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    How to Overcome Fear & Stop Resisting

    “To offer no resistance to life is to be in a state of grace, ease, and lightness.” —Eckhart Tolle

    Stop resisting the will of the Universe. I’ve said this to myself thousands of times. It is perhaps one of the most powerful tools that has led me to peace of mind.

    In the past four years, I overcame depression, anxiety, and I lost sixty pounds. When you overcome a lifetime of anxiety & depression, a lot of things change. For one thing, you begin to enjoy life. Simple things that you hadn’t noticed before fill your heart with joy—Spring, a cold glass of water on a hot day, a good workout, a kind word, a smile. When you are overcome by the effects of anxiety & depression, you do not have time to notice these simple pleasures. (They are often overshadowed by the negative, irrational thoughts swarming inside of your head.)

    Happiness begets happiness, as I like to say. However, even in my increased state of happiness, I knew that something still wasn’t right. It took me awhile to realize what it was. Only after months of careful self-observation did I realize what was happening.

    A hard day at work = I was disgusted, angry, plagued by head aches.
    A frustrating experience at a car dealership = I was furious.
    An upcoming flight and travel arrangements = I was anxious, worried, sick to my stomach.

    I was continually allowing my mind to make me angry, sick, sad, frustrated, etc. Yet, after each of these experiences I learned some valuable lesson or something really important & meaningful happened as a result.

    Hard days at work always lead me to clarity about how myself and my team could be more efficient.
    The frustrating experience at the car dealership actually prevented me from making a terrible mistake and purchasing the wrong car.
    Recent travel and trips have brought me incredible successes in my personal & professional life.

    Upon observing all of this, it hit me. Even when things seemed terrible, even when I was really upset, eventually the pain of the situation would subside. Moreover, I would come out on the other side wiser, stronger, and grateful. Every thing that happened (happens) to me is a direct result of the will of the Universe (you can call that God, fate, destiny, or any other name you’d like to give it, no matter). Yes, every thing that happens is a direct result of the will of the Universe and an opportunity to learn and grow. In order to live true happiness, I had to stop resisting the will of the Universe. Once I did this, my life changed in incredible (and previously unimaginable) ways. When I stop resisting and simply “go with the flow” I find that I am constantly filled with a deep calmness in my soul. I do not worry or suffer. I simply exist and let all scenarios play themselves out. I understand that even pain is necessary and that ultimately it will carry me to a place of light & peace.

    Fear is Unnecessary

    At the root of every single feeling of discomfort, lies one emotion: fear. Fear is the emotion responsible for all forms of suffering. Sadness, anxiety, worry, rage, hatred, envy, and all other forms of suffering are rooted in fear. However, once you stop resisting the will of the Universe, you will understand that fear and suffering are actually not necessary at all.

    The vast majority of fear and suffering is a result of living in an unreal world and/or allowing negative, irrational thoughts to control our minds. The unreal world is the world of sky rise buildings, electricity, paper money, McDonald’s, television, marketing, vanity surgery, reality TV, etc. The real world is the world of trees, dirt, sun, stars, wind, rain, whole foods, self-love, generosity, family, love, etc. Can you see the difference? Once you remove yourself from the suffocating chains of the unreal world, and begin living in the real world, you will find that most of the fears that you experience are completely unnecessary. The vast majority of anxieties that we suffer from are made-up.

    – fear of judgment
    – fear of failure
    – fear of humiliation
    – fear of public speaking
    – fear of making a mistake
    – fear of travel
    – fear of forgetting something
    – fear of being alone and so on

    Once you realize that these fears are made-up in the unreal world, they can hold no power over you. All of the above are irrational anxieties. None of those things would actually put your life in danger or expose you to any harm. The only place that they can affect you is in your head. But you must remember that you have control over what goes on in your head! You can use cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to end the suffering.

    Eventually, you will realize that true fear might have a place in your life, but that is only when you are truly in danger. Perhaps while being chased by a bear or masked murderer, while falling from a cliff, etc. Yes, in those instances, your fear is justified and it can help you by creating adrenaline, increased strength, quicker reflexes and cognitive ability. But other than those “real” true fear situations, there is really no need for fear and certainly no need for emotional suffering.

