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You’re Not Your Valentine’s Day Present

“You’re not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You’re not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You’re not your fuc*ing khakis.” —Tyler Durden, Fight Club

One of my favourite quotes from one of my favourite movies. And although it’s dangerous to mess with perfection—I’m going to add to it: You’re not your Valentine’s Day present!

Valentine’s Day Is Not About Love

The same exact card, flowers, and chocolates that you purchase for whatever outrageous price on February 14th will be marked 50% off on February 15th and 75% off on February 16th. Valentine’s Day is not about love. Because love is not about overpriced roses and candy. Valentine’s Day is about consumerism. It is about guilting men into spending money to prove their love for the women in their lives. It is about making women feel devastated about themselves if they do not have a valentine or do not receive some expensive token of love on February 14th.

Valentine’s Day is not about love. It’s a Hallmark holiday that hurts a lot of people. It makes people feel guilty and/or depressed for no reason at all.

Please do not define your self-worth based on what you receive for Valentine’s Day or who you spend February 14th with. Please do not believe that because you do not receive a dozen roses at the office or a Tiffany bracelet at dinner that you are somehow unloved or unworthy of being loved. You are not your Valentine’s Day present or lack thereof.

Love Is…

The truth about love is that it does not exist within a card, a box of chocolates, a dozen roses, or a jewelry box. The truth about love is that exists everywhere, in everything, all around us, every moment. Love is the sunshine in the morning. Love is the wind that blows the hair out of your face. Love is when your cat purrs. Love is when your newborn child smiles at you for the first time. Love is in the food that you eat and the water that you drink. Love is the smile from the stranger that you pass in the street.

“Love is the beginning of the journey, its end, and the journey itself.” —Deepak Chopra

Love can exist between two people, but it can also exist in nature, in art, in friendship, in families, and in all things. Most importantly love exists within you. It emanates from your heart and radiates out into the universe at every moment. Love warms you and moves you. The invisible energy that wakes you up each morning and carries you through your days—that is love. It is with you always and in all ways. You have enough love within you to light the sky. Share it with the world, share it with yourself.

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. —Buddha

Recognize, understand, and believe that nothing outside of you—no person, no present—will ever be greater than the love that you carry within.

Give Love, Get Love, Be Love

So instead of wishing, hoping, praying, or crying this February 14th, I urge you instead to share your love with the universe. The more love that you give, the more love that you will receive. Love is energy.

Here are a few ideas for how you can be love today:

  1. Call a friend that may be going through a hard time. Simply let her know that you are there and that you love her. Don’t ask about her life, don’t tell her about yours. Just tell her that you love her, are thinking of her, and want her to know this.
  2. Volunteer at your local animal shelter. You might not get to it on February 14th but call your local shelter and ask when you can come in. There are thousands of homeless animals where ever you are and spending time with them just once a week can make all of the difference in their precious, little worlds.
  3. Clean out your closet and donate what you don’t wear to a local charity. Think about the man, woman, or child who might benefit so greatly at the joy of receiving something that you don’t even wear.
  4. Visit with an elderly grandparent, aunt/uncle, or neighbor. Bring cookies. Look at their old photographs. Read them the newspaper. It might only take an hour, but it will mean the world to them.
  5. Take time to love yourself. Do what you love. Make time to paint, practice yoga, bake, take a bath, read, or do whatever it is that you love to do. Love yourself and watch the love light within you shine out to the world.

Happy February 14th, my loves. Please remember that you are not your Valentine’s Day present. Spread love today and be love everyday & always. I love you.

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  • · · · ·

    Review: The Power of Now

    The Power of Now had been on my “to-read” list for years when, by a stroke of fate, a dear friend offered to lend me her audio copy. Based on my general understanding of the book and its content (prior to reading it) I felt that I would enjoy it; however, I was completely unprepared for the way that the book would speak to me, transform my perspective, and change my life.

    The Unreal Past & Future

    In The Power of Now, we learn that to live in the future or the past is to suffer. The only way to exist in true harmony is to live in the now. After all, the past is not real, the future is not real. The past and the future only exist in our minds.

    When I first heard this concept I refused to believe or comprehend it. Of course my past is real, I thought. Of course my future is real, too. How dare someone suggest that it is not? My ego lashed out; but then I thought more about it. I listened, opened my mind, and realized that it was true. I am going to ask you to walk through an exercise with me to help you understand.

