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Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Saved My Life

How did I beat severe anxiety and depression? How did I lose seventy pounds? How did I take my destiny into my own hands and save my life? Of course the answer is complicated but the first step is not. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a fairly simple process that transformed the way that I think. Over the course of six months, I learned how to eliminate poisonous, debilitating thoughts from my mind. I ended a lifetime of crushing fear and began a new life of freedom, peace, and joy. Now I am going to teach you how you can do the same.

(Scroll down to the bottom if you are interested in some back story.) After several years out of therapy (reliant on medication) I decided to return. My therapist was an angel. She told me that I was suffering from anxiety and depression and that it was very treatable. I thought that she was insane. It just could not be that simple or logical. I had been depressed and suicidal forever. Things had gotten so bad that sometimes I lost touch with reality. When she told me that I could get better and that it was only a matter of changing my thought processes, I nearly walked out of her office. I knew that I was screwed up, perhaps schizophrenic, definitely a lost cause.

Today, I know that I was very wrong and she was very right. My depression was severe but it was a direct result of negative, irrational thoughts. My anxiety was also severe (so severe that it caused me to disassociate at times) but it too was a direct result of negative, irrational thoughts. Though I had tried CBT years earlier, this time it would be different. This time it would save me.

Every single person experiences negative, irrational thoughts to some degree. But what varies from person to person is the frequency and the intensity of these thoughts. If you are reading this post because you want help, there is a good chance that negative, irrational thoughts are destroying your life. You will change that. If you are reading this post because you want to fill your life with joy and eliminate pain, you will achieve that. Taking control of your thoughts will enable you to obtain emotional freedom and to live a life of peace and joy.

“The present moment is the still point around which the universe arises and subsides, only to be reborn again, fresh as a new born child.” —Deepak Chopra

CBT means something different to every therapist, to every person that practices it, and to every person that studies it. If you do a quick search you will find countless articles on CBT. It can really get quite overwhelming. I am going to ask that you don’t go there. For me, CBT is extremely simple and extremely powerful. Simply put, CBT is changing your negative, irrational thoughts into positive, rational thoughts. Here’s how you do it.

Recognize and Admit
First, you have to recognize two types of thoughts: negative-irrational and positive-rational. Here are some examples.

Negative-irrational:
a. It is raining out this morning. I am definitely going to have a bad day.
b. My parents are on the verge of losing their house. This is all my fault. I should have never been born.
c. That guy just hit my bumper. Just my luck. I can’t afford this. I’m going to be late for work. I’m going to get fired. Bad things always happen to me. I am doomed.

Positive-rational:
a. It is raining out this morning. Good thing, the flowers really need the water.
b. I am sad about my parents financial situation. I am grateful that I have been such a good daughter. I will give them love and support but I will also recognize that their problems are not my own.
c. That guy just hit my bumper. Thank God I am not hurt and we were both doing the speed limit. This could have been a lot worse.

Negative thoughts like the ones above might not be debilitating but when a person becomes consumed by such thoughts, mental illness thrives. When I was suffering from depression and anxiety, I had no idea that 99% of the thoughts passing through my mind were negative and irrational. I had been living unconsciously for so long and because it was all I ever knew, I didn’t know that there was something wrong with it. I thought that it was normal. Meanwhile, my mind and my thoughts were killing me slowly.

Once you have recognized these two thought types you have to admit that you experience them both. You have to admit to what degree you practice negative, irrational (NI) thinking. To what degree are your thoughts NI? Do you have a NI thought once or twice a day or are the majority of thoughts that pass through your mind NI? Admit the truth to yourself, next you will deal with it.

Change by Practice
I was not going to be so easily convinced. Yes I was anxious and depressed but I was not sure that changing my thoughts was going to fix anything and even if it would I wasn’t sure that I would be able to do it. My therapist gave me homework and I am about to give you some. Pay attention here, this is the single most important step to initiate CBT. These are the actions that will change your life:

*Every time you start to feel anxious or depressed, write down the thoughts that pass through your mind.

