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    Letting Go of the Past: Forgiveness

    Last week, I finished listening to Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now. It had been on my “to-read” list for years, when by a stroke of fate a dear friend offered to lend me her audio copy. I plan to do a full review of the book in the coming weeks but for now I want to focus on one important element—forgiveness of the past.

    Recently I started thinking about the first twenty-five years of my life. In The Power of Now, we learn that to live in the future or the past is to suffer. The only way to exist in true harmony is to live in the now. After all, the past is not real, the future is not real. The past and the future only exist in our minds. The only thing that is truly and completely real, is the now.

    The challenge with this, however, is that until we can accept, understand, and move on from the conditioning of the past, we can not experience true freedom. And in order to truly accomplish this, we must experience true forgiveness of the past—forgiving others & ourselves completely.

    As I reflected upon these truths, I realized that I have been holding on to a tremendous amount of pain from my own personal history. There is so much past that continues to haunt me and impact me in the now. One of the greatest sources of pain revolves around my former lifestyle.

    I spent so much of my life caught up in a false sense of self. I spent incredible amounts of money on material possessions that I now perceive as worthless (clothes, jewelry, useless electronics, etc.) For some reason, I fell into the marketing. I bought it—all of it. (You can read more about my journey into financial prison and my subsequent journey out in previous posts.)

    But that’s not really the point, the point is that I ended up here. I can sit around and feel sorry for myself, angry that so much of my life was wasted, frustrated that I’ve only paid off a fraction (albeit a substantial fraction) of my debts so far; but if I did all of that where would it get me? It wouldn’t get me anywhere except maybe on a private jet to my own personal pity party. No thank you.

    Instead of wallowing, I am grateful. Grateful that I have come this far. Grateful that I’ have learned these lessons and changed the direction of my life by the age of 25 (soon-to-be 26). Grateful to be surrounded by a community of people that support me and believe in me. Grateful to have discovered my life’s true purpose and passion. Grateful to be doing what I love (even if only part of the time). Grateful to be safe, secure, healthy, strong, and beautiful.

    As I move through these emotions of gratitude for what I have now and what I am now, I find that the pain of my history slips away. I believe that I am finally on a path toward true forgiveness of the past. The reality is that it happened. I made mistakes, like all fallible human beings do. However, without making those mistakes, I may never have come to this place, to this now.

    The past grants us wisdom & grace. The memories that haunt us the most, are usually the memories that taught us the greatest lessons. Forgiveness will come from acceptance. So, the trick to true forgiveness is true acceptance. Once we can accept our past unconditionally, we can live fully in the now.

    I am making my way on this journey slowly. For most of my life, I focused almost entirely on the past—heart breaks, mistakes, errors in judgment, loss, failures, and so on—but that was a tragic mistake. What I now know is that the past is gone, the only thing that matters is now. And likewise, the future is a distant place that exists only in my mind. The only thing that matters is right now.

    Transforming the way that I think has been a challenging process, but I have come a tremendous distance already and I will keep on pushing forward, always.

    Now I ask you, reader, what pieces of your past are you holding on to? Are you willing to accept those pieces unconditionally so that you may truly forgive and live in harmony & light? Will you join me on this journey?

60 Comments

  1. Great post Dena. You’re so right when you start making the saving, instead of the spending, automatic it soon grows…and grows.

    Very, very inspiring 🙂

    1. @ Laura – Thank you so much for your kind words! Yes. After awhile saving becomes like an addiction. You can’t wait to see that number in your savings account growing & growing. I never though I would see ME become addicted to saving (and not spending)! But it is amazing what we can accomplish with some goal-setting & dedication.

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  5. Absolutely awesome Dena!!! What a story and what a how-to post!! I’ve learned to love the prospects of positive thinking, believing in yourself, and visualizing the reality that you want. It is those small steps that really transform a persons thought process. The negative thoughts people often have about themselves generally translate into reality because they start believing them. Once that happens the road to independence seems hopeless, therefore giving the person no reason to even try. One of the most important things I have learned about myself is that, often times, I am my own worst enemy. It is I, that limits my abilities and successes more than anyone else eve could. Once I learned that about myself, my life began to take a drastic and purposeful turn in the right direction. It was one of the most rewarding lessons EVER!!

    Great post Dena! Keep inspiring others to take control and grow into something they never thought possible!! I LOVE IT!!

    Evolution YOU-NIVERSITY baby!!! 🙂

    1. @ Brad – Thank you so much for your incredible, inspirational comment! You are so wonderful. I have said it before & I will say it again: I am so grateful to have friends like you. Your story & wisdom have been beautiful guiding forces to me throughout my own journey.

      I am so happy to hear that the power of positive thinking has been having such a profound impact on you, too. We are blessed to be creating these lives & to be helping other people get on their own paths. Thank you so very much — as always — for your support! 😉

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  16. Hey Dena I loved this post. I am working on getting my finances in order ad well I am working on paying off my credit card debt so I Amin a debt management right now. I am still in school so my student loans arenot going any where but I have found that I spend on fast-food and other things. I need to be more positive about what I want and stop being so pessimistic. I def loved your tips and congrats on having an abundant amount in your savings account I do not any savings and I need to realize that I need to save something and it will grow I had an ing direct account a very long time ago will have to open another one I will start to think differently about saving and my needs vs my wants

    1. @ Michelle – Thank you for your comment. I am so happy to hear that you are working to get your finances in order. It is such an important part of out health & well-being. I am not saying that we have to be wealthy, but we shouldn’t have to live with debt hanging around our necks, or with compulsive spending habits.

