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Shine On, You Crazy Diamond (or How to Ignore Negative Criticism)

“I have no patience for anybody that doubts me, none at all.” —Tupac Shakur

About a year ago, I decided that I wanted to be a motivational speaker. At the time, I had a cozy office job, a good salary, and I received increases & promotions regularly. I was praised for my talents. It was incredibly secure and my future was “bright.” Yet, in my heart I knew that something was very wrong.

It felt like the life was being sucked out of me. Every day I had to get up and fight with myself to get out of bed. I was not passionate about that desk job. What I am passionate about is helping people to transform their lives. I am passionate about telling my story (overcoming depression & anxiety; becoming healthy; creating the life of my dreams) and teaching people how to do the same.

And so even though I had a really good, really secure, really comfortable thing going on—I had to leave. I had to take a risk and set out on a new journey to become a motivational speaker. It was time for me to take my own advice. Don’t settle for misery because you are afraid of change.

So I started out on my new adventure, but first I had to tie up loose ends. And this is where this post truly begins. As I set out on my journey to become a motivational speaker, I hit some major bumps in the road. Yes, when you truly want something the whole universe conspires to make it happen; but, first it throws a shit storm of resistance in your path to test your resolve.

My resistance came in the form of doubt from others. Here’s the thing, when you are a twenty-six year old woman, sometimes people will use your age and your gender against you. It might not be intentionally discriminatory and people won’t come out and say it outright, but it’s there. They’ll slip it in slyly, coyly, guised as a compliment or helpful advice— “You know, Dena, you should really consider getting some more professional experience under your belt. Speaking is a really competitive market.”

As I set out on my journey, these veiled comments cut me down to my core. I had started my journey with such passion & conviction. My heart & soul screamed— Yes! This is right. This is what you were meant to do! But the naysayers, the hurtful comments, and the raised eyebrows started to get to me. I sank, crushed. Maybe they were right? Maybe I am too young? Too female? Maybe I need “more experience under my belt.” Their doubt became my doubt; but then I remembered…

FORTUNE FAVORS THE BOLD.

Pardon my French, but just as I was about to give up, I said: You know what? Fuck that. Fuck them. Fuck anybody who doubts me! I believe in myself and I don’t need anybody else’s approval to shine on like the crazy diamond that I am. Yea. That felt a lot better. That felt right.

So I gathered all of the courage in my heart and booked a flight to Paris. That left me with no choice but to submit my resignation. I was getting on a Europe-bound plane two weeks later one way or the other! Walking into my boss’s office that morning was one of the most terrifying things that I’ve ever done, but I did it.

If you are looking to make a similar change, I’ve got a few tips to help you along your path.

1. Confidence. Remember, above all things, that you are a bright light in this world. Your glow is endless. The love within your heart is infinite. You have no boundaries and no limits. The only cage around you is the one that you create in your head. You are amazing. You are the best their ever was, the best there ever will be. There is no one in this world exactly like you; no one in this world capable of exactly what you are capable of.

When you find that light in your heart, that spark of confidence, flame it. Give it oxygen. Let it breathe. Let it spread. Don’t worry about what anybody else does. Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks. It is none of your business what people think of you anyway. Let that confidence fire roar and shove the sparks into the pockets of your spirit. Pull them out whenever you need them.

2. Embrace constructive criticism. Know the difference between constructive criticism and negativity. I am an enormous lover of constructive criticism. I can’t stand people who say that they appreciate constructive criticism; but as soon as you make a suggestion, they get defensive, jump down your throat, or say they’ve already tried that. That is a despicable way to be.

For every critic, cynic, and negative person in the world, there is another person who genuinely cares about your journey and wants you to succeed. They will be the ones cheering you on when you’re ahead and picking you up when you fall down. Listen to what they have to say—even when it stings.

A couple of weeks ago, I gave a talk in Pennsylvania. A friend reviewed the tape and commented, “I loved the story you told at the start, but you took too long to get to the point.” Now that is the kind of constructive criticism that I love! I know that she wants me to succeed and she wasn’t afraid to tell me how to make it better. I didn’t try to defend myself. Instead I just thanked her and made a note to shorten that bit next time around.

Accept constructive criticism with grace. It is the best way to improve yourself. If you reject it, you’ll end up in a delusional fantasy of your own perfection. And believe me, I’ve known people like that. It’s an ugly way to be.

3. Know your limitations & then defy them. Tim Ferriss said that 99% of people are convinced they are incapable of achieving great things, so they aim for mediocre. Understand that you are the exception. Don’t be a part of the 99%. Be a part of the 1% of the population that knows that you are entirely capable of unimaginable greatness.