*Later, analyze these thoughts. How many of them are NI? Change the NI thoughts into positive, rational ones. Write down the positive rational ones.

*If you want to eliminate poisonous, debilitating thoughts from your life, you must do this every single day until it becomes automatic.

Automatic Positive, Rational Thoughts
I remember the first time that I automatically converted a NI thought to a positive, rational one. After months of writing my thoughts down on paper and changing them later, one day it happened automatically. I was on a walk through a forest and suddenly overcome by a sense of doom, panic set in. Something terrible is going to happen, I started but then I stopped myself, No. I am on a walk. It is a beautiful day. I am safe, happy, healthy. And that was how it started, that was when my life began to change.

With time, patience, and practice it gets easier and easier. One day you will wake up and find yourself automatically changing your NI thoughts into positive, rational ones. You will have taken back control of your mind. It really is that simple. My story can be your story. Most people have no idea what an impact the human mind has. We can not conceive that negative thought processes are capable of ruining our lives, our spirits, and our bodies — but they are! With CBT you will stop the cycle.

“As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence actually liberates others.” —Marianne Williamson

Your life of freedom, peace, and joy is waiting for you. Get on the path. Begin your journey now.

Back story: Until CBT, I suffered from mental illness my entire life. From the time I was a girl, I endured anxiety and crippling panic attacks. One example is the year that I developed a terrible preoccupation with my younger sister. I had to know where she was at all times. If I could not get to her I would become hysterical, convinced that something tragic had happened. Later in life I became depressed. Through my adolescence suicidal thoughts were a constant. I wrote pages and pages of poetry on the subjects of blood and tears. In elementary school I became significantly overweight. These problems worsened as I got older. During my junior year as an undergraduate, I decided that something needed to change.

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    Review: Tribes by Seth Godin

    On a recent flight, I began reading Seth Godin’s Tribes. On the return flight, I finished it. It was my introduction to Seth Godin—no idea why I hadn’t found him sooner!—and what an introduction it was. The book blew me away. It is the best book on leadership and change management that I’ve ever read. While the content is sure to inspire change of the greatest sort within any organization—from business to church, non-profit to learning institution—it is also of incredible value to individuals.

    In this post I want to share some of my favourite pieces from Tribes as well as some of my own insights.

    Whether you want to create positive change in the world, in the workplace, or simply in your own, I recommend that you read the book for yourself. It is a relatively easy read, spliced up into short, digestible chapters. I got through it in a few hours. But it is absolutely packed with revolutionary ideas, suggestions, and real-life examples of people making a difference and leading tribes in today’s world.

    Many people are starting to realize that they work a lot and that working on stuff they believe in (and making things happen) is much more satisfying then just getting a paycheck and waiting to get fired (or die).

    I’ve begun to think of my generation as the Fight Club generation. Tyler Durden said it best, “We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.” I think Tyler and Seth’s sentiments are one and the same. Our parents (or maybe you) were raised to believe that you needed to grow up, go to school, get a job, and stay there. Work hard, save money, vacation once a year, and retire as soon as possible.

    Well, the Fight Club generation doesn’t want to hear that nonsense. We want gratification now. We don’t want to spend 40 hours a week miserable just so that we can collect a paycheck twice a month. We don’t want to spend half a lifetime at a job that we hate just so we can get fired or die one day! We believe that we can be happy now. We can pursue our passions, make a difference in the world, live out our dreams, and be successful all at once. And… we are right. We can do it. There are people doing it every single day. I love Tribes because it tells the stories of those people and more importantly, how they got there and how we can do it, too.

    Somewhere along the way, perhaps when twenty thousand Ford workers lost their jobs in one day, or when it became clear that soft drink companies were losing all their growth to upstarts, the factory advantage began to fade.