    Let’s recall a memory in which you are eating something. Let’s say, for example, it’s a hot summer day and you’re licking an ice cream cone. Now, where ever you are—right now, present moment, not in the memory—I’d like you to stick your finger right into the ice cream and then throw it to the floor. Can you do that? Can you touch that ice cream cone from your memory? No, of course you can’t (unless you’re on hallucinogenics but that’s another story).

    The fact is that right now you can not touch that ice cream cone and therefore it is not real. It may seem real in your memory—in your mind—but it is not really “real”…not here, not now, not in existence. It is only a memory and it only exists in your mind.

    This principle is also true for the future. Imagine any future scenario in your mind. You win the lottery. You get fired from your job. You purchase a house. You fall off of a cliff. You can play each of those scenes out in your head. You can fill in as much detail as you like. You can mentally experience the future, but the truth remains that the future scenario isn’t “real”. You can’t actually reach out and touch anything in the future right now. The future only exists in your mind.

    When I finally grasped this concept I was shocked & amazed. It seems simple, but somehow I had been missing it for my entire life! To me, the past and the future were as real as the present. The past happened to me. The future was going to happen to me. I held on to these concepts for dear life. But then I realized the truth… the past and the present are not that important. They’re not even real. They are only in my head.

    You might be feeling a bit angry right now. (I know because I was at this point.) You might be thinking, How dare you claim that my past is not real? I’ve suffered, I’ve lived, I’ve triumphed, I’ve done X, Y, and Z. And my future, that is real too! I am going to do things 1, 2, 3, and so on!

    Your Ego Feeds on the Past & Future

    Well, my friend, I am not sorry to break it to you. That voice of anger is fueled by fear and the fear is coming from your ego.

    For your entire life, your ego has been calling the shots. He rules you by fear—fear over your past and fear over your future. So long as you believe in the reality of your past and your future, your ego has control over you. It uses every thing that ever happened in the past against you. It uses everything that you hope to happen in the future against you.

    There is only one way to overcome your ego and that is to live completely in the now. Let go of the past and the future. Be fully present in this moment.

    It is not easy. You’ve spent your entire life ruled by your ego, living in the past and present. But while it’s not easy, it is possible. It’s entirely possible for you to begin living entirely in the present moment, entirely in peace, love, & light, entirely free from the chains of your ego.

    The Power of Now is an excellent book and if you truly listen to every word and practice its teachings in your daily life, you will succeed. It has been quite a journey for me already and I’ve only been on it for a few weeks now! I am experiencing life in ways that I never dreamed possible. You can do it, too.

    *********

    Here are some of my favourite pieces from The Power of Now along with my interpretations of each.

    You have it already. You just can’t feel it because your mind is making too much noise.
    Eckhart Tolle tells us that that many people ask him to “give” them his gift. His response is always the same, You already have it.

    This is entirely true. Each of us already has the immense power of now within. Tolle nor anyone else can “give” that to us—but what he can do (and does in the book) is to show you how to harness the power in your own life.

    Not to be able to stop thinking is a dreadful affliction; but we don’t realize it because almost everyone is suffering from it. So, it is considered normal.
    After reading (listening to) The Power of Now, I realized that yes, the modern human being is suffering from a debilitating disease: compulsive over thinking.

    It is so obvious to me now! How many millions of people are suffering from anxiety, depression, and so on? Most of these individuals are suffering as such simply because of compulsive over thinking.

    When we stop our compulsive, ego-driven thoughts, we live in harmony. Sadly, however, most people just don’t know how to stop those thoughts.

    We must become the silent observer, as Tolle describes in the book. The first step to overcoming the compulsive thoughts is to recognize them, to be the silent observer of your mind.

    To see, but not see. To hear, but not hear.
    Have you ever had a moment, an hour, or a day where you were entirely mindless?

    For example, you are driving along the road completely spaced out from reality and suddenly you “wake up” and you don’t know where your head has been for some stretch of time. You know that you must have been seeing and aware, because you didn’t crash your vehicle. But you weren’t really there. You were seeing but not seeing.