Figure out what your weaknesses are and then bust your ass until they become your strengths. It doesn’t matter if you fall down 499 times. Just make sure that you get back up 500 times.

4. Remember, if it’s not okay it’s not the end. I took a giant leap of faith when I left my job last September to pursue a career as a motivational speaker. But the faith that I had, I had in myself. When you have faith in yourself, you can never be wrong. The path may not be easy, it sure as hell hasn’t been easy for me. It’s a struggle. Some days you cruise and some days it’s an uphill battle; but when you’re going through hell, keep on going.

Never forget that if it’s not okay, it’s not the end. It is the journey that matters. You are a star and no one can take that away from you.

Good luck, lover. Keep going and don’t look back. I am rooting for you!

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    Review: The Power of Now

    The Power of Now had been on my “to-read” list for years when, by a stroke of fate, a dear friend offered to lend me her audio copy. Based on my general understanding of the book and its content (prior to reading it) I felt that I would enjoy it; however, I was completely unprepared for the way that the book would speak to me, transform my perspective, and change my life.

    The Unreal Past & Future

    In The Power of Now, we learn that to live in the future or the past is to suffer. The only way to exist in true harmony is to live in the now. After all, the past is not real, the future is not real. The past and the future only exist in our minds.

    When I first heard this concept I refused to believe or comprehend it. Of course my past is real, I thought. Of course my future is real, too. How dare someone suggest that it is not? My ego lashed out; but then I thought more about it. I listened, opened my mind, and realized that it was true. I am going to ask you to walk through an exercise with me to help you understand.

    Let’s recall a memory in which you are eating something. Let’s say, for example, it’s a hot summer day and you’re licking an ice cream cone. Now, where ever you are—right now, present moment, not in the memory—I’d like you to stick your finger right into the ice cream and then throw it to the floor. Can you do that? Can you touch that ice cream cone from your memory? No, of course you can’t (unless you’re on hallucinogenics but that’s another story).

    The fact is that right now you can not touch that ice cream cone and therefore it is not real. It may seem real in your memory—in your mind—but it is not really “real”…not here, not now, not in existence. It is only a memory and it only exists in your mind.

    This principle is also true for the future. Imagine any future scenario in your mind. You win the lottery. You get fired from your job. You purchase a house. You fall off of a cliff. You can play each of those scenes out in your head. You can fill in as much detail as you like. You can mentally experience the future, but the truth remains that the future scenario isn’t “real”. You can’t actually reach out and touch anything in the future right now. The future only exists in your mind.

    When I finally grasped this concept I was shocked & amazed. It seems simple, but somehow I had been missing it for my entire life! To me, the past and the future were as real as the present. The past happened to me. The future was going to happen to me. I held on to these concepts for dear life. But then I realized the truth… the past and the present are not that important. They’re not even real. They are only in my head.

    You might be feeling a bit angry right now. (I know because I was at this point.) You might be thinking, How dare you claim that my past is not real? I’ve suffered, I’ve lived, I’ve triumphed, I’ve done X, Y, and Z. And my future, that is real too! I am going to do things 1, 2, 3, and so on!

    Your Ego Feeds on the Past & Future

    Well, my friend, I am not sorry to break it to you. That voice of anger is fueled by fear and the fear is coming from your ego.

    For your entire life, your ego has been calling the shots. He rules you by fear—fear over your past and fear over your future. So long as you believe in the reality of your past and your future, your ego has control over you. It uses every thing that ever happened in the past against you. It uses everything that you hope to happen in the future against you.

    There is only one way to overcome your ego and that is to live completely in the now. Let go of the past and the future. Be fully present in this moment.

    It is not easy. You’ve spent your entire life ruled by your ego, living in the past and present. But while it’s not easy, it is possible. It’s entirely possible for you to begin living entirely in the present moment, entirely in peace, love, & light, entirely free from the chains of your ego.

    The Power of Now is an excellent book and if you truly listen to every word and practice its teachings in your daily life, you will succeed. It has been quite a journey for me already and I’ve only been on it for a few weeks now! I am experiencing life in ways that I never dreamed possible. You can do it, too.

    *********

    Here are some of my favourite pieces from The Power of Now along with my interpretations of each.

    You have it already. You just can’t feel it because your mind is making too much noise.
    Eckhart Tolle tells us that that many people ask him to “give” them his gift. His response is always the same, You already have it.

    This is entirely true. Each of us already has the immense power of now within. Tolle nor anyone else can “give” that to us—but what he can do (and does in the book) is to show you how to harness the power in your own life.