    The reason why the “school-job-suffer-retire” model worked for so long was because it was safe, it was comfortable. Human beings like to feel safe. It feels good to know that you will get a check once every couple weeks. It feels safe to know that you can walk into the office every morning and the lights will turn on and the computer will turn on. The peace of mind in trading your hours for dollars seems worth it when you have to put food on a table and a roof over someone’s head. But, guess what, that model isn’t really proving to be so safe after all.

    The recent tanking of the economy has really shaken things up. People are losing their jobs at rapid rates, unemployment is way up. Ethics have been violated, corruption runs rampant, and people don’t feel safe anymore. We want to take matters into our own hands. We want to create the lives of our dreams and be completely independent. We are doing it every day.

    In unstable times, growth comes from leaders who create change and engage their organizations, instead of from mangers who push their employees to do more for less.

    Now, more than ever, each of us has an opportunity obligation to become a leader, to create change, and to make a positive difference. The ever-evolving world of social media and the Web—Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Wikipedia, Google—give us instant access to an unthinkable quantity of information and resources. When we learn how to leverage those resources we can become unstoppable. When we teach others to leverage those resources our tribes can become unstoppable. It is a great time to be a leader, and it is also the right time.

    Leadership is scarce because few people are willing to go through the discomfort required to lead. This scarcity makes leadership valuable. It’s uncomfortable to propose an idea that might fail. If you’re not uncomfortable in your work as a leader, it’s almost certain you’re not reaching your potential as a leader.

    Change = pain. If there is anything that I have learned over the past three years, it is this. Human beings are creatures of habit. When asked why things are done a certain way, most people will always respond the same way: “Because that’s the way we’ve always done it.” It is safe, it is comfortable. Our profits may be plummeting, our staff may be miserable, our customers may be disgusted—but this is the way we’ve always done it! Don’t try to mess with our traditions! Right? Wrong!

    Success takes dedication, hard work, persistence, and change. Dedication, hard work, and persistence can be painful. Some people are cut out for it and some people aren’t. The people that are, are the leaders. Being a leader is not comfortable and it’s not supposed to be. Being a leader takes character.

    Believe it or not, anyone can do it. “No one is born charismatic. It’s a choice, not a gift” (Tribes).

    Change almost never fails because it’s too early. It almost always fails because it’s too late.

    The time for change is now, my friends. If not now, when? There has never been a time where the need for positive change was more urgent. If you do not realize that this moment is all you have, then you do not have anything. This is it. After this moment, nothing is promised—not tomorrow, not next week, not your 81st birthday. You have this moment and you alone get to decide what you do with it. Yes, you can surf Facebook for a few more hours and stalk out your ex-boyfriend’s life for awhile more. You can also sit on the couch with a six-pack and watch The Jersey Shore marathon on MTV. …But if you asked me, I’d tell you that you’ve got more important things to do. Whether you’ve been waiting to pitch a great idea to your boss, waiting to take a proactive approach to your health, or waiting to embark on that 6 month “vagablogging” journey; stop waiting!

    There is really nothing in your way. There are no problems and no obstacles. Any anxiety that you might have stems from your past or your future; but your past and your future are not real! The only thing that is real is this moment, right now. The past and the future are in your head. No matter what you think is standing in your way, you can find a way around it. If you can’t get on the next flight to Melbourne (to start your career as a kangaroo-catcher) then sit down and figure out how you are going to make it happen. Right now.

    I’m frequently asked about getting credit. People want to know how to be sure they get credit for an idea, especially when they have a boss who wants to steal it. Or they want to know how to be sure to give me credit for an idea in a book or a blog post of their own.

    Real leaders don’t care.

    If it’s about your mission, about spreading faith, about seeing something happen, not only do you not care about credit, you actually want other people to take credit.

    There’s no record of Martin Luther King, Jr., or Gandhi whining about credit. Credit isn’t the point. Change is.

    Stop worrying about the obstacles and start taking action. Stop worrying about who is going to get credit and start making a difference.

