Roman Starts 1st Grade

Roman started 1st grade a few weeks ago. This, like many of the milestones of his childhood, was bittersweet for me. I was reading through old blog posts the other day and I stumbled upon this one that I wrote when Roman was 3-weeks-old. In the post I was sharing about how emotional I was. I wrote, “I was crying multiple times each day and much of the time I didn’t even know why. One of the things that kept setting me off was the idea that, He will never be this small again. We will never be this close again.”

Even then, when he was just a few weeks old, I was already mourning his growth. This is who I am. To me, life is so beautiful and so precious that I always attempt to hold onto each moment tightly.

In these last 4 years, since my separation and eventual divorce, I’ve done a ton of self-work. I’ve been reflecting, evaluating, healing, and growing. I have learned so much about who I am, why I am the way that I am, and how I can be an even better version of myself going forward. It is my greatest prayer that this work will make me a better mother and role model for my children.

I have learned that my tendency to hold on (and even cling) is a part of who I am. There is reason why I am this way. It is not a flaw necessarily, it is a beautiful quality–the way that I cherish things so dearly. But I have also learned that it is necessary to let go. There is a balance between the extreme of holding on and the extreme of letting go. And much of the healing work that I have done these past years has been about finding that sweet spot: to love and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go.

Gratefully, Roman’s first few weeks back at school have gone beautifully. He is getting comfortable with his new teacher, making bonds with friends, and learning new things each day. He is such a smart, sweet and wonderful boy. Sometimes I feel pulled to keep him all to myself forever, but I know that the world needs his sweetness just as much as I do. So each day I let him go with a hug and a kiss and a prayer that my best will always be good enough as he makes his way into this wild and wonderful world.

In a week, Marina starts pre-k and when that happens, for two hours each day, I will be alone in the house. But we’ll talk about that another time…

All of this & so much more, always so much more–