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The Key to Happiness: Make Excuses or Make Magic

I want to let you in on an enormous secret.  It’s huge.  It’s life changing.  It’s intense.  It’s a game changer.  It is the secret to happiness.

Are you ready for it?  You sure?  Okay.

Here it comes….

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The key to happiness, is to be happy.

A Story
When I’m not doing epic, world-changing things like motivational speaking, writing, and life coaching; I work in an office.  For eight hours a day—Monday to Thursday—I’m an administrative manager.  I sit at a desk, compose emails, manage social media accounts, plan conferences, and so on.  Sometimes—actually a lot of times—I stuff envelopes.  We’re a small company, only four of us.  That means we all do everything—the big important stuff and the tiny administrative things (like stuffing envelopes).

Last week, I was working on a mailing.  At the particular moment that I’m referencing, I was applying stamps to envelopes—a few hundred of them.  There was nothing truly exceptional about that moment, except for the fact that I was really, really happy.  Every fiber of my being was glowing & I had the biggest smile on my face.

Yup.  Whilst applying hundreds of stamps to envelopes (nearly to the point of developing a blister on my thumb) I was grinning like a fool!

Some Happy Folks
A few months ago I was in Atlantic City for a conference.  The meeting space was located on the top floor of one of the nicest hotels in the city.  I was sitting at the registration desk when along came one of the banquet waiters—to my surprise—singing his heart out!

It didn’t take long for us to strike up conversation.  I was fascinated by this happy banquet waiter.  He was so musical & helpful & interesting.  Born in Ireland, he’s traveled the world, and has lived all over the U.S.  He’s got brothers & sisters spread out from New Zealand to Colorado.  For the past few years he’s called a little suburb outside of Atlantic City his home.  He waits at several casinos in A.C. (sometimes 18-hour shifts!) and he loves it.  He’s always smiling & singing and he’s really, really happy.

Thinking about that banquet waiter reminds me of the UPS and FedEx guys that frequent our office.  These guys are so cool.  We see them at least a few times a week and they’re always smiling & happy.  (Yes, it’s possible to be happy even when you hate your job.)

It also reminds me of the Masai people that I met while traveling in Kenya.  Like the banquet waiter & the postal workers, on the surface, these people didn’t seem to have all that much to be happy about.  In fact they didn’t have much at all.  They lived in huts—literally three plastered walls with straw roofs—some no bigger than my bedroom closet.  Most huts were without possessions.  The furnished ones housed a pot, a straw mat on the dirt floor, and a stone bench.  No running water or electricity anywhere.

But I’ll be darned if these people weren’t the happiest folks I’ve ever met in my life!  Talk about smiling, friendly, and joyous!  I’ve never seen anything like it—the men, the women, the children, the elderly—all happy.  And it wasn’t just one place, it was all over.  Every village that we visited from Kenya to Tanzania was full of smiles & happiness.

Back to the Story
So there I was, placing stamps on envelopes, smiling like a fool.  You may have guessed it by now, but I wasn’t ecstatic about stamping envelopes.  😉 As I sat there that day, I smiled because this really great song came on my iPhone & as the notes floated from the headphones to my ears, it reminded me of all that I have to be grateful for.  I started to count my blessings one by one—past, present, & future.

See, it’s wonderful to travel the world, to be filthy rich, to change lives, to inspire, to have great adventures.  But it’s also really wonderful to work in an office, to be a stay-at-home mommy, to enjoy a cup of tea with a friend, to be alive.  These things are wonderful when we choose to see them that way. Life is about perspective. It’s about the way that we choose to view the world & the things that happen in it.

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.  —Wayne Dyer

The key to happiness is to be happy—to choose happiness.  Every day is an opportunity.  You can make excuses, or, you can make magic.

What will you choose?

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    Letting Go of the Past: Forgiveness

    Last week, I finished listening to Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now. It had been on my “to-read” list for years, when by a stroke of fate a dear friend offered to lend me her audio copy. I plan to do a full review of the book in the coming weeks but for now I want to focus on one important element—forgiveness of the past.

    Recently I started thinking about the first twenty-five years of my life. In The Power of Now, we learn that to live in the future or the past is to suffer. The only way to exist in true harmony is to live in the now. After all, the past is not real, the future is not real. The past and the future only exist in our minds. The only thing that is truly and completely real, is the now.

    The challenge with this, however, is that until we can accept, understand, and move on from the conditioning of the past, we can not experience true freedom. And in order to truly accomplish this, we must experience true forgiveness of the past—forgiving others & ourselves completely.

    As I reflected upon these truths, I realized that I have been holding on to a tremendous amount of pain from my own personal history. There is so much past that continues to haunt me and impact me in the now. One of the greatest sources of pain revolves around my former lifestyle.

    I spent so much of my life caught up in a false sense of self. I spent incredible amounts of money on material possessions that I now perceive as worthless (clothes, jewelry, useless electronics, etc.) For some reason, I fell into the marketing. I bought it—all of it. (You can read more about my journey into financial prison and my subsequent journey out in previous posts.)

    But that’s not really the point, the point is that I ended up here. I can sit around and feel sorry for myself, angry that so much of my life was wasted, frustrated that I’ve only paid off a fraction (albeit a substantial fraction) of my debts so far; but if I did all of that where would it get me? It wouldn’t get me anywhere except maybe on a private jet to my own personal pity party. No thank you.

    Instead of wallowing, I am grateful. Grateful that I have come this far. Grateful that I’ have learned these lessons and changed the direction of my life by the age of 25 (soon-to-be 26). Grateful to be surrounded by a community of people that support me and believe in me. Grateful to have discovered my life’s true purpose and passion. Grateful to be doing what I love (even if only part of the time). Grateful to be safe, secure, healthy, strong, and beautiful.

