What is a personal calling? It is God’s blessing, it is the path that God chose for you here on Earth. Whenever we do something that fills us with enthusiasm, we are following our legend. However, we don’t all have the courage to confront our own dream. —The Alchemist
Are You Aware of What You’re Doing?
I’ve been thinking a lot about dreams lately (as if you hadn’t noticed). One of my most urgent ambitions/dreams is to live an entirely purposeful life. I see people around me everyday, sleepwalking through life, on autopilot. Alarm clock, shower, breakfast, commute, zombie work, commute, dinner, television, sleep. Repeat. Day in and day out. It breaks my heart. What hurts more are the moments (sometimes hours) when I catch myself falling into that terrible haze. Of course I snap myself out of it as soon as I realize it’s happening. The way that I snap out of it is simple enough: I ground myself. I literally take notice of my feet on the Earth, carpet, tile (wherever I am). I recognize my breathing. I acknowledge that I am a human being walking the Earth, beneath the sky, on a great big planet, floating in the Universe. It’s really important to do that, to ground yourself in reality at least once a day, probably more. If you don’t do it you will get caught up in the trivial — the fight with your spouse; the disappointment over your kid’s report card; the scratch on your new car; the ever-growing pile of papers on your desk; your unappreciative boss — you get the picture.
Proactive vs. Reactive Living
When you ground yourself, you pull yourself from the depths of the trivial, unimportant, little details that tend to take control. When you ground yourself, you become aware. The only problem with grounding yourself this way is that it is reactive rather than proactive. There is actually a much better way to avoid autopilot and that is proactivity. I am going to start talking a lot on this blog about reactive vs. proactive thoughts and actions. So let me take a moment to define what I mean by each of these terms.
Reactive—Something happens and triggers you to take action.
Example 1: You get on the scale one morning to realize that you’ve gained ten pounds. Your reaction is to begin a diet and start breaking your back in the gym until you lose the ten pounds.
Example 2: Your marriage has been falling apart for the last two years. You fight with your spouse daily or more. You are both unhappy. You put everything before each other — work, friends, hobbies, etc. The marriage is your last priority. As a last resort you decide to attend marriage counseling.
Proactive—You consciously prepare and act in ways that will produce certain desired outcomes in your life.
Example 1: You are aware that you want to be physically healthy. You continually live a lifestyle that promotes health. You always take the stairs instead of the elevator. You run a mile each morning before work. You feed your body foods that it craves & needs and avoid “junk” whenever possible.
Example 2: Your marriage is one of your top priorities. You make “alone” time and set dates with your spouse at least once a week. You plan vacations together to explore places you’ve never seen. You participate in each others favourite hobbies. You fight, as all healthy couples do, but you practice open communication and work through arguments before they become significant problems.
If you analyze all of the actions and thoughts in your life, you will find that each one is either reactive or proactive. The goal is to make all of your thoughts and actions proactive. The problem with practicing reactive thinking or action, is that it is usually too late. And even when you do succeed, it is usually a short-lived success because reactive thoughts and actions do not treat the causes of problems; they only treat the symptoms.
Let’s take the reactive approach to the extra ten pounds for example. You notice the excess weight, you starve yourself, you go to the gym religiously — within a few months, the pounds are gone. You feel great for a little while, but soon you go back to your old habits. A few months later and the pounds are creeping back on. On the other hand, if you had made a decision to begin taking a permanent proactive approach to maintaining your health, you would have achieved long-lasting, sustainable progress and results. These same principles would apply to the example of the troubled marriage and any other example that you could think of.
Proactivity is a crucial element to a happy, fulfilling, successful life.
Follow Your Legend, Confront Your Dream
Now, I am going to tie this whole thing together and tell you how you can live a life of constant proactivity and sheer joy. Ready? Have another look at the opening lines to this post. What is a personal calling? It is God’s blessing, it is the path that God chose for you here on Earth. Whenever we do something that fills us with enthusiasm, we are following our legend. However, we don’t all have the courage to confront our own dream. (If you are not religious, replace the word God with the word Universe. What is a personal calling? It is the Universe’s blessing, it is the path that the Universe chose for you here on Earth. Whenever we do something that fills us with enthusiasm, we are following our legend. However, we don’t all have the courage to confront our own dream. To me, the words God & Universe mean the same, beautiful, powerful thing.)
That’s it, my friends, if you want to live proactively, if you want to live the life of your dreams, all you have to do is confront your dreams and follow your legend.
Ask yourself these questions: What fills me with enthusiasm? What is the one thing that I could wake up and do happily every single day for the rest of my life without even being paid? When you have the answer, then you have your personal calling. It is the path that is meant for you. When you do this thing, you will follow your legend and you will confront your dreams.
Next month, it will be one year since I discovered my own personal calling. I will never forget the moment. It hit me like lightning — to help people by sharing my journey & the lessons I’ve learned along the way — so simple, but so amazing. That is what compelled me to start this blog eight months ago. That is what has kept me going ever since. And I know what you are thinking now: Dena, I can’t do it. You are making it sound so simple, but it’s not. I can’t afford to quit my job. I have a mortgage to pay. My mother is sick. I am not talented enough. I’m too old. It’s not practical. And the list of excuses will go on and on and on. Well, I am sorry, but none of your excuses are good enough! No matter how stuck you think you are — no matter how dire your circumstance might seem — there is a way out!
