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You’re Not Your Valentine’s Day Present

“You’re not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You’re not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You’re not your fuc*ing khakis.” —Tyler Durden, Fight Club

One of my favourite quotes from one of my favourite movies. And although it’s dangerous to mess with perfection—I’m going to add to it: You’re not your Valentine’s Day present!

Valentine’s Day Is Not About Love

The same exact card, flowers, and chocolates that you purchase for whatever outrageous price on February 14th will be marked 50% off on February 15th and 75% off on February 16th. Valentine’s Day is not about love. Because love is not about overpriced roses and candy. Valentine’s Day is about consumerism. It is about guilting men into spending money to prove their love for the women in their lives. It is about making women feel devastated about themselves if they do not have a valentine or do not receive some expensive token of love on February 14th.

Valentine’s Day is not about love. It’s a Hallmark holiday that hurts a lot of people. It makes people feel guilty and/or depressed for no reason at all.

Please do not define your self-worth based on what you receive for Valentine’s Day or who you spend February 14th with. Please do not believe that because you do not receive a dozen roses at the office or a Tiffany bracelet at dinner that you are somehow unloved or unworthy of being loved. You are not your Valentine’s Day present or lack thereof.

Love Is…

The truth about love is that it does not exist within a card, a box of chocolates, a dozen roses, or a jewelry box. The truth about love is that exists everywhere, in everything, all around us, every moment. Love is the sunshine in the morning. Love is the wind that blows the hair out of your face. Love is when your cat purrs. Love is when your newborn child smiles at you for the first time. Love is in the food that you eat and the water that you drink. Love is the smile from the stranger that you pass in the street.

“Love is the beginning of the journey, its end, and the journey itself.” —Deepak Chopra

Love can exist between two people, but it can also exist in nature, in art, in friendship, in families, and in all things. Most importantly love exists within you. It emanates from your heart and radiates out into the universe at every moment. Love warms you and moves you. The invisible energy that wakes you up each morning and carries you through your days—that is love. It is with you always and in all ways. You have enough love within you to light the sky. Share it with the world, share it with yourself.

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. —Buddha

Recognize, understand, and believe that nothing outside of you—no person, no present—will ever be greater than the love that you carry within.

Give Love, Get Love, Be Love

So instead of wishing, hoping, praying, or crying this February 14th, I urge you instead to share your love with the universe. The more love that you give, the more love that you will receive. Love is energy.

Here are a few ideas for how you can be love today:

  1. Call a friend that may be going through a hard time. Simply let her know that you are there and that you love her. Don’t ask about her life, don’t tell her about yours. Just tell her that you love her, are thinking of her, and want her to know this.
  2. Volunteer at your local animal shelter. You might not get to it on February 14th but call your local shelter and ask when you can come in. There are thousands of homeless animals where ever you are and spending time with them just once a week can make all of the difference in their precious, little worlds.
  3. Clean out your closet and donate what you don’t wear to a local charity. Think about the man, woman, or child who might benefit so greatly at the joy of receiving something that you don’t even wear.
  4. Visit with an elderly grandparent, aunt/uncle, or neighbor. Bring cookies. Look at their old photographs. Read them the newspaper. It might only take an hour, but it will mean the world to them.
  5. Take time to love yourself. Do what you love. Make time to paint, practice yoga, bake, take a bath, read, or do whatever it is that you love to do. Love yourself and watch the love light within you shine out to the world.

Happy February 14th, my loves. Please remember that you are not your Valentine’s Day present. Spread love today and be love everyday & always. I love you.

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  • · · ·

    3 Super Simple Ways to Reduce Stress, Improve Health, & Live Happy

    Want to know how you can cut your stress in half?

    How about if there were two things you could change that would drastically alter your stress levels for the rest of your life?

    Now I bet you really want to know, right?

    What if I told you that doing these simple things will not only decrease your stress levels, but will also make you happier and decrease your risk of heart attack, ulcers, & high blood pressure?

    Ready for this? Four words: Stop Rushing, Take Vacation.

    Yes, that’s it. It’s really quite simple, but the results that you will see if you make these changes will amaze you.

    The Problems
    So why is rushing & a lack of vacation such a huge problem? Well, rushing every now and then wouldn’t really be such a problem. But in today’s society, the reality is that we don’t just rush every now and then. We rush all of the time.

    We are constantly hurrying from one thing to the next, multitasking, with our minds in five different places at once. We browse the Web in multiple Windows. We watch television while surfing the Web. We talk on our house phones while texting on our cell phones/iPhones/Blackberrys. While we’re driving to work, we’re planning our days, who we’ll see at each meeting, and what we’re having for dinner. While we’re eating dinner, we’re checking our email, responding to emails, and thinking about what’s on TV that night. While we’re watching TV that night, we’re thinking about everything we’ve got to do tomorrow. You get the picture…

    The Facts
    The United States is one of (if not the) most stressful, fast-paced, uptight societies in existence. The “American way” of rush, rush, rush has huge negative implications. And sadly, the rest of the world is beginning to follow suit. It’s not a good path to be on.

    Here are some statistics about minimum vacation days around the world:

    Austria — 35 days
    Brazil — 30 days
    Finland — 35 days
    Sweden — 32 days
    Ukraine — 24 days
    United States — 7 days
    (Source: http://nationmaster.com)

    7 days? Really? WTF United States!?!?!?

    Every year Expedia.com launches an intense Vacation Deprivation survey to gather the facts & the effects of American Vacation Deprivation.

