punch!!!

    1. @ Farnoosh – Wow! I am so happy to hear that your husband overcame he is fear of flying, too. Well, I suppose I have not completely “overcome” mine yet — but I am definitely heading in the right direction.

      If your husband does end up sharing his story, I would love to read it!

      Have a beautiful day.

      -D.

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