Take it from me. I was depressed and anxious for the first half of my life. I spent much of that time wanting my life to end. I was seventy pounds overweight. I was $40,000 in debt. How much further down could I have gone? I could have used a lot of excuses to keep myself in that state; but I didn’t. I made a decision to change my life. I lost seventy pounds. I overcame anxiety and depression. I’ve cut my debt in half and continue to pay it down every day! I figured out my personal calling and I am doing it. I am following my legend, confronting my dreams. I am making it happen — and you can do it, too.
Before you get started with your excuses again, I’d like you to imagine something. Imagine being born a young girl in Alabama in 1880. Imagine then growing up to understand French, German, Greek, and Latin. Imagine then going to Harvard, at a time when few women from your town did anything other than get married and raise kids. Imagine then writing a book that was translated into twenty-five languages and inspired two Oscar-winning movies. Imagine then meeting every President in your lifetime and being awarded the highest civilian honor—the Presidential Medal of Freedom. That would be some accomplishment, wouldn’t it? Now imagine doing all of that whilst being blind, deaf, and barely able to talk for your entire life.
It’s not impossible, friends. In fact, it’s very possible and there is a woman who did all of that, her name was Helen Keller. She accomplished all of those things, and more, because she believed in herself and she had a good teacher. (Taken from How to Be Rich & Happy.)
“Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It’s perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we’ve learned something from yesterday.” —John Wayne
Every single day is a new opportunity for us to begin living the lives of our dreams. Today is called “the present” because it is a gift. Take it and do something with it!
I would love to hear your thoughts about this post. What is your personal calling? What obstacles are standing in your way? How are you going to overcome them? What can I do to help you get there? Let me know in the comments.
For me, divorce was the best and bravest decision I ever made. Even though at times it felt very selfish, which is probably why I put it off for so many years. In the end, I knew it was best for all involved. My children now see a happier more peaceful mother. Someday I hope I can show them what a healthy relationship looks like.
It is not easy…but you cannot stay ‘just for the kids’. My personal feeling was that I was teaching my children that it was acceptable to be treated the way I was…which, if it were my daughter, would NOT be acceptable.
Divorce can be just as much a loving act as anything else…It all depends on how it is handled.
@ Dawn – Thank you so very much for sharing your story! I can not tell you how much it means to me. I am so proud of you for your courage, love, and commitment to your family. I hoped that someone would make a comment like this one — to give Lisa the perspective from someone who has really been through it.
You are wonderful & your daughter is so lucky to have such a brave & loving mother. Thank you a million times! xo
I am a child of divorce, altough my parents did not get divorced until I was 31 years old. In my situation my parents stayed together for my sisters and I, but as children we had to grow up in an environment that was hostile. We endured fighting and bickering on a daily basis and lived with a lot of fear and knew my parents were not happy. We always knew it was a matter of time before they would get divorced. Now after much anger, resentment,and sadness my parents are divorced and trying to start life over in their 60’s. I think it is more difficult to handle this as an adult because one has their own beliefs and values and it is much harder to adapt to changes as you get older. Children are resilliant and can adapt to new situations much easier than adults.
We are at a point now where we are trying to let go of our resentment towards our parents and accept their new lives. I can honestly say that my parents are both much happier and stronger people today and individually more pleasant to be around. The sadest part of this whole thing is that my parents spent 39 years married together and now don’t even acknowledge one another if they are in the same room. I often wonder if they would have gone their separate ways years earlier, if they would have been less angry towards one another and been able to have a civil and cordial relationship. Divorce is never easy on a family no matter what the age of the children. The most important thing for a child is to know they are loved and to grow up in a nurturing and stable environment. There are many factors that need to be considered when making the decision to divorce and it is never easy. The most important thing to consider is how your happiness or unhappiness will affect your parenting and what is the best possible environment for your children to live in so that they can thrive as individuals. Children learn by what we model and are much smarter than we give them credit for. Whatever your decision, it will be a brave one, that will require courage, but we are never dealt more than we can handle.
@ Keri – Thank you so much for your comment. I am absolutely in awe of how beautiful & inspirational your words are, even if they are coming from a sad place. You are so brave. I can not imagine what it must be like to go through what you are enduring. Even though you are an adult — this experience must be so hard to adapt to like you mentioned. Especially since you spent your entire life in a family that was intact (even if things were difficult at times).
You are so right, when you say that children learn by what we model & are much smarter than we realize. You are hands down one of the most incredible, inspiring mothers that I have ever known. You have a sweet, gentle, wisdom that is absolutely heart-warming. It is as though you were meant to be a mother.
I am so happy to hear that you parents are both much happier & stronger as a result of their decision. I hope that this happiness & strengths spills into the lives of your whole family. In the end, yes, the most important thing is that children know they are loved & growing up in a stable, nurturing environment. That is the greatest gift of all.
I know that your advice will mean so much to Lisa as she makes her decision. Thank you so much for sharing.
I had to say thank you for your comment…You have no idea how much it means! xoxo