    Another example, you are in conversation with a friend or loved one and you begin zoning out. You hear words coming out of her mouth, but when she finally stops talking, you realize that you have no idea what she just said. You were listening, but you weren’t really there. You were hearing but not hearing.

    This is what it means to see, but not see; to hear, but not hear. It is living life in an unconscious state, on autopilot. Most likely you are daydreaming about the unreal past or future. You can overcome this state of nothingness and time wasting by harnessing the power of now and being fully present in each moment.

    Humanity is under great pressure to evolve because it is the only chance for the survival of our species.
    “Humanity is under great pressure to evolve because it is our only chance of survival as a race. This will affect every aspect of your life and close relationships in particular. Never before have relationships been as problematic and conflict ridden as they are now. As you may continue to pursue the goal of salvation through a relationship, you will be disillusioned again and again. But if you accept that the relationship is here to make you conscious instead of happy, then the relationship will offer you salvation, and you will be aligning yourself with the higher consciousness that wants to be born into this world. For those who hold to the old patterns, there will be increasing pain, violence, confusion, and madness.”

    *********

    I could write ten posts about The Power of Now and I would only begin to scratch the surface. The book is extremely intensive. Tolle’s language is thick and weighted with meaning. The content is formatted as question and answer for the sake of clarity—but it is still heavy reading. As I mentioned earlier, I listened to the audio book and I would highly recommend this format. I have heard that reading the text can be confusing and I can understand why.

    The audio book does span several hours, but it is entirely worth every moment. If you can not afford to buy the audio book, you should consider borrowing it from your local library.

    If you decide to read or have read this book, I would love to hear your thoughts. Whether or not you decide to, I hope that you will consider the ideas that I have shared in this post.

    Thinking about being somewhere else uses up your precious, present moments. Be here now. —Wayne Dyer

26 Comments

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  3. The movie Fight Club just gives us so much to chew on, doesn’t it? I share your love for that movie and I can’t even count the number of times I have watched it! One of the best movies ever made in my opinion.

    I saw last year’s post where I suggested you write this post. LOL It’s so cool that you actually wrote it! I love it!

    Tyler Durden would be proud!

    This year my wife and I decided, as we usually do, to skip the shopping fiesta. I love my wife so much and she knows she is not the Valentine’s Day present I never bought. (I’m going to cook her a really nice dinner instead!)

    I did purchase some roses to be delivered to my daughter in PA though. 🙂

    1. @ Brad – I can not thank you enough for the inspiration. I sat down to write my Valentine’s Day post last night and hit a bit of a wall. I looked at last year’s post and found your comment. The rest is history. It was a brilliant idea, from a brilliant mind–yours.

      You’re so right about Fight Club. It was is one of the few movies that I can watch over & over, getting something new & valuable from it every time.

      You’re an awesome husband and a fantastic father. The ladies in your life are lucky to have you today and everyday. I, too, am grateful for your presence in my life! Have a great one.

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  12. Awww, thank you Dena! I appreciate your very kind words. 😀

    I have very much enjoyed your work as well as our friendship. One of the greatest things about blogging is the wonderful friendships that are made, but also the “market of ideas” that those relationships create.

    Here’s to an awesome 2011! 😀

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  22. its a fun holiday and its nice to show people you care with sweets or flowers or a simple phone call or text to wish someone a happy valentines.   and everything is 1/2 price the day after   but who wants a xmas tree on the 26th

  23. I just discovered your blog last night. There has definitely been a void in my Google reader when it comes to blogs I love and the life I love, and I’m totally in love with your blog. This post is wonderfully worded and a perfect theme for today.

  24. valentines day must be diff here. jewellery is the same price before as it is after valentines etc. there are soppy cards and chocolate gift boxes you can get not that i buy them. that said, sometimes it is nice to get something small. its not about the thing itself but that someone took the time to think of you and what you like. just because they didnt get you anything doesnt mean they dont love you or think of you. there are plenty of ways apart from this to show your love but i wouldnt say this doesnt mean that buying something small that you now the person will enjoy is abad thing

    1. I agree with you completely, Hayley. Sometimes it can be so sweet and special to receive a thoughtful gift from a loved one. This post is not geared at those who do give/receive; but that those who place the value of love on material items. Gift or no gift — there is so much love to be had. <3

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