    Not to be able to stop thinking is a dreadful affliction; but we don’t realize it because almost everyone is suffering from it. So, it is considered normal.
    After reading (listening to) The Power of Now, I realized that yes, the modern human being is suffering from a debilitating disease: compulsive over thinking.

    It is so obvious to me now! How many millions of people are suffering from anxiety, depression, and so on? Most of these individuals are suffering as such simply because of compulsive over thinking.

    When we stop our compulsive, ego-driven thoughts, we live in harmony. Sadly, however, most people just don’t know how to stop those thoughts.

    We must become the silent observer, as Tolle describes in the book. The first step to overcoming the compulsive thoughts is to recognize them, to be the silent observer of your mind.

    To see, but not see. To hear, but not hear.
    Have you ever had a moment, an hour, or a day where you were entirely mindless?

    For example, you are driving along the road completely spaced out from reality and suddenly you “wake up” and you don’t know where your head has been for some stretch of time. You know that you must have been seeing and aware, because you didn’t crash your vehicle. But you weren’t really there. You were seeing but not seeing.

    Another example, you are in conversation with a friend or loved one and you begin zoning out. You hear words coming out of her mouth, but when she finally stops talking, you realize that you have no idea what she just said. You were listening, but you weren’t really there. You were hearing but not hearing.

    This is what it means to see, but not see; to hear, but not hear. It is living life in an unconscious state, on autopilot. Most likely you are daydreaming about the unreal past or future. You can overcome this state of nothingness and time wasting by harnessing the power of now and being fully present in each moment.

    Humanity is under great pressure to evolve because it is the only chance for the survival of our species.
    “Humanity is under great pressure to evolve because it is our only chance of survival as a race. This will affect every aspect of your life and close relationships in particular. Never before have relationships been as problematic and conflict ridden as they are now. As you may continue to pursue the goal of salvation through a relationship, you will be disillusioned again and again. But if you accept that the relationship is here to make you conscious instead of happy, then the relationship will offer you salvation, and you will be aligning yourself with the higher consciousness that wants to be born into this world. For those who hold to the old patterns, there will be increasing pain, violence, confusion, and madness.”

    *********

    I could write ten posts about The Power of Now and I would only begin to scratch the surface. The book is extremely intensive. Tolle’s language is thick and weighted with meaning. The content is formatted as question and answer for the sake of clarity—but it is still heavy reading. As I mentioned earlier, I listened to the audio book and I would highly recommend this format. I have heard that reading the text can be confusing and I can understand why.

    The audio book does span several hours, but it is entirely worth every moment. If you can not afford to buy the audio book, you should consider borrowing it from your local library.

    If you decide to read or have read this book, I would love to hear your thoughts. Whether or not you decide to, I hope that you will consider the ideas that I have shared in this post.

    Thinking about being somewhere else uses up your precious, present moments. Be here now. —Wayne Dyer

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    Are You Oblivious, Aware, or Getting It?

    This is a guest post from my friend, Andy Feld.

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    As I travel and meet new people all over our country, it seems most everyone falls into one of the three areas mentioned in this month’s title. What am I talking about? It’s the societal evolutionary change which is now in progress, although admittedly sometimes imperceptible. It is easy to see that violence rarely leads to anything but more violence. Overt materialism, absent integrity, brings happiness and abundance to very few. Additionally, centuries of male dominated insensitive energy added to a populace unwilling to take responsibility has us at a precarious tipping point.

    So, do you sense what I say is true? Are you oblivious to these changes in the air, or are you ahead of the curve and already taking the steps necessary to not only survive, but thrive in the years to come? Frankly, I am often greeted by individuals with long faces who tell me they will be happy again when things get back to ‘normal’. Normal for many means simply getting back to a life dominated by financial gain and the purchase of new things, but those days may be long gone. Banks are not lending money, our population is increasingly unemployed or aging and dependent, houses are not selling, there seems to be an oversupply of everything and worldwide competition is greater than ever. What if today is the way things will be for the next 20-30 years or longer? What are you going to do to be happy, prosperous, and emotionally abundant?

    Make no mistake, everything is changing and just about everyone is affected. Personally, my income does not approach what I once earned as a corporate CEO, my car is not as new and shiny as it once may have been, and I visit fewer restaurants, but my life has never been more pleasant. Would you agree that now is the time to not only re-evaluate, but also re-create our lives? If so, you are GETTING IT loud and clear, but if not, let’s look into what we can do about it.