    ————————————————————————

    What I loved most about Tribes is that it left me feeling like anything and everything is possible. The book is full of stories about ordinary people who did (and do) extraordinary things every single day. These people don’t let fear stop them. They become leaders and they create & inspire change. Every person is capable of this. You are capable of this! What do you want to do? Are you ready to become a leader? I say yes. Yes you are!

35 Comments

  1. I have been reading your blog and I have to say that you are a special person with a lot to offer. Thanks so much for sharing your story; it has helped me so much!

    I am a recovering alcoholic (I came to this site from Jared's). I was in serious emotional pain and I was empty inside. I knew that something had to change BUT I didn't know how or what to do. For me, I first had to removed the alcohol and give my mind, heart and soul time to heal. It was almost 10 months ago since my last drink. I also joined a website/forum that helped me sober up by reading about how others beat alcoholism and I shared my story as well. That place saved my life. Those two actions – stopping drinking and taking time to heal – gave me the opportunity to see everything in a different light. The door was now opened and I knew now that I needed to explore. So I went out on the web looking for other resources and hence here I am.

    I don't know if I was depressed and drank to relieve that OR if my drinking made me that way (chicken / egg). This question used to scare me because I didn't want to be "depressed." But now it doesn't matter so much because I am no longer consumed with how bad I feel and why. I took action (quit drinking and looked for helped) and it is all starting to pay-off. I am becoming calm and serene and I know now that alcohol is not good for me; it guts my core. I now also know that I don't have to feel bad (think negatively). I am in control of my thoughts / moods / emotions / feels AND perceptions if I allow myself to be. This is so freeing and I am becoming happier than I thought I could ever be.

    You helped me in my transformation and I just wanted to say thanks!

    mk

    Reply

  2. @mk – I can not tell you how much it means to me to know that my words and thoughts meant something to you. I am so proud of you for coming this far in your journey. Keep up the amazing work. I will keep you in my thoughts and send you love and positivity from afar.

    Reply

  3. I know its been a while since you posted this, but thanks for doing so.

    Only just recently have I realised that the treatment I had been receiving was CBT ( we just never discussed the name in our sessions )

    I think you have explained it really well, so well in fact that I have bookmarked this post so that I can keep refering back to it.

    Regards
    Greg

    Reply

  4. @Greg – I am so happy that my explanation of CBT has helped you in some way. CBT is ruly a revolutionary method for treating all sorts of problems. It is a light in the dark so to speak.

    I hope that the treatment continues to help you on your path. I am wishing you light, love, & happiness.

    Thank you for visiting Evolution!

    Reply

  5. Dena, you rock. You are beautiful!

    I have a similar story (depression, identity issues), and the path to health that you discuss was absolutely instrumental for me.

    I did not have all of this great language to help me at the time. It must have been a sub-conscious pulling toward being the ultimate Me.

    Thanks for standing on this message. It is VERY powerful and will spark and light many people's lives!

    Reply

  6. @Grant – Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing your own inspirational story. I am headed over to your site now.

    Thanks again!

    Reply
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  14. Ive been on medication without therapy for the past two years due to a reoccurance of depression and anxiety.  The medication has helped me realise that Ive suffered anxiety my entire life and never knew it wasnt normal.  Ive started seeing a CBT and trying to keep a mood diary but Im not really sure what my mood is, apart from probably unattached.  Im looking forward to getting off the meds and handling life normally.  I dont have irrational thinking, but I do worry a lot. Thank you for your article.

    Reply
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  16. Hi Dena, Your personal account in overcoming severe anxiety is inspirational. If you remember, how long did it take to begin to notice a difference in your symptoms?

    Reply

    1. Hi Daisy. Thank you so much for your comment. When I started practicing CBT it took a few months for me to notice tangible results. Within six months, my mind started to rapidly transform. You can read more about the journey in my book: http://evolutionyou.net/book/

      xo

      Reply

  17. I have a question – did you find you had to keep writing the same fears down until they disappeared? I’m doing something similar, and finding I’m having to write down and rationalize some of the same old stuff. Just wondering when it will start to sink in.