    Check out these stats:

    Notice that despite earning the least amount of annual vacation days, Americans will still leave an average of 3 days unused! This goes to show that so many Americans don’t even use the little vacation time that they get! Not good.

    Why is Vacation So Important?
    Let’s talk about mental health.

    • 34% of Americans say they come back from vacation feeling better about their jobs and are even more productive.
    • 53% of employed U.S. adults say they come back feeling rested and rejuvenated after vacation.
    • 53% of employed U.S. adults say they come back feeling reconnected with family after vacation.

    It’s no big secret that work can be stressful. Even if you absolutely adore your career, you still have the occasional (or frequent) challenging day. If you refuse to take a breather every now & then, you are putting your mental health and your relationships at risk.

    Obesity, heart disease, high blood pressure, ulcers, anxiety, depression, and so on are all symptoms of stress. Stress causes cortisol to build up in your body, the cortisol is then stored as dangerous fat. In addition to all of the physical symptoms of stress, there is the issue of rushing around. When you are rushing nonstop from place to place, it’s easy to stop for fast-food because you don’t make the time to cook nutritious meals for yourself and your family.

    If you look at the rates of obesity around the globe, you probably won’t be shocked to see where the United States fits in.

    That’s right, numero uno. Not a good place to be in this case. Americans are the most obese individuals in the world. A sad fact to note considering that we are also some of the richest people, with some of the most vast & diverse availability to nutritious & wholesome food. (Please watch Food, Inc. for more information on this topic.)

    Turning the Tide
    The facts are straightforward. Constant rushing & vacation deprivation will cause you harm. Here are 3 super simple ways that you can combat these harmful habits.

    1. Practice efficient time management. Keep a calendar and don’t overbook yourself, no exceptions. We all have a ton of stuff that we want to get done, but we have to prioritize. Choose the tasks that mean the most to you and will provide you with the best ROI (return on investment). Don’t commit to anything that doesn’t benefit you, your career, your family, or your friends in a big way. Your time is precious and you should treat it as such.

    2. Use your vacation time, all of it. No matter how many days that your company allots for vacation, make sure and use it. If your company tends to be on the real stingy side with vacation, don’t be afraid to set a confidential meeting with your HR director to point out the importance of sufficient vacation time. Sufficient vacation time is mutually beneficial — you will feel better and thereby, your performance will improve. Win – Win!

    Likewise, if you work for yourself, make sure to pencil in enough time for R & R.

    3. Breathe. When you are rushing, you are most likely breathing shallow. Shallow breathing causes rapid heart rate & conversely, deep breathing causes a slower heart rate. Take time to observe your breathing throughout the day. If you find yourself shallow breathing, take a deep breath in through your nostrils. Let the air flow through your chest & deep into the pit of your stomach. Allow your stomach to expand, like a balloon, as it fills with air. Then slowly exhale through your nose and expel all of the air from your body. Breathe in deeply again, allowing the air to fill your stomach as before. Each time you inhale, take in the positive energy & light around you. Let it fill & calm your soul. Each time you exhale, push out your negative energy & fear. Continue to do this until you feel calm.

    * — * — * — * — *

    Slow down, be in the now.

26 Comments

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  3. The movie Fight Club just gives us so much to chew on, doesn’t it? I share your love for that movie and I can’t even count the number of times I have watched it! One of the best movies ever made in my opinion.

    I saw last year’s post where I suggested you write this post. LOL It’s so cool that you actually wrote it! I love it!

    Tyler Durden would be proud!

    This year my wife and I decided, as we usually do, to skip the shopping fiesta. I love my wife so much and she knows she is not the Valentine’s Day present I never bought. (I’m going to cook her a really nice dinner instead!)

    I did purchase some roses to be delivered to my daughter in PA though. 🙂

    1. @ Brad – I can not thank you enough for the inspiration. I sat down to write my Valentine’s Day post last night and hit a bit of a wall. I looked at last year’s post and found your comment. The rest is history. It was a brilliant idea, from a brilliant mind–yours.

      You’re so right about Fight Club. It was is one of the few movies that I can watch over & over, getting something new & valuable from it every time.

      You’re an awesome husband and a fantastic father. The ladies in your life are lucky to have you today and everyday. I, too, am grateful for your presence in my life! Have a great one.

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  12. Awww, thank you Dena! I appreciate your very kind words. 😀

    I have very much enjoyed your work as well as our friendship. One of the greatest things about blogging is the wonderful friendships that are made, but also the “market of ideas” that those relationships create.

    Here’s to an awesome 2011! 😀

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  22. its a fun holiday and its nice to show people you care with sweets or flowers or a simple phone call or text to wish someone a happy valentines.   and everything is 1/2 price the day after   but who wants a xmas tree on the 26th

  23. I just discovered your blog last night. There has definitely been a void in my Google reader when it comes to blogs I love and the life I love, and I’m totally in love with your blog. This post is wonderfully worded and a perfect theme for today.

  24. valentines day must be diff here. jewellery is the same price before as it is after valentines etc. there are soppy cards and chocolate gift boxes you can get not that i buy them. that said, sometimes it is nice to get something small. its not about the thing itself but that someone took the time to think of you and what you like. just because they didnt get you anything doesnt mean they dont love you or think of you. there are plenty of ways apart from this to show your love but i wouldnt say this doesnt mean that buying something small that you now the person will enjoy is abad thing

    1. I agree with you completely, Hayley. Sometimes it can be so sweet and special to receive a thoughtful gift from a loved one. This post is not geared at those who do give/receive; but that those who place the value of love on material items. Gift or no gift — there is so much love to be had. <3

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