    Live Without Resistance or Fear

    Once you learn to stop resisting the will of the Universe and to live without fear, you will experience an entirely new & improved sort of living. You will find that all of the things that you once desired, but were afraid to seek, are actually within your reach. For example, I was emotionally crippled by irrational anxiety for the first half of my life. This made it impossible for me to speak in front of people. I could not ask a question in a class of twenty, let alone get up in front of a group of people to speak. My anxiety over public speaking was so great, that it crippled me. I once experienced a debilitating panic attack at a dinner party of five family friends! But… that is ancient history.

    Now, my former self is hardly recognizable. I have spoken in front of groups of sixty people or more with grace and confidence. I know that my fear is irrational & unnecessary, so I overcome it. Sure, my heart rate may increase, I might sweat a bit—but I do not let it stop me! I remind myself that that the fear is not real and I move forward to success.

    You are entirely capable of achieving the same same sort of success in your own life—personal & professional. Whatever your fear is, you can overcome it.

    “You’ll seldom experience regret for anything that you’ve done. It is what you haven’t done that will torment you.” —Wayne Dyer

    To allow fear to rule your life, is not to live at all. So stop resisting the will of the Universe and stop allowing fear to rule your life. Begin living, truly living, right now. There is nothing in your way. What is your greatest fear? Can you believe that it is unnecessary? What would you do if you had no fear in your heart at all? How different could your life be?

    The only time you run out of chances is when you stop taking them!

    I am now offering personalized coaching sessions to individuals suffering from anxiety &/or depression. If you are interested in scheduling a session or would like to learn more, please contact me at denabotbyl[@]gmail[.]com for details and rates. Include CBT Session in the subject line.

60 Comments

  1. Great post Dena. You’re so right when you start making the saving, instead of the spending, automatic it soon grows…and grows.

    Very, very inspiring 🙂

    1. @ Laura – Thank you so much for your kind words! Yes. After awhile saving becomes like an addiction. You can’t wait to see that number in your savings account growing & growing. I never though I would see ME become addicted to saving (and not spending)! But it is amazing what we can accomplish with some goal-setting & dedication.

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  5. Absolutely awesome Dena!!! What a story and what a how-to post!! I’ve learned to love the prospects of positive thinking, believing in yourself, and visualizing the reality that you want. It is those small steps that really transform a persons thought process. The negative thoughts people often have about themselves generally translate into reality because they start believing them. Once that happens the road to independence seems hopeless, therefore giving the person no reason to even try. One of the most important things I have learned about myself is that, often times, I am my own worst enemy. It is I, that limits my abilities and successes more than anyone else eve could. Once I learned that about myself, my life began to take a drastic and purposeful turn in the right direction. It was one of the most rewarding lessons EVER!!

    Great post Dena! Keep inspiring others to take control and grow into something they never thought possible!! I LOVE IT!!

    Evolution YOU-NIVERSITY baby!!! 🙂

    1. @ Brad – Thank you so much for your incredible, inspirational comment! You are so wonderful. I have said it before & I will say it again: I am so grateful to have friends like you. Your story & wisdom have been beautiful guiding forces to me throughout my own journey.

      I am so happy to hear that the power of positive thinking has been having such a profound impact on you, too. We are blessed to be creating these lives & to be helping other people get on their own paths. Thank you so very much — as always — for your support! 😉

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  16. Hey Dena I loved this post. I am working on getting my finances in order ad well I am working on paying off my credit card debt so I Amin a debt management right now. I am still in school so my student loans arenot going any where but I have found that I spend on fast-food and other things. I need to be more positive about what I want and stop being so pessimistic. I def loved your tips and congrats on having an abundant amount in your savings account I do not any savings and I need to realize that I need to save something and it will grow I had an ing direct account a very long time ago will have to open another one I will start to think differently about saving and my needs vs my wants

    1. @ Michelle – Thank you for your comment. I am so happy to hear that you are working to get your finances in order. It is such an important part of out health & well-being. I am not saying that we have to be wealthy, but we shouldn’t have to live with debt hanging around our necks, or with compulsive spending habits.

      You are right, taking a positive approach toward your situation will help you move forward. Visualize where you want to be and then take yourself there. You can do it! 🙂

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  23. Awesome post, (I know it’s old but i’m going through the archives for the first time ever) I was saving 1 thousand a month at one point too but somewhere along the way I lost control of my budget even though I just got a raise, I seem to feel like I have less money. I recently celebrated my first 10k saved, also!

    1. I know how you feel. Sometimes, when you start to make more, you also start to SPEND more. It’s a difficult habit to break. The key (in my experience) has been to stick to a budget/lifestyle and don’t start over-spending just because of the salary increase.

