· ·

our first week together

livelovesimple.com

livelovesimple.com

livelovesimple.com

livelovesimple.com

livelovesimple.com

livelovesimple.com

Life with a newborn is hard. There is no other way to put it. You go into it expecting the lack of sleep, long nights, hard days, crying, dirty diapers, and the lot — but you can’t prepare yourself for what it will really mean; for how your life will really change.

The hardest part for me has been the loneliness. For the past month, Matthew has been working 14-hour days. He leaves the house at 5 am and doesn’t get home until 7:30 pm. It is so lonely here without him. He took off of work for the week after the baby was born, but he’s gone back now and his absence hurts so much. I miss him all day. It was so nice to have him here, to help with little things, even just to hold the baby for a few minutes so that I could go to the bathroom. But now, I am alone, and I’ve had to learn how to do everything on my own. Practically, it is a challenge — but the emotional aspect of it is what bothers me more.

We’ve had lots of offers for visitors but we are keeping a relative quarantine around here until Roman’s two-week checkup. Immediate family have all been around to meet him, but beyond that we’re waiting to plan visits. There has been a nasty stomach virus going around and even a fever in an infant requires a minimum two-day hospital stay. Although we had an amazing hospital experience — we’re not in a rush to go back anytime soon!

Once two weeks passes and we’re out in the world, I am sure that the loneliness will lessen. Right now we’re just going through a little bit of cabin fever around here.

The two other “hardest parts” are (not) sleeping and breastfeeding which are kind of tied together. The great news is that he took to breastfeeding immediately and — knock on wood — we haven’t had any issues there. He loves to eat. In fact, he would eat all day if I let him. I’ve jokingly told Matthew that I have the cure to all of our problems: Just duck tape the baby across my chest and let him stay there, boob at his disposal all day. He would love it! Joking aside though, breastfeeding is the most physically and emotionally demanding thing that I have ever done. The baby needs to eat every two hours, give or take. That is around the clock, twenty-four seven. My life is a series of feedings, one after another. It’s almost as though that’s all there is. Everything else has fallen away. I am nothing except a pair of breasts and a fountain of milk for my newborn boy. And believe it or not, in some ways, it’s wonderful. I am so grateful to be so close to him, to have formed this bond, to be nourishing him with my body. It so beautiful and rewarding. But on the other hand, it is utterly exhausting. Every muscle in my body hurts from the weird feeding position that we find ourselves in at three o’clock in the morning and let’s not even talk about how my nipples feel right now! (And I thought labor was painful…) 😉

He hasn’t been sleeping on his own. He screams and screams when we put him down, so I end up holding him through the night. I’ve read about ten thousand pieces of advice on the issue of sleep and I don’t need anymore. We just have to work through it. That’s all. We make tiny, baby steps every day and I know that none of this is forever. Everything will change with time and as difficult as these first weeks may be — I still cherish every moment.

For now, he is the center of my universe and I am the center of his. We are everything to one another — and as hard as that can be — it is also the most beautiful & wonderful gift. It will not always be this way. There will come a day where I will wish so desperately to have this closeness back. So I do not take a moment of it for granted. The pain, the exhaustion, the loneliness — all of that will pass. For now it’s all about eating, sleeping, crying, dirty diapers, and the most precious little baby boy faces I could ever imagine.

I love being a mommy.

you may also like

  • · · · · · ·

    Review: Tribes by Seth Godin

    On a recent flight, I began reading Seth Godin’s Tribes. On the return flight, I finished it. It was my introduction to Seth Godin—no idea why I hadn’t found him sooner!—and what an introduction it was. The book blew me away. It is the best book on leadership and change management that I’ve ever read. While the content is sure to inspire change of the greatest sort within any organization—from business to church, non-profit to learning institution—it is also of incredible value to individuals.

    In this post I want to share some of my favourite pieces from Tribes as well as some of my own insights.

    Whether you want to create positive change in the world, in the workplace, or simply in your own, I recommend that you read the book for yourself. It is a relatively easy read, spliced up into short, digestible chapters. I got through it in a few hours. But it is absolutely packed with revolutionary ideas, suggestions, and real-life examples of people making a difference and leading tribes in today’s world.

    Many people are starting to realize that they work a lot and that working on stuff they believe in (and making things happen) is much more satisfying then just getting a paycheck and waiting to get fired (or die).

    I’ve begun to think of my generation as the Fight Club generation. Tyler Durden said it best, “We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.” I think Tyler and Seth’s sentiments are one and the same. Our parents (or maybe you) were raised to believe that you needed to grow up, go to school, get a job, and stay there. Work hard, save money, vacation once a year, and retire as soon as possible.

    Well, the Fight Club generation doesn’t want to hear that nonsense. We want gratification now. We don’t want to spend 40 hours a week miserable just so that we can collect a paycheck twice a month. We don’t want to spend half a lifetime at a job that we hate just so we can get fired or die one day! We believe that we can be happy now. We can pursue our passions, make a difference in the world, live out our dreams, and be successful all at once. And… we are right. We can do it. There are people doing it every single day. I love Tribes because it tells the stories of those people and more importantly, how they got there and how we can do it, too.

    Somewhere along the way, perhaps when twenty thousand Ford workers lost their jobs in one day, or when it became clear that soft drink companies were losing all their growth to upstarts, the factory advantage began to fade.

    The reason why the “school-job-suffer-retire” model worked for so long was because it was safe, it was comfortable. Human beings like to feel safe. It feels good to know that you will get a check once every couple weeks. It feels safe to know that you can walk into the office every morning and the lights will turn on and the computer will turn on. The peace of mind in trading your hours for dollars seems worth it when you have to put food on a table and a roof over someone’s head. But, guess what, that model isn’t really proving to be so safe after all.