    As I move through these emotions of gratitude for what I have now and what I am now, I find that the pain of my history slips away. I believe that I am finally on a path toward true forgiveness of the past. The reality is that it happened. I made mistakes, like all fallible human beings do. However, without making those mistakes, I may never have come to this place, to this now.

    The past grants us wisdom & grace. The memories that haunt us the most, are usually the memories that taught us the greatest lessons. Forgiveness will come from acceptance. So, the trick to true forgiveness is true acceptance. Once we can accept our past unconditionally, we can live fully in the now.

    I am making my way on this journey slowly. For most of my life, I focused almost entirely on the past—heart breaks, mistakes, errors in judgment, loss, failures, and so on—but that was a tragic mistake. What I now know is that the past is gone, the only thing that matters is now. And likewise, the future is a distant place that exists only in my mind. The only thing that matters is right now.

    Transforming the way that I think has been a challenging process, but I have come a tremendous distance already and I will keep on pushing forward, always.

    Now I ask you, reader, what pieces of your past are you holding on to? Are you willing to accept those pieces unconditionally so that you may truly forgive and live in harmony & light? Will you join me on this journey?

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    Is Your Resume a Hallmark Card?

    This is a guest post by David Pinkley, The Resume Sage.

    How do you describe yourself in your resume: team player?…quick learner?…detailed oriented? Do you really believe those self-proclaimed descriptions? Consider this: so does everyone else. That’s the problem. When it comes to describing ourselves we use the same words as everyone else. I know this because in 15 years working as a professional resume writer and executive recruiter I’ve seen nearly 40,000 resumes. Virtually all of them used works like: high energy, results oriented, uniquely qualified, detailed oriented, out-of-the-box thinker…and the list goes on. I call these Hallmark words.

    What is a Hallmark word? Example: You go to the store to buy a greeting card for your Sweetie whose birthday is approaching. You are overwhelmed because there are so many cards to choose from. You select your first one and it says something like: “May you experience all things bright and beautiful on your special day. Happy Birthday.” It’s a nice try but the message is contrived so we put the card back and pick another. The second one says: “Here’s a card just for you. You’ve always been tried and true. Happy Birthday.” Again, nice words but the message isn’t meaningful. (Who writes this stuff!?) You repeat this process numerous times until you find one with a message that resonates: “It just always felt right…and it always will. Happy Birthday.” Found it. You’re done.

    Hallmark words are words that look great on paper but don’t have any real meaning. It’s the same with resumes. Certain words look great on resumes but they are meaningless. If everyone says they’re a quick learner those words become diluted. (Whether it’s true or not is irrelevant.) Using Hallmark words on your resume will make it seem just as contrived as most greeting cards. The reader (i.e. hiring manager) won’t believe your message and will continue reading other resumes in search of one that resonates.

    The reality is we really don’t know how to describe ourselves. So we borrow words from other resumes and convince ourselves that these words really describe us. We don’t realize they have no meaning. Great resumes find authentic ways to communicate familiar themes. How do you do that?

    If you are really honest with yourself – you probably don’t know what you really do anyway. The only way to discover exactly what makes you unique is to look closely at your job. This takes introspection and self examination; a process most people dread because it seems like hard work – hence why most resumes are homogeneous. This is difficult to do for yourself. Self examination is much easier if you do it with someone else. But that’s another post.

    Blow the dust off your resume and take a look at the words you’ve used to describe yourself. Are they Hallmark words? If they are, you need to recognize that you are not saying anything unique. And no matter how true they are, they are not as meaningful or impactful as you think.

    Have questions? Contact David Pinkley at (704) 358-6000 or david@theresumesage.com. To learn more visit: www.TheResumeSage.com

    David Pinkley is the founder of The Resume Sage, a custom resume writing service. The Resume Sage critiques and writes resumes for accomplished professionals and executives. Those who work with The Resume Sage are purposeful about navigating their careers. They need more than just strong writing skills; they are seeking insights about how to differentiate themselves from their peers/competitors.

    David is a sought-after public speaker and has been featured on local news and NBC’s national news. He earned a B.S. degree from the University of Michigan and started his career in Chicago as a CPA at Ernst & Young and at Bank of America. He has lived and worked as an executive recruiter for 15 years in Charlotte, Raleigh, New York and Hong Kong.

6 Comments

  1. It’s not always easy to be happy, but, making the effort even when you don’t really quite feel like it will have the desired effect.

    Too many worries anyway, just let ’em slide and enjoy yourself a bit and that will make you happy as well.

  2. Yesterday was a classic example of my practicing this tenant of life. I have been working for almost a year on a project, and I had to pull the plug on it yesterday. It has been stressful, and I am profoundly disappointed by the whole thing.

    So, I went to a local water park with a friend and played with her five-year-old all day. I laughed a lot and had a blast, and it helped me forget the thing that fell apart for a few hours. It even spilled over into today.

    1. @ Andra – Wow. It must be so difficult to pull the plug after a year. But I truly believe that we must “let it go if it isn’t serving us well.” I am so proud of you for having the strength, despite the disappointment. It sounds like you are doing everything right — you can’t go wrong with water parks & 5-year-olds!!! Love you so much, lady. <3

  3. This is an AWESOME post. You are so correct. We have a choice on how we look at life. Is the glass half empty or half full. I am the eternal optimist and I always like to TRY and find the positive in everything. I find that the simple things in life make me the happiest. Being connected to my awesome family and my friends online and in real life make me happy. I am surrounded by such great and wonderful people. I thank God for all of you. Hugs

    1. @ James – Thank you so much for the kind words. 😉 You constantly inspire me with that half glass full approach. You are an example of what I mean when I say, “Practice gratitude. Spread love, spread light.” I am so grateful for you, too. XO

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