      Thanks so much for sifting through the archives, I really appreciate your presence. <3

  24. Thank You. After evaluating my bank account, my spending habits, and my credit report…This is what I needed to push me forward. Change is good and at times, change is what necessary.

  25. I will catch you in ten months… I am going on a cruise to Europe (my goal) and spending ONLY what I save from my 10,000 account. It is my one big dream purchase that I won’t apologize for, and I’m putting it out there so I am accountable to my dream (saving the money, and going on the cruise).

    1. Hi Trina — I started life coaching after I overcame anxiety and depression. I wanted to help others to do the same. 🙂

  26. Very inspiring just accidentally ran onto your blog and love it! By the dates of the first few comments I can tell this was written a few years back but i’m just wondering if you and your husband have kept this up. My wife and I started our savings journey and Mint.com is the best. We have reached the 10k mark but our ultimate goal is 100k!! Wish us luck!

    1. Thanks for stopping by. 🙂 Yes, this was years ago. We are still saving. 🙂 Simple living has helped greatly over the years. Best of luck in your quest to 100K!

  27. Hi i have seen your post a few weeks ago and it made me put some of your tips into practice and i must say that i feel much better for it, i have saved this in my favs and read it a couple of times a week ,thank you you have helped me get on the path to a better future.

  28. Great post. I’m retired on a fixed income. I pay myself $10 to $20 a day from my checking account to my savings. It might sound silly but each of us have to discover our own way of managing, and with a click of a mouse it’s easy. If that money stays in my checking account, I’m going to spend it and I know it.

  29. I absolutely LOVED reading this blog! It was very informing..each tip was very helpful. I took notes and plan on using each and everyone to my advantage to start saving and get on the road to financial freedom! I appreciate you taking the time out to write this blog!! I loved it! Thanks so much!!!!! I’ll be back in 6 months to let you know how your advice helped me save $10,000!!!!

    xoxoxoxo

    Mercedes!!! 🙂

  30. Thank you for this post,.. while it will take me longer to reach my first goal of $10K+ (12 months @ $850 mo) This Post gave me the added enthusiasm I needed to get focused and start saving! I enjoy watching the account grow & also paying down CC debt. Once my credit cards are paid off i’ll fully fund my savings and can reach the next milestone ($25K) faster!!

  31. Thank you for this post!! Im currently attempting to save 10k in the same amount of time. I have 64k worth of loans and a 50k salary job. I wanted to know how did you manage to pay your loans and save at the same time?

    Thank you in advance

  32. Great work on this! I changed my lifestyle when I decided to be a stay at home parent with my LEO husband. Practicing minimalism like you mentioned was super important! I wish more people thought like this and realized that there are more important things in life like family and love in life! Have fun in Paris!

  33. This doesn’t make any sense to me. I make less than $10,000 a year and you spend more than that in 6 months.

    1. I’m not sure that I understand your line of reasoning here, but this advice certainly is only applicable given certain income ranges. Also, I don’t spend more than 10K in six months. That would definitely completely destroy my budget.

  34. Hi! I am so glad to have found this 🙂 thank you for inspiring me to get my financial butt in shape! I agree with everything you’re suggesting. I do have a question – how did you manage paying off your credit cards and saving at the same time? I feel like this is where I get hung up the most. Thanks!

  35. Thanks for the inspirational post on how to save your money. I got a job now and was thinking of buying the latest gadget again but I now I know what my needs and wants. So I think I’d rather save it for my future.

  36. I am so happy that I stumbled upon this amazing article! I am 25 and I am finally at a point in my life where I am seeking financial freedom. I recently started a new job that pays pretty well so this is the perfect opportunity for me to pay off my debt and save like nobody’s business. I am A entrepreneur at heart so I took this job with a savings goal in mind so that I wont have to be stuck here for long but i refuse to leave without meeting my savings goal/ start up cost for my jewelry small business. Thank you for this beautiful insight! I feel Like I can do it after reading this 💗

    -Sydney

  37. This was super helpful! Thank you so much for sharing your advice 🙂 “spend responsibly and spend when it leads to long-term happiness instead of instant gratification” is my new life motto now! 🙂

  38. Seriously??? Visualization and thinking about abundance??? How about having a job… you neglect to even mention that as one of the steps… This is absurdly impractical. Not to mention the blatant sales attempt for Mint.

    1. Haha. Thanks for reading. No sales attempt. I didn’t even collaborate with Mint on this post. It’s just a tool that I used to use and found helpful. Cheers, mate and happy new year.

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