    Reply

  18. OMG it sounds like me. I’m 43 and been having trouble since I was 14yr. I’m all but exhausted with trying to get myself out of this emotional rollercoaster. I have an 8yr son, and 6yr daughter. Sometimes I don’t know if I’ll be around another year living like that. Will get your ebook! Thanks for sharing!

    Reply

  19. Hi Dena ive been battling anxiety and depression for a few years now but always thinking it was normal and was to scared to do anything about it, had a bad turn a few days ago told a friend about it and she told me to check your page out. Had a read and feeling soooo much relive that you were going through the same things and that you can actually change it makes me so happy. I see my first psychologist next week 🙂 cant wait to change my life

    Reply

    1. Hi Ryan! Thanks for stopping by. I am thrilled for you. You are about to experience some extraordinary, positive change. Best of luck on your journey!!

      Reply

  20. I just found your article today. I have been lost in anxiety and depression for over 10 years now. I appreciate your post and your explaination of CBT. I am working with a counselor now but what you described has enlightened me. It is hard to believe that 10 years have been impacted by negative thinking. I am going to change that. I think my biggest obstacle is realizing it takes time. Thank you!

    Reply

  21. Dear Dena,

    I was indeed scrolling through the disorder and CBT pages and feeling overwhelmed before coming across this post of yours! Thank you so much for writing this, being so honest in sharing your experiences and giving advice and guidance! I feel much better already after merely reading this short post, even without doing anything:) Am much more clear about what I need to do now to live a fuller life :>

    Reply

  22. Hi Dena,

    Just want to say a massive thank you for sharing this article. I’ve been in and out of CBT therapy for about 3 years now, and apart from a few rare glimpses of normality I’ve never really felt any benefits as Ive always ended up confused and overwhelmed followed by giving up. You have helped to make me see it so simple and from this moment I will start practicing the basics again. I never thought a stranger would have such an impact on my life! Thanks again.

    Reply

  23. Hi.. I’m so thankfull today because I found your article, read it step by step… and it is like wake me up from some situation I use to do. Thank you so much! I’ll learn to think positive from now on.. God bless! 😉

    Reply

  24. I have a severe health anxiety. A symptom that seems normal to others is always something serious for me. Though I know that my fears are irrational , they come again and again to haunt me. I hesitate to tell my parents to take me to a psychiatrist. Please help. What to do???? Its is ruining me

    Reply

    1. I don’t know enough about your situation to give you good advice. However, there are almost always mental health services available to students through their educators if you are in school. If you are not, then local county offices should be able to point you in the right direction. I am sending you prayers that you can get the help that you need, friend. Best wishes.

      Reply

    2. Dear Navneet, please do:) I struggled with health anxiety too and unfortunately, did not seek help for it- to the detriment of my studies and work! Looking back, my problems could have been solved much earlier had I just sought help from the start and saved myself all the grief and trouble! It’s really alienating to have everything simmer underneath, feeling alone in having an extra burden of worries, nerves and chaotic fears no one else seems to be afflicted by. I would like to encourage you to grit your teeth and go for a counselling/psychotherapy session.

      I’m not that sure about psychiatrists though- where I’m from, they are more inclined towards dispensing drugs and medications so I would recommend a therapy session first! Drugs shouldn’t be your first course of action, though they’re fine if along the course of treatment you and your therapist decide that they would be a good supplement and make an informed decision! If you do decide to go through with a psychiatrist, gotta do some reading up and research beforehand.

      Reply
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  28. Hi,

    Such a great article.

    I’m wondering with the tracking of negative thoughts, how soon after you have tracked all your NI’s would you sit down and address them?

    For example is this something you would do at the end of the day?

    Reply

    1. Hi Sascha, Yes. Doing this at the end of each day is a great idea. That is how I used to do it. Best of luck to you. If you have any more questions feel free to message me on Instagram @denajoan.

      Reply

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