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The Comeback Is Always Stronger Than the Setback…

livelovesimple.com

Hello, darlings. I am popping in with a little life update and a big announcement. Let’s start with the big announcement first. That is–I’m coming back to blogging! Or I should say, we’re coming back to blogging. But more on that in a bit. Yes, I know that I was basically non-existent in this space last year. That was because I was busy with life and I was also building something new. It’s a lot to try and capture all that has happened in a few paragraphs, but I’ll try.

The last 4 years have been truly wild and tumultuous for me. I left my marriage and my home. I went through a long, painful divorce. I transitioned to life as a single mother. I moved three times. I had two failed relationships. I began a third relationship in which we recently celebrated our one-year anniversary (♥). And finally, we transitioned to life as a blended family. So yes, it’s been a lot. In hindsight I see that there are things I would have done differently, but it is difficult to say that I have regrets because I am so grateful for where I am at now.

On top of all of those external happenings, I went through a tremendous amount of internal work. The end of 2018, particularly from August to September, was one of the most difficult times of my life. I went through what some call “a dark night of the soul” where I was completely broken down. I reached a low point of depression and anxiety that I thought I would never return to. I realized that the trauma that I had endured in the previous decade took a toll on me that I could never have foreseen. It all came crashing down in one final moment. But it took that falling apart for me to be reborn. In that darkness, I saw a light. Like a forest that has been burned to the ground, new life started to rise from my ashes. It was a clean slate. That is when Wild Moon Co. was born, the something new that I have been building that I mentioned earlier.

livelovesimple.com

Wild Moon Co. is what you might call my rebirth. You see, there is another side of me that had been mostly hidden from the world all of my life. It is the wilder side, the darker side, the magic side, the powerful side, the sensual side. Getting in touch with that side of myself was a beautiful and painful journey all its own. In the way that I was raised, I was simply taught to keep that side quiet and hidden. My family on both sides was strict Roman Catholic, where the qualities that are celebrated are sacrifice, martyrdom, servitude, and tradition. These qualities are important, but it is foolish to believe that any person is made up of those qualities alone. When our wild nature is stifled down, it manifests itself in other ways–addiction, mental illness, poor health, to name a few.

In exploring the other side of myself, I have learned that as human beings, we are multidimensional. We need to honor all of the various sides of who we are. Surely there is a place for tradition and sacrifice, but there is also a place for wildness and pleasure. When we carve a life path that allows us to express all of ourselves without shame or fear of judgment, this is where we can find true peace and joy.

To come back to my journey, I spent the last year exploring that other side of myself and in doing so I learned so much. It strengthened my relationship with God. It also strengthened my relationship with others in that I have learned how to say no and how to implement boundaries which I could never do before. And finally, it has strengthened my relationship with myself because I now enjoy a level of self-love and self-acceptance that I never before dreamed possible. Of course none of these things are perfect, life is always a work in progress, but I am grateful for how far I have come and excited about how far I have yet to go.

livelovesimple.com

To bring all of this full circle, this journey has most definitely made me a better mother. Motherhood will always be my greatest blessing, but in the lifestyle that I lived before–sacrificial martyrdom–I was not able to set a good example for my children. I never wanted to teach them to sacrifice their own happiness to make others happy. So I needed to learn how to make myself happy, so that I can teach them to do the same by example. And further, by taking care of myself, I can take better care of them, because we cannot serve from an empty vessel.

All of this is to say that, it’s been a hell of a road, but here I am. I am not done traveling the path of healing–in fact, I recently uncovered a whole new pool of trauma that I need to deal with–but, I am further along than I have ever been and I am so grateful for it. And now, with where I am, I feel ready to return to this space. As you know, this space has evolved over the years as I have. It started out as a self-improvement blog and then turned into motherhood. I cannot say for certain where we go next, but I believe it will be a combination of the two.

For now, the majority of my healing work will live over at Wild Moon Co. and in this space I will focus on motherhood, blended family life, wellness, and sustainable living. And that brings me to my final point which is that very soon my partner, Jimmy, is going to take an active role in this space beside me. He is such a big part of my journey and now, my family, and I am so excited to have him share parts of himself in this space in the coming year and beyond.

livelovesimple.com

Phew, that was a lot. If you’ve read this far, thank you for sticking with it. I am beyond thrilled about this next chapter and all of the magic that it has in store for us. Also, since I am going to be blogging a lot more in 2020, if there are any topics that you’d like to hear about, leave a comment on this post and let me know. Some that I am already working on include:

  • how to start/monetize a blog
  • photography for beginners
  • my yoga practice journey
  • implementing a meditation routine
  • traveling with a large family
  • using plants and herbs as medicine
  • carving out a life for yourself beyond children
  • moving to a plant-based lifestyle
  • praising children to encourage effort
  • plant-based recipes for the whole family
  • travel guides (Ireland, Salem)
  • chicken keeping
  • backyard farming

That’s all for now, sweet friends. Wishing you lots of love and light as we move from 2019 to 2020. I’ll leave you with my favorite quote, “There will come a time when you think that everything is finished. That will be the beginning.” xo

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    Tired of Conflict Bringing You Down?

