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Trust Your Struggle

evolutionyou.net | Trust Your Struggle

“My mouth is a fire escape. The words coming out don’t care that they are naked, there is something burning in here.” —Andrea Gibson

Sometimes we want to say something, but words fail us. Maybe we want to describe the goosebumps that crawl all over our bodies while listening to Nina Simone. Or the rush of blood to the head as we watch watercolors creep across the sky at sunset. Or the way that we want to fall to our knees standing on the shore as the tide comes in. But we can’t always find the words, and so we say nothing.

I’ve been having a hard time and it’s one of those times when the words just won’t come. But still, I’m here, I’m trying. Recently I was writing to a friend and I was telling him how I feel a bit lost and confused; how I’m not sure exactly what I want to do with my life. And just when I thought that I was quite alone in the world, he reminded me that I am not, not at all.

There is a line in the sunscreen song that says: Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t. It makes me happy… because it’s so true.

My grandmother was an artist. One time we were making an oil painting together and I asked her for a ruler. She said: Dena, there are no straight lines in nature. That has always stuck with me. That’s the way it is with life, too. There are no straight lines. There are periods of calm and then there are tidal waves. There are little bumps in the road and sometimes there are cliffs and all of a sudden you’re falling into the depths never knowing what hit you. And all of it is alright. There are no straight lines, not really.

Sometimes I come down on myself for not being “enough.” When that happens I like to remind myself of Steven Pressfield. He once said that the most important thing about art is to work. Nothing else matters except sitting down every day and trying. And I like that a lot. I think it’s true for art, and I think it’s true for life, too. Nothing else matters except sitting down every day and trying.

Even though it’s not always easy to see it in the present, when I look back on my life, the struggles are the most beautiful parts. Right now, I’m trying to trust my struggle.

It’s not perfect, but I’m trying.

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    3 Super Simple Ways to Reduce Stress, Improve Health, & Live Happy

    Want to know how you can cut your stress in half?

    How about if there were two things you could change that would drastically alter your stress levels for the rest of your life?

    Now I bet you really want to know, right?

    What if I told you that doing these simple things will not only decrease your stress levels, but will also make you happier and decrease your risk of heart attack, ulcers, & high blood pressure?

    Ready for this? Four words: Stop Rushing, Take Vacation.

    Yes, that’s it. It’s really quite simple, but the results that you will see if you make these changes will amaze you.

    The Problems
    So why is rushing & a lack of vacation such a huge problem? Well, rushing every now and then wouldn’t really be such a problem. But in today’s society, the reality is that we don’t just rush every now and then. We rush all of the time.

    We are constantly hurrying from one thing to the next, multitasking, with our minds in five different places at once. We browse the Web in multiple Windows. We watch television while surfing the Web. We talk on our house phones while texting on our cell phones/iPhones/Blackberrys. While we’re driving to work, we’re planning our days, who we’ll see at each meeting, and what we’re having for dinner. While we’re eating dinner, we’re checking our email, responding to emails, and thinking about what’s on TV that night. While we’re watching TV that night, we’re thinking about everything we’ve got to do tomorrow. You get the picture…

    The Facts
    The United States is one of (if not the) most stressful, fast-paced, uptight societies in existence. The “American way” of rush, rush, rush has huge negative implications. And sadly, the rest of the world is beginning to follow suit. It’s not a good path to be on.

    Here are some statistics about minimum vacation days around the world:

    Austria — 35 days
    Brazil — 30 days
    Finland — 35 days
    Sweden — 32 days
    Ukraine — 24 days
    United States — 7 days
    (Source: http://nationmaster.com)

    7 days? Really? WTF United States!?!?!?

    Every year Expedia.com launches an intense Vacation Deprivation survey to gather the facts & the effects of American Vacation Deprivation.

    Check out these stats:

    Notice that despite earning the least amount of annual vacation days, Americans will still leave an average of 3 days unused! This goes to show that so many Americans don’t even use the little vacation time that they get! Not good.

    Why is Vacation So Important?
    Let’s talk about mental health.

    • 34% of Americans say they come back from vacation feeling better about their jobs and are even more productive.
    • 53% of employed U.S. adults say they come back feeling rested and rejuvenated after vacation.
    • 53% of employed U.S. adults say they come back feeling reconnected with family after vacation.

    It’s no big secret that work can be stressful. Even if you absolutely adore your career, you still have the occasional (or frequent) challenging day. If you refuse to take a breather every now & then, you are putting your mental health and your relationships at risk.

    Obesity, heart disease, high blood pressure, ulcers, anxiety, depression, and so on are all symptoms of stress. Stress causes cortisol to build up in your body, the cortisol is then stored as dangerous fat. In addition to all of the physical symptoms of stress, there is the issue of rushing around. When you are rushing nonstop from place to place, it’s easy to stop for fast-food because you don’t make the time to cook nutritious meals for yourself and your family.

    If you look at the rates of obesity around the globe, you probably won’t be shocked to see where the United States fits in.

    That’s right, numero uno. Not a good place to be in this case. Americans are the most obese individuals in the world. A sad fact to note considering that we are also some of the richest people, with some of the most vast & diverse availability to nutritious & wholesome food. (Please watch Food, Inc. for more information on this topic.)