    1. We are all One, connected with a common thread of spirit. When I say WE, I mean ALL humans, animals, plant life, earth, and stars. We all are of the same source energy, and understanding and respecting this Oneness is a key to thriving in our new age. Allowing all else to be, with love and respect, and without judgment of unique individual differences will open our portals to Universal Light. One cannot mistreat another human, the earth, our vegetation, and the animals without also mistreating oneself. We are all connected and what we put forth to others is what will always come back to us.

    2. Listen to our heart, our Inner Radar as I call it in my books, without the fear of judgment from others. We are all unique and different, and learning to reach within and hear that guidance we all individually brought forth to this lifetime allows us to grow and prosper in alignment with our life’s purpose. There is no better way to accomplish this than a regular practice of meditation and contemplation.

    3. Understanding the process for manifesting our life’s dreams. It takes quite a bit of practice and self-discipline, and you may be getting tired of hearing me speak about it, but we are the product of our thoughts, emotions, words, and actions. Very little we desire will manifest without the alignment of these four elements. Believe in this, practice and have faith and you will embrace your life like never before.

    4. Learn to appreciate all that you have. From hot running water, to clothes in your closet, and food in the refrigerator, most of us have so much to be thankful for yet rarely acknowledge. The beauty of nature, our relationships, our health and the list should go on and on. Write it down and truly rejoice in how many ways you are blessed.

    5. Diligently work on balancing your male and female attributes. We are all a combination of both masculine and feminine, and the more we keep these two in balance the more we vibrate with the earth.

    Yes, everything is changing. First, become aware and then jump on board, but it will always be the choice of the individual. No one, other than you is responsible for your rescue.

    Whether it is a business, an organization, or individual, the time for changing the status quo in right now. How to go about it in this new environment is what I speak about and teach. I would love the opportunity to work with you or your group.

    With much love and appreciation,
    Andy

    ———-

    Andy lives in Morrison, Colorado outside Denver. He travels the country as a frequent speaker on life inspiration and business sales. He is also a regular guest on radio programs across the United States and on local TV.

    You can read more about Andy at his website, Simple Happy, and you can find his books on Amazon at the following links.

23 Comments

  1. I truly wish I had been given this kind of advice when I was younger. Dispite the fact that I am grateful for my children, and know that I journed the path I was inteneded…This advice would have been so very helpful to me.

    I hope to pass it on to many many more. When people ask what my dream is…I tell them I want a ranch on a hillside in California…Well of course they all scoff and say ‘it’s so expensive’…I just laugh, well, it’s my dream, and what the point of dreaming if you need to keep it practicle.

    I am inspired by you every time I read your messages. Thank you for reminding me that I am capable of great things…
    xoxox Cause we all know, you can never hear that often enough!

    Reply

  2. @ Dawn – Thank you so much for your kind words & for sharing your dream. I firmly believe that in order to accomplish our dreams, we must state them out loud & share them with whoever is willing to listen! We must let the Universe know what we want.

    I love your dream to live on a ranch. I have a similar dream. Of course I want to be a motivational speaker, but I also want a simple, quite “home” life, a few animals, and a family.

    I think that “unrealistic” goals are the best kind! They allow us to prove that we are capable of greatness. Let’s make it happen together. 🙂

    Reply

  3. Excellent post and lots of good thoughts to ponder. I am really impressed with your willingness to “GO” for it and am contiuing to root for you. I have been reading your posts for a little while and seldom comment, but, really wanted to congratulate you on this one.
    Your points about friends, constructive criticism and negativity are right on the mark. Knowing how to tell the difference and using the results positively is the trick. I used to try to please everyone and really didn’t “take a chance” on ideas, actions, whatever. In the last 10 years or so, I have finally figured most of it out; the important things in life are friends, family and doing good in the world. I keep those in mind whenever I try something different and let the negativity just bounce off me.
    Keep on doing what you do, I am inspired just reading your posts.

    Reply

    1. @ Lou – Thank you so much! It is inspiring to hear that you have made such a vast transition — from being a “people pleaser” to focusing on your core values (family, friends, and doing good). That is the type of lifestyle change that blows me away & that is what I am aspiring to myself. I am really glad that you’ve stuck around. Your presence is always positive. You keep reading, I’ll keep writing! 🙂 Thanks again.

      @ James – Really glad you liked the post! You’ve hit the nail on the head — no time or energy for the negative people in life. There are way too many positive souls & bright lights to keep focused on. I truly hope that you are right. If the post gives just one person motivation or courage, I will be infinitely grateful. Thank you!

      @ Kristin – remember: almost nothing worth having comes easy… Yes, yes, yes! It is important to remind ourselves of this regularly. In my life, I try to overcome the “overwhelm” by focusing on the journey rather than the end goal. It’s definitely a new experience for me as I am a naturally goal-oriented person. But it’s been really good so far. It’s like I am finally taking time to smell the roses. 🙂

      Reply

  4. Wow, this is an excellent article. I like what you had to say. I agree with you about negative people and naysayers. Life is too precious and short to let those kind of people drag you down. Thanks for writing this. I know that it will motivate a lot of people and give them courage to shine.

    Reply

  5. “These are the days that must happen to you”

    &remember: almost nothing worth having comes easy… which needs to be balanced with, if you are trying too hard to force something, perhaps a different path is available that will be more rewarding, but you’ll only see it if you open your eyes a little wider.

    I have to remind myself of these things periodically… and we all get through, don’t we?

    Reply

  6. Thank you for this post Dena. Awesome words of wisdom – and a great reminder for me to read today. Just what I needed to keep my chin up & keep going no matter what!

    Reply

    1. @ Dana – Thank you so much for your comment. It is awesome to see you here. You are such a huge inspiration to me! By the way, I absolutely love your http://RealFit.tv/ !! I am going to be running a SPRING FITNESS CHALLENGE here at the blog (post going up today) & will be sharing RealFit with all of my lovely readers.

      Keep up that positive energy, Dana & come visit again soon. 😉

      Reply

  7. Dena, That’s awesome! I’m so happy you checked the site out – I am excited to be recording new videos – I did a 30-minute spin & a kickboxing “essentials” class last week. Both will be posted soon. I have sooo many ideas on workout videos, I can wait to get them recorded & posted on a regular basis so I can help more people reach their fitness & health goals from the comfort of their own home. I love what you are doing with the spring challenge. I shared it on my FB wall – maybe I’ll sign up & help contribute? I’d be happy to give some free professional fitness advice to those who need some help if you are interested in having me? 😉

    Reply

    1. @ Dana – I can not wait to check out the new videos. They are absolutely amazing. You have so much energy & spirit, I can not help but to fall in love with everything you share.

      I would be SO honored to have you join in on the SPRING FITNESS CHALLENGE. Actually, if you would be willing I would love to have you do a guest post! That way we can share your expertise with the SPRING FITNESS participants and the rest of my readers. I’ll send you a message on FB.

      And finally, THANK YOU so much for sharing the challenge with your FB friends. It means so much to me. 🙂

      Reply

  8. I’m here via Gala Darling, and I just have to say, thank you so much for this. It’s exactly what I needed.

    After years of telling myself I can’t do what I love and that I should settle for something boring and practical, I decided to pursue a career as a writer and artist. Even though it’s only been a few months, I’m learning so much and prouder of myself than I was all those years of earning a steady income at a boring job. I call it an emotional growth spurt.

    But I still have those moments. Those moments where I wonder if I’m crazy and whether I have the right to be doing what I’m doing. So I’m going to bookmark your post, and maybe print it out and hang it on my wall.

    — Sarah

    Reply

    1. Hi Sarah! It is so wonderful to meet you. Glad that you found me. Isn’t Gala incredible? <3 She's introduced me to so many beautiful new friends.

      I am so excited to hear about your journey and about the huge leap of faith that you took to pursue your passion. Good for you–you are an inspiration! I'm going to check out your blog now to learn more about your journey. XO

      Reply

      1. Aww! Thanks for checking out my blog! You’re a sweetie. 🙂

        And Gala really is the best. She’s helped me so much already! I love to see people doing what they’re passionate about and what makes them happy. The more people I meet, the more I find strength.

        Reply

  10. I could not have read this at a better time in my life. Those first two paragraphs ARE me right now. I am grappling with pursuing soul feeding dreams or continuing on the “safe” route – plugging meaningless holes at someone else’s company. Thank you so much for writing this.

    Reply

    1. Hey Amanda! Thanks so much for the great comment. I love hearing that this came at the perfect time for you. That’s my biggest hope when I share my writing. You made my day. XO

      Reply

    1. thank you for stopping by! <3  i just checked out your site.  your wedding dress was gorgeous!  hope you'll visit again soon.  xo

      Reply

  13. Very inspirational post !
    What does a person do if luck doesnt favour you and people around you are negatively pulling you down ..?? How does a person then hold her own ?

    Reply

  14. i learn a lot of information from this post and bookmark it. i love how you use those interesting words. i had to google but then im learning at the same time. Inspring post like a friend advising.

    Reply

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