    Dealing With Conflict

    Conflict takes many forms—misunderstanding, frustration, ignorance, hatred, envy, and so on—but despite the cause, the result is largely the same: someone walks away with hurt feelings.

    The truth is, however, that this is not necessary. You can choose to be unaffected by conflict. It is not an easy thing to accomplish. You have, after all, lived your life believing that conflict equals pain. But with practice & patience you can learn to live above conflict in a place of true peace.

    “True peace can not be disturbed by gain or loss.”

    The reason that conflict hurts us is because we allow it to. Most pain comes from another person(s) or from our own minds. The key to being unaffected by conflict is to understand that anything that another person says to us (out of anger, frustration, etc.) is actually a reflection of her feelings about herself and is rooted in fear. Likewise, anything that our mind says to us (self-criticism, self-hatred, etc.) is also rooted in fear. All forms of discomfort—sadness, anxiety, worry, rage, hatred, envy, and so on—are rooted in fear.

    When you accept that angry words are actually reflections of fear, it makes them much less painful to tolerate. Even the angriest and most cruel of arguments is based in fear & insecurity.

    For example, you have a large project due at work. You bring it into your boss’s office an hour prior to the deadline. She notices that it is riddled with errors. Her face turns red and she begins to scream. “You idiot! How could you be so stupid? This is unacceptable. I can not believe I ever hired you. Get out!”

    On one hand, you are devastated. Her words have stung you at your core. You are insulted, sad, angry, afraid. But if you really stop to analyze the situation, why do you think she acted this way? Most likely, she is afraid. Most likely, she is terrified about the way that your “failure” is going to reflect on her. After all, wasn’t it her who hired you, gave you this assignment, failed to give you proper instruction, and so on? What will her boss think when she turns this project into him? Her explosion was based in fear.

    Another example, it is Saturday afternoon and you are sitting on the couch. Your husband comes in the door and notices that you have not swept the floors. He begins to speak angrily, “Haven’t you swept the floors? Didn’t you see this dirt? You’ve been so lazy recently.” You are crushed and devastated. How could he be so mean? But then again, you stop and analyze. The lawn is not mowed, the gutters are uncleaned, there are piles of crap strewn about the yard. Your husband is insecure about all of his unfinished chores and is projecting his self-frustration onto you. His remarks were based in fear and insecurity.

    If you take the time to truly analyze, you will find that almost every conflict is rooted in fear. Therefore, the vast majority of hurtful things that are ever said to you actually have absolutely nothing to do with you. This is an incredibly liberating concept (not to be confused with the rare scenario when you are actually wrong by the way). Still, just because the other person’s (or even your own self-inflicted) anger is based in fear, that still doesn’t make it right. Yes, perhaps both your boss and your husband were entirely out of line. It is alright for you to tell them so, but what is more important is the way that you process the conflict within yourself.

    Most people internalize the conflict. In any case, you take what was said and push it deep within yourself. Perhaps you believe the other person words. “Yes, I am lazy, stupid, ugly, etc.” The conflict turns into emotional pain and festers within you eventually becoming depression, anxiety, and so on. But as I mentioned at the start, none of that is necessary.

    You must accept the conflict (words) for what they are—someone else’s (or even your own mind’s) fears and insecurities. Fear is nothing to be afraid of or affected by. Most fear is completely unnecessary (read more about that).

    After the conflict, words, and judgments have passed, simply allow all of it to pass through and around you like water or air. Understand that it is something outside of you, that has nothing to do with you at all. It is not inside of you, it did not come from you, and you do not have to absorb it. Simply let it pass and then move on.

    Holding onto the pain of conflict is insane and unnatural. What do the birds do after the great storm has passed? They sing, of course! You will never hear the birds singing so sweetly and so loudly as they do after the storm has passed and the sun shines again. They do not mourn the broken nest, the wet feathers, or the lost supper. They simply sing and praise the light in gratitude. They rejoice that the sun has come again.

    In his book, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment, Eckhart Tolle talks about his observation of duck fights. Two ducks approach one another. They squawk in anger for mere seconds. Then they turn away from one another, flap their great wings a few times, and swim on as if it never happened. This is true wisdom, true peace, in action. There is so much that we can learn from this simple observation.

    There is really no need to hold onto anger or discomfort. There is really no need to suffer. In life, you will find many reason to suffer. But a good reason to suffer, you will never find. Let conflicts pass through and around you. Do not hold onto them. You will almost always find that it never has anything to do with you anyway.

3 Comments

  2. Dena. Your post/email comes at a time when it is much needed and appreciated. Your light and perseverance inspire. Sending love and thanks, Caitie

    Reply

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