    Turning the Tide
    The facts are straightforward. Constant rushing & vacation deprivation will cause you harm. Here are 3 super simple ways that you can combat these harmful habits.

    1. Practice efficient time management. Keep a calendar and don’t overbook yourself, no exceptions. We all have a ton of stuff that we want to get done, but we have to prioritize. Choose the tasks that mean the most to you and will provide you with the best ROI (return on investment). Don’t commit to anything that doesn’t benefit you, your career, your family, or your friends in a big way. Your time is precious and you should treat it as such.

    2. Use your vacation time, all of it. No matter how many days that your company allots for vacation, make sure and use it. If your company tends to be on the real stingy side with vacation, don’t be afraid to set a confidential meeting with your HR director to point out the importance of sufficient vacation time. Sufficient vacation time is mutually beneficial — you will feel better and thereby, your performance will improve. Win – Win!

    Likewise, if you work for yourself, make sure to pencil in enough time for R & R.

    3. Breathe. When you are rushing, you are most likely breathing shallow. Shallow breathing causes rapid heart rate & conversely, deep breathing causes a slower heart rate. Take time to observe your breathing throughout the day. If you find yourself shallow breathing, take a deep breath in through your nostrils. Let the air flow through your chest & deep into the pit of your stomach. Allow your stomach to expand, like a balloon, as it fills with air. Then slowly exhale through your nose and expel all of the air from your body. Breathe in deeply again, allowing the air to fill your stomach as before. Each time you inhale, take in the positive energy & light around you. Let it fill & calm your soul. Each time you exhale, push out your negative energy & fear. Continue to do this until you feel calm.

    * — * — * — * — *

    Slow down, be in the now.

15 Comments

  1. Dena,

    This hits close to home. Those two quotes are life changing:

    There are no straight lines in nature.

    Nothing Else Matters but sitting down and trying everyday.

    I often get down on myself for not having a job in a field that I am passionate about. I currently see my job and a place where I need to be in order to get where I am going. A stepping stone that a ways off from the lake. Eventually I will get there, but I need to learn a few things along the way I guess.

    Thanks,

    Matt

    1. I’m really glad that those quotes resonated with you, Matt. 🙂 I know what you mean about not feeling “passionate” about your job. I find that pursuing my passions as hobbies often fills the void. But, still, I know what you mean. Sometimes it’s painful to be forced to do something you hate, or even dislike, for a paycheck.

      I’m still searching for the answers. Just when I think I’ve got it figure out, my world flips again.

  2. I favor the saying “one step at a time”, it says all we need to do in life. Just keep moving forward, try to do a little good each day and abide by the Golden Rule. Everything else will find its place around you as you move on step by step. No magic will fall from the sky, you will surprise yourself by making your own without even realizing it.

    1. You always sound so certain, secure, and calm. You are definitely a soothing presence in my life, Lou. It must be nice to have reached such a place of security & happiness in your life.

  3. As one of those forty-somethings who still struggles with what she wants to be when she grows up, I can tell you this: the struggle makes life richer. It fills in the color. It adds nuance to the flat and dull. Not knowing the answers is, for me, one of the amazing bits of living.

    I’ve missed you and wondered where your lovely posts were. Thanks for sharing your struggle. It made a post that speaks to more people than you know. xo

    1. Oh, thank you ever-so-much, Andra. Reading your words–“a post that speaks to more people thank you know”–absolutely fills me up! It is my greatest hope. You are so right, it is the struggle that gives life it’s spice. I wouldn’t want it any other way. <3

  4. Great blog post, and I love the statement that there are no straight lines in life! So true. I ‘ve been and done many different things in my almost 49 (aarrrrgghhhh!) years. What I loved five years ago would not work now. Winding paths are far more interesting anyway. Every day is indeed a chance to try again. And this quote comes to mind: “Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes it’s the quiet voice at the end of the day that says: “I’ll try again tomorrow.” 🙂

    1. “Winding paths are far more interesting anyway.”

      Ah, yes, yes, yes! Thank you so much for being here, Liz. Thank you for your comment and encouragement. 🙂

  5. I heard that pearls are made by outrageous tidal irritation. Anyone can hold their head high in the high-times, the swell-season. Grit and guts are made when the tide ebbs. Your words come from the tides of suffering–and so, are pearls. If I have anything of value to “glory” in, it’s the fact that I can’t even begun to articulate the long-suffering. Most things the world tells me I’m valuable for are good luck and good timing. There are no real pearls there.
    M
    p.s. my grandma was an artist too.
    p.s.s. i like your friend a lot too

  6. Haha…I’m in that 40 range. I would like to say it’s not too late…cause that would be depressing, and I don’t do that too well.

    Sometimes you just need to give yourself a break. Your post inspired me to acknowledge that I as falling into old yucky patterns of despair. So I took some action. Action cures!

  7. I love the story about you asking your grandmother for a ruler while painting… that is so beautiful. I’m honored to follow you as you figure these things out, Dena

    1. Thanks, Kristin! It is a very special memory for me. You know how I feel about my grandmother she was (and is) a true angel in my life. <3

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