      You are right, taking a positive approach toward your situation will help you move forward. Visualize where you want to be and then take yourself there. You can do it! 🙂

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  23. Awesome post, (I know it’s old but i’m going through the archives for the first time ever) I was saving 1 thousand a month at one point too but somewhere along the way I lost control of my budget even though I just got a raise, I seem to feel like I have less money. I recently celebrated my first 10k saved, also!

    1. I know how you feel. Sometimes, when you start to make more, you also start to SPEND more. It’s a difficult habit to break. The key (in my experience) has been to stick to a budget/lifestyle and don’t start over-spending just because of the salary increase.

      Thanks so much for sifting through the archives, I really appreciate your presence. <3

  24. Thank You. After evaluating my bank account, my spending habits, and my credit report…This is what I needed to push me forward. Change is good and at times, change is what necessary.

  25. I will catch you in ten months… I am going on a cruise to Europe (my goal) and spending ONLY what I save from my 10,000 account. It is my one big dream purchase that I won’t apologize for, and I’m putting it out there so I am accountable to my dream (saving the money, and going on the cruise).

    1. Hi Trina — I started life coaching after I overcame anxiety and depression. I wanted to help others to do the same. 🙂

  26. Very inspiring just accidentally ran onto your blog and love it! By the dates of the first few comments I can tell this was written a few years back but i’m just wondering if you and your husband have kept this up. My wife and I started our savings journey and Mint.com is the best. We have reached the 10k mark but our ultimate goal is 100k!! Wish us luck!

    1. Thanks for stopping by. 🙂 Yes, this was years ago. We are still saving. 🙂 Simple living has helped greatly over the years. Best of luck in your quest to 100K!

  27. Hi i have seen your post a few weeks ago and it made me put some of your tips into practice and i must say that i feel much better for it, i have saved this in my favs and read it a couple of times a week ,thank you you have helped me get on the path to a better future.

  28. Great post. I’m retired on a fixed income. I pay myself $10 to $20 a day from my checking account to my savings. It might sound silly but each of us have to discover our own way of managing, and with a click of a mouse it’s easy. If that money stays in my checking account, I’m going to spend it and I know it.

  29. I absolutely LOVED reading this blog! It was very informing..each tip was very helpful. I took notes and plan on using each and everyone to my advantage to start saving and get on the road to financial freedom! I appreciate you taking the time out to write this blog!! I loved it! Thanks so much!!!!! I’ll be back in 6 months to let you know how your advice helped me save $10,000!!!!

    xoxoxoxo

    Mercedes!!! 🙂

  30. Thank you for this post,.. while it will take me longer to reach my first goal of $10K+ (12 months @ $850 mo) This Post gave me the added enthusiasm I needed to get focused and start saving! I enjoy watching the account grow & also paying down CC debt. Once my credit cards are paid off i’ll fully fund my savings and can reach the next milestone ($25K) faster!!

  31. Thank you for this post!! Im currently attempting to save 10k in the same amount of time. I have 64k worth of loans and a 50k salary job. I wanted to know how did you manage to pay your loans and save at the same time?

    Thank you in advance

  32. Great work on this! I changed my lifestyle when I decided to be a stay at home parent with my LEO husband. Practicing minimalism like you mentioned was super important! I wish more people thought like this and realized that there are more important things in life like family and love in life! Have fun in Paris!

  33. This doesn’t make any sense to me. I make less than $10,000 a year and you spend more than that in 6 months.

    1. I’m not sure that I understand your line of reasoning here, but this advice certainly is only applicable given certain income ranges. Also, I don’t spend more than 10K in six months. That would definitely completely destroy my budget.

  34. Hi! I am so glad to have found this 🙂 thank you for inspiring me to get my financial butt in shape! I agree with everything you’re suggesting. I do have a question – how did you manage paying off your credit cards and saving at the same time? I feel like this is where I get hung up the most. Thanks!

  35. Thanks for the inspirational post on how to save your money. I got a job now and was thinking of buying the latest gadget again but I now I know what my needs and wants. So I think I’d rather save it for my future.

  36. I am so happy that I stumbled upon this amazing article! I am 25 and I am finally at a point in my life where I am seeking financial freedom. I recently started a new job that pays pretty well so this is the perfect opportunity for me to pay off my debt and save like nobody’s business. I am A entrepreneur at heart so I took this job with a savings goal in mind so that I wont have to be stuck here for long but i refuse to leave without meeting my savings goal/ start up cost for my jewelry small business. Thank you for this beautiful insight! I feel Like I can do it after reading this 💗

    -Sydney

  37. This was super helpful! Thank you so much for sharing your advice 🙂 “spend responsibly and spend when it leads to long-term happiness instead of instant gratification” is my new life motto now! 🙂

  38. Seriously??? Visualization and thinking about abundance??? How about having a job… you neglect to even mention that as one of the steps… This is absurdly impractical. Not to mention the blatant sales attempt for Mint.

    1. Haha. Thanks for reading. No sales attempt. I didn’t even collaborate with Mint on this post. It’s just a tool that I used to use and found helpful. Cheers, mate and happy new year.

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