    The recent tanking of the economy has really shaken things up. People are losing their jobs at rapid rates, unemployment is way up. Ethics have been violated, corruption runs rampant, and people don’t feel safe anymore. We want to take matters into our own hands. We want to create the lives of our dreams and be completely independent. We are doing it every day.

    In unstable times, growth comes from leaders who create change and engage their organizations, instead of from mangers who push their employees to do more for less.

    Now, more than ever, each of us has an opportunity obligation to become a leader, to create change, and to make a positive difference. The ever-evolving world of social media and the Web—Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Wikipedia, Google—give us instant access to an unthinkable quantity of information and resources. When we learn how to leverage those resources we can become unstoppable. When we teach others to leverage those resources our tribes can become unstoppable. It is a great time to be a leader, and it is also the right time.

    Leadership is scarce because few people are willing to go through the discomfort required to lead. This scarcity makes leadership valuable. It’s uncomfortable to propose an idea that might fail. If you’re not uncomfortable in your work as a leader, it’s almost certain you’re not reaching your potential as a leader.

    Change = pain. If there is anything that I have learned over the past three years, it is this. Human beings are creatures of habit. When asked why things are done a certain way, most people will always respond the same way: “Because that’s the way we’ve always done it.” It is safe, it is comfortable. Our profits may be plummeting, our staff may be miserable, our customers may be disgusted—but this is the way we’ve always done it! Don’t try to mess with our traditions! Right? Wrong!

    Success takes dedication, hard work, persistence, and change. Dedication, hard work, and persistence can be painful. Some people are cut out for it and some people aren’t. The people that are, are the leaders. Being a leader is not comfortable and it’s not supposed to be. Being a leader takes character.

    Believe it or not, anyone can do it. “No one is born charismatic. It’s a choice, not a gift” (Tribes).

    Change almost never fails because it’s too early. It almost always fails because it’s too late.

    The time for change is now, my friends. If not now, when? There has never been a time where the need for positive change was more urgent. If you do not realize that this moment is all you have, then you do not have anything. This is it. After this moment, nothing is promised—not tomorrow, not next week, not your 81st birthday. You have this moment and you alone get to decide what you do with it. Yes, you can surf Facebook for a few more hours and stalk out your ex-boyfriend’s life for awhile more. You can also sit on the couch with a six-pack and watch The Jersey Shore marathon on MTV. …But if you asked me, I’d tell you that you’ve got more important things to do. Whether you’ve been waiting to pitch a great idea to your boss, waiting to take a proactive approach to your health, or waiting to embark on that 6 month “vagablogging” journey; stop waiting!

    There is really nothing in your way. There are no problems and no obstacles. Any anxiety that you might have stems from your past or your future; but your past and your future are not real! The only thing that is real is this moment, right now. The past and the future are in your head. No matter what you think is standing in your way, you can find a way around it. If you can’t get on the next flight to Melbourne (to start your career as a kangaroo-catcher) then sit down and figure out how you are going to make it happen. Right now.

    I’m frequently asked about getting credit. People want to know how to be sure they get credit for an idea, especially when they have a boss who wants to steal it. Or they want to know how to be sure to give me credit for an idea in a book or a blog post of their own.

    Real leaders don’t care.

    If it’s about your mission, about spreading faith, about seeing something happen, not only do you not care about credit, you actually want other people to take credit.

    There’s no record of Martin Luther King, Jr., or Gandhi whining about credit. Credit isn’t the point. Change is.

    Stop worrying about the obstacles and start taking action. Stop worrying about who is going to get credit and start making a difference.

    ————————————————————————

    What I loved most about Tribes is that it left me feeling like anything and everything is possible. The book is full of stories about ordinary people who did (and do) extraordinary things every single day. These people don’t let fear stop them. They become leaders and they create & inspire change. Every person is capable of this. You are capable of this! What do you want to do? Are you ready to become a leader? I say yes. Yes you are!

9 Comments

  1. You have such a great attitude about all of this and you and Roman will be just fine. Cyber Hugs to the both of you.

      1. Both are doing fine and we are going to drive up next weekend to see them, excited as I can always hand her back when “necessary”. 🙂

  2. breastfeeding IS hard – it is hard work. you are doing awesome. those feeds will stretch out, it will get easier. i promise. <3

    i think the best thing i ever got told, was to think of the first 3 months as the fourth trimester. they NEED you. they WANT you. if they sleep with you, fine. if they feed a lot, fine. it's a huge transition for them to be outside the womb, some babies slide into that phase better than others. some need more time. you are his everything, and eventually things like going to the bathroom and taking a shower will be easier. do what feels right for you. don't listen to other people's "what not to do" – they have never had your baby and you instincitvely know what your baby needs.

    you are doing great, dena <3

    & soon, everything will just come to be a lot easier.

    1. thank you so much, amy. you always know just what to say to put my worried mind at ease. i am so grateful to have friends like you who have “been there, done that” and have such kindness and wisdom to share with a worried new mama like me! love you. xoxo

  3. Being a mommy is the absolute best, I can’t agree with you more! You’re doing a great job mama and yes, it definitely gets easier, I promise. Isn’t it funny through all the sleepless nights, exhaustion, lonliness and pain…I still wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world. Ahhh…can’t wait to here more about your adventures!

    1. Hi Angelique! Thank you so much, darling. You are absolutely right — despite all of the trials — we wouldn’t trade it for the world. I keep reminding myself how precious these moments really are and how one day I will look back and wish to have it all over again. I’m trying not to take a single moment for granted. <3

Leave a Reply to Angelique Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *